Mama Zarana
by rogue-scholar07
Summary: Collaboration with L1701E. Life as they know it for both G.I. Joe and the Dreadnoks is turned upside down when Zarana finds out she's having Mainframe's baby.
1. I'm Late! I'm Late!

**Mama Zarana**

**Author's note:**** Another plot bunny bites the dust, this time in multi-chapter form. A big thanks to L1701E for beta-reading this chapter and for greatly contributing to the ones that are to follow this. That, and for letting me use his characters in this story. You rock, man!**

**Summary:**** Life as they know it for both G.I. Joe and the Dreadnoks gets turned upside down when Zarana finds out she's having Mainframe's baby. **

**Chapter 1: I'm Late! I'm Late! **

Zarana hadn't quite been able to figure out why, but she knew she felt like crap. That run-down, snippy mood had hung around for several days now, and it was starting to annoy her. At first, she thought if she ignored it, it would go away. But in the last week, it had only gotten worse. It also succeeded in making her nauseous, which was yet again odd because no-one else in the house seemed to be sick. Not the Dreadnoks, not the kids…heck, even the animals seemed to be fine!

"Hey, 'Rana, what day was that vet appointment?" Andi asked, drawing the female Dreadnok out of her own thoughts and back into reality. "Was it Monday? Because Spike was supposed to be over to film that PSA on Monday, and Brownie needs her shots…"

"Hang on; let me look at the calendar." The woman answered as the teenage shapeshifter behind her tapped her foot impatiently. You'd have thought that two years of ninja training would have improved on that…

"No…" She whispered once she got a good look at the calendar. No, no, no. That was impossible. They'd been so _careful_.

"Well?" Andi asked, yet again interrupting without realizing it.

"It's on Tuesday." Zarana answered, suddenly growing paler. "I gotta go do something. Keep an eye on the others until I get back."

"Are you okay?" The blond girl asked, her facial expression and cocked head showing concern. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"I'll be okay." The pink-haired woman shook her head, walking toward the garage door. "Just watch things here while I'm gone."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Zarana found herself pacing up and down the length of the girls' bathroom trying to figure out just how the hell this could have happened. Okay, she knew _how_ it happened. The timing matched up too well for her to doubt it. But good grief, they'd been doing this for, what, the last ten years now? Nothing like _this_ had happened before.

~_Maybe you tempted fate one too many times._ ~ She thought, running her hand through her short hair. God, how was he going to react to this?

"Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself." She sighed. "It could be the flu. Or some other virus. Or maybe…" A sidelong glance at the bathroom wall clock told her enough time had passed. She looked nervously over at a small white stick lying on the bathroom counter.

"Ah, hell!" She swore. "This is exactly what I _didn't_ need right now!" Without even bothering to hide the test, she rushed back out of the bathroom and barreled out to the garage and her bike. She needed to see him about this **now!**

* * *

Mainframe had been more preoccupied with monitoring the Pit's security systems than was with checking his cell phone, but that didn't mean he didn't hear it ringing. He glanced down at the phone, instantly recognizing the number and feeling relieved that no one else was in the room with him right now. "I'm kind of in the middle of working here." He told the woman on the other end of the phone. "Can't this wait?"

"No." She answered. "I need to talk to you now, Blaine. It's important."

"More important than my job and the possibility of jail time?" The Joe computer expert blinked. He loved her, he really did, but sometimes her priorities could get a little out of line.

"Let me put it this way, it's the most important thing we've ever had to talk about." She said. "Please? How soon can you get away and where do you need me to meet you?"

"You already teleported here, didn't you?" He groaned. That was another thing that could potentially get him in trouble; knowing that the Dreadnoks actually had a teleporter of their own and not telling anyone about it. Of course, the Misfits had figured that out during a fight with Virus, but still, if word got out, he'd be in huge trouble with Hawk.

"I'm in town, yes." She answered. "Don't give me that look! I'm not actually *on* the Pit, thank you!"

"Whoa, 'Rana, calm down!" He backtracked. She usually wasn't this snippy with him. "I'll find a way to meet up with you, okay? Is that coffee shop okay with you?"

That got an annoyed sigh. "Fine." She said. "Just hurry up! I don't have long before someone figures out I'm missing."

"Okay. I'll ask Dial Tone to take over while I go out for lunch." He said, wondering just why she was acting so…not like herself. "I'll see you in twenty minutes."

"Okay." She said, now sounding much more content. "Just don't get distracted on the way here."

"Can't afford to with you, Zarana." He grinned. "I gotta go ask off. See you soon."

"Bye." She said just before the line went dead.

* * *

Mainframe spent the entirety of his ride into town trying to figure out just what on Earth could be so important that she needed to see him in the middle of the day. Did she have important information about the next Cobra plot? Could she possibly want to finally leave Cobra and join the Joes?

Okay, that was being facetious. She loved her job, and he knew it. She hadn't been happy about being one of Shadowatch's handlers at first, but now, two and a half years later, it was something she quite enjoyed. God knew those kids needed a den mother…even if she wasn't anything like June Cleaver.

When he got to the coffee shop, he found her sitting inside with a bottle of water in front of her. Again, that was odd. She normally took coffee over water if she had the choice. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked as he walked up. Green eyes looked up to meet his.

"Not really." She confessed, a terrified expression on her face. "That's kind of what I needed to talk to you about…"

A world of terrifying possibilities started flying around in his brain. She was sick? That wasn't good. Could she be dying right now? Wanting to see him one last time before…

God, he needed to stop reading those romance novels Airtight kept leaving around.

"You don't look so good." He noticed the way she looked paler than usual. "I can probably sneak you in to see Doc or Lifeline if you want…

"No!" She exclaimed, then seemed to calm herself back down. "I mean, I don't think there's anything that can be done about this. Not like it can be fixed."

"Then tell me what I can do to help." He said, pulling his chair up next to hers and sitting in it. "There has to be something…"

"Not this time, Blaine." She offered him a weak smile. "But I guess it's not exactly bad news…just inconvenient."

Now he was completely confused. "I don't understand." He told her, his left hand resting itself on her shoulder. "What's wrong? You can tell me!"

"Well, I would have to anyway, wouldn't I?" She made a wry smile before her already pale face took on a gray-green tint. Without warning, she shot up and bolted for the bathroom. He followed behind her and waited patiently on the other side of the door. The tell-tale sounds of someone getting sick and a flushing toilet were heard.

No way was she getting out of a visit to the infirmary _now_. "Zarana?" He knocked on the door, then tried the handle. Finding she hadn't locked it behind her, he let himself in. She looked up tiredly at him from the sink, which she seemed to cling to for dear life.

"Didn't your parents teach you not to barge into the ladies' room?" She asked, sounding every bit as exhausted as she looked.

"Not now." He said, coming up behind her and wrapping an arm gently around her waist. "We're taking you to the infirmary."

Well, **that** got a reaction. Wide, scared eyes stared back at him. "No! No, I can't…"

"You're not exactly in a position to protest, now are you?" he asked. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure Lifeline can keep this quiet.

"He'd better do a damn good job of it." She growled. "Because there is no way in hell I'm going to have our baby in jail."

It was his turn to panic now. He stared wide-eyed, his mouth opening and closing much like a goldfish's, before he finally found his voice again. "Baby?" He asked, his voice going up an octave higher. "You're pregnant?"

She nodded back. "Took a home test this morning." She muttered. "What do we do?" He could feel her shaking as he held her. His mind was a swirl of different concerns and worries. How would he go about explaining this? Would he even be given time to explain before someone (be it one of his teammates or one of her brothers) decided what they had done warranted his suffering and/or death?

"For one thing, we are not going to stay here all day." He said, glancing around at the small lavatory. Yeah…not the place to be having this conversation. "I think other people might want to use the bathroom too."

A faint blush crept onto her cheeks. "Yeah." She looked at the floor as she leaned onto him.

"I'm not gonna let you fall." He reassured her as he slowly walked her back out. "But we are still going to pay Lifeline a visit, and don't say no!" He admonished. "It's just to be on the safe side…please?" Okay, he was begging now, but whether she caved or not, she would still be going. It just wouldn't be by her own choice.

"I want to be mad, but I just don't have the energy right now." She glared up at him.

"Good. It means we can get you into the infirmary without a fight." He said. ~_Oh, Lifeline is just going to _love_ this_!~ he thought.

* * *

Lifeline couldn't seem to decide whether he should be angry or amused with the reason Mainframe sneaked Zarana into the infirmary. On the one hand, what the two of them had been doing was incredibly stupid and a breach of National Security. Once Hawk got wind of this, there would be hell to pay.

But still…this whole situation was a bit comical. According to the pair of star-crossed lovers, they had been sneaking around for the better part of at least ten years now, possibly even longer. And nobody knew about it! Not Hawk, not Trinity, not Cobra High Command—no one. At least, no one who wasn't a blood relative.

"I don't know how you two managed to keep this under wraps for this long," The frowning medic said, arms folded across his chest, "but that's all going to stop now."

"You think we don't know that?" She glared at him. Zarana had been extremely nervous from the moment Mainframe brought her through the door, and didn't show any signs of calming down. Then again, between sneaking into enemy territory and the pregnancy hormones, he didn't expect her to. "It's probably going to be all over both bases by sundown!"

Which was quite possibly the reason why Mainframe wasn't looking all that much better. He didn't just have to deal with Hawk's wrath and Juggler politics on this one. Oh no! He got to try to explain to Zarana's rather protective brothers why they shouldn't chop him up into little pieces and leave said pieces by the front door of the Pit. "So…"

Lifeline sighed. "Yes, Mainframe, it's true. Although I'm not sure if I should offer you two my congratulations or ask you what you were thinking."

"I want to know why now." Zarana grumbled. "It's not like we did anything different this time than any other."

"There could be any number of reasons, but the most likely one is that sometimes that little pill just doesn't do its job. I'm amazed you two have gone this long without at least a scare before now. " The medic sighed, hearing footsteps outside. "I suggest you two find somewhere to hide quickly."

A nearby curtained-off cot proved to be the only readily available hiding place. The two lovers both jumped up on the cot behind the curtain as Lifeline waited nervously to find out who was coming toward the med lab.

The door swung open, revealing the blonde, shapely form of his own wife, Bree. "Well, turns out the Misfits didn't need any looking after." She began to launch into a tale of whatever the reason was she'd been called out to Misfit Manor, but stopped once she noticed his odd expression. "Is something wrong, honey?"

"Close that door and I just might tell you." Her husband stated. Although confused, the nurse complied.

"Why would it matter whether the door's open or shut?" She inquired. "Is someone in here?" It was odd of Lifeline to be so particular about the door…

"You have to promise to keep this quiet." Lifeline told her. "Patient confidentiality, you understand."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Just tell me what's going on here." Bree exclaimed as Lifeline looked back at the curtain. For a moment, he seemed to debate over whether or not it was safe, but then…

"Okay. You two can come back out now." He called. Slowly the curtain slid back and for the first time, Bree got a look at just what was happening.

"Mainframe? And…Zarana? What's she doing here?" She asked, looking over at her husband while Zarana ran over to a nearby sink and vomited.

"It seems that those two have been sneaking around for a while." He told her softly as Mainframe haphazardly tried to help his girlfriend. "And it's finally caught up with them."

If Bree's eyebrows hadn't been attached to her head, they might have achieved orbit. "You mean she's pregnant?" She asked. He nodded. "And Mainframe's the father?" Another nod. "Oh, Ace is going to die when he hears this! It's the best betting opportunity he's had in months!"

Lifeline blinked a moment at that comment. He hadn't even _considered_ that! "This is true…but I'm more worried about how Hawk's going to react. You know as well as I do that he's not going to like this."

"Neither will Beach Head or our resident ninjas." She reminded him. "And then there's the matter of her family…"

"I think they knew about the sleeping around, but not about the baby…yet." Lifeline figured. "I'm sure it won't take long for them to put it all together. Although I'm not sure whether or not they'll bother telling High Command…"

"You're getting a bit ahead of yourself." She reminded him. "First we have to get her out of here before anyone else finds her."

"Just get me back to my bike, and I can teleport back to Chicago." Zarana panted, having overheard the last part of the conversation. Lifeline fixed her with a stern glare.

"Oh no. There is no way I'm letting you anywhere near one of those death-traps in your condition." He told. "I can arrange to have you taken back to Chicago, but you're not getting on that bike for a long time."

"Well, It's gonna look right suspicious if I show up without it." She argued.

"How about if I drive it back for her?" Mainframe offered. "That way everyone's happy."

"Except that I can't teleport back into the shop with you." She countered. "The road outside's no big deal, but there's too many people watching in there."

Oh, right. There was that whole 'reality show being filmed in your garage' thing to deal with. "Then take her close enough so that she can walk the darn thing in. I don't care. Just don't let her drive it." Lifeline ordered Mainframe, who offered a mock salute.

"Yes sir!" The medic groaned and ran a hand down his face while his wife commenced to giggling in the background.

"Be careful, you two." She grinned as the pair left in the same stealthy manner with which they came.

"I think that warning came just a bit late, Brittany." Lifeline looked over at her.

"Oh, don't be so serious about it!" Bree chuckled. "I think this could be a good thing."

"Yeah. Keep telling yourself that when we have to lock Mainframe up in the brig for fraternizing with a known enemy."

"Ed, I don't think her heart's been in it for a while." His wife said softly. "You'll see. This will all turn out for the better." He sighed heavily.

"Then why do I get the feeling that the worst is yet to come?"


	2. Start Spreadin' the News

**Author's note:**** And now it is time to tell some of those closest to the issue… and to meet the newest furry house-member of Shadowatch!**

**Mama Zarana**

**Chapter 2: Start Spreadin' the News**

A flash of light illuminated the street in front of Burnout's Custom Cycles in Chicago, Illinois. When the light faded, a motorcycle drove a few blocks away from it before coming to a stop and shutting off.

"I think I'm gonna be sick again." Zarana moaned, slowly stepping off of the vehicle. Mainframe looked over his shoulder at her, concern etched on his face.

"I thought I told you to keep your eyes shut when I turned the teleporter on?" He asked as she threw up in a nearby dumpster. Sighing, the Joe computer expert put the kickstand down on the bike and walked over to her.

"I did!" She groaned. "It didn't help. This is gonna be the death of me, I know it!"

"Just try to calm down, okay? You're almost home." He said softly, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Can you walk that bike that far, or do you need help getting it into the shop?"

"I'll just have Burn-Out or one of the kids come get it." She sighed, turning around to face him. "Now you better get out of here before someone sees you."

"I can take care of myself." He smiled, gently leaning down and kissing her forehead. "You do the same, okay?" She smiled weakly back at him.

"I'll try to keep my brothers from hunting you down, but…"

"I know. I know." Mainframe nodded in understanding. "I gotta get back and tell Hawk, too."

"Don't let him chew you up too bad. I'm gonna want you around later." Zarana smirked, turning to walk toward the garage.

"Goodbye for now." Mainframe gave his pink-haired paramour a wave before pressing a button on his watch and vanishing into a burst of light.

* * *

"About time you got back!" Burn Out grunted as Zarana walked through the front door of the shop. "Got everybody on the base trying to track you down."

"Sorry." She looked away, feeling embarrassed. "Needed to go...do something. Is Zartan around, or is he kid-wrangling again?" Normally, all three siblings wouldn't have been here at the same time, but after another _fantastic_ idea from Torch and Monkeywrench totally demolished the Florida compound, everybody had been forced to move in to the Chicago base.

"I think he's in his office." The mechanic shrugged. "Why?"

"None of your concern." Zarana shook her head, waving the Dreadnok off. However, her mind was racing faster than any vehicle the Dreadnoks could customize. This was going to affect everyone…but it wouldn't be right to wait to tell her own family last. "Would you send one of the kids to go get my bike? It's about a block down the road."

"You still not feeling well?" Burn-Out asked in concern. Her being sick was hardly new news. She nodded.

"Goin' out for a ride wasn't a smart idea." She started to walk toward the office.

"I'll have one of the boys go get it for you, then." The burly African-American man shrugged. He could have told her that going out like that was a bad idea when you were sick…but he also knew better than to argue with Zarana if she was in a foul mood.

"Thanks." She nodded before nervously walking into the office her older brother had claimed as his own.

Good news? He was there. Bad news? He wasn't alone.

"Finally, you're back!" Zandar exclaimed. "What's the big idea? Taking off and leaving us with the kids like that!"

~_May as well tell both of them at once._~ She thought. "Well, I had something I needed to do." She answered, trying to keep the fear out of her voice. "And there's something the two of you should probably know about."

"Something about those Southside Misfits, I bet." Zandar muttered. He hoped it was something about them. It was already bad enough that he had to deal with two Misfit teams. He did not need a third driving him crazy. His main concern had come from the fact that Shadowatch had seemed to bond with this new group.

"Actually, this has nothing to do with them." Zarana clarified.

"Then go ahead and spit it out. We hardly have all day." Zartan looked her in the eyes from over a stack of papers. She sighed, looked down at the floor, and then uttered those two words in a very small voice:

"I'm pregnant." Zarana looked up and noticed her two brothers were glancing at each other in disbelief, unsure of what they heard was real.

"You're WHAT?" Zartan abruptly stood up, pushing the office chair backward.

"How is that _possible?_" Zandar frowned in confusion, scratching his head. "Last bloke you were shagging was that Joe, but you two broke up after that Bayville thing."

She smiled sheepishly. "Uh yeah. Funny story about that..."

Her twin's jaw dropped when he realized what she was trying to say. "You two've STILL been hooking up? Have you lost your good sense? He's our enemy! You know that!" Zarana sneered in disbelief at her twin brother's statement.

"_My_ good sense? This coming from the man who goes out drinkin' with the bloody X-Man every time he leaves! Aren't they our enemies too?" She said, before glaring over at Zartan. "And don't you start in on it either!"

"Do you have any idea what kind of a hornet's nest you've stirred up?" Zartan yelled. "Do you?"

"Look, I know things have been difficult around here since Torch and Monkeywrench demolished our other base, but…"

"Difficult doesn't even _begin_ to cover it, Zarana!" Zartan snapped. "We can barely afford to take care of the kids and the Dreadnoks as it is! And you think we have the time to take care of a baby?"

"Well if it's that much of a problem, I could move in with Mainframe." She folded her arms as both of her siblings stared at her in shock before…

"Oh no you won't!" Zartan growled. "You are staying right here until we get this mess sorted out."

* * *

And while this drama was playing out in the office, the kids were having a fair bit of their own.

"I can't believe Zarana seriously let Regan have a cat." Neal shook his head.

"Neal, the way she was acting this morning, I think she would have agreed to anything if it got us out of her way." Corona pointed out.

"Yeah. I'm kind of worried about her." Andi admitted, rubbing the back of her head. "She's been acting funny for well over a week now, and then this morning she looked like something was totally wrong."

"It's hardly any of our business." Neal said.

"Since when has that stopped us?" Bryan retorted, not looking up from his video game.

"I wonder what kind of cat Regan's gonna bring home?" Kristen pondered.

"Considering the fact that she's frikkin' loaded, an expensive one." Andi pointed out as Brownie plopped down beside her feet on the floor.

"I wonder what Laredo and Brownie will think of the cat?" Steve mused, looking at the two pets in question. "You think they'll get along?"

"I think it'll be alright." Andi shrugged. "It'll probably be the cat causing all the problems if there are any."

"I bet the pig wonders why I haven't turned it into a nice pot roast yet." Virus muttered a little too loudly from the other end of the room as he was tinkering with some strange device. Andi and Steve paused, looked at each other, and then lunged at the insane inventor. "Aiiiieeee!" The British mutant screamed, trying to escape.

"DIE!" Both of his pursuers shouted in unison, running past Regan in order to catch the fleeing Virus.

"Watch it!" The blonde illusionist exclaimed. "I'm carrying something precious here!"

"You'd think one of these days, he'd learn not to say stuff like that." Calvin shook his head as Regan walked into the room.

"I don't think he's capable of learning." The Italian telepath deadpanned.

"At least not from his own mistakes, anyway." Kris said, turning to Regan. "Any word on Zarana? It's not like her to just take off." That thought left both girls uneasy, since Zarana was their handler.

"She's back, but Zartan's really mad at her about something." The blond explained with a shrug. "Although it's kind of hard to hear over those two beating the stuffing out of Virus." She jerked her thumb in Andi and Steve's direction. "Good thing we don't have any customers in the shop. Burn-Out was going to see what this was about."

"Well, I can hear them screaming at each other from here." Andi commented as she and Steve walked in. Kris let out a slight giggle. She had noticed that Andi and Steve had become inseparable... "Maybe if we listen, we'll overhear something?"

"How bad did you kick Vince's face in?" Cal asked with a wince. He had heard stories about the legendary beatings the blue-scaled liquid manipulator had handed the insane English inventor/hacker.

"Well, he won't be entering any beauty pageants anytime soon." Steve grinned.

"Hey, did you get your cat?" Corona asked, noticing the cat carrier in Regan's hand for the first time.

"Oh. Yeah, I almost forgot! I got my kitty!" Regan grinned, holding up the cat carrier. A small meow was heard from the carrier. "Now she just needs a name."

"Ooh, what about Porsche?" Steve offered. The blonde Italian made a face.

"As in the car?"

"Yeah." The reptilian mutant nodded happily. "It's a real classy car."

"How about not." She said as Bryan attempted to listen in on the "conversation" the adults were having.

"Holy…" He blinked, eyes now wide as dinner plates.

"Maybe Princess?" Mitch suggested. Andi shook her head in protest.

"No! The ones named Angel, Princess, and Baby are usually the ones that try to bite you when you pick them up. I don't think our current veterinarian would appreciate that. By the way, what kind of cat is she?"

"She's a Siamese." Regan answered, taking the cat out of the carrier. "She has beautiful blue eyes. Just like me!"

"Maybe a Thai name, then?" Neal suggested. "Siamese come from Thailand."

"I like Ferrari." Mitch offered.

"Again, no." Regan shook her head.

"Yeah, Siamese are high-fashion, high-class kitties." Kristen pointed out. "Like Prada or Gucci."

"I don't know, the cat kind of reminds me of Audrey Hepburn in a mink coat…" Andi mused.

"What's the name of that perfume company…?" Mitch frowned in thought, scratching his head.

"I believe you are thinking of Chanel. It's French, and no again." Regan said as Kristen noticed Bryan's startled appearance.

"What's going on?"

"Listen for yourself. You're the one with enhanced hearing, remember?" He shook his head.

Kris closed her eyes, letting her way-above-average auditory senses take over. What she heard made her snap her eyes back open again. "Oh wow. I guess that's one mystery solved…"

"What mystery?" Mitch scratched his head as a moaning Virus staggered back into the room, a couple of other Dreadnoks following behind.

"Oh, you mean that pregnancy test we found on the bathroom counter?" Corona deduced. "You know who it belongs to?"

Both Bryan and Kristen nodded, but didn't say a word.

"I got it!" Steve exclaimed, snapping his fingers. "Tiffany!"

"Come again?" Regan blinked.

"Breakfast at Tiffany's was a classic Audrey Hepburn film." Steve explained. "Tiffany would be a great name for the cat."

"You _like_ that film?" Mitch asked, clearly shocked to hear the resident wrestling expert going on about such a feminine film. Cal smirked in delight. Finally, he had something he could poke fun at the super-strong scaly jerk about! A broad grin formed on the reptilian mutant's face.

"I don't. But Uncle Gnawgahyde does!" Steve explained Gnawgahyde's jaw dropped as his nephew made the revelation, and the other Dreadnoks burst out laughing.

"That's a girl's movie!" Torch chortled.

"You are such a pansy!" Ripper wiped a tear from his eye.

"Girly man!" Buzzer smirked.

"Tiffany." Regan said, looking down at the small Siamese. "I like it!"

"You mean…you think that test belonged to 'Rana?" Corona asked Bryan and Kristen. Both teens nodded again.

"I never thought I'd see it…" Bryan sighed.

"I wonder who the daddy is?" Kris asked. "I mean, it's not like she has a very active social life…"

"Wait, didn't you guys say she sometimes hooked up with one of the Joes?" Corona remembered.

"What? I had a crush on her in that film as a kid. So sue me." Gnawgahyde grumbled. He shot a glare at Torch. "And _you're_ one to talk! I've seen the doll collection you have in your room!"

"Those are _**action figures!**_' Torch protested.

"Raggedy Anne and Andy do not count as action figures!"

"Uh, yeah, I think it was that tech guy. What does that have to do with…oh." Bryan stopped, looking at the other two girls.

"And that explains why Zartan's so mad at her." Kris shook her head. "This isn't going to end well."

"What are you guys talking about?" Neal blinked.

"Says who?" Torch yelled back at the resident poacher.

"Says everyone, Torch!" Gnawgahyde shot back.

"Really?" Torch blinked.

"Yes! If you don't believe me, go ask Burn-Out!"

"That Joe tech guy knocked her up, didn't he?" Calvin, who had been following the conversation, realized. When the other three nodded, he stopped to think a minute. He then realized there was only one thing to do in this situation. "Place your bets, people! Place your bets!"

"Put me down for Zartan and Zandar beating tech guy to a pulp." Bryan whooped.

"Uh, tech guy does have a name, you know." Regan pointed out.

"Put me down for a modified shotgun wedding." Corona grinned, giving some money to Calvin.

"Will this be before or after they kick Mainframe's ass?" Kris wondered.

"A 'modified' shotgun wedding?" Cal blinked. "What does that mean?"

"It means they use something other than a shotgun, duh." The Hispanic girl rolled her eyes.

"I think the Joes will try to recruit 'Rana." Andi thought out loud, opening up her wallet. "Not successfully, but they'll try."

"Fine! I will go ask Burn-Out!" Torch shouted, walking in the general direction of the garage. "He'll prove you wrong!"

"I don't think so!" Gnawgahyde countered, following after him.

"Um, did those two just walk right into…" Steve pointed.

"Yes, yes they did." Bryan confirmed. "They don't even know it, either."

"Put me down for them all killing Toad." Virus piped up, holding out some money of his own.

"Uh, no can do, buddy." Calvin shook his head. "I'm sorry, but there's no way the Misfits have the same inside info we do. Mainframe's not one of their handlers. Besides which, why would Toad get the blame for it? Not like he knew before we did."

"Why should there be a reason? He's Toad! He's a woman-stealing bastard! He should die!" Virus started to rant. "OW!" The mad Englishman yelped as Steve smacked him upside the head.

"I think that Zartan will try to kill the Joe, Zandar begs for someone to notice him, and Zarana's too emotional to do anything about either." Steve sighed.

"Um, ya might wanna amend that last part." Andi winced. "I mean, we all know how scary she gets when she's in a bad mood." Several nods of agreement followed that observation.

* * *

Back in the garage…

"The Joe did _**what?**_" Burn-Out blinked, jaw agape in disbelief as Torch and Gnawgahyde walked toward Zartan's office. Burn-Out was already inside, and Heart-Wrencher was watching from the doorway.

"Well, ain't this lovely." Heart-Wrencher grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Burn-Out! Tell him that those action figures are collectible!" Torch pleaded. Burn-Out put his hands out in front of him.

"Oh, no! I'm not getting dragged into this one!"

"But I need you to tell him!"

"Lalalalala. I can't hear you!"

"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT THE *%#& UP?" Zarana shouted, causing everyone in the room to quiet down and stare at her.

"Uh, Boss, I think she hit those mood swings already." Burn-Out gulped, looking over in Zartan's direction.

"That damn Joe is going to pay for this." Zartan grumbled.

"Mood swings?" Gnawgahyde blinked. "Why would she…?"

"Because one of the Joes got her pregnant, that's why!" Zartan exclaimed.

"...that would be a very good reason." The poacher gulped as Zarana turned to her oldest brother.

"At least I have taste!"

"Not gonna say a word." Burn-Out shook his head as he took a couple of steps backwards. That would lead to many bruises no matter which one of them got offended!

"What's that crack supposed to mean?" Zartan glared at Zarana.

"Do you even remember what happened in your last relationship?" Zarana spat. "The back-stabbing witch who turned out to be the mother of one of _your_ charges?"

"She does have a good point." Zandar shrugged.

"SHUT UP, ZANDAR!" Both of his siblings shouted.

"Hey! Why are you yelling at him?" Heart-Wrencher jumped into the verbal spat. "He took your side, 'Rana!"

"You know, when I signed on for this, I never thought it would involve taking me to the set of a potential Jerry Springer episode." Burn-Out commented.

"That's it! We're going over to the Pit and beating this bloke senseless!" Zartan said, moving toward the door.

"Um, that might not be the best idea. At least not until after we've discussed this a bit more." Gnawgahyde said..

"The hell are you getting at, poacher?" Zarana snarled.

"Well, does this Joe know about this *ahem* predicament?"

"Just spit it out, Gnawgahyde!" Zandar shouted. "Does the bloody Joe know he knocked-up my sister?"

"Of course he knows!" Zarana glared back at her twin. "What? Did you think that I…that I don't want him to be involved?" And just like that, she started to cry.

"Why are you crying?" A puzzled Torch blinked. "You were ready to rip his head off a minute ago."

"I don't know!" The pink-haired assassin sobbed, now unable to **stop** crying.

"We need to get that techie real good for this." Zandar grumbled. "Thanks to him we get nine more months of this!"

"You think _this_ is bad?" Gnawgahyde raised an eyebrow. "I remember back when Steve's mother was pregnant with him. She chased the mailman around on a riding lawnmower and then tried to take my head off with a coffeemaker."

"And that's relevant how?" The pink-haired man asked.

"I'm just saying, it could be much worse." The poacher pointed out as Zarana continued to sob.

"That's it, I'm going to kill him!" Zartan growled. "Now where did I leave that crossbow…"

"I don't think that's a good idea either."

"And I'm sure you have a _wonderful_ reason for this one too!" Zartan muttered.

"Well at least wait until after the kid gets here so she can yell at him for ruining her life." Burn-Out suggested as Zarana came out of her crying fit long enough to glare venomously at her siblings.

"You hurt him and there will be nowhere on this planet you can go to escape my anger." She growled.

"She's scaring me." Torch whimpered as Heart-Wrencher attempted to hide behind Zandar.

"Why are you hiding there?" The pink-haired man blinked. It wasn't like that was the safest spot to be right now…

"Why not?" Heart-Wrencher grinned back at him.

"Well, you're kind of in the line of fire." Zandar pointed out as his sister started trying to throw things in Zartan's direction.

"Now, Zarana, can't we just calm down and…"

"DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!" She roared, launching a screwdriver at him.

"Hey! Not in my shop!" Burn-Out shouted. "If you two are gonna fight, take it outside where you can't wreck anything!"

"BUTT OUT!" Zarana flung a wrench at the Dreadnok's head. He caught it, tossed it aside, and then continued to try to get her to stop throwing things.

"Don't you throw that engine!" The African-American Dreadnok exclaimed. "That belongs to a paying customer!"

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll throw what I wanna throw!" She said as she tried to pick up one of the parts sitting on a nearby table. Unfortunately it proved too heavy for her to lift. "Dammit!"

"Good thing I kept this…" Gnawgahyde sighed, putting on a hard hat.

"Don't suppose you have a spare, do you?" Zandar asked.

"Here you go." The Australian poacher handed him a hard hat. "Do you need one, Ren?"

"Nah, I got one." She smirked, putting on a pink hard hat with a red heart painted on the front. "I painted it myself! What do you think?"

"It's very nice, Ren." Zandar winced as another shop tool was sent flying in their general direction.

"Shouldn't we try to find a way to get her to cool off?" Ren looked at the two men still standing near her. "All that stress can't be good for the baby…"

"Well, if you're so concerned about it, you can go over to the Pit and bring that boyfriend of hers back here." Gnawgahyde remarked.

"Yeah!" Zartan concurred as Zarana finally stopped throwing objects at him. "Let's show him what he put us through!"

"Well, I didn't mean that." Ren winced at Zartan's reaction. "You know, my mom once said that when she was pregnant with me, chocolate always perked her up." Gnawgahyde and Zandar exchanged contemplative glances for a moment.

"To the store!" Gnawgahyde said, sticking his hand in the air and walking toward the door.

"I'm right behind you!" Zandar called out. Soon, the two were out of sight.

"Wait! Don't leave me here alone…ah, crap. They already did." Heart-Wrencher folded her arms across her chest.

"Are you serious about this whole 'attack the Pit' business?" Burn-Out asked. Zartan nodded an affirmative.

"Yes. Go tell the kids to get suited up. I have to go find the rest of the Dreadnoks."

"Oh, they're gonna LOVE this." Burn-Out shook his head as he and Heart-Wrencher made their way back into the main part of the base.

Since the kids had been listening in on most of the conversation, they were in various stages of getting 'suited up' by the time the two handlers got to them. Steve, Virus, and Mimic were ready to go, Andi was fighting with a stubborn right boot, and the others were nowhere in sight.

"So he really wants us to go drag that techie back here?" Mimic asked as Andi continued to try to get her other shoe on.

"Apparently." Ren sighed. "And it looks like I'm getting left behind on this one too!"

"And my life has just hit a whole new level of awkward." Andi sighed, drawing the attention of her gathered comrades. She then started muttering as she continued her struggle with the boot. "What the hell is up with this boot?"

"The story of Shadowatch, huh?" Calvin asked.

"You got it, punk." Steve snorted, knowing better than to let the idiot blond boy continue that line of questioning any further. Zartan would REALLY rip them a new one for setting a pissed-off Atlantis on his case today! Cal glared at the powerhouse mutant.

"I _have_ a name, scaleface."

"Yeah, it's 'punk'." Steve retorted.

"Nothing's ever boring around here, that's for sure." Kristen called out, straightening her cape and gloves as she entered. "Hey, since you got left behind…wanna hang out with us, Ren?"

"Yeah, we can watch some WrestleMania DVDs while we wait for the others to get ready." Steve added.

"Uh, that's very sweet of you guys, but I think *all* of you are going on this one." Ren answered.

"Yeah, Regan doesn't take _that_ long to get ready." Andi rolled her eyes.

"Did someone call my name?" Regan asked, walking out in her pink and black uniform. Chaos and Golem came with her.

"Must've been your telepathy." Andi shrugged, finally managing to yank the boot onto her foot.

"I guess Ren and Zanya are staying behind to keep an eye on 'Rana, then?" Bryan asked, uncertainty in his voice.

"So will Zandar and Gnawgahyde, once they get back from their store run." Ren elaborated. "Shouldn't take them very long, though."

"Why did they go to the…nevermind, I'm not sure I want to know." Regan shook her head as Corona and Neal joined the rest of the gang. Not long after, a rather tired-looking Zarana walked into the room.

"Do you guys know if we have any ice cream?" She asked, looking around the room.

"Um, I think we might be out of it." Calvin recalled. "I'll go look…"

"Didn't anybody go shopping? It was on the list." Zarana started to sob again.

"Zandar and Gnawgahyde just ran out to the store for some stuff. We can text them and tell them to pick some up for you." Andi pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm sure they'll bring some home for ya, 'Rana." Kris nodded emphatically as Virus took the hint and fired off a text message to the two missing Dreadnoks.

"Oh." Zarana blinked. "I'm sorry. I guess my hormones must be getting' nuts. Now please, if you would get out of the **** out of my way. I mean, how many times do I have to write ice cream on the ****ing list before someone gets their **** in gear and brings home the ****ing ice cream! Maybe I should get a steak knife AND ETCH IT INTO YOUR MOTHER ****ING FOREHEAD! HOW HARD CAN IT ****ING BE? ICE MOTHER ****ING CREAM! I GUESS THAT'S THE PRICE I PAY FOR LIVING WITH A BUNCHA ****ING MORONS!" And with that, she stomped away, leaving a room full of very shocked and confused teenagers.

"Whatever happened to courtesy?" Virus blinked. "Did it just vanish?"

"You'd be surprised how much goes out the window when someone gets pregnant." Andi remarked. "At least, that's the way my oldest brother tried to explain it after my sister-in-law started shouting at me for asking what time we were having dinner…"

"Out of curiosity, how old are your brothers?" Calvin asked. "I know the furry one's pretty close to your age, but I've never seen the others."

"That's because they were all grown up when Dad found me again." Andi explained. "There's about six or seven years between me and Kyle. Dan and Graydon are close to the same age, and that's about a ten to twelve year gap. Connor's a good fifteen years older than I am."

"So you really are the baby, huh?" Ren asked. The blue teen nodded. "Bet that must be nice."

"Not really." The girl sighed. "Dad thinks it gives him a license to be an over-protective jackass whenever he's around. It doesn't matter to Mom all that much."

"You know, maybe helping drag Mainframe back here wasn't such a bad idea?" Bryan asked. "I mean, she likes him!"

"She likes us too, and you see where that just got us." Regan grumbled.

"Aren't you kids suited up yet?" Zartan shouted from the other room.

"Yes. Yes, we are." Andi called back, motioning for the team to follow her back to the garage.

"Then what are you waiting for, Christmas? Let's go get that Joe!" Zartan griped as the kids filed in, Burnout following close behind them.

"Wow, is everybody going on this one?" Torch noted, looking around at everyone gathered.

"Pretty much." Steve said. "And for the record, I think this is a bad idea." Regan nodded in agreement.

"It has 'bad idea' written all over it."

"We get to kill Toad! We get to kill Toad!" Virus grinned excitedly, hopping up and down and clapping his hands.

"No, Virus." Andi glared. "All we get to do is drag Mainframe back here."

"Maybe General Hawk will be mad enough to just hand him over to us?" Mitch scratched the back of his head.

"Oh come on, Luv, he deserves it!" Virus pleaded.

"NO!" Andi and Zartan yelled in unison.

"Zarana is going to kill us." Steve groaned.

"Will she really?" Calvin asked worriedly.

"Well, you definitely. Because I will toss you to her and then run like hell." Leathersuit smirked.

"I don't know. Maybe she'll be happy that we brought him home to visit her?" Kristen offered.

"Yeah, but she won't like us attacking the Pit to do it." Andi pointed out.

"Oh. You bring up a good point." Eventide conceded.

"What? You can't do that, man!" A panicked Mimic shouted.

"Oh, I will, punk. I will." Leathersuit smiled contentedly.

"Andi's right. Can't we just call him and tell him to get his ass down here?" Regan suggested.

"Ask him, not me!" Atlantis jerked her thumb back at Zartan, who was going over some sort of plan with the Dreadnoks. "This was his idea, not mine."

"But how will we explain away getting a hold of his phone number?" Kristen asked.

"Easy. Tell 'em we got it from 'Rana." Bryan shrugged.

"That might work." Steve inclined his head.

"But I wanna kill Toad! I wanna make him die!" Virus exclaimed, whipping out a blaster. "I just built this thing specifically for that purpose!" It was at that point that Zartan turned around to glare at Virus.

"Nobody is going to kill anyone…at least not yet, and certainly not Toad! Now put that thing away before you send someone to the infirmary!"

"But why?" The inventor whined. Zartan fixed him with another murderous glare before walking over to his motorcycle. "You all suck!" Virus pouted.

"Deal with it, psycho." Andi spat.

"Man, how many of us do we need to drag this guy back here?" Buzzer asked, looking over the kids.

"Apparently everyone we can spare." Corona shrugged, toying with a lock of brown hair. "Aren't we leaving yet?"

"If we're flying, can I throw him off the plane?" Steve glared over at Virus.

"If you do, I'll gladly help." Regan offered. "He seems to like to play that trashy cacophony he calls heavy metal VERY LOUDLY when I'm around…"

"You have no respect for it!"

"I don't have to! I have class!"

"You call that trash you listen to classy? Dear God…"

"I take it from the bickering that everyone is present and accounted for." Zartan spoke up as he and the other Dreadnoks got into their vehicles. "Now, let's go get that Joe!" He started off on the bike, hit a button to activate the teleporter, and vanished in a flash of light.

"Guess we'd better follow them." Andi sighed as the other Dreadnoks followed suit. "Guess I better go get my bike."

"No sweat!" They heard Bryan call out as he drove up in a long-bed pickup truck. It was painted black with dark and lime green stripes running down the sides. "Everyone climb in!"

"Where did **that** come from?" Virus blinked.

"Gift from Burn-Out." The Texan mutant grinned. "Is he the best, or what?"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up and drive!" Andi called out as everyone climbed either into the cab or the bed of the truck. Bryan shifted out of park and into drive, pulling out of the garage and onto the street outside.

"Hey, who wants to hear some driving music?" Chaos called out.

"If it's Toby Keith, I'm taking me hoverboard." Virus frowned. "At least then I can listen to Def Leppard while I ride."

"You will stay where we can see you." Andi glared, whacking the inventor on the head and then turning to see what Steve was doing. The young powerhouse was fiddling with what appeared to be a popcorn machine. "Why did you bring a popcorn machine along?"

"So we can have something to eat for the big show." The green-scaled mutant flashed a sharp-toothed grin. "Couldn't find a drink dispenser, though. Real shame."

"Yes, my angel…" Came Virus's dazed reply. Steve growled.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate that guy?"

"Quiet!" Kristen exclaimed as the group teleported to where the rest of the Dreadnoks had gathered. "The show's about to start!"

"A lot. A whole lot." Andi looked back at Steve.

"I see stars…" Vince warbled.

"_**Ssssshhh!**_" Regan hissed.

"So long as you know." Steve nodded.

"Trust me, I feel the same way." The blue-scaled blonde answered.

"Hey, are those the Misfits over there?" Corona noticed, pointing at some figures in the distance as a lone man stormed up to the group.

"Not now, 'Rona!" Mitch exclaimed excitedly. "General Hawk's come out to yell at the boss!"


	3. Hawk Is Not Happy

**Mama Zarana**

**3. Hawk Is Not Happy**

Five minutes after returning to the Pit, Mainframe found himself nervously walking toward General Hawk's office. "I don't think I've been this nervous since my first son was born." He also wondered if Zarana would wind up being half as controlling as his first wife had been. During his first marriage, his wife had gone so far as to try to tell Hawk what to do!

"You should be nervous." Lifeline reminded him as he walked in stride beside him. He was going into this meeting partly out of moral support, partly for confirmation that Mainframe's tale was true, and partly to help put the pieces back together after General Hawk decided to unleash his wrath. "I think this may be the worst thing anyone around here has ever done." Mainframe sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"You really suck at pep-talks." The computer specialist grumbled as they reached the door to Hawk's office. Since the door was open, they didn't bother to knock. They just simply walked in. Hawk looked up from over a mountain of papers (likely requisition forms, based on the number of paper airplanes all over the office) at them, an amused expression on his face. "Lifeline? Mainframe? What brings you two in here?"

Mainframe tried not to fidget nervously as Lifeline shut the door behind them. "Well..." The computer specialist took a breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. "I've come by an interesting bit of intel, Sir."

"You did?" Hawk asked, sounding a bit too excited about the distraction from paperwork. "What kind of intel?"

"Well, sir..." Mainframe shifted his weight nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "It seems that Zarana is pregnant." That certainly caught the general's attention.

"Really now? And how did you happen to come by this information?" It just didn't seem logical for the Dreadnoks to let that kind of information slip unless… no, that couldn't be. Sure, Mainframe had feelings for her once, but those had faded years ago. Hadn't they?

"I know because she told me herself, Sir." Mainframe gulped. "I..it's mine, Sir." Hawk was silent for about thirty seconds.

"You know, I think my hearing must be playing tricks on me." The general remarked, trying to maintain his composure. "Because I could have sworn you just said…"

"No, you heard right." Mainframe sighed. "She's having my child."

A dark shadow crossed Hawk's face as he looked at his subordinate officer. "And how do you know this isn't some new Cobra plot? For all you know, she could be lying to you about this!"

"Actually, General..." Lifeline cleared his throat "She's not making it up. I examined her, and it is confirmed. Zarana and Mainframe are going to be parents."

"You mean she was _here?_ On this base?" Hawk growled.

"Only for about twenty minutes, and not near anything but the medical bay!" Mainframe protested. "I just wanted to be sure she was…"

"I don't care!" Hawk shouted, jumping to his feet. "This has to be the _**stupidest**_ thing you've ever done, Mainframe! How long have you been sneaking around with her? A few months? A year?"

"Or ten." The brunet man winced.

"TEN?" Hawk exclaimed, flopping back into his seat. "Oh, Gawd…" He started to breathe heavily. "The Jugglers are going to have my head for this!"

"Hawk, take it easy." Lifeline tried to soothe the general. "Take some deep breaths…"

"I think I'm gonna have a coronary." The general panted, then glared at Mainframe. "And it's all _your_ fault!"

* * *

Outside, Paul Stanley Starr, the "Starchild", was on his way to talk to General Hawk about extending the dates for the Superstars' North American tour. He was in his usual perky mood…at least until he got closer to the door. He couldn't understand much more than "Mainframe" and "stupid", but he knew whatever was going on in there was big news. So, he set out to find another Misfit to share in the task of figuring out just what was going on in there. The first one he came to was one who was also one of his band-mates in the Superstars: Lance Alvers, the "Avalanche".

"Hey, man, Hawk's really tearing into Mainframe over something." Paul told the elder mutant, gesturing in the direction of the office. "I couldn't make out what, but he's definitely mad."

Lance looked over at his younger band-mate, a smirk on his face. "Then why don't we go find out?" The geokinetic suggested, walking toward the office. Paul fell into pace beside him, and soon the pair were crouched outside of General Hawk's office, listening intently to the argument on the other side of the door. After a couple minutes, Paul's eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh." The dark-haired young guitarist breathed.

"Damn." Lance shook his head. "I didn't know he had it in him…"

"Hey, mates!" St John "Pyro" Allerdyce called out cheerfully as he walked up. "What'cha doing?"

"Shut up, John, you'll give us away!" Lance grumbled.

"Why don't you come over and listen for yourself, John?" Paul asked his childhood friend. The insane pyrokinetic grinned eagerly and crowded in closer to the door.

"Holy…Mainframe knocked up a Dreadnok!"

"It's certainly something to tell the next generation of Misfits." Paul shook his head.

"But, how could he do that? Is that even possible?" The Aussie scratched his head.

"John, Zarana's a woman." Lance stated.

"Oh! Okay." John smiled, then paused. "Which one was Zarana, again?"

Lance palmed his face. "No wonder Mags kicked your ass out of the Acolytes!"

"Oh, wait, is she the one that's always trying to kidnap you?" John asked Paul.

"No, that's Zanya." Paul corrected. "Zanya is Zarana's niece."

"Wait...does Zarana have pink hair?" The blond boy scratched the back of his head.

"Yes, that's her." Paul nodded.

"Finally! He gets it!" Lance exclaimed as Pietro sped up.

"Hey, what's this about Mainframe getting chewed out?" The teenage speed demon asked. "I heard Lifeline had to go in to keep someone from getting hurt!"

"Who told you that?" Paul scratched his head as the other Misfits walked up.

"Bree." Pietro shrugged.

"So, what'd he do?" Todd asked. "That's some awful loud screaming…"

"You gotta hear this one for yourself, man!" Lance snickered. He and Paul stepped back, allowing the rest of the group to crowd around the door.

"Oh. My. God…" Althea blinked in shock.

"How did-?" Wanda trailed off mid-sentence.

"Just when I thought things couldn't get any weirder…" Craig sighed.

"Did you know about this?" Todd asked his girlfriend. Althea shook her head.

"No, I did not. Which means no one else probably did either." She answered. "No wonder Hawk's blowing a gasket!"

"Hmm." Lance thought a moment. "We need a betting pool for this! I'm gonna have to go find Ace…"

"Put me down for lover boy here getting skewered!" Pietro called out.

"Put me down for Kathy Bates trying to kill them all." John nodded solemnly. The rest of the Misfits groaned as one.

"Sweet Jebus, John…" Lance moaned.

"He's not in the band for his brains, that's for sure." Lila shook her head.

"Keith Moon taught me to play drums in my dreams!" John said happily, pulling out a pair of drumsticks.

"Put me down on a shotgun wedding." Althea spoke up.

"Emphasis on shotguns, yo." Todd added with a grin. Craig groaned at John's latest expression of his insanity.

"We know, John. You've told us many times…"

"I think those guys are more likely to use a blowtorch or sword instead of a shotgun…" Paul started. "...but yeah, I'll bet on that one too."

"But…how would they make that work?" Wanda wondered out loud. "Mainframe's not leaving G.I. Joe, and I really don't think Zarana's too keen on walking away from the Dreadnoks. Where would they live?"

"I gotta go find Ace, but let me know if you get any other options on this!" Lance called out, running off in search of the Pit's resident pool-runner.

"Man, I would not wanna be Mainframe right now…" Todd shook his head.

"Peoria." John answered Wanda's question solemnly. "No-one messes with Peoria."

"Jesus, John…" Althea groaned, rubbing her temples.

"Wait, don't the Dreadnoks have another base in Chicago?" Paul recalled. "I remember hearing something about that…"

"Ooh, I didn't know you could use **those** two swear words **that** way…" Todd remarked as Jake walked up.

"Hey, guys. Why are we all out here?" The young mutant codenamed Red Dragon asked.

"Jake, this is the best gossip to ever hit the base!" Craig shook his head. Curious, the red-headed Bostonian moved closer to the door and listened in.

"Dear God in Heaven!"

"Yeah, that was our reaction." Craig grunted.

"What was Mainframe thinking?" Jake exclaimed, wincing as the sound of crashing wood sounded from the other side of the door. "I think Hawk just pitched his desk at the wall!"

"I wonder why he knocked up Zarana. How is that helping us defeat Cobra?" John asked.

"Oh…" Lila winced before hauling off and smacking him.

"Ow!"

"Well, apparently those two have been sneaking around for a while." Craig explained. "I'm amazed nobody caught onto it before now."

"I just don't believe it." Jake shook his head as Paul turned to him.

"Hey, didn't the Dreadnoks have a garage or something in Chicago?"

"Yeah, they have that show 'Growing up Biker'." Jake nodded. "It's a funny show. And the bikes are beautiful."

"Yeah!" John nodded. "I think one of those girls is a vampire!"

"John, are you even _from_ this planet?" Craig groaned.

"No, actually I think he might be onto something. The Southside Misfits told me that all the kids on that show are mutants. Maybe one of them's a vampire mutant?" Fred suggested.

"Do you even hear what's coming out of your mouth?" Lance asked as he returned.

"Hey!" Paul waved. "What did Ace think when you told him about this stuff?"

"Paul, didn't you have a vampire girl chasing after you one Halloween?" Jake remembered.

"Ah, yeah I did." Paul nodded.

"I think we'd all like to forget that little Halloween misadventure." Craig groaned. **&**

"You guys should have seen the fit Ace started pitching when he heard about this!" Lance grinned broadly. "I think he may have peed himself, he got so excited!"

"I bet he's kicking himself for not realizing there was something that serious going on right under his nose." Wanda pointed out.

"I think Hawk is kicking Mainframe now, yo." Todd commented, his ear still up next to the door.

"Okay, I realize that what Mainframe did was major-league stupid," Althea sighed, "but _yeesh!_ Hawk needs to calm down."

"No joke!" Lance snorted. "At this rate there will be nothing left for the Dreadnoks to beat up, and I'll lose the bet!"

"You really think they'd come all the way here just to pound Mainframe's head in?" Jake frowned.

"Wonder if those Shadowatch guys know anything about this?" Paul asked.

"I doubt it. If we didn't know, I'm sure they don't." Althea waved.

"Yeah, but we don't live in the same house as Mainframe." Wanda pointed out. "All of those guys are crammed into the same base with Zarana and the rest of the Dreadnoks."

"The lady has a point." Craig nodded.

"What lady?" Pietro mocked.

"DIE!" Wanda cried out, tackling and punching her twin.

"I'm a little confused." John made a face.

"Big surprise." Althea snorted.

"I thought it was a plan to beat Cobra." John admitted.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Lila gave the pyrokinetic a 'Have-you-lost-your-mind' look.

"Why is Hawk angry about this?" A confused John inquired. "I thought it was part of some anti-Cobra plan."

"John, how the hell is knocking up Zarana going to beat Cobra?" Craig countered.

"I don't know!" The Aussie exclaimed. "That's what I'm trying to figure out!"

"AIE! NOT THE FACE!" Pietro wailed.

"It's like we just stepped onto an episode of Maury or Springer." Paul shook his head in disbelief.

"John, I don't think this is an anti-Cobra plot." Lance shot the younger boy a glare. "If anything, I think this pissed them off."

"That's right!" Althea realized. "Those crazy brothers of hers will probably storm the place because of this!"

"Yeah!" John nodded in agreement. "Because Kathy Bates is working with them!"

Althea and Lance bore similar looks of disbelief. "John…" they groaned in unison.

"He really is an idiot." Craig pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes tightly in an attempt to block out the screaming.

"Why is he even in the band, again?" Pietro mocked, holding a hand over his now bruised right eye.

"Okay, so he's insane. And stupid." Lila sighed. "But he's one of the best damn drummers to ever walk God's green Earth!"

"They say all geniuses are a little nuts." Lance admitted.

"A _**little?**_" Craig asked. "He almost got us banned from the Best Western chain!"

"Okay, how exactly did he manage that?" Wanda blinked.

"Well, it was Keith Moon's birthday." Paul began. "As you know, John idolizes Moon. Keith was known for sometimes flushing cherry bombs down the toilet, so John figured he'd honor him and try it with some of his own home-made ones."

"Keith was proud!" The Aussie nodded sagely. "He told me so in a dream!"

"Apparently Keith visits John's dreams quite often." Lance sighed. "So he says."

"So does John Bonham." Paul added.

"He sees dead drummers in his dreams?" Althea gaped.

"Well…why not?" Paul grinned.

"You are too open minded for your own good." His twin grimaced as Todd kept an ear to the door.

"Wow. That's a lotta swearing."

"Ronnie Rocker visits Kid Razor all the time." Paul pointed out. "Why can't Moon and Bonham visit John?"

"Yes, but we've actually _seen_ Ronnie's ghost." Craig countered. "John's are all in his head."

"Soooo, nobody's concerned about the possible Dreadnok siege?" Althea frowned.

"They attack, we kick their butts. No big deal." Pietro snorted in disdain.

Wanda shrugged. "Usually, I'd agree with you, but they're probably at least as mad as Hawk is about this right now. And if **all** of them show up, plus those mutant kids they have working for them…"

"I bet we still kick their butts." Pietro nodded.

"I'm more worried that when the Dreadnoks **do** come looking for Mainframe, Hawk will simply let them take him." Jake said, concern evident in his voice.

"That…would not surprise me one bit." Althea admitted.

"Oh come on, Wanda! Those Shadowatch guys are punks! Probably as stupid as their handlers!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Don't underestimate them, Quickie." Craig warned. "I've heard about those beatdowns they handed Metallix."

"Metallix are street thugs!" The silver-haired speedster scoffed. "The _babies_ could beat them!"

"Not hard enough to fracture someone's femur bone, they can't!" Craig glared.

"Besides, Jenni and the other Southsiders say they're the real deal." Paul added. "Apparently Trouble got into a brawl with one of their guys. Took out half a downtown park."

"Was it Bryan or Mitch?" Fred asked, feeling rather certain that one of his younger siblings was the culprit.

"Actually, it was Steve. The moron my dad kicked out of his wrestling school for being a punk." Jake answered.

"Your dad trains that young?" Lance inquired in disbelief. His red-headed teammate grinned in response.

"He taught me and Kyle. Garrett was a moron and didn't know when to back off. His tryout was a disaster."

"Wow." Wanda blinked. "The Southsiders and Shadowatch must have one helluva rivalry between them to go at it like that."

"Actually, they were only sparring." Todd clarified.

"_Sparring?_" Wanda gasped.

"Lisa scares me." John said, eyes wide.

"Yeah. According to Jenni, they don't really fight all that much as long as no-one goes around insulting anyone's family." Paul nodded. "Which apparently someone did."

"I think I remember that one." Jake remembered with a wince. "Johnny B. didn't mean it, I know, but he did learn a valuable lesson about not messing with temperamental blondes…or insulting their mothers."

"Which blonde?" Todd scratched his head. "Ain't there two on that show?"

"The tall one."

"Again, there's two of them." Paul stated.

"You know!" The Boston-native exclaimed, gesturing wildly with his hands. "The angry one with the black stripes in her hair!"

"Oh! Andi!" Fred's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "That would explain why Johnny B. had all those bruises…"

"What do you know about her?" Pietro scoffed. A large grin spread across Fred's face.

"I grew up with her! You actually met her once, too. Mystique brought her over that first Thanksgiving, remember?"

"Oh yeah!" Wanda smiled. "She's the one who stabbed my brother with a fork, right?" Pietro's eyes widened in horror as the memory replayed itself in his head.

"Oh god, not her!" Pietro whined.

"You mean Sabey and Misty's Dreadnok daughter?" John blinked. "She's pretty cool, mate. Dunno what your problem is with 'er."

"Whoa, whoa. Back that thought up a minute." Todd turned to face the pyromaniac. "You mean to tell me that Andi from 'Growing Up Biker' is THEIR kid?"

"Yeah, mate!" John nodded excitedly. "She's not so bad, 'cept when Zanya tried to order her around... Or Sabey wanted to get her to switch teams. Or Cortez tried to grab her arse…"

"I can see where any of those three might cause some problems." Paul said. "But especially the last two."

"Yeah, well this 'Andi' doesn't have to like what Johnny said to know it's true!" Lance snorted. "Mystique ain't gonna be winning 'Mother of the Year' anytime soon."

"It wasn't so much _what_ Johnny said...as _how_ he said it." Jake explained. "Okay, what he said probably had something to do with it too. He got off on this tangent about her having the worst gene pool in history…there was something about her only hanging around Leathersuit for one reason too, but by that point the entire team had gotten in on the beating."

"Okay, first part is true." Todd nodded. "Last bit was just plain rude."

"Dude, you been spending way too much time around Roadblock." Lance shook his head.

"Uh, Lance? 'true' and 'rude' don't rhyme." Lila corrected.

"Well, Johnny didn't think she'd overheard him." Paul pointed out. "He was having a chat with Wrong-Way…"

"Teach him to not keep his voice down." Craig scoffed.

"Man, it's gotta be awkward in that house." Althea shook her head.

"More awkward than Kitty's mother ditching her gay father for a guy twenty years younger? Who happens to be related to Shipwreck?" Lance reminded.

"I dunno…" Todd stroked his chin in thought. "I mean, Kitty's family drama looks like a bad soap opera but they ain't trying to kill each other. With that one, you got the whole Zartan/Mystique/Sabretooth trifecta going on."

"Yeah, and get this: Zartan's supposed to be the Andi's handler." Jake added. "Heard it straight from the Southsiders, who heard from Shadowatch."

"Whoof, the poor fish-girl." Lila winced in sympathy.

"Okay, yeah, that really is awkward." Lance admitted as Jake put his ear back to the wall.

"Lisa scares me." John mumbled, being unusually quiet.

"Forget Lisa!" Lance exclaimed. "I don't want that Corona chick sending any more hate mail to Kitty! Or love letters to me…how did they even get our address?"

"I don't think we want to know." Craig glared.

"Gotta give that girl credit for being persistent." Todd chuckled.

"Yeah, but some of those pictures she was sending were getting racy." Paul said. "I think that last one put some of Monet's letters to Cousin Ace to shame!"

"Monet ain't the only Hellion sending him racy love letters!" Craig grumbled. "Seriously, what did he do to those women to get them so fired up over him?"

"I don't think we want to know." Lila sighed.

John looked down at the ground, partly listening to the argument and partly distracted by a Transformer action figure lying on the ground. "Sweet."

"What the heck does that chick see in me?" Lance groaned.

"It's the rockstar mystique." John shrugged, now playing with the toy.

"Maybe she's into rockhead hardcases?" Pietro mocked, before getting smacked by Lance. "Ow!"

"I think you've got rocks for brains, Pietro!" The earth-mover grumbled.

"Well, it could be worse, Lance." Lila pointed out. "Remember Craig's insane fan-girl?" She asked as Craig's facial expression changed from indifference to fear. Wanda growled in disapproval.

"I dunno, man. I think I like Corona a lot more than Kitty." Todd shrugged.

"The Vampire?" Craig groaned. "Oh god…"

"I just remembered, I need to sharpen my stakes." Wanda frowned.

"Bro, you may wanna warn Kris never to come here." Paul warned his twin brother, shaking his head.

"Why would you think that?" Lance shot Todd a look. The smaller teen shrugged.

"I dunno. She just seems more sane, y'know?"

"He can warn her, but that won't stop her." Fred pointed out.

"Wait! Vampires can't come in unless invited. I'm saved!" Craig recalled.

"Then how do you explain Dracula?" Paul countered.

"Really?" Lance asked, pulling out a photo. "You think **this **is sane?" Fred and Todd's jaws dropped at the image in the photo. Althea looked at what Corona was wearing and glanced at Todd. A smirk formed on her face. She'd have to see where the Hispanic mutant got that...

"She wants you baaad, yo." Todd whistled.

"Oooh! More book material!" John perked up, leaving the toy alone. "Let me see!"

"Dammit, Paul.." Craig groaned.

"See what I mean?" Lance asked as John studied the photo.

"She loves leopard print, huh? That gives me an idea…"

"Well, Dracula is the King of Vampires." Althea pointed out. "He gets special perks."

"Well, Lance, Johnny B did say Corona worked the streets for a while before joining up with the squad…" Fred said.

"Man, what I'd give for a chick like that!" John lamented. "All I got's that Fyre girl, and she's crazy!"

"Just. My. Luck." Lance sighed, putting the photo back in his pocket.

"Seriously, Lance, what did you do in a past life to get this kind of luck?" Pietro laughed.

"I don't really want to know." The older boy stated.

"Wow. Johnny B. REALLY needs to be careful what he says." Wanda groaned.

"Don't be so upset about it! This is the best luck a guy could ask for!" Pietro exclaimed, before being hexed into the wall by his sister.

"From what Jenni knew of the story, it's not like she had much of a choice." Paul explained. "It was either do that or starve."

"Still! This is the best writing material I've had in months!" John grinned excitedly. "All because Lance's fan-girl used to be a hooker!"

"I have to admit, I feel bad about her having to do that." Lance confessed. "I'm sure it wasn't her fault…"

"Tell her I said thanks for inspiring me!" John beamed.

"Yeah, I'll let her know, flamebrain." The geokinetic answered sarcastically.

"Muh back…" Pietro moaned "muh butt…"

"Deal with it." Wanda snorted.

"I'm sure it wasn't either, Lance." Jake concurred with a nod. "Although Kyle disagrees…"

"Kyle needs to keep his opinions to himself." Lance pointed out. "Mouthing off like that might get him killed one of these days."

"Or just beaten to a pulp." Fred scowled angrily, remembering Kyle's insults towards Dragonfly. "I kinda do hope the West Coast guys and Shadowatch don't ever have to meet up…but I also know that Shadowatch can beat that lightning-lobbing cowpie up real good."

"To be fair, Kyle was unaware of the circumstances." Jake defended his brother.

"He's still a jerk." Fred snorted.

"Yeah, Jake. I don't think ignorance is gonna be a good enough excuse to Shadowatch if he starts bashing one of their teammates." Lance stated.

"I know." Jake sighed. "And even if he did know, I doubt he'd change his mind."

"He might surprise you." Althea tried to cheer her teammate up.

"He might, but I doubt it." The red-headed boy sighed, crossing his arms. "He's way too stubborn."

"Would not surprise me." Fred grumbled. "Kyle's an overly-macho intolerant jerk."

"What do you expect?" Lance shrugged. "He's a thirteen year old with a bad temper and electrical powers who comes from a family of pro-wrestlers!"

"…yeah, but it don't excuse nuthin'." Fred frowned.

"Just sayin', Freddy." Lance held his hands up.

"Uh oh." Todd gulped, his ear now against the door. "I think Hawk's trying to throw Mainframe out the window! Lifeline's tryin' to talk him out of it, but it ain't working too well."

"Oh, it's getting nasty in there." Paul put an ear to the wall. A vrooming noise could be heard. "Is that a..._chainsaw?_"

"Let me hear!" Althea pushed her way over, taking a listen to the noise. Her eyes grew wide. "Oh my God…"

"Man, we gotta go help Lifeline!" Jake exclaimed worriedly. "I mean, what he did was stupid, but he doesn't deserve this!"

Althea's hand flew up in the air. "Wait! I think this might be the pencil sharpener." She listened a little more. "Yeah, that's the pencil sharpener."

"Awful loud for a pencil sharpener." Lance frowned.

"He uses it as a distraction when other generals try to keep him tied up on the phone." Althea shrugged.

Jake scratched the back of his head in disbelief. "Is Hawk _really_ that desperate to avoid talking to other generals?"

"Yeah, yo." A chortling Todd nodded. "It's right up there with saying ninjas stole the requisition forms to cover up for him not filling them out. Or turning them into paper planes." The sound of motorcycle engines sounded from outside.

"Is that the Dreadnoks?" Jake asked as the group rushed outside to get a better view of what was going on.

"Yeah." Todd said. "They look pissed." Althea noticed the members of Shadowatch were hanging around a black longbed pickup truck with a pair of dark and lime green stripes on the sides. The bed of the truck had what appeared to be a popcorn machine in it. However, they didn't not seem to have the angry expressions of the adult Dreadnoks.

"Hey, those Shadowatch guys came along…but what are they doing over there?" Althea blinked. "They don't look too interested in the fight."

"I think they came to watch." Paul blinked. "See? There's a popcorn machine in the truck."

"Everybody scatter!" Pietro called out. "Hawk's going out to talk to Zartan!"

"I don't think he cares if we're here or not." Wanda said as Hawk barged past them and out to meet the Dreadnoks.

"I get the feeling the smackdown of the century is about to go down here." Jake grinned. "And we just got ringside seats for it!"

**& Reference to L1701E's "Halloween Hijinx!" story. **


	4. There Goes the Neighborhood

**A/N:**** I realize I picked an odd place to end this chapter, but I did it so you all wouldn't get stuck trying to read a chapter that sprawled out over 7,000 words. Don't worry, you won't have to wait long for the conclusion. *wink***

**Disclaimer:**** The sheet of paper with my disclaimer on it was confiscated by General Hawk and turned into a paper airplane. While I go try to hunt it down, you guys sit tight and enjoy the chapter!**

**Mama Zarana**

**4. There Goes the Neighborhood…**

The Misfits froze, not daring to say a word as General Hawk marched angrily out to meet Zartan.

"Holy…he's really just going to hand Mainframe over, isn't he?" Althea gasped in shock. Such a decision usually went against everything Hawk stood for, but considering how infuriated he was by the whole situation with Mainframe and Zarana, anything was possible.

"Don't be too sure about that." Jake reassured the Misfits' leader. "I don't see Mainframe going out with him. Maybe they just want to talk?"

"He looks pretty mad at the Dreadnoks." Lance observed. Craig squinted across the battlefield to where Shadowatch seemed to have settled in to watch the fight. It didn't take him long to notice a short dark-haired girl and a pair of taller ones staring intently in their direction.

"Oh hell…" the bassist groaned. "Lance, Paul, our fan-girls are here!"

"Don't let Corona see me!" Lance gulped, diving behind a rock. Paul looked at the two in confusion.

"You say that like you two are scared of them. Regan's not _that_ bad."

"Only if Zanya's not with her." Lance pointed out from behind his rock. "And since I don't see Zanya anywhere, I think you're safe for now."

Lots of loud shouting sounded off from where Zartan and Hawk were standing. It seemed the two of them had decided to argue over whose fault the whole mess was…in amidst a spree of creatively used curses.

"Wow. That's a lotta swearing." Todd blinked as the General started making arm gestures toward his office.

"I think Hawk wants someone to come out of the office." Lila noticed as the Misfit handlers came on the scene.

"I don't suppose any of you know why the Dreadnoks are all on our doorstep?" Shipwreck asked, arms folded across his chest. "Or why we're not shooting at them yet?"

"Shhh!" Pietro glared back at them, putting his finger over his lips. "We can't hear the fight with you talking!"

Blinking in confusion, Shipwreck paused to scratch the back of his head as he watched Hawk and Zartan argue. "What the hell are those two arguing about?"

"I don't know." Cover Girl cocked her head to listen. "Something about…You gotta be kidding."

"What?" Low Light asked. "What's going on?"

"Life around here is never stagnant." Roadblock sighed, shaking his head. "Zarana turned out to be pregnant!"

"Do you think Corona spotted me?" Lance asked worriedly.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the battlefield, Shadowatch gazed on with fascination.

"Ooh! I never heard THOSE curse words before!" Andi perked up.

"I didn't know it was possible to put those two words together THAT way." Steve blinked as Corona began tugging on Kris's sleeve.

"Omigod, it's Avalanche!" The Hispanic girl eagerly pointed out the geokinetic as he dove behind a rock.

"Wow." Bryan looked over at Andi. "You mean there's curse words she ain't heard yet?"

"Yeah, Ann. I thought your parents knew all of them." Mitch glanced over at her.

"Oooh! There's Starchild!" Regan jumped up and down excitedly, waving her hand back and forth in order to gain the Misfits' attention.

"Not in THAT language, they don't!" Andi pointed out.

"Look, Kris, it's Darkstar!" Regan shook her shorter companion's shoulders excitedly.

* * *

Low Light's eyes grew large with surprise. "Wow. Just…wow. And the father would be?"

"Must be one of our guys if the entire group drove all the way here to yell at Hawk." Cover Girl deduced. "I didn't catch that part of the argument. I wonder who could have…?"

"Hawk's calling him out now, I think." Shipwreck observed. "And the winner is…" It was his turn to look shocked. "I don't believe it!"

"Aw, crap, they spotted us!" Craig winced when he noticed Regan waving frantically at them. "Is it too late to run away?"

"Yes." Lance groaned, staying behind his rock. "I believe it is."

More loud shouting (and swearing) erupted as Hawk pointed wildly at his office, this time making mention of Mainframe.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Cover Girl gasped.

"Holy crap!" Low Light exclaimed.

"'Frame, you dog!" A chuckling Shipwreck shook his head. "I don't believe it!"

"How'd that happen?" Cover Girl scratched her head.

"What are we gonna do?" Lance asked Craig worriedly.

* * *

"I guess you really do learn something new every day." Neal blinked.

"T-Man, what we're learning in today alone could last us a couple months." Bryan stated.

"DARKSTAR!" Kris cried out, cartoon hearts flying around her eyes.

"Shut the _hell_ up!" Andi growled, bopping the dhampire on the head. "I'm tryin' to listen in here!"

More shouting and swearing in several languages sounded off as Mainframe nervously made his way out to where the two angry men were standing. The Misfit handlers, and the entirety of the Pit, stopped to stare and listen to what was going on.

"That's something you don't see every day." Roadblock sighed. "And mark my words, there will be hell to pay!"

"I just can't believe it!" Cover Girl lamented. "Why would he have _done_ something like this?"

"Well, she is an attractive woman…" Shipwreck trailed off.

"I get the feeling this may have been going on much longer than any of us knew about." Low Light grunted, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't know!" Craig exclaimed at Lance. "There's no way I can out-run a frikkin' vampire! And hypnosis won't work on her either!"

"Oh. Right." Cover Girl groaned. "It's only going to get worse from here on out, isn't it?"

"Especially if you happen to answer to 'Mainframe'." Shipwreck pointed out. "It was nice knowing him…"

"You act like we're attending his funeral." Cover Girl frowned at the sailor, crossing her arms.

"I dunno." Low Light inclined his head. "Zartan looks pretty pissed off."

"At the very least, our comrade is about to have outlaws for in-laws." Roadblock stated.

Lance sighed. "You're right, Craig. All we can do is wait for them to rush us and hold them off as best we can."

* * *

"Oooh…pretty stars..." Eventide muttered in a dazed voice.

"Well, that's something even we don't see every day." Neal remarked.

"Ssshh! They just brought the techie guy out!" Andi motioned for her squad to quiet down.

"The guy is dead meat." Bryan shook his head in sympathy.

"Not dead." Andi corrected. "Otherwise, 'Rana's gonna kill the boss, remember?"

"So that means he's just slightly bruised meat instead." Calvin quipped.

"Ooooh, I can't take it! I wanna go over and see him!" Corona whined.

"At least wait until they finish arguing to do that!" Bryan snapped.

"This is boring!" Virus grumbled. 'I wanna kill a Misfit!" He shot a glare in Toad's direction, making a 'slit throat' gesture. He leaped up to his feet and started shaking his fist. "You're dead, Frog! You'll pay for stealing my woman!"

"Will ya shut up and sit down?" Mitch demanded, physically shoving the British mutant back down on his behind.

Calvin blinked in confusion, looking over at their squad leader. "Wait. I thought he was obsessed with you, Atlantis." He asked. The young blue-scaled teen sighed.

"He is. But he also has a thing for Wavedancer. He's got some freaky fetish for water-controllers."

"How can he be obsessed with both of you at one time?" A puzzled Neal blinked at the blue-scaled blonde.

"Because he's crazy, that's how." Regan deadpanned.

"And Zartan's going for the throat…" Bryan commented.

"Do we fight now?" Steve asked. "I'm confused."

* * *

From the other side of the sidelines, Althea laughed, pointing over at Virus. "Lookit Virus, Toddles. He thinks he's badass."

"Yeah." Todd laughed along, flipping Virus off. "You suck, yo!"

"I wonder what Shadowatch is going to do?" Craig wondered.

"We're about to find out." Fred said. "Zartan's going for the throat now."

"Do we fight now?" St. John blinked. "I'm confused."

"We gotta go help Mainframe!" Cover Girl shouted as the rest of the base poured out to meet the Dreadnoks. "YO JOE!"

* * *

On the other side…

Virus's green eyes widened at the rude gesture Todd made. "He's mocking me!" The technopath jumped up and down, face turning red with rage. "The frog must DIE!" He made a move to leap up out of the truck when...

_**Whack!**_ A tire iron connected with Virus's skull. Andi glared over at him. "There! Now stay put, dammit!"

"Pretty birdies…" Virus warbled before passing out.

The blue-scaled blonde, satisfied that Virus would stay out of trouble, shot Steve a 'think about it, dumbass' look before responding to his question. "You couldn't pay me enough to jump into the middle of that mess!" She jerked a thumb at the brawl. "Hey, do we have any popcorn left?"

"Yeah, but no sodas." Steve explained. "We should really get a soda machine."

"Next time, we get a soda machine!" Neal declared.

"Hey, Kris! Mimic!" Andi called out. "How about you speed into the nearest town and swipe us some sodas?"

* * *

Fred sniffed the air, trying to identify the buttery aroma wafting over from the other side of the field. "I smell popcorn." He said, taking a closer look at the truck. "They brought popcorn!"

"Why didn't we think of that?" Pietro yelled at the sky.

"Because we don't have a popcorn machine, Mr. Ambiguous." Lila retorted.

"No, John, we are not going out into the middle of that." Lance pointed a finger at the fight. "Let them have it out on their own!"

"Hey, Al! The tall chick just took out Virus with a tire iron!" Todd exclaimed.

"She has good taste." Althea grinned.

"Too bad we have no popcorn." Lance sighed.

"Yeah, but good thing we found this awesome soda machine." Paul pointed out, taking a sip of soda.

"I want popcorn." John pouted. "Hey, those Shadowhawk guys have popcorn!"

"Shado_watch_, John." Craig corrected.

"I give that knockout a 9.6!" Todd whooped happily. Althea nodded in agreement.

"Yep."

"Duck!" Jake called out as a wrench flew in their general direction. The group dodged it, and Jake turned around to shout at whoever threw it. "Hey, watch it! Audience here!"

"Sorry!" Burn-Out called back before returning his attention to the fight.

* * *

"Hey, they got soda!" Neal called out, pointing at the Misfits. An amused Kris looked up from where she was crouched. She was drawing on Virus's face with permanent marker.

"They do? Cool."

"I wonder where they got a soda machine…Duck!" Andi shouted as the group dodged a laser blast. "Hey! Watch where you're aiming! Audience here!" She shouted.

"Sorry!" Duke called as he fired another round at one of the Dreadnoks.

"Maybe they'll let us have some?" Mitch suggested hopefully.

* * *

Fred's entire face suddenly lit up, as if a light bulb of inspiration had switched on inside his brain. "That's it! I know how to get us popcorn!" He proclaimed, pulling out a cell phone. He began typing a text message while the group stared on.

"What are you doing?" Wanda asked.

"My brothers are on that team!" Fred beamed, not looking up from the phone screen. "I'm sure they'd let us have some of their popcorn if we gave them some of our soda!"

"Eeek!" Pietro shrieked. "You expect me to stay in the same area as that blond psycho? She tried to stab me!"

"She **did** stab you, but only after you tried to steal her dinner." Lance clarified.

"Hey, KNOCK IT OFF! We're having a conversation here!" Althea shouted, having dodged a laser beam.

"My bad!" Flint apologized. It was at that point that Ace made his way to the sidelines.

"Place your bets! Place your bets! Who's going to be the first to get knocked out? Make your wagers now, folks!"

* * *

Bryan perked up at the sound of his cell phone chirping at him. He pulled it out, and smiled when he read the display. "Awesome!"

"What's awesome?" Corona blinked.

"Freddy says if we share our popcorn with them, we can have some of their soda." Bryan grinned.

"Sweet!" Andi pumped her fist in the air. "Time to move, folks!"

"What about Vince?" Calvin reminded, pointing at the downed inventor. Drool escaped the insane British mutant's mouth, a large pulsing lump was on his head, and his face had doodles all over it.

"Bring him with us, I guess." Andi shrugged. "He won't be waking up for about half an hour anyway."

A stream of fire shot out from the brawl, narrowly missing Kristen. "TORCH!"

"Sorry!" The red-headed Dreadnok shouted in response.

* * *

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lance frowned in worry. "Corona won't leave me alone."

"I gotta deal with Vampirella over there!" Craig exclaimed. "How do you think I feel?"

"Either we meet up to have popcorn, or we get blasted." Althea shot him a look.

"...I don't wanna get blasted, yo." Todd said as a chicken sailed over the group. "What the-?"

"Who threw the chicken?" Duke yelled in complete surprise.

* * *

"Should we tie him up, too?" Calvin suggested.

"Yeah." Andi nodded. "And make sure he doesn't have anything on him. Little sleazeball always has something hidden on him."

"This is gonna be so cool!" Corona giggled excitedly.

"Yeah, this'll be fun! HEY!" Eventide shouted as a missile flew overhead.

"Whoops!" Thrasher called out, although he didn't sound too terribly upset or apologetic about it.

* * *

"Now, they can't be _that_ bad…" Paul tried to reason with his two band-mates.

"I want the popcorn!" John cried out.

"Then it's settled." Althea nodded. "We'll let them come over here and we'll all watch the fight together. Let 'em know, Fred."

Craig narrowly ducked under a shoe. "Where did that come from?"

"Doesn't anyone find this weird?" Lina frowned. "Us watching a fight with them?"

"Not really." Lance dodged a race car wheel. "This is us you're talking about."

* * *

Andi swung a rather large knife in the air. "Fire that missile OUR way again, and you'll be six feet under, Thrasher!"

"Who the heck let him have missiles anyway?" Mitch scratched the back of his head. "I thought Zartan said he couldn't have any more after he blasted that hole in the garage?"

"I don't care! I just want some soda!" Bryan shouted.

"Forget soda!" Regan snorted. "My Starchild awaits!"

"He probably stole them." Neal pointed out.

"AUGH! MY FACE!" Thrasher could be heard shouting.

"Man, this fight is getting fun! USE THE HEADLOCK!" Steve exclaimed as he ducked under a wooden plank. "Man, they're using everything out there!"

"Ten bucks says someone dodges a kitchen sink." Cal smirked as Bryan's phone chirped again.

"It's cool!" He waved the phone in the air. "Let's go watch the fight!"

* * *

"It's no stranger than us dodging rubber chickens while watching the fight." Todd pointed out. Lina sighed.

"You have a point."

"They're on their way!" Fred announced cheerfully.

"You think we'll need lawn chairs for this?" Angelica asked while Pietro dodged a stuffed animal.

"Where did THAT come from?" The speedster yelped.

* * *

"Everybody back in!" Bryan called out. "We're drivin' over to the drink bar!"

"Serves you right, asshole!" Andi yelled at Thrasher, enjoying seeing the sociopathic Dreadnok get his.

"I would take you up on that bet, Calvin, but I don't want to lose money." Neal stated, shaking his head.

Regan ducked to avoid a flying headlight. "Man, they're really going all out over this…"

"Yeah, and Mainframe's getting pretty beat up." Kris shook her head, noticing the screaming Joe, who was being literally tossed all over the place. "Zarana is gonna be pissed."

* * *

The Misfits watched in anticipation as the green and black truck drove up to where they were gathered.

"Here they come." Lina announced as Paul looked around.

"Where did Craig go? And Lance?" The purple-wearing mutant asked as the truck came to a stop. Andi's head peeked out from over the top of the truck bed.

"Hey, we got popcorn! Yipe!" she ducked back down to dodge a brick. "What the-?"

_**KABOOM!**_

"MY OFFICE!" Hawk roared in the background.

"That's great. We got soda." Althea jerked her thumb in the direction of the soda machine. "Unless somebody smashes into the machine."

"Wow." Fred looked over the truck in awe. "Bryan, this is an awesome truck." His younger sibling grinned proudly.

"Thanks! Got it as a gift."

"I'd love a truck like this." Fred sighed dreamily, longing in his eyes.

"You're too fat for a cargo plane, much less a truck." Pietro snorted, before having to zip out of the way of an engine. "Wow."

"MY BIKE!" Zartan cried out.

"Uh oh." Calvin winced. "This is getting really ugly."

Fred, Bryan, and Mitch looked at each other for a moment, and then turned to Pietro.

"Meep!" the silver-haired speedster squeaked in fright, noticing the angry looks on their faces.

"Get'im!" Mitch shouted. Soon, the three Dukes boys were in hot pursuit of the fleet-footed Misfit.

"You had to bring him, huh?" Althea asked, pointing at an dazed and bound Virus, who was tossed unceremoniously on the ground. Andi shrugged.

"He's knocked silly. He'll be fine."

"A cup of sugar please, Postman Pat…" Virus moaned. Meanwhile, Mainframe ran up to where the group was standing.

"Can I hide here?" He begged.

"MAINFRAME, GET BACK HERE!" Hawk bellowed.

"JOE, GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SKIN YOU-OW!" Zartan yelped. "_**ZARANA!**_"

"I am the walrus…" Virus mumbled, before being clonked by a horseshoe.

Steve glanced around at his remaining teammates, making it a point to ignore the Misfits. "Didn't I say this was a bad idea?"

"Good luck convincing him about that when he's pissed." Andi pointed out, looking over at the fight. Todd looked at the now unconscious Virus and shook his head.

"Man, you really did a number on him…"

"Pfeh." Althea gave Virus a kick in the ribs.

"I am Batman..." Virus mumbled.

"Uh, I don't think they're going to let you stay here, Mainframe…" Lina told the Joe uncertainly.

"Eeek!" Regan squealed, taking cover behind Paul to dodge yet another flying piece of vehicular debris.

"Where's Darkstar?" Kristen asked, looking around for the missing bass guitarist.

"Man, Craig really has a knack for that vanishing ninja thing." Angelica remarked.

"Forget that! How did Zarana get here?" Mimic asked. "We left her with Ren and Zanya back at the base!"

"Help ME!" Pietro cried out as the Dukes boys caught him. "HOW'D THEY CATCH ME?" His sister looked over at him a moment, before turning away.

"Eh. You need the exercise anyway."

"Oh yeah, this was definitely a bad idea." Andi winced.

"Told ya!" Steve shouted, dodging an exhaust pipe.

"Mainframe, this is all your fault!" Althea frowned at the computer specialist.

"WHERE IS THAT JOE?" Zartan demanded.

"You better run, dude." Paul advised.

"Eep!" The computer specialist yelped, taking cover behind a nearby tent as Lance tentatively peeked out from behind his rock.

"Are they gone?" He asked, then groaned when he spied Corona and Kristen. "Ah, crap."

"Actually, if you wanna get technical, it's only _half_ Mainframe's fault." Neal pointed out.

"Maybe, but you won't catch me telling Zarana that!" Andi exclaimed. "Where did she come from, anyway? I don't see her bike anywhere. Or anyone else's from that group."

"WHERE IS HE?" Hawk demanded. "WHERE DID THAT COWARD GO?"

"DON'T YOU CALL HIM THAT!" Zarana shouted, swinging a baseball bat at Hawk.

"Ow!" Buzzer cried out, having been whacked by said bat instead. "My nose! My beautiful, beautiful nose!"

"PUT THAT THING DOWN!" Zartan exclaimed.

"Avalanche!" Corona gasped, running up to hug the earth-moving mutant. It was then that a cell phone began to ring. Andi looked down at her pocket and, seeing that it was hers, answered it.

"Hello?"

"Uh, hi Atlantis." Heart-Wrencher answered nervously. "Have you seen Zarana around?"

"She's supposed to be back at the base with you!"

"I know, but she's vanished! And Virus's teleporter unit is gone too!"

"That would explain why she's here on the rampage." Andi sighed. "Next time keep a closer eye on her!"

Lance sighed, glancing forlornly down at Corona. "I hope Kitty never sees this." Mimic, unable to resist such prime blackmail, pulled out a video camera and started filming. The earth-mover shot the blond boy a very dark look.

"So…" Neal raised a confused eyebrow as Andi hung up the phone "She stole Virus's teleporter thingy to come all the way here and beat up everyone?" The young shapeshifter let out a sigh.

"Pretty much." She glanced worriedly out at the fight. "Damn, we need to get her to calm down!" she stepped out of the way of a flying saddle. "This is insane."

"She's causing a lot of damage…" A blinking Lina observed, noticing a chess set fly by.

"I think she just took out Beach Head!" Paul winced.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Andi rolled her eyes as Virus started mumbling in his sleep.

"Goats are eating my computer…"

"Maybe if we send everyone else back to their bases and let Mainframe and Zarana talk…" Lina suggested. Althea shot the winged mutant an 'are-you-crazy' look.

"Problem number one: I'm not going out there!" She pointed out. "And problem number two: That's how we got into this mess in the first place!"

"I can have you killed, Blondie." Lance glared at Calvin.

"Incoming!" Paul warned before ducking out of the way of a flying Beach Head. "Whoa!"

"Damn!" Andi whistled.

"Wow, she can really throw!" Fred blinked.

"She oughta try out for the Olympics!" Mitch grinned excitedly.

"I'm standing right here, you know." Mainframe spoke up. Andi shot him a cold glare.

"You helped cause this mess, and now you're gonna fix it, techie!"

"The robot oiled the horse…" Vince muttered.

"In your dreams, man!" Calvin scoffed, waving off Lance's threat. "Do you realize who we work for? Besides, this is an internet sensation, I just know it!"

"Oh, come on!" Mainframe whined. "I don't wanna go out there!"

"Let me explain something to you…Mimic, right?" Lance asked. The blond boy nodded an affirmative. "If Kitty sees this video, she'll kick my ass."

"As if she **could** kick your ass." Corona harrumphed. Lance ignored her comment completely and continued on.

"Tough luck!" Althea called out to Mainframe, unaware of Mimic and Avalanche's threat exchange.

"And if she kicks _my_ ass…" An evil grin spread across the geokinetic's face. "I'll hunt you down and kick _your_ ass." Lance jabbed Calvin's chest with his finger, punctuating his threat. "Am I getting through to you?" Mimic blinked.

"You really would, wouldn't you?" Lance nodded.

"Yup."

"I'd pay to see that!" Steve grinned.

"Yeah, but if he gets hurt, 'Rana's gonna be really mad." Kris put in, still looking around. "Where'd Darkstar go?"

Regan peeked out from behind Paul's shoulder. "We really need to get her out of the line of fire before she gets hurt."

"How do you plan to do that?" Andi put her hands on her hips. "We can't just drag her off while she's got a teleporter on! She'd just jump right back in the middle of it!"

"Steve, I don't think we'll have to pay." Neal pointed out. "Avalanche would probably let us watch the show for free!"

"Just so long as someone films it…" Lila smirked.

"Well, we do have two speedsters." Jake thought. "One can swipe the watch and the other can run her to the sidelines. Lifeline will probably want to look her over anyway."

"Just make sure whoever runs her back here takes a barf bucket with them." Bryan warned with a solemn nod. Craig's head tentatively poked out from behind a jeep.

"Are they gone?" He asked, only to look right into the face of a grinning Eventide. "Ah, crap…"

"Oh, and they should take these too." Mitch added to his brother's comment, holding up a pair of hard hats.

"You kidding me?" Andi looked back at Lila. "We _always_ carry a video camera with us!"

"That, and a roll of duct tape." Bryan nodded. "Never know when you're gonna need it!"

"Okay, so who's taking the watch and who's running Zarana back?" Althea asked as Lance looked thoughtfully at Leathersuit and Thunderbird.

"That can be arranged…"

"I can do both!" Pietro bragged. "I'm just that fast."

"Hello, hot stuff!" Kris smirked, grabbing onto a visibly disturbed Craig in a tight hug.

"Help me…" Craig whimpered while Wanda let out a feral growl.

"You may be fast, but is your uniform machine-washable?" Neal countered. "I get the feeling there might be some splatter…"

"Oh, I didn't even think of that." Althea realized with a frown. "I guess she's got the whole nausea thing pretty bad, then?"

"Just be thankful you don't share a bathroom with her." Regan stated.

"Hey, bat-breath!" Andi lobbed a piece of debris at Kristen's head. "Get your ass over here! We got stuff to plan!"

"Oh, hell no!" Pietro protested. "I'm not having her puke on this outfit! Do you have any idea how good this outfit makes me look? DO YOU?"

"Big surprise." Jake rolled his eyes.

"You are such a baby!" Lila shouted. "You have ten of the bloody things! Just throw it in the washer!"

"It's not my fault that I've been blessed with the looks of a Greek god!" Pietro harrumphed, folding his arms across his chest and sticking his nose high into the air.

"Unbelievable." Todd groaned.

"Aww…" Kris pouted, floating over to where Andi was standing.

"Thank God…" Craig sighed in relief, wiping some sweat from his brow.

"Yeah, that's right! You get back there!" Wanda shouted at Kristen's back. The dhampir quickly stuck out her tongue at the hex-caster.

"Oh, quit being such a wuss!" Regan glared at Pietro. "It's not like she can help it!"

"Butt out, Blondie!" He glared right back. "You can't make me do anything!"

That was the wrong thing to say. Regan looked hopefully over at Andi and Althea, silently begging to be allowed to do what she so desperately wanted to do right now.

"Be my guest!" Althea smiled.

"Oh, this oughta be good." Andi smirked. "I take it you guys don't keep your blockers on 24/7 either?"

"Not at home, we don't." The dark-haired girl shrugged. "No telepaths here but Trinity, and if they wanna get in your head, you know about it."

"Awesome!" Regan grinned, her eyes flashing a bright bluish-white. "Kris, go get that watch. I'll make sure Narcissus here takes care of 'Rana." As she spoke, Pietro's eyes also turned bluish-white, and he stood uncharacteristically still…

**What is Regan going to do to Quicksilver? Can the two teams really learn to like each other just by watching the adults fight? Will someone actually dodge a kitchen sink? Find out in the next installment of Mama Zarana! **


	5. Fighting Is a Spectator Sport

**Disclaimer:**** The disclaimer stating that I own next to nothing in this work of fanfiction was snatched up by Pyro, who will probably either burn it or turn it into new book material. **

**Mama Zarana**

**5. Fighting Is a Spectator Sport**

_Last time…_

"_Oh, quit being such a wuss!" Regan glared at Pietro. "It's not like she can help it!"_

"_Butt out, Blondie!" He glared right back. "You can't make me do anything!"_

_That was the wrong thing to say. _

"_Kris, go get that watch. I'll make sure Narcissus here takes care of 'Rana." As Regan spoke, Pietro's eyes also turned bluish-white, and he stood uncharacteristically still…_

"Okay!" Kris chirped happily, zipping off toward Zarana. Pietro hesitated a few moments, a dazed expression on his face, before taking off after Kristen.

"For the love of all things Holy, **never** teach Trinity that trick!" Althea gaped. She didn't need her sisters trying to do that to other people!

"Hey, can you make him do a silly dance?" Wanda asked Regan hopefully. "I'm looking for more stupid Pietro tricks to send to Letterman."

"Don't you mean 'Stupid Pet Tricks'?" Todd asked. Wanda shifted her eyes nervously.

"Uh…yeah…"

"If you pay me enough, I'll even have him wear an embarrassing costume." Regan told the probability manipulator.

"Let's see..." Wanda pulled out her purse and started counting money.

"I think seeing his face when he comes out of that trance is going to be good enough!" Mitch beamed delightfully as Mimic pulled the camcorder out again. "This is so totally going on the website!"

"Well, don't get 'Rana in that video!" Corona warned. "I don't want her to beat _us_ up with that bat!" She folded her arms as Kristen sped back to her team.

"That was fun!" The petite dhampire grinned, handing the teleportation device to Andi. "I think Ren's gonna want that back…" she trailed off into a fit of giggles as Pietro silently returned with a struggling Zarana. His shirtfront (and part of hers) was covered in vomit.

"Put me down, you silver-scalped twit!" Zarana demanded, trying to wriggle free of the hold he had her in, but looking much too weak to try standing on her own.

"Yeesh, Rana, calm down!" Regan sighed as Mainframe ran up to his girlfriend. "We're trying to help you out, here!" She mentally ordered Pietro to set Zarana on her own feet as soon as Mainframe was close enough to keep her from falling over.

"Are you okay?" The Joe computer specialist asked worriedly, letting her lean against him for support while Pietro started to come back to his senses.

"I suppose he means aside from her needing a serious change of clothes and some mouthwash…" Kristen wrinkled her nose in disgust. It was one of those times where having an enhanced sense of smell felt more like a curse than a gift.

Andi gave her a swift whack upside the head. "Be nice!" Regan released her mental hold on Pietro. The speedster blinked a couple times to get the cobwebs out of his head.

"Wha? What happened? What's that smell?" Pietro made a face, then looked down. The silver-haired mutant screamed in horror. "Eww! Gross! Gross! Gross! How did that get there?"

"Your karma happened, Mr. Ambiguous." Lila smirked, enjoying the show. A filming Mimic laughed at Lila's little joke.

"Uhg." Zarana moaned, looking ready to pass out. She rested her head against Mainframe's shoulder, trying to avoid any more sudden motions (or any motion, for that matter). "My stomach…"

"Yuck! Ew! Gross!" Pietro continued to throw a fit. "I need ten showers just to get rid of the smell!"

"Oh. Did I forget to have you take the bucket with you?" Regan asked innocently. "My mistake!"

"Okay, she's scary good at this." Althea admitted, casting the Italian teen a wary look. Wanda chuckled.

"This is just priceless!" The hex-caster laughed.

"You have no idea." Mimic shook his head. "Hey, where'd insect girl run off to?"

"To get Lifeline, I think…" Fred answered.

"Smart move." Andi glanced worriedly over at Zarana. "She looks miserable right now."

"Ohhhh..." Zarana moaned, leaning closer to Mainframe.

"Do you need to sit down?" Mainframe asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "Hey! You kids got any lawn chairs?"

"No…" Bryan responded "...but we do have a tailgate and a truck bed."

"Get it off! Get it off!" Pietro was now using a napkin to try to wipe off his uniform.

"Okay, let's load her gently…" Mitch sighed, getting ready to help lift Zarana up into the back of the truck.

"Ya want some popcorn, 'Rana?" Steve asked, obliviously munching on a handful of it himself.

"Does it **look** like I want popcorn, Leathersuit?" She glared.

"Forgive him, Zarana." Cal smirked smugly at Steve. "He isn't known for his intellect."

"I got a PhD in kicking your ass, punk!" Steve growled.

"Not in my truck!" Bryan shouted as Lina returned with Lifeline.

"I got Lifeline and lawn chairs!" She announced, ducking under a wheel.

"MY THUNDER MACHINE!" Thrasher lamented.

"Ha ha! You suck, Thrasher!" Andi shouted out to the now-enraged Dreadnok, before doing an about-face and turning a death glare on Steve and Calvin. "And both of you idiots better shut the &$# up before I pound you myself! We do NOT have time for your bickering!"

Todd gulped. "Y'know, I think I see the family resemblance now…"

"What the _hell_ were you thinking?" Lifeline exclaimed. "Do you realize how _dangerous _that stunt you just pulled was? Either of you could have been hurt or worse!"

"Was I supposed to just let them come up here and kill him? Ow." Zarana yelled, then winced at the volume of her own voice. "Damn…" Where had this headache come from? Maybe it had something to do with being unceremoniously rushed away from the fight? Either that or she was starting to get de-hydrated… she really hoped it was the impromptu trip on the Quicksilver express!

"I appreciate the concern and all," Mainframe sighed, "but next time have somebody else do it! You're not in any shape to be doing things like that."

"Wow." Wanda blinked. "They actually got Lifeline to swear."

Steve and Calvin gulped in unison, neither taking their eyes off Andi. "Yes, ma'am."

"Impressive." Althea nodded.

"Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet!" Bryan chuckled. "Just wait until she gets really mad."

"Please no." Neal whimpered. "She's scary when she's that angry!"

"Are there any cushions in your truck?" Lifeline asked Bryan as Lina finished setting up the two lawn chairs. The green-eyed boy shook his head.

"No. No cushions. We didn't even pack chairs on this trip."

"I'll get 'em." Pietro sighed. "I need to change my uniform anyway. Dear God…" He glared at Zarana. "The Dreadnoks are getting my dry cleaning bill!" He proclaimed before speeding off.

"Dry clean my eye." Jake snorted, then ducked as a horse flew by. "What in the-!"

Duke paused his shooting just long enough to ask "Where did THAT come from?"

"Oops." Shipwreck winced.

Mainframe shook his head. It would be just like Shipwreck to do something that crazy. He glanced down in time to hear Zarana mumble something, but he couldn't make out what. "What is it?" He asked.

"Wan'wader…water!" The pink-haired woman corrected her own slurred speech. Dammit, where had her brain wandered off to today?

"Hey, can we borrow her for a few days?" Wanda jerked her thumb back at Regan.

"Why?" Craig asked. "The X-Girls will kill you for it!"

"She's one of the few people I've ever met who can torture my brother as effectively as I can!" Wanda defended herself. "Maybe even better…"

Andi glanced over at the soda dispenser. "Got a water dispenser on that thing? Or Ginger ale? Either one would work."

"Uh, no. We don't. Sorry." Paul sighed as a person went sailing over the group and slid to a stop.

"WAAAAAAA OOF!" Heart-Wrencher landed with a thud, narrowly missing the front of the truck. She slowly stumbled to her feet. "Ohhhhhh EEK!" She then had to dodge her own wrench. "What the hell just happened?"

"Wow. Now you guys are throwing each other!" Fred shouted in amusement.

"I don't recognize her." Todd looked at Mitch. "Is she a new Dreadnok?"

"That's Heart-Wrencher, froggy." Mitch explained. "She's one of the Chicago guys. She got the name from that big wrench of hers."

"I bet Hawk wishes he could throw Mainframe at them." Lance chuckled as Ripper glanced over at 'Ren nervously.

"Whoops…"

"I guess Ren came to get 'Rana and got dragged into the fight." Corona blinked.

"I think Ripper's a dead man." Bryan winced as Ren collected her wrench and charged back into the fray.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT ONE, BUSTER!" She shouted, chasing Ripper around and swinging her rather large wrench at his head.

Pietro then returned with some cushions, a shocked expression on his face. "You wanna WHAT?" he asked his sister.

"This just isn't your night, is it?" Lila asked.

"It isn't his life." Fred quipped.

"Ho ho, lookit her go!" Steve cheered as Ripper tried to evade Ren's wrench.

"Help me!" He cried out, ducking under and around Joes and Dreadnoks alike in an attempt to escape her. "Somebody help me! OW WRENCHES HURT!"

"GOOD!" Ren shouted at him.

"I just made a new friend." Wanda grinned. "I want her to stay with us for a while."

"Yay!" Regan cheered. "I get to sleep in the same house as Starchild!"

"Oh, God…" Andi groaned.

"Hey! You can't just decide that!" Kris protested. "You gotta ask 'Rana first! She's our handler, remember?"

"Kris, I don't think she's gonna be up to leaving for a few hours." Bryan pointed out.

"Water…" Zarana muttered.

"You know, she's got pretty good form." Jake analyzed with an inclined head, watching Ren chase Ripper around. "Coulda been a good wrestler."

"OW! OW! NO! NOT THERE!"

"COME BACK AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!"

"Sorry, Wanda." Althea winced. "I don't think the Joes will allow it. Especially not now."

"Awww…" Wanda moaned in disappointment while Regan pouted.

"However," Althea smirked, "I don't think they ever said anything about exchanging emails…" Wanda and Regan smiled at each other.

"That's a nice take-down right there." Jake nodded. Steve grinned like a madman.

"Ooh, and lookit that spinebuster! Would do ol' Double A proud!"

"Not the face! NOT THE FACE!"

"Fine by me!" *crack*

Ripper's voice suddenly got much higher. "AIEEEEE! NOT THERE EITHER! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"She's Dreadnok material, alright." Lance shook his head.

"Actually, she's quite nice when she's not beating things with that wrench." Bryan pointed out.

"Will you kids stop trading emails and hunt down a few water bottles?" Lifeline asked.

"Didn't I ask that about two minutes ago?" Andi remembered with a frown.

"Maybe we should move her into the Med bay?" Lina suggested, dodging a javelin in the process.

"HEY! KNOCK IT OFF!" Lifeline shouted at the group of brawling adults. "I'M DEALING WITH A PATIENT, HERE!"

"Sorry!" Lady Jaye apologized. Lifeline sighed.

"Ordinarily, I would agree with you, Lina, but right now, I'm a bit worried that moving her might do more harm than good." He frowned in concern. "Besides, the medical bay is hardly safe right now. They've already blasted two holes in the wall."

"Wow." Jake blinked. "Just, wow. That was a little wrong." He winced at the havoc Heart-Wrencher continued to cause. "Where did you guys find her, again?"

"She was one of the mechanics in Burn-Out's shop." Corona answered.

"You mean she actually works in a shop?" Jake gasped, his blue eyes wide. "With _power tools?_"

"YOU THREW ME INTO A TRUCK!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! OW! MOMMY!"

Virus stuck his head up just in time to be knocked out by a horseshoe. "Shiny lights…" His head fell back down to the ground.

"Uh, I got some water." Kris held up a pair of water bottles.

"Why the hell didn't you speak up sooner?" Andi glared at her.

"Nobody said anything." Kristen blinked in confusion.

Sigh. "I think we've been around the Dreadnoks too long." Andi muttered.

"She actually is very good with power tools." Corona stated as the sound of a power drill revved up.

"NO! What're you gonna do with that drill?" Ripper squeaked as Ren cackled like a maniac.

"See?" Corona gestured to the fight, either completely oblivious of or completely enjoying Jake Wildfire's wide-eyed expression of shock.

"No, Andi. I think it's more that Kris doesn't tend to hear anything else when Darkstar is in her line of sight." Regan corrected.

"Thank you!" Mainframe said, taking a water bottle from Kristen. The half-breed didn't seem to notice, as she was staring at Craig with puppy dog eyes.

"Darkstar…"

"Grr…" Wanda glared.

"Okay, that's wrong even by our standards…" Steve winced as Ren continued to chase Ripper around the battlefield, hitting Joes and Dreadnoks alike while in pursuit. Corona shrugged.

"His own fault. He should look before he starts throwing people."

"Okay, maybe she shouldn't be a wrestler…" Jake amended his earlier assessment.

"I think I have some stakes to sharpen…" Wanda grumbled, turning away from the group. Maybe if she threatened the evil vampire pixie with a stake through the heart, the gothic menace would leave Craig alone?

"Yeah, I don't think anyone's going to want her near a ring, especially when she's carrying that wrench." Corona concurred.

"AIEE! WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME?"

Andi shot Wanda a cold glare. "You stab her, and there will be a whole new world of pain for you to experience."

"Thanks." Zarana smiled weakly as Mainframe handed her the water bottle.

"Now don't go drinking all of that right away." Lifeline chided her as she opened the lid of the bottle. "You'll only wind up making yourself sick again."

"I don't think Ripper realizes there's a whole other fight going on." Bryan blinked.

"I think Heart-Wrencher just took out Falcon…" Jake winced. Althea sighed.

"Wanda, no stabbing the dhampire."

"Nyeah!" Kristen stuck her tongue out.

"I can still beat the snot out of you, Morticia!" Wanda called out, waving a fist at the dhampir. Althea offered Andi an apologetic look as Falcon sailed into the group.

"What just happened?" He wondered, trying to get to his feet.

"My bad!" Heart-Wrencher called out. "Was aiming for Ripper!"

"MY BUTT!"

"Go ahead and try it, Wendy!" Kris taunted. Andi shrugged. It wasn't as if she could do much to separate the two.

"Hey, why aren't you out there?" Falcon asked, looking around at the kids. "We could use your help!"

"I said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not getting paid nearly enough to jump into that mess!" Andi pointed out at the brawl.

"Wait a minute!" Todd perked up. "You get _paid_?"

"Yup!" She nodded.

"They're mercs, Toad. Of course they get paid." Lance rolled his eyes as Ripper ran past the group.

"Somebody help me ARGH!" The Dreadnok screamed as Heart-Wrencher tackled him.

"Man, we should get paid for this!" Toad groaned.

"You just _had_ to see her again, didn't you?" Falcon glared at Mainframe. The computer specialist rose to his feet and marched up to Falcon.

"You wanna make something out of it?"

"No!" Lifeline interrupted, leaping to his feet and pointing at the two Joes. "Both of you settle down and act like adults! This has gotten way out of hand!"

"Mm…water…" Zarana smiled dreamily, enjoying the cold refreshment.

"Take it easy, Zarana." The medic advised. "You're in a delicate state right now."

Torch, having been close (and distracted) enough to overhear, turned around. "Delicate my arse! She tried to chuck an engine at us!" A random bicycle flew by and whacked him in the head. "OW!"

"This fight is strange!" Xi observed, appearing out of thin air.

"WAH!" Pietro screamed like a schoolgirl. He glared at the Cobra-created mutate. "Xi, don't DO that!"

Zarana let out a low growl, glaring at Torch. "Don't think I still can't kick your ass!" She called out, attempting to push herself out of the chair.

"Don't let her get out of that chair!" Lifeline ordered.

"It's a fight with the Dreadnoks, man." Bryan shook his head at Xi's commentary. "Stuff like this happens all the time at our place."

"Especially if the TV remote is involved." Andi added.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Zarana glared at Lifeline. Mainframe turned back to face her in an attempt to calm her down.

"Take it easy." He held his hands up to show no harm. "He just wants to make sure you get through this alright."

"It gets really weird when Road Pig jumps into the argument." Mitch chuckled. "He argues with himself over what to watch!"

"I can stand up just fine on my own." Zarana growled, trying to stand upright…and then promptly falling back into the chair, holding her head. "Okay, maybe not…"

"Hawk's not going to be very happy about this." Lifeline sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I don't think he can get any more 'not happy' than he is right now!" Falcon stated.

"He will when I tell him she's staying here for the evening." The medic explained.

Lance shot Shadowatch a skeptical look. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, we got it on film!" Mitch grinned.

"Aw, man." Mainframe groaned. "He nearly threw me out the window when I told him about Zarana being pregnant! I KNOW he's gonna kill me when he hears this! He'll probably come at me with a chainsaw or something!"

"And I thought our fights were weird…" Lance shook his head while Todd cocked his to the side.

"What's it look like to see someone arguing with _themselves_ over the remote?"

"I got the video right here!" Bryan said, pulling out a smart phone an pressing a few buttons.

"Lifeline, you can't be serious…"

"Don't tell me how to do my job, Falcon!"

"She's not even your patient!"

"She is now!"

"Hey!" Zarana exclaimed. "I'm still here, you know!"

"Oh, that's hilarious!" Todd laughed as he, Lance, Lila, and Xi crowded around the small phone screen to watch the video.

"I don't know who to root for!" Lance laughed along as well. Xi merely blinked in confusion.

"I do not understand. Why is he doing that?"

"He's got multiple personalities." Mitch told him. The serpentine mutant blinked.

"Is that what Pyro has?"

"No, Pyro has plain ol' scrambled brains." Lila shook her head.

"Falcon, knock it off!" Mainframe warned.

"I'm not the one who knocked up a Dreadnok!"

"At least I don't chase floozies like Shipwreck!"

"_I'm still right here!_" A very annoyed Zarana called out.

"Relax, Zarana." Lifeline tried to keep her from getting any more worked up over the whole mess. "Try not to get stressed. It's not healthy for the baby."

"But how is that different?" Xi asked Lila. The inter-stellar teleporter sighed.

"Why do I even bother?"

"Xi, think of this as something similar to Lance yelling at that coyote." Todd told him as Lance bristled.

Blink. "Coyote?" Mitch asked.

"Are you calling Jinx a floozy?" Falcon challenged.

"No, I'm calling YOU an idiot!" Mainframe fired back. "Everyone knew she wasn't interested…everyone except you!"

"And how do you expect me to do that with this bunch?" Zarana grumbled.

"Now, boys, don't make me have to separate you two!" Bree ordered as she walked up.

"I don't like to talk about him." Lance muttered, crossing his arms petulantly.

"What coyote?" Corona asked.

"Lance's imaginary friend." Pietro teased, earning a glare from his older teammate.

_WHAP!_

"Ow!" Pietro yelped in response to Lance smacking him upside the head.

"You have an imaginary friend, Lance?" Corona blinked, completely shocked by that piece of news. It just didn't fit with Lance's rocker-boy persona.

"He's NOT my imaginary friend!" Lance stated. "He's the bane of my existence!"

"Lance has written about fifty songs about him." Paul informed those unaware of the circumstances. "One had mostly 'F'-words in it."

"Really?" Falcon blinked at Mainframe.

"You mean you didn't notice the times she stared at Wolverine's butt?" Mainframe asked in disbelief. "Or the times we caught them making out? Or the time we caught them in the back of that tank…"

"I GET IT! I GET IT!" Falcon threw his hands up in the air, admitting defeat for the sake of getting off that conversational topic.

"About damn time." Mainframe grumbled.

"He's gotta be better than Andi's voices." Regan pointed out. "Although since they put her on that medication, those are pretty much gone… along with the headaches."

"One of the _very_ few benefits of being on the same team as that gene-bending psycho." Andi frowned.

"The other one being very good dental coverage." Bryan nodded.

"Good!" Lifeline shot Falcon an angry look. "Then you can stop upsetting my patient!"

"Oh great, now he's in on it!" Zarana threw her hands in the air.

"He's not ignoring you on purpose." Bree smiled, walking over to where the female Dreadnok was sitting. "I'm sure he'll get back to talking to you as soon as he's done with Falcon."

"I heard voices, too." John nodded. "I also had a clown that kept telling me to kill the President. I told him to do his own bloody dirty work."

"For God's sake…" Lance groaned.

"Oh yeah!" Mitch grinned widely, showing an array of bright-white, perfectly straight teeth.

Lila put on a pair of sunglasses to protect her eyes from the glare. "Shiny."

"Sorry about that, Zarana." The medic apologized, shooting a final leer in Falcon's direction before turning his attention back to her.

"See?" Bree grinned.

"Uh…pretty sure your voices are crazier than mine were…and that's really saying something!" Andi said slowly.

"Yeah, but you weren't crazy to start with either." Bryan pointed out.

"Good lord…" Craig used his hands to protect his eyes. "Who the hell do you go see to get your teeth that white?"

"Hey." Mainframe said, pulling a chair up next to Zarana. "You feeling any better?"

"Not really." She groaned. "Am I supposed to be this miserable, or does the universe just hate me right now?"

"Very true." Andi nodded in agreement with her teammate's comment.

"New toothpaste!" Mitch smiled. "Really does what it says on the box!"

"It's just the hormones, 'Rana." Bree smiled sympathetically.

"Man, I need some toothpaste like that…" Todd commented.

"No joke!" Pietro nodded in agreement.

"Just my f'n luck…" Zarana grumbled. Mainframe wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"Hey, don't worry about it." He told her. "You've done more than enough of that already today."

"I think they have tired themselves out now." Xi, who had still been watching the fight, commented. "What were they fighting over anyway?" He looked back at the other teens and, for the first time, noticed Zarana's presence. "Why is she here?"

"I think that might be some kind of super-paste…" Fred pointed out.

"Zarana is here because she's pregnant." Regan explained. "And one of your Joe friends caused it!" She pointed a finger at Mainframe.

Xi tilted his head in confusion. "Why?"

"I think it's an anti-Cobra plot…" John stated with a wide grin.

"Blaine," Zarana looked the gray-clad man in the eyes, pointing at the insane Australian, "please tell me he is not really that stupid."

"He's the craziest, actually." The computer specialist winced. "His brain is mis-wired ten ways 'til Sunday."

"...He's not babysitting." She told him bluntly.

"It wouldn't surprise me if it was." Mitch admitted to his older brother. "Mindbender's pretty adamant about good dental hygiene. I think he originally developed the stuff so he wouldn't have to see the Dreadnoks so often."

"Really?" Todd blinked. "Why is he so focused on dental health? Seems a little odd for a mad scientist, yo."

"Well, we can safely say we don't want Thrasher, Buzzer, Ripper, Road Pig, Monkeywrench, OR Torch babysitting." Regan told Zarana.

"I thought that was a given?" Andi raised an eyebrow.

"How very strange…" Xi trailed off.

"Uh oh." Lina gulped, looking out at the dwindling fight. "I think they just realized Mainframe's over here with us…"

"And it only took them…" Craig quickly glanced at the clock display on his cell phone, "twenty minutes to figure it out."

"Yeah, I think Ren whacking everyone with that wrench in pursuit of Ripper kept them pretty well distracted." Corona tilted her head.

"I'm beginning to think that Mindbender may have once been a dentist." Paul stated in thought.

"_You'll be a dentist..._" John sang.

"Help me!" Ripper cried out.

"Yeah, that's the conclusion we came to." Bryan nodded. "We never could get a hold of his file to find out for sure, though. He likes to hide things like that from the general public."

"Well, if you wanted to pick somebody sane for the job, you came to the wrong place." Mainframe told his girlfriend. "Although Bree or Lady Jaye might do it…"

"You ask Shipwreck and I will beat you senseless." She glared at him. She wasn't sure which would be the worse influence, the Dreadnoks or Shipwreck! Although, all of the above were safer (and saner) than Pyro...


	6. Decisions, Decisions

**Disclaimer:**** One of these days, I'm going to find these mysterious cliff-jumping people my mother always warned me about...**

**M****ama Zarana**

**6. Decisions, Decisi****ons**

"MAINFRAME!" An enraged Hawk roared, spotting Mainframe on the sidelines and making a bee line for the computer specialist.

"And you want to make him even **angrier**?" Falcon shot Lifeline a 'have-you-lost-your-mind?' look.

"I'm a doctor! I have a patient! She's priority!" Lifeline listed off to Falcon. "It can't be helped!"

"JOE!" Zartan shouted.

"Shut up and go away!" His sister yelled back tiredly.

Hawk stopped charging toward Mainframe and glared at Lifeline. "You better not be implying what I _think_ you are…"

"What the hell are you even _doing_ here?" Zartan asked his sister. "We left you back at the base!"

"She escaped." Corona shrugged.

"Will Zarana be staying with us?" Xi asked curiously.

"Yay! Sleepover!" Kris cheered as Zartan turned to glare at Shadowatch.

"You could have helped! And what do you mean, she escaped?"

"And be clobbered by Ren's wrench?" Andi protested, waving an arm at Heart-Wrencher. "I think not!"

"It's exactly how it sounds!" Regan exclaimed. "She took one of Virus's teleporter prototypes and teleported herself here!"

"Ren came to bring 'Rana back to base…" Corona added. "…it didn't work too well."

"WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME?" Ripper cried out.

"_Lifeline…_" Hawk growled, not liking where this was going.

"I'm sorry, but she'll probably be staying for a while longer." Lifeline told the general, staring right back at him.

"Define 'little while'." Hawk frowned.

"Hey! Ren! KNOCK IT OFF!" Burn-Out shouted at the female Dreadnok.

"Maybe until the baby comes to term." Lifeline winced, knowing full well that the answer would not be well-received by the irate general. His suspicions were proven correct, as Hawk's eyebrow started twitching.

"Uh oh..." Mainframe gulped.

"You guys're stuck with her!" Zartan laughed. "Hallelujah!"

"And don't you EVER throw me around again!" Heart-Wrencher gave a moaning Ripper a final kick. Virus stirred long enough to be hit by a gear, and was promptly unconscious again.

"Does that mean Kris and Reg are staying with her?" Bryan asked. "I mean, she is their mentor…"

"Dear God…" Craig visibly paled while Hawk continued twitching. Wanda clenched her fists angrily at the thought of the dhampire standing anywhere within fifteen feet of Craig Starr for nine months.

"Oh hell…" Althea muttered as the reality of the situation hit her.

"Don't you get too cocky about it!" Andi glared back at Zartan. "_You_ still have a wedding to pay for!"

"What wedding?" A surprised and confused Zartan blinked. "When did anyone decide to plan a wedding?"

"It's like watching Althea and Shipwreck." Xi blinked.

"Hawk, I _have_ to!" Lifeline explained. "Zarana's condition requires it!"

"I'm pregnant, not paralyzed!" A wide-eyed Zarana protested.

"When you started on the journey to unclehood, that's when!" Andi shouted back at him.

"Yup. I can definitely see the resemblance." Todd nodded to Xi as two more of the "missing" Dreadnoks teleported in.

"Tell me this is all some kind of nightmare." Cover Girl mumbled in a soft, unsure voice.

"It is, but none of us are sleeping." Flint groaned.

"This is _beyond_ low, Lifeline." Hawk stated.

"Hey! Do I even get a say in this?" Zarana piped up, not at all liking the thought of being stuck at the Pit for any length of time. As much as she loved being near Blaine, she wanted to be home, and this wasn't it.

"Not really." The medic answered.

"Oh hell, no!" Zartan stared back at his young charge. "No way am I going to…"

"This isn't up for a ****ing vote!" Andi roared back, leaping to her feet.

"Are they _always_ like this?" Lance asked the other members of Shadowatch. Bryan nodded.

"Yeah…although so far this is a fairly tame fight. If it gets really ugly, she'll start throwing things at him again."

"You should see some of Shipwreck and Cuddlebumps's fights." Todd shook his head, knowing how violent some of those could turn out. Althea blushed.

"Todd!" He said her pet-name…in front of everyone! How embarrassing!

"Aw, come on!" Zarana tried yet again to appeal Lifeline's verdict.

"It's best for the baby."

"Oh, this is going to cause some headaches." Lady Jaye sighed.

"The Joes should pay for this! One of them _caused_ this whole mess!" Zartan snapped.

"Oh, this ain't 'fightin'' for those two…yet." Bryan informed the amphibious mutant next to him. "This is just the warm-up."

"Five bucks says she pitches a brick at his head before this is over." Steve stated.

"Can't I just go back home and rest?" Zarana begged hopefully.

"You can't even stand up straight right now!" Lifeline pointed out.

"So?" She wasn't going to give up on trying to weasel out of this one. Did he honestly expect her to _volunteer_ to move into a base crawling with people who'd love nothing more than to either shoot her or lock her away?

"It don't work that way and you know it!" Andi shouted.

"And why not?" Zartan countered. "I think it's a great idea!"

"Oh, hell no!" Hawk protested.

It was at that point that a joyful Ace snuck up to the gathered audience. "Place your bets, folks!" The pilot said with a happy smile. This was the most wagering action he'd seen in a looong time!

"Hey, do you have any idea who bet on Mainframe in the 'Next Most Unlikely Parent' poll?" Shipwreck asked the resident pool-runner, much to Low Light's shock.

"There's a poll for that?"

"So, for the time being, you will need to stay here where you can be monitored." Lifeline replied, earning an audible groan from his newest patient. "Besides, the medical bay will have everything we need for just such a situation."

"There's nothing wrong with the kitchen table!" Torch put in.

Corona immediately leapt off the ground in protest. "Yes there is! We EAT on that!"

"Rona, stay out of it. Stay out of it!" Neal chanted, trying to keep his teammate from charging Torch.

"You Joes should pony up the cash for this wedding!" Zartan shouted.

"She's your relative, jackass!" Hawk protested.

"He's right." Jake remarked.

"He's your soldier!"

"_He's_ right." Calvin added.

"Forget a brick, looks like the whole wall's gonna be involved in this one." Bryan sighed as Craig handed off some money to Ace.

"Ya know what?" Jake looked at Calvin. "They're both right." Calvin nodded in agreement.

"Gimme ten bucks on kitchen appliances being used as weaponry." The Superstars' bassist told the pilot.

"I'll take that bet too." Calvin nodded, handing over some cash of his own.

"This is funny!" Monkeywrench laughed.

"Ren, I'm too far away…" Zarana sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"No problem!" Ren grinned, happily bopping Torch on the head with her wrench. Zarana smiled appreciatively.

"Thanks."

"You know," Mainframe leaned over and whispered in her ear, "they'll probably let us stay by ourselves. No idiots allowed."

"No idiots around…" Zarana smiled dreamily, "...sounds like Heaven."

"They never did explain what was happening to Kris and I…" Regan started.

"Well, Ren might take one of you, but not both." Corona surmised.

"And we can always send Kris off to live with 'Bella at that all-girls school for a few months." Neal pointed out.

Andi glared at both men, arms folded across her chest. "You two better knock it off and start acting like the grown men you are before I bang your &^$3% heads together!"

"I would love to see you try, princess!" Hawk challenged while his second in command winced.

"Uh oh…"

Zandar, meanwhile, shook his head and pulled out his wallet. "Put me down for her throwing BOTH of them into a wall." He wagered, handing over a wad of bills to Ace.

"She's not big enough to throw either one of them!" Pietro scoffed. She certainly didn't _look_ very strong when compared to those two. Despite being about six feet tall, she looked quite a bit like a toothpick when standing next to either of the two quarrelling men.

Bryan snorted in disagreement. "She threw Thrasher down the stairs pretty damn well last week."

"But seriously, Ace, who won that poll?" Shipwreck inquired, eager to see who'd been the big winner this time around.

"OW!" Torch shouted. "Why'd you hit ME? That was Monkeywrench's fault!"

"The kitchen table comment wasn't!" Heart-Wrencher countered.

"The Dreadnoks accept girls now?" Clutch blinked. He'd never seen a **female** in amongst all the bikers... at least, not one who wasn't a member of Zartan's family.

"Gloria Allred wanted to sue us." Zandar grumbled. "We told her that there was no 'no-girls' policy, just no women wanted to sign up! Ren's the first."

"I vote for Kris living with Bella!" Craig nodded. "I'm all for it!"

"So am I!" Wanda grumbled.

"Hawk, maybe you should try not to antagonize her…" Flint began, before squirming under the General's steely gaze.

"And she tosses Virus around all the time." Steve grinned, setting up a video camera and tripod. "Hey, anybody wanna see some footage we got of her throwing Virus into a lion's den?"

"Ooh, me!" Althea's hand was the first in the air, followed by Todd's.

"Yeah, I do!"

"Let's see…" Ace flipped through his notebook, "…Lady Jaye is the lucky lady!"

"YES!" The javelin-throwing Joe whooped in delight, eagerly collecting her prize money.

"I still can't believe there is such a poll…" Low Light shook his head.

"You're surprised by this how?" Lance asked.

"Huh. Learn something new every day." Clutch blinked.

"I think once that one gets a few years older, she'll be a good candidate." Burn-Out implied, jerking his thumb in Andi's direction. "Lots less attitude than Zanya."

"No offence to my niece, but every damn one of the other girls has less of an attitude problem than Zanya!" Zandar frowned.

"When did you get here?" Neal blinked, looking over at his mentor. Zandar shrugged.

"When I realized I got left behind by the other two."

"Craig, if you knew who Sibella was, you would reconsider." Regan pointed out.

"Sibella..." Paul repeated the name. "Why does that name sound so familiar…?"

"I didn't realize you had so _little _control of your hired help, Zartan." Hawk taunted.

"Because you're doing such a bang up job in **that** department yourself!" Zartan sneered.

"This is about to get ugly." Recondo sighed.

"Yeah. _Real_ ugly." Barbecue added.

"It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion." Buzzer agreed. "You know you should look away, but you just can't seem to do it." All the while, the video camera was filming the dispute.

"I think she been taking lessons from her momma on that one, yo." Todd said, leaning over to watch the film on Steve's smart phone.

"I dunno…" Althea mused. "I think trying to slam-dunk Virus over the railing is very original."

"I think someone's been teaching her wrestling finishing moves." Jake raised an eyebrow at Steve, who yet again ignored him. Normally, the scaly teen would have looked for any excuse to brawl with one of the Wildfire boys…but considering just how pissed off his boss and his squad leader were looking, he knew he'd be in for a beating if he tried that today.

"Low Light, just where have you been all these years?" Shipwreck asked in disbelief. "That poll's been around since before Althea was born! The players change a bit, but the game is still the same."

"Paul, remember that one Halloween with the vampire girl…" Craig looked over at his twin, terror starting to take hold in the back of his mind.

"Yeah, I…wait…" Paul stopped, looking warily over at Kristen. "This Sibella…she wouldn't have purple hair, right? And be fond of puns with the word 'fang'?"

Instead of disproving his statement, Kristen nodded happily. "Yep! I introduced her to her first snocone!"

"Oh, man…" Craig groaned while Paul's jaw fell slack.

"This'll net some cash." Calvin grinned, looking through the camera lens to make certain that it was capturing every moment of the fight.

"…maybe letting Kris stay here wouldn't be such a bad idea after all?" Paul said nervously. Craig's eyes widened in horror at his brother's suggestion.

"Are you _**insane?**_" Wanda hissed.

"No, but Sibella's ghoul friends are." Regan smirked.

"You sure that's a good idea, kid?" Duke raised an eyebrow at the Shadowatch boys' spirited attempt to film the argument between Hawk, Zartan, and (possibly) Atlantis.

"It's no big deal." Bryan waved. "Boss does it all the time when we fight. And at Cobra office parties."

"Just what are you getting at, snake?" Hawk growled.

"Do I have to spell it out for you, or are all of you G.I. Jokers just that slow?" Zartan asked. Neither man had long to think of a response, since two plastic napkin holders suddenly went flying through the air, hitting their heads with surprising precision.

"Where the hell did **that** come from?" Hawk looked around, rubbing the side of his head. They weren't anywhere near the mess tent, so there shouldn't have been any of those little buggers around…

"CREED!" Zartan shouted, knowing (unlike General Hawk) **exactly** who the culprit was.

"Ghoul friends?" Paul asked nervously.

"I don't wanna know!" Craig exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"I wanna know." A curious Pyro raised his hand up.

"Shut up, John!" Craig snapped.

"He heh." Steve chuckled. "We got some primo footage of Doctor Mindbender trying to rap. It was hilarious."

"What?" Andi shrugged innocently as she walked back onto the scene. Really, they both should have known it was coming. Although why none of the Joes were trying to break up the dispute was beyond her…

"But they're such big fans of you guys!" Regan smiled.

"No! No more crazy vampires!" Craig shook his head and waved his hands wildly.

"They're not _all_ vampires." Kris rolled her eyes. "Bella's actually the only vampire in the group."

"Don't suppose you kids sell copies of these tapes, do you?" Low Light asked.

"Of _course_ they do!" Lance chuckled. "They got a whole website devoted to it."

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT to throw things like that at people?" Zartan shouted at the girl. Hawk shook his head in disdain.

"See? Total lack of discipline! If she lived here…"

"And thank God she doesn't!" Storm Shadow exclaimed. The white-garbed ninja seen just enough of what this kid was like to know that he did **not** want to be the one training her.

"Oh please! You couldn't even get her to wake up in the morning, let alone…"

"I think I can do better than this at it!"

Andi paused for a minute, thinking over several courses of action for this situation. Finally, she glared at both men. "Just remember that you two asked for it!" She growled, marching up while they were more focused on yelling at each other than anything going on around them. The blue-scaled blonde then proceeded to forcibly shove their heads together.

_Whok!_

"What exactly kind of fans are we dealing with here?" Lance asked Regan. "We tend to attract some real weirdoes."

Neal flashed a confident smirk at Low Light. "Twenty percent off videos this week only!"

"Twenty percent, that's a good deal!" Airtight remarked, looking through his wallet.

"They never give us a cut of the video money!" Ripper complained. "We get embarrassed on their site all the bloody time!"

Regan visibly tensed up. "Well, to be honest, Tanis is more a Wildstar fan-girl…but they're all wild about you guys."

"That's only because she thinks cats are sacred." Bryan put in.

"Ripper, where do you think that big-ass bonus came from last month?" Mitch asked the Dreadnok.

"Ow…" Hawk winced, rubbing his forehead.

"Gotta give the kid credit for having guts." Shipwreck chuckled. "I'm not sure ours would try something like that…"

"Who the heck would believe cats are sacred?" Pietro wondered out loud, scratching his head.

"In Ancient Egypt, cats were considered sacred." Lance pointed out.

"Oh, yeah…" Ripper remembered.

"I'm gonna buy me one of those 3DS things with mine!" Buzzer proclaimed with a wide grin.

"Really?" Althea frowned at her father. "Remember the time I threw the punch bowl at you because you spiked it?"

"Ancient Egypt?" Fred blinked. "What kind of friends does this 'Bella' person have?"

"Dead, undead, and furry." Bryan quipped.

"Oh, my God..." Angelica groaned.

"_Only_ a punch bowl?" Zandar scoffed. "Are you kidding me? That one tried to take her old man out with the toaster!"

"Yeah." Burn-Out nodded in agreement. "Ain't worked right since. There's still a Sabertooth-sized dent in it."

"And we can't trust Virus to fix it, because he'd do God knows what to it." Gnawgahyde sighed.

"Huh?" Fred stared at his brother in confusion.

"Oh dear…" Lina muttered.

"You gotta be kidding me." Craig groaned.

"Man, Universal Studios would _love_ this!" Paul sighed.

"I once threw a waffle iron at Pops." Althea pointed out, much to Shipwreck's displeasure.

"Hey, they love you boys…and girls." Regan added. "Winnie has posters of Lila all over her room now."

"Not a half-bad guitarist, either." Mitch contributed. "She taught herself by listening to you guys."

"Phanty's a big fan of yours, John." Kris smiled. "Not that she isn't head over heels for Ronnie Rocker, but if she could pick a living musician…"

Blink. "Is she sane?" Pyro asked cautiously. "Or at least more stable than Lisa?"

"I think the point he was trying to make is that you kids wouldn't try to throw anything at General Hawk, since he's like your boss." Heart-Wrencher stated, glancing briefly at Shipwreck. "Verses Andi, who throws stuff at pretty much everybody on a regular basis."

"Exactly! Wait…" Shipwreck looked over at Ren "How far does 'everybody' extend to?"

"Define stable." Kris blinked. The Australian pyrokinetic let out a worried groan.

"She has a point." Lina nodded in agreement with Ren.

"Anyone in her path when she's mad enough." The dark-haired wrench-wielding Dreadnok winced. "Destro thinks she's a demon of destruction."

"We don't throw things at Hawk when we're mad at him." Althea grinned. "We wave requisition forms at him. He _hates_ requisition forms."

"Well, she's not into setting things on fire…" Regan began to explain.

"That's a relief." Lance muttered.

"But she can travel through walls, so there's no hiding from her." The Italian telepath finished with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, that's much better." Pietro sighed.

"Wait…you mean instead of a fan-boy, I have a fan-_girl_?" Lila asked incredulously, the British mutant's jaw agape.

"So…she's even thrown stuff at Cobra Commander?" Falcon asked. Zarana shrugged in response.

"Sometimes. Usually, it's Destro or the Baroness, though. Or asshole over there." She glared at her older brother.

"Oh, I have got to see footage of that!" Shipwreck laughed.

"When we're not pulling pranks on the 'golden couple', that is." Bryan smiled.

"Oh dear…" Angelica sighed.

"At least we don't have to worry about accidentally bumping into her." Fred pointed out.

"I hope she admires you _musically,_ Lila." Lance shook his head.

"So do I." The dark-haired teleporter muttered. "Bloody 'ell…"

"Ha!" Duke exclaimed, happy to hear that someone had the nerve to give Cobra Commandeer a much needed whack upside the head.

"Yeah, Al and I saw that video of that prank you guys pulled with the Baroness's bra." Todd nodded. "You do good work, yo."

"No, but there's no keeping her OUT of somewhere without some kind of barrier spell." Neal muttered in response to Fred's observation.

"Maybe one of us should start studying magic so we can keep her from floating into the boys' bathroom anymore?" Andi suggested.

"Please do!" Steve groaned, having been caught once by the young phantom already.

"Thanks!" Mitch grinned back at Todd. "We've had lots of practice."

"I wish we'd thought to take pictures of the very first prank we pulled on Destro…" Andi sighed wistfully.

"None of us were thinking that far ahead." Kris pointed out. "It was our very first trip to the Terror Dome, and we weren't sure if we'd even still have a job the next day."

"And this is the reason it's so hard to find someone to watch the kids while we're gone." Zandar muttered.

"Maybe we should keep her and Hawk as far away from each other as possible?" Flint suggested, not liking the angry glare the general just fixed Atlantis with.

"That'll never work." Zarana shook her head once and then wincing at the dizziness it brought about. "If I know those kids, they'll be over every day, if they can help it."

"I saw the footage of that prank you guys pulled on Destro." Pietro remembered. The silver-haired speedster started to chuckle. "It was awesome! How'd you guys manage to get his mask to change colors like that?"

Calvin began laughing at some unknown joke while Andi stuck her tongue out at General Hawk.

"Hawk, she just wants you to react." Duke sighed. "Just ignore her."

"What's so funny, punk?" Leathersuit glared at Calvin.

"The thought of someone seeing your scaly candy-ass in the bathroom!" The mimicry mutate laughed. "I wouldn't be surprised if after you were born, your mama was arrested for bestiality! And I would also not be surprised if Phanty ended up getting waking nightmares about you!"

"A magician never reveals her tricks." Kristen told Pietro.

"But the look on his face when it turned pink was priceless." Neal smirked.

"That's it! I'm breaking out the garlic!" Wanda shouted.

"Oh, you little snot-nosed sonofa…" Steve growled. Regan, however took a different approach.

"I bet Andi wouldn't object to seeing him in the bathroom! Would you, Andi?" Regan asked smugly as her blue-scaled friend went rigid.

"Since when does _he_ have a girlfriend?" Jake asked, clearly shocked by this revelation.

"Oh,, hell no…" Zartan groaned.

"Um, I think garlic only works on pure-blood vampires, Wanda." Neal winced. "And Kristen isn't one."

"Whatcha gonna do, scaleface? Swim at me?" Calvin taunted.

"I'll make YOU swim! With a pair of concrete shoes!" Steve roared, having not heard Regan's last observation.

"Yes, lookit her!" The telepath grinned. "Steve was the croc of her dreams!"

Andi, whose face had now turned bright red, glared at her teammate. "Shut. Up. Regan." She said through gritted teeth.

"HAW!" Hawk smirked triumphantly at Zartan.

"Dammit!" Wanda shouted. She couldn't stake the little bloodsucker, and apparently garlic wasn't going to work…how was she going to keep Craig safe from the little monster's clutches now?

"Ha ha, Wendy the Witch-wannabe!" Kristen laughed.

"Up yours, Elvira!"

"Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots!" Calvin laughed.

"Boots are all that's gonna be _left_ of you when I get done with…wait," Steve suddenly paused, looking over at Regan, "_what_ did she just say?"

"Oh, come on! Admit it!" Regan grinned.

"Thought I told you to shut up!" Andi growled, still beet red in the face.

"Well, we all knew it was gonna happen eventually." Ren shrugged. "Just be glad it's not a Misfit she's chasing after."

"And that she's not more like 'er Mum." Torch muttered a little too loudly, oblivious to all the wide-eyed stares and sudden silence this comment received from the other Dreadnoks. Zartan audibly growled and clenched his fists.

"You couldn't spell your way out of a paper bag!" Kris folded her arms, turning her back to the Scarlet Witch.

"I can hex _**you**_ to kingdom come!" Wanda shouted.

"Wanda, it's not worth it! It's not worth it!" Lina tried to calm the angry hexcaster by putting her hands on Wanda's shoulders.

"Aw." Althea cooed as Andi continued to blush. "Just like me and Toddles."

"Allll…" Todd groaned. He hated it when she used his pet name in public!

"My nephew's first crush." Gnawgahyde sniffed, wiping a tear away from his eye. "I'm so proud. My little croc is growing up…"

"Unclllle…" Steve groaned, placing his face in his hands.

"Bring it, Merlina!"

"He can keep her!" Calvin snorted. "She's crazy!"

"You all suck." A pouting Andi grumbled, crossing her arms petulantly.

"Even Steve?" Regan asked, mischief shining in her blue eyes.

"Oh, come on!" The reptilian teen groaned as Zartan fixed Torch with a venomous glare.

"I guess that's still a sore subject…" Mainframe winced, looking to Zarana.

"You have no idea, Blaine." Zarana snickered.

Andi simply glared at Regan, who chose to completely ignore her teammate and smile triumphantly. Steve, unable to come up with a retort for Regan, turned a shade of red to match Andi.

"Eh, heh heh." Torch gulped, realizing his mistake. "Sorry about that, boss. Forgot…please don't hurt me…"

"Wow." Jake blinked. "Just…how did this happen? I didn't think he could like ANYTHING better than wrestling or inflicting pain!"

"I didn't think that anyone would find the walking suitcase attractive!" Pietro remarked. "I don't get it! I'm the best-looking man on the planet!"

"Yeah, right." Corona snorted.

Zandar raised an eyebrow at Torch's attempt at groveling. "After all that's gone on today, do you really think **that **excuse is gonna work?" He asked as his older brother let out an angry growl.

"Things change, Jake. Things change." Toad nodded sagely. "That's what the Blind Master taught me, yo."

Torch blinked a moment before turning and screaming "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" at the top of his lungs.

"I didn't think they could change that much." Jake shook his head in disbelief.

"GET BACK HERE, TORCH!" Zartan roared, chasing after the fleeing Dreadnok.

Kristen whistled innocently. "I guess he won't be needing this, then…" She held up a credit card and handed it to Zarana.

"You do realize he's gonna kill you for that, right?" Bryan groaned.

"His own fault for being an ass about it." Burn-Out shrugged.

"I'll take the heat for ya, kid." Zarana smiled, accepting the credit card.

"Thanks!" Kris beamed.

"I'M SO PROUD!" Gnawgahyde declared, now starting to really tear up.

"Oh, geez…" Steve made an upset face.

"A Dreadnok crying. I never thought I'd see this." Recondo snickered.

"You gotta admit, this day's given us some laughs." Shipwreck agreed.

"He's just proud of ya, kiddo." Ren smiled.

"So, when are you going to take me on a tour?" Corona asked, wrapping her arms around Lance's arms and smiling broadly.

"…" Lance sighed.

"Can't he show it some other way?" Steve groaned. "This is embarrassing!"

"So…" Regan shifted her attention from annoying Andi (which had gotten quite boring, now that the other blond wasn't arguing anymore) to Zarana. "When's the wedding and who are the bridesmaids?"

"Uh, I don't know if we're allowed to give you guys a tour…" Althea answered uncertainly, rubbing the back of her head.

"Well, think of it this way: if you don't show us around, we'll just have Virus hack the blueprints later and give ourselves a tour." Bryan stated. "We're gonna find out one way or another."

"I never thought I'd say this about you, scaleface, but you poor bastard." Jake shook his head at Steve.

"Ah," Althea nodded, "good point." She stepped to the side as a glass bottle came whizzing by.

"MY TEQUILA!" Shipwreck cried out.

"Oh, you need to cut back anyway, Pops!" Althea retorted.


	7. And We're Moving, We're Moving

**Disclaimer:**** Seriously, people, I don't own anything besides 4 original characters and the laptop I'm typing this on. Everything else belongs to Marvel, Hasbro, L1701E, Aaron Whitaker, and Red Witch.**

**Mama Zarana**

**7. And We're Moving, We're Moving… **

Corona looked up hopefully at Lance. "Does this mean I get a tour?"

"Fine." The geokinetic Misfit sighed. He then shot the Hispanic mutant a stern look. "Just keep your hands **above** my waist." Corona smiled happily, letting the walking Richter scale lead her off on a quick tour of the Pit.

"Just be grateful Kyle ain't here." Jake shook his head. "He'd have a field day with this." Shipwreck looked over at his eldest daughter.

"That's not the point!" The sailor snapped in irritation.

"Awk! She's right!" Polly squawked, flying overhead. Shipwreck glared at the alcoholic parrot.

"Shut up, bird!"

"Well?" Regan raised an eyebrow, looking inquisitively over at her handler. Zarana blinked in surprise.

"Um…I hadn't thought that far ahead yet, kiddo…"

"Oh dear…" Regan sighed. Andi shot Jake a look.

"Wildfire, if your punk-ass brother shows up and starts running his mouth about anyone on this squad, you DO realize we reserve the right to pound his skull in, right?" The blue-scaled hydrokinetic warned the redheaded dragon-themed mutant.

"Everyone except Virus, 'cuz we all hate him." Steve put in.

"Well, you do at least know who we're inviting to this thing, right 'Rana?" Kristen asked.

"…um…well…"

"Looks like we're going to be stocking up on bridal magazines." Regan sighed. "And making a guest list…"

Jake merely shrugged in response to Andi's statement. "He could use a pounding."

"I guess planning a wedding isn't easy." Kris frowned. Regan rolled her eyes in disbelief.

"No. You think so?"

"How very convenient, because he's likely to get one." Andi pointed out.

"What do _you_ know about wedding planning, Regan?" Heart-Wrencher asked skeptically, crossing her arms. "I thought your mother was single."

"Yeah, shouldn't _I_ be the one doing the planning here?" Zarana put in. "It's _my_ wedding, dammit!"

"Just don't tell him I gave the okay." Jake shrugged nonchalantly. Andi smiled.

"My lips are sealed."

"I've seen it on TV." Regan stated.

"Maybe we should just run to Vegas and elope?" A sighing Mainframe suggested.

"Works just fine for me." Steve grinned in response to Jake's statement. He couldn't believe he'd just been given permission to beat up the youngest Wildfire brat! Granted he might wind up needing help trying to pin down the electrokinetic teen…but it would be so worth it!

"Just don't take it too far this time, kay?" Andi shot him a look. "I'm not gonna be the one stuck paying that punk's medical bills."

Zarana shot her boyfriend a glare. "And miss the opportunity to spend his money AND show up the Baroness? Hell no!"

"Did you seriously just tell them it was okay to beat up your brother?" Paul asked his friend in shock. Jake shrugged with a mirthful smile.

"He'll be fine." The Misfit known as the Red Dragon replied. "He's tough."

"I have to admit, seeing the look on the Baroness's face would be priceless." Regan conceded with a grin.

"I guess that's kind of like Andi giving Regan and Zanya permission to beat up Rogue so they could spend the afternoon alone with Starchild…" Neal sighed, much to Paul's amazement.

"Huh?"

"I would love to pound her myself, but that would only make Kurt mad." Andi admitted.

"Oh, my older kids are just going to _love_ this…" Mainframe groaned.

"Wait." Fred blinked, looking at his childhood friend. "Isn't Rogue technically your sister, Andi?"

"I wonder what the X-Men would think of this…?" Pietro smirked.

"Actually, she's my _half_-sister…" Andi clarified, "but since she hates me for being good at my job and refuses to see anyone's point of view but her own, those two can do whatever they want to her!"

"Yay!" Regan squealed with delight, clapping her hands.

"That's right!" Lance returned with Corona (who was still firmly attached to his arm). "I need to ask Kitty if she'll be my date for the wedding!"

"No surprise, yo." Todd snorted. "Those X-Men are full of themselves. Rogue used to be Brotherhood, but now she acts like we're nothing."

"Oh, _hell _no!" Corona protested Lance's earlier statement. "She'd probably dump you for metal man, and then for ANOTHER man she had on the side!" she pointed out as Lance groaned.

"Yeah, she was cool back when she was with the Brotherhood." Andi stated. "That's when I first met her. Now she thinks she's better than I am."

"As if!" Steve snorted disdainfully. "Little Emo brat relies way too much on her powers to beat you!"

"She has a point, Lance." Pietro said, a devious smirk on his face. "Why not ask her to go? Or Angelica? They'll both be going anyway." Angelica shot Pietro a glare. Pyro growled, clenching his fists.

"I don't want to go with Lance." Angelica sighed.

"Yeah, she wants to go with me!" Pyro grinned. Angelica glared at the Australian.

"I don't date crazies!"

"I think the X-Men's problem is that they tend to forget that not every mutant is as lucky as they are." Jake observed. "And I have to agree with Leathersuit, which again, I can't believe I'm actually doing. The X-Men are too dependent on their powers."

"I don't like Angelica that way." Lance glared at his silver-haired teammate.

"He's right." Angelica nodded.

"And those that have ONE bad experience suddenly think it's the end of the world and **everyone** should feel sorry for them." Andi grumbled.

"Yeah! And what's with this 'Rogue' thing? What, she has no other name?" Steve scowled.

"That's that only name she's ever given." Lance explained.

"Uh, I think you're taking this just a bit _too_ personal…" Fred gulped.

"I don't blame her, though." Neal stated. "If this 'Rogue' knew HALF the stuff our group has lived through…"

An evil smirk formed on the young shape-shifter's face. "You know, that's not a bad idea…"

"Which means he can go with me instead!" Corona smiled happily, much to Lance's displeasure. The geokinetic sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, man…" Fred winced. He knew what that look meant, and he didn't like it!

Apparently he wasn't the only one, though. "No." Burn-Out said, shooting a warning glare over at Atlantis.

"But she deserves it!"

"The answer is still no!" He stated.

"And just for the record, the X-Men are NOT invited to the wedding!" Zarana exclaimed. "Well, except _maybe_ her brother." She pointed in Andi's direction. "He's sane…and polite."

"Maybe that's a good idea." Jake conceded. They were going to have enough drama with the Joes and Dreadnoks…and the rest of Cobra. A visit from the X-Men would just make an already uncomfortable situation worse.

"What's your brother like, anyway?" Neal asked his squad leader curiously.

"We don't need any more family drama." Bryan nodded in agreement with Jake.

"You'd probably like him, Neal." Andi replied. "He's easy-going, friendly, and likes to pull pranks."

"You should see him eat." Paul added. "I've never seen anyone pack away burgers like that."

"And I've been trying to figure out how he stays so trim." Lila shook her head in amazement.

"And smart enough to know who NOT to prank." Lance added. "Which is a lot more than we can say for the Ice-cube or Pietro…"

"Ah, okay." Neal nodded.

"Hey!" Pietro shouted in protest. Lila shot the speedster a look.

"You did lock me out of the bathroom, once."

"Truth hurts, yo." Todd pointed out.

"How can you all say that?" Pietro asked. "I'm clearly superior to that X-Creep! Both of them!" He boasted as Fred winced.

"Hoo boy…this is gonna get ugly."

"He just totally forgot that Wagner's her brother, didn't he?" Lance sighed as a blinding light lit up the area. When it faded, a vaguely irate Zanya was standing amongst the group.

"Okay, who's ****ing idea was it to leave me behind?" The dreadlocked daughter of Zartan demanded.

"Your own fault." Her uncle shrugged, unfazed by her outburst. "If you'd been paying attention to what was going on around you instead of keeping those damn earphones in, you'd have noticed sooner."

It was at that point that Zanya looked around and realized where she was. "…why are we here anyway?" She asked in confusion. "And why does Auntie Z look like she's about to pass out?"

"What'd you say?" Andi glowered at the fleet-footed Misfit.

"Yep. This'll get ugly." Fred observed. "Good thing we have the popcorn machine. We'll need it for this fight!"

"Yep." Steve nodded.

"And thanks to the Misfits, soda!" Bryan grinned happily, holding up his drink.

"Well, it's quite a story..." Paul started, turning to Zanya.

"Then would you fill me in?" Zanya smiled at the guitarist and lead singer of the Superstars.

"What? What's the problem?" Pietro asked, oblivious to just why everyone was thinking he was in trouble. "I'm way better than that furry freak!"

"My brother is an idiot." Wanda rolled her eyes.

Andi looked over at Althea with hopeful eyes. "May I-?" the Misfit leader shrugged.

"Go ahead. We all do."

"Yeah, it happens to him all the time." Todd nodded.

"Thanks!" she flashed the pair a grin before lunging at Pietro. "DIE!"

Unfortunately for the fast-talking Misfit, he didn't realize what was going on until it was too late. "AIIIIEEEEE! NOT THE FACE!" He cried out as she started beating the daylights out of him. "AND NOT THERE EITHER!" He shrieked in a falsetto.

"Yeah, but everyone ain't partial to dislocating somebody's shoulders when they get mad." Leathersuit pointed out. "She's been known to do it."

"Usually, only on Virus or Thrasher….and sometimes Mimic." Bryan shrugged.

Paul nervously scratched the back of his head. "Hehe. Well,…"

Zandar rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Oh, just spit it out! Everyone else already knows!"

"Did it just get hotter out here, or is it just me?" Zarana asked tiredly.

"I guess so…" Paul said as Zanya and Regan squealed with delight.

"Wow." Wanda blinked as she and a few other Misfits watched Andi beating Quicksilver stupid. "She's pretty good at this."

"Maybe a little **too **good." Althea winced as Pietro yelped in pain.

"Zarana, are you alright?" Mainframe asked worriedly.

"Zanya…" Zarana took a deep breath and looked at her niece, "you're going to be a cousin."

Zanya stared in shock, trying to process what she'd just been told. "What?" she blinked. "How did _this_ happen?"

Zarana, however, had now turned her attention to Mainframe. "I think it got warmer out here…"

"That may be true, but I think it's time to move her into the medical bay for a while." Lifeline stated.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Lance asked. "Didn't that get a hole blown in it earlier or something?"

"It's better than nothing." The medic pointed out.

"Weatherman said it would be a hot day out here." Mainframe recalled.

"WHY ISN'T ANYONE HELPING ME?" Pietro wailed.

"And now she's putting those claw-like fingernails to good use on his face…" Kristen pointed out.

"You know, I think I know what she and Garrett see in each other now…" Jake winced.

"Well, what about moving her into the old clubhouse?" Lance suggested to Lifeline. "I don't think it got damaged, plus it's air conditioned."

"Okay…" Zanya muttered, finally seeming to get over the initial shock. "…I guess that explains why we're here. But why is Dad trying to impale Torch with a katana?"

"He's what?" Zandar exclaimed, looking over to where his older brother was trying to pin the flamethrower-wielding Dreadnok up against a building. "Damn, I need a drink." The pink-haired man groaned.

"Because nobody likes you, Silver-head!" Corona shouted to Pietro.

"That's not his name!" Lila grinned at the Latina mutant. "He's Mr. Ambiguous!"

"I want a couch!" Zarana 'subtly' informed the brunet man standing by her side.

"Does it have a couch?" Mainframe asked. He seriously had no clue what the inside of the Misfits' clubhouse looked like. He wasn't one of their handlers, and thus had no reason to pay the place a visit.

"He's doing it because Torch is stupid." Regan told Zanya, who nodded in understanding.

"Ah."

"Mind if I join you?" Ren glanced over at Zandar.

"Yeah, we got about three couches and a really nice TV." Paul smiled.

"And 500 channels!" John added with a wide grin.

"I don't think you'll find anything on right now that's as entertaining as this drama." Bryan pointed out, not taking his eyes off of Andi's latest attempt to turn Pietro into a scratching post/punching bag.

"'Course you can, Ren." Zandar looked over at the female mechanic. "Some _sane_ and _intelligent_ company would be nice."

"Five bucks say those two wind up at a motel somewhere and don't come back 'til morning." Calvin wagered.

"Mr. Ambiguous?" Corona blinked incredulously at Lila.

"TV sounds good right about now…" Zarana muttered.

"What're you yakking about, Mimic?" Todd blinked, getting the distinct feeling that he'd just missed something of mild importance. The Mimicry Mutate let out a groan.

"Am I the _only_ one who notices that Ren and Zandar have been making eyes at each other?"

"Spend enough time around him, and you'll come to the same conclusion." Lila shrugged.

"Okay, then." Lifeline nodded. "Bree, would you mind going to get a wheelchair? I don't think any of those got damaged."

"Might wanna get her a clean shirt while you're at it." Kristen suggested.

"Dunno where **you've** been, but they've been making more than eyes for about a year now, Cal." Corona stated. "Why do you think no one wants to use the weight room after those two get done in there?"

"Sure thing, Lifeline." Bree smiled warmly, turning to walk in the direction of the medical bay.

"No kidding." Calvin grunted as Virus moaned.

"Ohhhhh…" he muttered before a kitchen sink hit his head, ensuring he didn't regain consciousness.

"Oh come on!" Zarana groaned. "A wheelchair?"

"Do we _really_ have to have this debate again?" Lifeline sighed.

Lance cocked an eyebrow at the exchange going on between Cal and Corona. "Man, your adults get a whole lot more action than ours do…"

"You were right, Calvin." Neal nodded. "There was a kitchen sink. Although why stuff is still flying is beyond me…" He sighed as Andi kicked Pietro in the gut.

"It wouldn't be the Pit if something didn't fly through the air." Fred shrugged.

"What's the point?" Zarana sighed resignedly. "I'm gonna end up in it anyway…" She glared at Lifeline. "But I WILL be standing at the wedding! And I WILL walk down that aisle!"

"Tell us about it." Mitch told Lance as Zartan paused his attempts to skewer Torch long enough to hear the conversation…and put his own two cents in.

"DAMMIT, ZANDAR! I DON'T NEED ANOTHER PREGNANT DREADNOK AROUND HERE!"

"I dunno, guys. I think it's funny." Steve remarked, catching a DVD that flew his direction. He held it up and looked at it. "Die Hard? Sweet!" He grinned.

"You got taste." Fred nodded approvingly.

"If the sight of bank robbers posing as terrorists getting blown away by a wisecracking barefoot cop on Christmas doesn't put you in the spirit, then to me, you don't have a heart." The reptilian Dreadnok stated.

"Only if you promise to take it easy and rest up until then." Lifeline frowned at his patient.

"Seriously, though, how soon do you two want that wedding?" Regan asked Zarana.

"Pushy, much?" Corona raised an eyebrow.

"Oh come on!" Zandar shouted back at his sibling. "Give me SOME credit!"

"I think you made him paranoid." Ren told Zarana, who sighed and looked up at Lifeline.

"Fine."

"Why the rush, kid?" Mainframe frowned at the blond telepath.

"Paranoid is an understatement, Ren." Zandar muttered, shaking his head.

"That's a very good question." Zarana looked over at the girl.

"Well, it would be rather helpful to know if you two were planning this before or after the baby gets here." Regan pointed out. "My mother _does_ run a design firm, remember? I'm sure I could get her to pull some strings and get a really nice dress for you, but she'll need time to get it done."

"Holy…" Wanda gaped as her brother continued to get beaten up, "I think she just knocked him out cold!"

"And she's still kicking him…" Lance sighed.

"Uh, well…" Mainframe rubbed the back of his head, "Wow, this is all very sudden."

"That has to hurt…" Lila winced. Normally she was an avid fan of 'let's beat-up Pietro' sessions, but this one was getting a bit brutal.

It was then that Bree returned, pushing a wheelchair with a plain gray t-shirt slung over the back of it. "Uh, are you all aware that Andi is trying to kill Pietro?" The blonde nurse asked.

"Maybe it's time to drag her away." Lance admitted.

"If _you_ wanna do that, be my guest!" Corona folded her arms. "I'm not gonna get scratched up over that jerk!"

"I'll go pry her off." Gnawgahyde sighed, walking over to attempt to drag the girl off of the silver-haired speedster.

"Well, I'd rather it be before." Zarana stated, looking at Regan and Blaine. "And soon!"

"Let THAT be a lesson to you, you punk!" Andi roared as she was forcibly dragged away.

"Pain…" Pietro whimpered, curling up into a ball. "Why?"

"Yes, you're right, Zarana." Blaine bowed his head. He didn't want to get into a fight over this…actually, he didn't want to get dragged into the conversation right now, but he certainly wasn't going to disagree with her!

"You've trained him well." A smirking Corona joked.

"He's had lots of time to learn." Zarana pointed out.

"Because you're an insensitive jerk, that's why." Wanda told her twin.

"All right, time to get into the wheelchair." Lifeline sighed.

"Oooh! Wheelchair!" Kristen squealed, bouncing up and down excitedly. "We should have wheelchair races!"

"Owch…" Pietro groaned.

"I'm not racing you, kid." Zarana told the teenage dhampire flatly.

"'Cuz I'd win!" Kristen beamed.

"Kristen, we've been through this before. No wheelchair races." Ren sighed. "Or office-chair derbies."

"Aww…" The petite girl pouted.

"Thank God…" Hawk sighed. The medics' wheelchair races were bad enough, he didn't want a hyperactive speedster running around and knocking people over with their medical equipment! He already had Pietro's antics to worry about, too!

"Do you need help getting into the chair?" Lifeline asked Zarana, who thought about it a minute before actually speaking up.

"Uh…maybe?" She looked pleadingly up at Blaine.

"Hang on, I'll help ya…" He told her.

"Nobody lets me have any fun." Kristen frowned.

"Because your idea of fun involves crashes, broken bones, and in Thrasher's case, mental trauma." Regan countered.

"Thrasher has a mind to traumatize?" Angelica blinked in disbelief.

"Surprisingly, yes." Mitch nodded.

"My head…" Virus moaned before being dealt another blow to the head by a cardboard box blowing in the wind.

"Don't forget about the pixie stix, Regan." Andi reminded the other blonde.

"How can I?" The Italian teen countered. "We almost got banned from Wal-Mart because of her and Sibella!" She exclaimed as Paul's jaw dropped.

"Uh…" Mainframe looked over at Lifeline after he and the medic moved Zarana into the wheelchair, "where is the Misfit's clubhouse? I've never been there before…"

"Just follow me." The dark-haired medic replied. "I know how to get there."

"He's had to go over there and patch Pietro up a bunch of times." Bree stated.

"I like Wal-Mart!" Eventide chirped. "They have a great selection of candy!"

"And now we all know why Pietro gets ganged up on." Blaine shook his head.

"He's not babysitting either." Zarana informed him.

"First off, Kris, you bought the damn sticks at a convenience store _before_ the two of you trashed Wal-Mart. Second, none of our handlers are dumb enough to turn you loose near the candy, so don't even ask!" Andi snapped.

"How… why…?" Paul struggled to come up with any kind of reason for two vampires to be banned from a grocery store.

"I don't wanna know!" Craig groaned, throwing his hands in the air.

"I wanna know." John blinked innocently, raising his hand.

"No, you don't! Trust me, John, you don't!" Craig snapped.

"Awwwww…" the petite teen pouted.

"Deal with it!" Zartan spoke up, glaring at Kristen as Lifeline and Mainframe wheeled Zarana away. "It's a small miracle that stunt you pulled with Sibella didn't result in a lawsuit!"

"Dracula wasn't too thrilled about it either, as I recall." Andi pointed out.

"I don't know why, but I'm afraid of meeting any other friends Sibella has." Neal confessed in a quiet voice.

"What the hell is it with us and vampire girls, Paul?" Craig groaned. "Because I ain't figured it out!" His twin only shrugged in response. Wanda, however…

"I don't know, but I don't like it!"

"Somebody's jealous." Regan grinned at the hex-casting Misfit.

"Friends?" Lance raised an eyebrow. "Like the other group of crazies you described earlier?"

"Neal, we already met a werewolf, a mummy, the daughter of Frankenstein's monster, and a phantom." Corona shot her teammate a look. "I don't think her other friends can be any stranger than them."

"And this is the reason why Bella and Co. can't come over for sleepovers unless 'Rana and Ren are both on base." Andi sighed.

"I have every right to be jealous!" Wanda huffed. "He's my man!"

"Mummy? Phantom?" Craig asked slowly. "_Werewolf?_"

"Not to mention that—what was the werewolf's name?" Andi asked.

"Winnie." Kris supplied.

"Winnie scares the hell outta Torch." Andi jerked her thumb at the Dreadnok in question.

"She tries to eat me!" The redhaired Dreadnok wailed.

"No she doesn't!" Kris protested.

"I'm the object of the affections of a witch and a vampire. What the hell is it about me?" Craig groaned. His brother shrugged.

"Could be worse. You could have a vampire and a werewolf chasing after you."

"Yeah, then it'd be some bizarre gender-reversed Twilight thing." Lance chuckled. Pyro rolled his eyes. The insane Australian had read the books, and he wasn't fond of them.

An angry growl escaped Kristen's lips as her face contorted into a snarl. "Stephanie Meyer must die…"

"Well, she _is_ a werewolf." Bryan shrugged. "And you were kinda holding her against her will, man."

"That's only because we told him to after she started trying to claw up Zarana's brand-new curtains." Andi stated.

"Kris and Sibella are the proud members of the 'Vampires against Twilight' and 'Stephanie Meyer must die' clubs. Winnie's also a member of the 'Meyer must die' club." Regan put in.

"Winnie likes hugging me for some odd reason…" Neal sighed.

"We even have a website!" Kris chirped happily.

"A _website?_" Andi gaped.

"Don't you think the other vampires would not approve of you guys talking about being vampires on the internet?" Althea asked in shock.

"Al, it's the internet." Lance pointed out. "People probably think the website is a joke or something."

"I think she honestly likes guys who can do stuff with fire." Regan said. "Winnie also liked Torch… right up until Zarana told him to keep her from shredding the curtains."

"Are you kidding me?" Kristen laughed. "Dracula's all for it! He hates the books and movies as much as we do! Cindy and Vanapira are regular site members, too."

"As an author, I have to say Stephen King is right. She's a hack." John agreed with a nod. "I could've done it much better."

"Wow." Lance whistled. "If one of the world's best horror writers thinks you suck, you must really suck."

"Why am I not surprised?" Andi sighed, deciding to try and get away from the insanity that this conversation had turned into. She decided to follow some distance behind Lifeline, Mainframe, and Zarana…but soon the rest of the group started to walk with her.

"Who's Vanapira?" A very confused Craig blinked. "And Cindy?"

"Isn't shredding curtains a behavior usually associated with cats?" Neal asked.

"You wanna know about crazy, yo?" Todd asked Andi, hopping up next to her. "Ever heard of the Wallaces?"

"Well, Cindy is Dracula's wife…" Althea began before Andi cut her off.

"No, Cindy is Dracula's _current_ wife. Vanapira is his first wife and Sibella's mother. They split when Bella was little."

"Well, apparently werewolves do it too." Regan pointed out. "Especially after they get into the coffee."

"As in William Wallace?" Andi asked the smaller amphibian teen. Todd nodded. "Because Zandar tends to think he's William Wallace after he's had too much scotch…"

"Vanapira." Pyro repeated the name out loud. "Isn't she the woman with the big boobs who hosts that show with all those cheesy horror movies?"

"That's _Elvira_, John." Lance corrected.

"Oh. I thought Elvira was a singer." The nutty Australian said.

"That's _Elvis_, John." Lance groaned.

"Or as he likes to call himself, Zandar Wallace." Mitch added to Andi's statement.

"I thought Elvira was a song by the Oakridge Boys?" Bryan scratched his head.

"Elvira's not even a real vampire!" Kris huffed. "She just plays one on TV. Dracula told me so!"

"You actually _believed_ she was a real vampire?" Lila laughed in disbelief.

"It amazes me, too." A smiling Andi shook her head.

"Elvira came about because of an early 1980s attempt to revive _The Vampira Show_, a series that was on LA televisions back in the 1950s." Paul explained to the dhampir. "When the actress who played Vampira quit, they hired a new actress, and then revamped the character as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark."

"And Beast mysteriously turns into McBeast…don't ask me why." Regan shook her head.

"It is." Paul nodded to Bryan. "It was on Family Guy once."

"At least she doesn't sparkle, Batty." Andi smirked.

"And she's funny." Paul added.

"I thought so." The brown-haired Texan nodded as Kristen let out a low growl.

"Don't remind me!" Neal groaned. "Last time Beast and Zandar went on a bender, we had to chase them across three states before we caught them!"

"Let it go, Bat-brain." Andi rolled her eyes.

"Not to mention fight off a lot of spears." Regan shuddered. "So many spears…"

"And bagpipes, which actually make rather decent weapons." Andi shrugged as Kris shouted "NEVER!"

"_Why_ are you snakes still here?" Hawk snipped, glaring openly at the Dreadnoks and Shadowatch.

Andi let out a sigh at Kristen's antics, but said nothing.

"Yeah, bagpipes hurt." Mitch winced and rubbed his head, remembering his last encounter with the two drunken 'Scotsmen'.

Zartan glared right back at the unhappy general. "One of your men knocked up my sister! That's why!"

"And we're here to watch you two smack each other silly." Regan smirked.

"Yo, you mean Beast as in the X-Man?" Todd inquired. Andi and Neal both nodded.

"Who the hell do you _think_ they mean, Todd?" Craig sighed.

"Yes." The dark-skinned boy replied first.

"Yeah, he's Zandar's new drinking buddy." Andi shrugged before glaring at Hawk. "And what did you _think_ we were gonna do? Leave her here alone?"

"How did things get so complicated around here?" Duke groaned.

"Probably started when you decided to work with teenagers." Zandar shrugged.

"We're complicated!" John said with a happy grin.

"You're also stupid." Pietro quipped.

"You got a point there…" The Australian Misfit said before realizing what his teammate meant, "Hey, wait a minute!"


	8. Making Arrangements

**Author's note:**** This chapter is going to be long, possibly longer than the previous two. However, this is unavoidable, since there's not a good break-even point and I need to get the rest of the plot moving along. So if you don't like long updates, sorry. It can't be helped right now.**

**My disclaimer saying I don't own the rights to G.I. Joe, X-Men Evolution, or Scooby Doo shriveled up in this massive drought my state is under. I think it's now part of a tumbleweed, but I could be wrong. **

**Mama Zarana**

**8. Making Arrangements**

"Hold on, hold on! Let's all just calm down here." Cover Girl spoke up, trying to prevent another brawl from erupting. "Shadowatch has a point. If the positions were reversed, the Misfits would do the same thing for one of us."

"Sit with Shadowatch and watch us fight?" Low Light raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"Are you suggesting we just _let_ them have free run of the base for the duration?" Hawk growled in a low, angry voice.

"Duration of what?" John asked, scratching the back of his head in confusion. The other Misfits groaned at John's latest showing of his brain's inability to keep anything straight.

"Jesus, John! Do you have a block of Swiss cheese for a brain?" Lance exclaimed.

"Naw, Swiss cheese would be smarter." Pietro rolled his eyes.

"For once, I think the snowflake has a valid point." Regan stated, glaring briefly at Pietro.

"Yes, Low Light, they probably would." Shipwreck admitted to the sniper.

"Oh, hell no!" Zartan glared at Hawk. "You can _borrow_ Zarana for a while, but you are NOT taking the kids!"

"I'm still lost…" Pyro blinked, innocently raising his hand.

Corona snorted. "Big surprise there."

"Makes sense, yo." Todd nodded.

Pietro blinked back at the Italian blond curiously. "What?"

"Oh, come on, Zartan! You let Fred come over for Bryan's birthday a few years back!" Mitch exclaimed.

"Can't we at least exchange emails?" Regan begged.

"Oh for the love of…" Zartan grumbled and rubbed his temples while his sister cackled at his displeasure. He'd brought that one on himself as far as she was concerned.

"Snowflake." Wanda sniggered. "That's a good one. How come I didn't think of it first?"

"Having one person stay for one day and having a whole mob move in for over half a year are two totally different things, kid." Burn-Out pointed out to the youngest Dukes boy.

"Ah." Mitch nodded back in understanding.

"Well, if Zarana's staying, either Kris or I should stay with her." Regan folded her arms.

"I'm still in favor of shipping Kris off to that Grimwood place." Neal raised his hand. "Less chance of lawsuits that way."

"And traumatized Greenshirts." Recondo added.

"Regan, if you stay, you're taking that cat with you!" Andi stated. "I'm **not** gonna be the one stuck feeding it indefinitely."

Duke blinked in shock for a moment. "_Cat?_" Since when did the Dreadnoks take in animals?

Apparently, the cat was news to them, too. "What cat?" A puzzled Zartan frowned. "Who decided it was okay to bring _another_ animal into the house?"

"I'd kind of like to know that myself…" Zarana muttered. She didn't even remember a cat on the base this morning, but then again there was a lot of confusion when she left…and came back…and left again…so anything was possible.

"How can you not remember?" Regan reminded her handler, a look of confusion apparent on her face. "I asked you this morning and you said I could!"

"I get no respect." A pouting Pietro grumbled mulishly.

"She would fit right in at the Grimwood place." Pyro nodded happily. "I've heard rumors about that place."

"Like what? Alien beekeepers?" Craig quipped.

Zarana remained silent for about two seconds, trying to process what she'd just been told. And then… "I did WHAT?"

"Well, the school _is_ a little weird… then again, it is a school for little monsters." Andi admitted.

"But no alien beekeepers to be found, Darkstar!" Kris chirped.

"You should know!" Regan protested. "I asked you right before you tore out of the shop like a bat out of hell this morning!"

"I told you she wasn't paying attention this morning!" Corona smirked triumphantly at Neal.

"Little monsters?" Steve blinked a moment. "Monsters have kids?"

"Shadowatch has their own St. John." Lance sighed.

"You let her get a pet?" Zartan asked his sister in disbelief.

Regan nodded emphatically. "Yes, she did!"

"I thought she was asking about something else!" Zarana protested. "I wasn't listening!"

Andi shot Leathersuit a look that read 'think-about-it, stupid' before answering the question…sort of. "And just where did you THINK Sibella and Winnie came from? Babies R Us?"

"I don't see what the big deal is!" Regan huffed. "Especially since you let _her_ bring home a freakin' PIG!" She pointed at Andi.

"Come to think of it, I think she tricked him into it…" Burn-Out thought out loud. Andi indignantly put her hands on her hips.

"There was no 'tricking' involved, thank you! Not my fault he didn't ask the right questions."

"I have no idea." Steve admitted, scratching his head.

"And there is nothing wrong with Brownie!" Andi continued to rant. "She's smarter than a lot of humans!"

"She beat me in Donkey Kong." Torch wailed. "A PIG beat me in Donkey Kong!"

"Another animal in the house." Zartan grumbled. "Why don't I just start a zoo?"

"I gotta admit, Brownie is smarter than most people on our base…" Steve shook his head.

"Hold on." Shipwreck spoke up. "Did he just say 'pig'?"

"Those two brought the thing home a year or so back." Gnawgahyde chuckled, jerking his thumb back at the two scaly members of Shadowatch. "Treat it like it's their child or something."

"Aw, no fair!" Althea whined. "They get a cat and a pig, and all we get is Polly!"

"We have a dog, too." Andi smirked. "And my pig is smarter than your parrot."

"And you actually gave her permission to bring home something else?" Zartan asked in disbelief.

"Don't get too impressed, kiddo. Just about anything is smarter than Polly." Shipwreck pointed out. "I've seen rocks that're smarter than Polly."

"Awk! Shut up, ya drunk!" The bird in question squawked, flying overhead.

"You shut up, bird!"

"I wasn't really listening and I wasn't up for hearing what she wanted!" Zarana countered. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, but Brownie's special." Andi smiled. "She's smarter than most of the people we've met, your general included."

"Any other day, I would argue that." Duke sighed, much to Hawk's dismay.

"_What?_"

"You should have said no!" Zartan exclaimed. "When you don't know what they're asking about, the answer is always no!"

"Oh god…" Zarana groaned, running a hand through her hair. "What have I done?"

"How is the pig smarter than me?" Hawk fumed.

"Figure it out, Hawk." Duke rolled his eyes.

"Is anyone filming this?" Bryan whispered to some of the kids standing around near him. Lila grinned in response.

"Yep."

"I managed to teach the pig to overhaul an engine." Burn-Out smirked proudly.

"How is _that_ something to be proud of?" Thrasher snorted in disbelief.

"_You_ try teaching something that doesn't have thumbs how to overhaul an engine!" Burn-Out snapped.

"What have you done?" Zartan looked at his sister incredulously. "Do you want to talk alphabetically or chronologically? You let yourself get knocked up by a Joe, **and** you allowed the kids to take another step toward turning HQ into another Brookfield Zoo! All in the same day!"

"Brownie also hotwires and drives tanks, and can use the computer." Andi nodded, clearly proud of all that her pet could accomplish.

"The dog helped her with the driving, though." Burn-Out pointed out. "She's too small to reach the pedals." He smiled broadly at the shocked expressions now on the faces of the listening Joes.

"Wow…" Shipwreck shook his head while Duke openly gaped.

"Hey!" Kristen exclaimed. "You're forgetting about Tyler!"

"Dear lord," Regan groaned, "she found another one, didn't she?"

"How?" Zandar asked. "We sealed up all the cracks under the doors and windows!"

"What's Tyler?" Todd inquired, curious to know what kind of pet this would be.

Sigh. "I need a nap…" Zarana moaned.

"That's what we thought when we first saw Brownie driving a tank, too." Burn-Out told the still shocked Joes as Eventide dug around in her pockets for something.

"He's Tyler!" She grinned, pulling a medium-sized, angry-looking black scorpion out of her cape pocket. He was in a small clear plastic ball with air holes poked into it. "Ain't he cute?"

Wanda certainly didn't think so! A loud cry sounded off as soon as she laid eyes on Tyler. "Eeek!" The hexcaster took cover behind Cover Girl.

"Damn…" Hawk shook his head in resigned disbelief. "Now I've heard it all!"

"You actually _brought it along?_" Andi gaped. "Have you lost what's left of your mind?"

"Izzat a scorpion, yo?" Todd asked, looking at the ferocious creature carefully.

"That is cool!" John grinned.

"What a fascinating creature..." Xi stared in awe. "I have never seen a scorpion this close..." The scorpion tried to lash out at the two with its tail, but the plastic ball provided great protection against it. Still, the three mutants jumped back slightly.

"Tyler, now you be nice." The dhampiric mutant chided, waving her finger at the arachnid.

"We're almost there." Lifeline told Zarana. "You can sleep once you get on the couch."

A muttered "Thank God…" was all the reply he got.

"Yeah!" Kristen chirped happily. "Ain't he awesome?"

"She keeps a scorpion for a pet." Craig said nervously. "Have to give her points for originality."

Hawk let out a forlorn sigh while Zartan turned around to see what was going on. It didn't take him long to figure out what to do about Tyler. "Eventide, you take that thing back to the base right now! I do NOT need it running loose!"

"But he's in a ball!" The small teen protested.

"Do it!"

"Aww…" She frowned, taking the teleporter unit Zarana had used earlier and transporting herself back to the base. She returned barely a minute later.

"Thank heaven…" Wanda breathed, emerging from behind Cover Girl.

"So, which of us is staying with 'Rana?" Regan asked.

"A pig and a dog driving a tank." Lady Jaye chuckled. "You guys should've taped that."

"One of 'em wants to STAY with us?" Shipwreck gaped in surprise.

"You kidding?" Heart-Wrencher laughed. "It's got over a million hits on YouTube!"

"My animals are geniuses." Andi grinned as her blond teammate released an exasperated sigh.

"Again, did you expect us to just leave her here all by herself?" The telepath glared. "Although if you don't want us kids, maybe one of the adults could stay…"

"Aw, let one of the kids stay, Hawk!" Shipwreck said. "It's only for a few months."

"And to be honest, I'd rather deal with one of Shadowatch than Thrasher." Althea nodded.

"Hey!" Thrasher shouted, looking very much offended.

"Deal with it, butthead! No one likes you!" Andi called out.

"I saw that video." Lance nodded. "It was hilarious."

"Yeah." Lila sniggered. "It was especially funny when those two drove into that boy band concert."

"Maybe we should rotate who stays?" Neal suggested. "Keep one of us here for a couple weeks and then swap them out for someone else?"

"Or just leave Regan and the damn cat full time." Mimic grumbled. He was not a cat person. Although he soon learned that his housemate was, since Regan psi-slapped him as the group followed Lifeline, Zarana, and Mainframe into the Misfits' clubhouse.

…Which was apparently occupied. Trinity looked up from their game of Dance Dance Revolution, regarding the group with curious eyes. "What did we miss?" They asked in unison.

"How did they miss that whole fight?" Bryan whispered to Fred. "We made enough noise to wake the dead."

"They tend to ignore the rest of the world when they got the DDR going." Fred explained.

"Not a bad idea…" Althea thought the 'Shadowatch Exchange Program' idea over in her head. So far it was the best suggestion they had.

"You wouldn't believe it." Lance sighed as Lifeline and Mainframe attempted to move Zarana out of the wheelchair and onto the couch.

"Okay, set her down on the couch. Gently now!" Lifeline ordered.

"I'm not made of glass!" Zarana protested.

"We need more pillows!" Mainframe called out.

"I want chocolate!"

And while all this was going on, Pietro took a deep breath before launching into a super-speed explanation. "Zarana-is-staying-with-us-for-the-next-few-months-because-she's-pregnant. Hawk's-furious. Zartan's-furious. The-Dreadnoks-are-stupid. Zarana-vomited-on-me. A-member-of-Shadowatch-will-stay with-us-for-the-duration-to-keep-her-company. There-was-a-big-fight. The- Dreadnoks-have-a-girl-in-their-membership-who-smashed-another-Dreadnok-in-the-nuts-with-a-very-big-wrench, and THE WHOLE THING IS ALL MAINFRAME'S FAULT!"

Angelica laughed out loud. "He's still mad about the shirt."

Trinity, however, blinked in confusion.

"All I understood of that mess was 'It's all Mainframe's fault'." Daria stated.

"That doesn't explain why Lifeline and Mainframe are trying to put Zarana on our couch." Brittany frowned.

"And his shirt looks fine." Quinn pointed at Pietro's shirt.

"And who are those guys?" The girls asked in unison, pointing at Shadowatch.

Andi rolled her eyes. "Guess they ain't exactly regular viewers…"

"They're twelve year old girls." Althea shrugged. "They'd rather be watching the Powerpuff Girls."

"Or that Disney Channel crap." Craig grunted.

"Quickie, man, slow down when you explain stuff." Todd sighed.

"That's Shadowatch." Lance pointed at the non-Misfit mutants. He then indicated Zarana. "That's Zarana. She's pregnant, and it started a massive brawl outside." He finally jerked a thumb at Mainframe. "And it's all his fault."

"Why waste energy trying to understand Pietro when Lance can give us the Reader's Digest version?" Fred smiled.

Trinity looked on in amazement. "Wow…"

"How did we not know about this?" Daria asked.

"And that is the question on everybody's minds right now…" Their older sister sighed.

"Mmm…air conditioning…" Zarana smiled peacefully, closing her eyes.

"Turns out those two have been seeing each other for a long time." Jake shook his head.

"I wonder what Paul will think?" Lina asked.

"Me? I'm shocked!" Starchild exclaimed.

"No, she means Mainframe's son." Lance clarified.

"Oh, him." The dark-haired guitarist/vocalist nodded. His face scrunched s he thought of the answer. "I think it'll be a double shock for him. Did he even know about his father and Zarana here?"

"I found my stuffed clown!" John shouted randomly. Mitch took a look at the toy clown, and he visibly winced.

"Why'd you go looking for that thing?" Mitch groaned. He'd heard about that toy clown from his brother, and it freaked him out.

"So Zarana could have something to hang on to while she's on the couch." John replied as if it were the most logical explanation in the world.

Zarana did not agree. "Do_ not_ come near me!" She exclaimed in a wide-eyed panic. "I don't want my baby to catch whatever makes him crazy!"

"What? He's harmless." John said, before glaring at the clown. "No! You do your own bloody dirty work! You're the one who hates the President, not me!"

"He knew…sort of…" Mainframe answered nervously.

"Now how did he know before we did?" Hawk demanded while Lance seemed to be thinking something over.

"Wait." He looked at Zarana. "She was the crazy gym teacher lady, wasn't she?" He asked. She nodded in response as he ran a hand through his mullet. "Aw man, how did we miss this before?"

"Miss what?" Todd asked, thoroughly confused by his teammate's new line of questioning.

"So those rumors about the gym teacher and the computer teacher going at it during free period were true?" Pietro blinked. "Whoa…"

"Yup." Lance confirmed. "Kitty and I walked in on them kissing once…"

Mainframe groaned. "So THAT's how they found out…"

John, meanwhile, tried to hand his stuffed clown to Zarana. "Get that damn thing away from me!" she protested, scooting as far away from him as she could on the couch.

"St. John, we've told you a thousand times, nobody wants your clown." Lina sighed. John nodded.

"Good point." He glanced at Zarana. "You probably wouldn't want him anyway. He goes on rants. He believes Richard Nixon liked to catch ducks and stage cagefights with them." He was met with a wide eyed stare and more attempts to get as far away from the clown as possible, much to Lifeline's dismay.

"Now what did I tell you earlier about getting stressed out?" The medic asked his patient. "You need to settle down and rest for a while. Keep doing what you're doing now, and I'm going to have to put an IV into you."

Mainframe sighed. "Oh, I am going to have fun explaining to my older kids about their new half-brother or sister…"

"Good luck, dude." Lance chuckled.

"I'll calm down so long as you keep that lunatic away from me!" Zarana pointed wildly at Pyro.

"Wait…" Paul blinked. "Gym teacher? Zarana was a gym teacher?"

"Before you and your brother joined, Paul." Althea explained. "Zarana was undercover at Bayville High School."

"Wasn't Zanya there in disguise too?" The lead singer for the Superstars asked, distinctly remembering reading _something_ to that effect in one of their old mission files.

"Can I swap him out for Torch?" Zarana asked Lifeline and Mainframe, taking one quick glance at John in the process. "Please? He may not bathe on a regular basis, but he's saner!"

"Somehow, I don't think Hawk's gonna let that happen." Mainframe sighed. "Sorry."

"Dude, their whole family was there in disguise." Andi shot the Misfits a look. "Don't you guys ever read the mission dossiers?"

"…What's a dossier?" John scratched the back of his head.

"I'll take that as a no…" Andi grumbled.

"Aw, Man. I miss all the good gossip." Todd complained.

"Would all of you get out of here?" Lifeline glanced irately over the gathered group of people. "She's supposed to be resting, and that's not going to happen with you all hovering over her!"

"John, a dossier is a collection of papers that give detailed information about a person or thing." Paul explained. John blinked twice in realization.

"Oh."

"We _do_ read them, it's just that Pyro doesn't always get it." Lance sighed.

"Last week, Psyche-Out gave John some medication to try out." Angelica sighed. "It didn't go so well."

"Yeah. He thought the dossiers were a big stack of pancakes and tried to eat them." Lance grumbled, much to Andi's shock.

"Are you serious?" She asked while John happily started playing with a Transformer.

"John, where do you keep finding those?" Althea asked. The insane Aussie grinned in response.

"It's a Blitzwing!" He waved it at Althea and started talking in a funny voice. "I am Blitzwing! I am a Decepticon! I turn into a tan-and-purple tank and jet plane! It makes no sense but I do it anyway because I am Blitzwing!"

"No wonder Magneto kicked you out of the Acolytes." Althea muttered.

"How did he get in?" Mitch wondered.

"He promised me cake!" Pyro grinned widely. Then his face went dark. "He never delivered. I was loyal to him, and he never gave me cake."

"Will you all please leave?" Lifeline asked the group loitering about in the clubhouse.

"John, we could have told you a long time ago that most of what comes out of Magneto's mouth is total B.S." Regan pointed out.

Andi, however, was still muttering about Pyro. "Sure as hell wouldn't have made it on our squad. We already have one psycho, and that's all we need. Well, two if you count Thrasher…"

"Take that back!" An offended Thrasher exclaimed.

"Oh, grow up and get over it!" Zartan told him.

"Out!" Lifeline shouted, having had enough of being ignored. "All of you, out! NOW!"

"Alright, already, we're going!" Althea said as everyone moved toward the door. Well, almost everyone. Zarana took a firm hold of Mainframe's arm to keep him from going anywhere.

"Please, don't leave me…" she pleaded softly.

"I never believed him." Paul stated as the group walked out the door and back outside.

"The man is a hypocrite." Craig scowled.

"She called me psycho!" Thrasher pointed at Andi.

"You _are_ psycho." She stated.

"She's right." Gnawgahyde nodded.

"At least I never had voices in my head!" Thrasher shouted back, deciding to play dirty.

"He's right…and possibly dead." Gnawgahyde sighed as the last of the group left the clubhouse.

"Finally…" Lifeline breathed, having watched the mass exodus from the building.

"Don't worry, Zarana. I'll be right here." Mainframe said before glancing at the medic. "Is that alright, Lifeline?"

"It's fine." Lifeline told him. "You are the father, after all."

And at that point another rousing shout of "MAINFRAME! WHERE ARE YOU?" Sounded from General Hawk outside. Lifeline groaned in exasperation.

"Do we never get a break around here?" Zarana groaned tiredly. All she wanted was just for everyone to shut up and go away for a little while so she could sleep.

"Apparently not." Her boyfriend sighed.

Meanwhile, outside…

"Preaching to the choir, boys." Regan looked at the Misfits. "He tried to get me and Andi to come over to the Acolytes once. Tried to make it out like he could double our pay and make sure we were appreciated."

"Worst lie ever." Kris snorted, crossing her arms.

"First of all, we all knew damn well that he never pays on time and is _always_ under whatever his quota was." Regan snorted.

"See! Never pays up!" Pyro gestured animatedly at the Italian-born telepath.

"Secondly, we saw what happened to his 'appreciated' staff, and didn't think it was worth it." Bryan frowned. "So what if half the adults are mildly psychotic and can barely read or write their names? At least they won't throw us out of an airplane."

Todd nodded approvingly. "Good for you. Nice to know **someone** was paying attention…"

Neal sighed. "But when we turned him down, Andi's dad got pissed that she sided with her mom and Zartan and tried to convince Magneto that we had been brainwashed…"

"Oh, I bet **that** went over well." Lance rolled his eyes.

"I don't shoot my own teammates, though, dammit!" Andi grumbled at Thrasher. "Maim, but never shoot!"

"Dude just give up already." Zanya sighed. "You're only going to get your ass kicked again…" she paused in thought, "On second thought, keep going!"

"Well, you do like to bop me on the head a lot." Eventide frowned at Andi.

"So?" Lance asked. "We've all smacked John at least once."

"Can I smack him?" Corona asked, earning a confused glance from Avalanche.

"For what?"

"…being stupid?" She offered.

"Paul never has." Craig pointed out.

"Aw, man. Here comes Hawk, yo!" Todd called out in alarm. His girlfriend began waving her arms frantically.

"Outta the way. Outta the way! OUTTA THE WAY!" She cried out, ushering everyone out of the path of the enraged general.

"Mainframe, get your ass back out here!" Hawk shouted, standing in the doorway of the clubhouse. "You've got a lot to answer for, pal!"

"Forget answers! I want to skin him alive!" Zartan put in, earning a groan from his younger brother.

"For the love of God, shut up, Zartan!" The pink-haired man hissed. "Do you **want** Zarana to cave our skulls in!"

"I'm a dead man." Mainframe groaned. Zarana glared up at the two angry men in the doorway.

"They'll have to go through me first." She growled. "Because I am **not** raising this kid alone!"

Paul covered his eyes in anticipation. "This is going to be so brutal…"

"I only smack you when you're acting like a lunatic, and it's not like you don't do the same thing to me." Andi pointed out to Kristen, who shrugged in response.

"Yeah, but Paul has the patience of a freakin' monk." Lance told Craig. "The rest of us don't!"

An irate Lifeline looked up at Hawk and Zartan. "I thought I told the two of you to GET THE HELL OUT!"

"You know, he's pretty scary when he's mad…" Craig winced.

"Those two jerks keep this up, and I'm dragging them out by their ears." Andi grumbled. "Preferably after knocking them both out with those two sinks that whacked Virus stupid earlier."

Althea sighed. "I'll go round up some requisition forms to scare Hawk away."

"I wonder what scares Zartan?" Eventide wondered. Regan, upon hearing this, perked up and looked at Andi.

"I'm not sure what he's scared _of_, but we both know a way of threatening him to back off."

Andi thought for a moment. "Yeah. I guess that would work…"

"What would work?" Paul inquired.

"Oh, you wanna call _her_ up…" Kris realized.

"No, I plan to threaten him into having to deal with her hanging around town for a week." Andi corrected. "And if he doesn't back off, I know she'd agree to do it."

Zanya frowned. "You wouldn't…"

"I'm still lost…" Paul scratched his head.

"It's her super-secret 'get the boss to agree to stuff' plan." Bryan stated. "Only to be brought out in times of emergency. I think this definitely qualifies."

Todd's eyes went wide as he looked at the tall scaly girl. "You wouldn't… not _her_… not _**here!**_"

"No, please!" Fred begged, falling on his knees in front of Andi. "We'll give you anything you want! Just don't call **her!**"

"Relax, guys." Andi waved in reassurance. "I don't really intend to call her. Usually just threatening him with being within about forty miles of her is enough to get him to back off. And she'd be staying with us in Chicago. Away from you."

The amphibious teen breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank you God." Fred panted in relief, patting his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm still a little lost." Paul stated as Althea returned with a stack of papers.

"I got 'em!" She announced, waving the forms in the air. Andi nodded.

"Okay, on three."

"Paul, you're not the only one." Craig sighed.

"Three!" Andi called out.

"Oh, General Hawk!" Althea called out in a sing-song voice. "We just got a whole new batch of requisition forms for you to sign!" She waved the sheets of paper about, while the General stared in apprehension.

"Ha ha!" Zartan sniggered, preparing to walk into the clubhouse, when…

"Get away from that door, or I'm calling Mom and telling her she can have an all-expenses paid trip to Chicago without having to live in a hotel for a week." Andi stated in a calm, clear voice. Zandar winced.

"Oh, this just got dirty."

"What was the big deal about her mom?" Paul blinked. "I'm still not getting it."

With a sigh, Lance leaned over and whispered the important details of the threat to his teammate. The lead singer and guitarist for the Superstars' jaw dropped in realization.

"Oh…"

"…You're bluffing." Zartan gave his young charge a calculating stare. She wouldn't _really_ go through with the threat, would she?

"Am I?" Andi held up her cell phone. "I've got her number on speed-dial."

Meanwhile, inside the clubhouse…

"It got quiet out there." Lifeline observed, not sure if the newfound silence would be lasting, or just the calm before another storm.

Zarana didn't seem to care which option it turned out to be. "Good." She mumbled, scooting to a more comfortable position on the couch. "Now I can sleep in peace!"

**outside**

"Get those damn forms away from me!" Hawk backed into a wall, trying to evade Althea and the stack of papers.

"If you don't start letting Lifeline do his job, they'll follow you all over the base!" She sang out in a would-be happy tone, waving the papers around.

"Nooo!" The General moaned.

"You wouldn't." Zartan glared. "No way she would agree to that!"

"Of course I can get her to agree to it!" Andi smirked. "I'm the baby, remember?"

Neal sighed. "She's also the only one who will _talk_ to her mother."

"Ironically enough, she refuses to go shopping with her." Kris pouted. "I don't understand why, though! Raven has good fashion sense!"

"I wouldn't call it good, but she's more fashion-forward than some of our co-workers." Regan conceded. "I don't think that the Baroness or Demming have updated their uniforms since the 80s."

"Obviously you haven't seen Paul's costume." Pietro snorted, causing Regan to take offense.

"You obviously know nothing about the subject!" She scolded. "Paul's uniform makes him look adorable!" She and Zanya both sighed dreamily.

"Typical." Kristen rolled her eyes.

Zartan muttered something under his breath that none of the kids could decipher. Andi raised a triumphant eyebrow.

"Now, are you going to let Zarana rest up, or will I have to make the phone call? Or I could just send her a text message. That would actually be much faster!"

"Oh yeah?" Regan looked at her dark-headed teammate. "What do you think of Craig in his costume, Kris?"

One could almost see cartoony hearts with wings flying around Kristen's head. "Sexy Darkstar…" She smiled happily while Wanda growled in annoyance.

Dammit, she **would** make the phone call after all! "…Fine." Zartan frowned, not liking the idea of having been out-negotiated by one of his employees. If she'd been blackmailing anyone else, he would have been proud of her, but it really stung to have her pull out all the stops on him like this.

"I knew you'd see sense." She grinned, putting the phone back in her pants pocket.

"Oh, you're one to complain, Wanda!" Lila scoffed. "You do the exact same thing when you see him!" Her teammate at least had the decency to look properly embarrassed.

"FINALLY!" Zandar exclaimed, seeing that the standoff was, at long last, ended. "Who's ready to go home?"

"Uh, you do realize we're gonna have to come right back here with 'Rana's stuff, right?" Regan asked.

"Ah. Right." Duke nodded, remembering Lifeline's earlier spiel about Zarana having to stay at the Pit for the time being. "Makes sense." Hawk, by contrast, started twitching again.

"Well, we can run her stuff over here pretty quickly," Andi said, then shot a glare at Zartan, "but **you're** staying back at the base! You've got us in enough trouble for one day!"

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" He shot back, intending to remind her just who was in charge around here…

…and failing miserably. She wouldn't budge. "You even _think_ about making an escape, and so help me, I'll call and let her stay for a month!"

"Hawk, it can't be helped." Duke sighed, trying to calm down his commanding officer. "Just let it go."

"Yeah, I don't think Zarana's going to cause any trouble while she's here." Lady Jaye agreed. "She's got a bigger problem to worry about right now."

"Yeah," Pietro put in, "a bun in the oven, courtesy of Mainframe."

Now, the computer and communications specialist had been listening to this conversation as best he could from inside the clubhouse. A forlorn sigh escaped his lips as he glanced down at his now-sleeping paramour. She had her arms around one of his, and a small smile on her face. "I'm never going to live this down, am I?"

Lifeline responded with a prompt, "No, I don't think you will."


	9. Change of Scenery

**Disclaimer: I had a disclaimer…right up until Polly flew off with it. One of these days, I'll stop working with Joe animals. *sigh***

**Mama Zarana**

**9. Change of Scenery**

"I still don't see why I couldn't just go back to Chicago." Zarana frowned, crossing her arms in annoyance. She was currently sitting on the one bed in Mainframe's section of the barracks, watching as her stuff was moved into the cramped space she and Blaine would be co-habiting for the next nine months.

Lifeline let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't in good conscience let you _leave_ until I'm positive that stunt you pulled this afternoon isn't going to have any sort of delayed complications. You're lucky I'm letting you stay here and not confining you to the medical bay!"

"You act as if she'd have _stayed_ there." Bree chuckled. She and Mainframe were currently moving in the last of Zarana's things. "Even I know she'd have made a break for it as soon as she felt like it!"

"Bree, what have I told you about giving people ideas like that?" Her husband sighed.

"Lifeline, don't you worry about it." Mainframe reassured, setting down a pink suitcase. "I'll keep an eye on her."

"And I'll help." Regan added as she walked into the apartment, a cat carrier in one hand and a sleeping bag rolled up under her other arm. She'd elected to stay at the Pit with Zarana… at least when 'Growing Up Biker' wasn't filming. Since that started up again tomorrow, she'd be gone during the day, but back in time for dinner.

Tiffany mewed loudly from her carrier, not happy about having to spend so much of her time stuck inside it. As soon as she knew the front door to the apartment was shut, Regan set the carrier down and opened it, allowing the small Siamese kitten to walk around and explore her temporary home. The exploration only lasted as long as it took for the little cat to find her litter box. "And I will starting with keeping the cat box clean." The Italian telepath sighed as her new pet finished her business. After wiping her paws clean on the edge of the litter box, Tiffany proceeded to look for something to play with.

"Just don't let her overexert herself again." The medic warned.

"How about you actually tell **me** about it instead of acting like I'm not in the room?" The pink-haired woman frowned. "Bad enough I'm stuck here."

"'Rana…" Regan sighed as Tiffany decided that Lifeline's loose shoelace would make a perfect cat toy and pounced on it.

"I'm not overreacting, dammit!" she hissed. "We all know those 'friends' of yours aren't going to tolerate me being here anymore than if I brought him home with me!" She looked straight at Blaine this time, either ignoring or simply not caring about the uncomfortable expression on Lifeline's face. The cat was happily swatting at his shoestring, jumping over and on his foot to do so.

All three members of the Joe team looked at each other uncertainly. It was a given that most of the other Joes were going to be giving the pair disapproving stares or derogatory comments…but there was also the distinct possibility that someone could try to hurt one of them. "Someone's gotta stay with her while Regan and I are gone tomorrow." Mainframe pointed out. "In case somebody else tries to do something while she's home alone."

"I don't need a bodyguard." Zarana snarled defiantly. "I can take care of myself just fine!"

"A few weeks ago, that would have been true." Lifeline corrected. "Today you couldn't even stand up on your own and came dangerously close to requiring an IV. You're not in any shape to be left by yourself."

"And just _who_ are you gonna get to volunteer to stay here?" The female Dreadnok frowned.

A small smirk crossed Bree's features. "Actually, I think I have the _perfect_ candidate."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me." Lady Jaye shook her head in disbelief. "You want me to do **what?**"

"Oh come on, don't think of it as a chore." Bree implored. "She needs help, Jaye. And she might not show it, but she is scared. I think the brawl this afternoon left her pretty shaken up."

"Seeing Hawk lose it like that made all of us uneasy." The counterintelligence specialist admitted. "But does it have to be me? Wouldn't one of the Misfits' handlers be a better choice?"

"The Misfits can't spare anyone right now, and let's face it, the only one taking this marginally well out of that group is Shipwreck." The nurse stated. "He'd wind up bringing the babies or Trinity with him, and that would defeat the purpose of having her rest up. Besides, you know what she's going through better than anyone else here! I know it would mean a lot to her to have someone other than Lifeline or myself sit down and explain things to her."

Lady Jaye sighed. The blonde woman brought up a good point. Like it or not, she _was_ the most qualified for the job. "I can't promise more than tomorrow. There's no telling when the next assignment will come in…"

"That's all I'm asking for right now." The other woman said. "Show up right as Mainframe heads out in the morning, and we'll go from there."

The sound of retching met Alison "Lady Jaye" Fairborne's ears as she arrived at Mainframe's "apartment" ("room with bathroom" might have been a better description). ~_Obviously, __someone __isn__'__t __feeling __well __today._~ she thought as she knocked on the front door. A few moments later, Mainframe answered it. To her surprise, he had a small Siamese cat held securely in his arms. A cat who was currently trying to wriggle free and jump out the door. ~_Must __belong __to __one __of __the __kids_.~ She remembered them saying something about a new cat yesterday… vaguely. They were talking about quite a few different topics yesterday.

"Ah. So you're Bree's mysterious volunteer." He said, opening the door wider and ushering her inside the cramped space as quickly as possible. Once she was inside, he shut the door and set the kitten down on the bed. "We were wondering who would show up."

"Well, here I am." Lady Jaye stated simply, glancing toward the small bathroom where Zarana was now rinsing her mouth out in the sink. It was weird, seeing the other woman so…vulnerable. If not for the bright pink hair, she wouldn't recognize her right now. 'Sick' and 'tired' were not words she ever thought she'd use to describe the Dreadnok before today. "Do you really think someone would…"

"Yes." He answered softly as the tiny Siamese leapt off the bed and sauntered into the bathroom. "I can think of several who would, if they thought she were alone." He glanced over at Zarana for a moment, then looked back at Lady Jaye.

Jaye nodded in understanding. A few names had come to the front of her mind as well. Speaking of names… "I thought one of the kids was staying here with her?" She asked, watching the tiny feline contentedly rub her tiny body against Zarana's legs and purr like a well-tuned Ferrari.

"Regan already left for the day." The computer specialist informed her. "She'll be back sometime after lunch, with any luck." The counterintelligence agent nodded in understanding as Zarana finally made her way out of the bathroom.

"Oh. It's you." She muttered, leaning tiredly on the bathroom doorframe as the cat continued to affectionately wrap herself around the woman's legs.

"Don't sound so _excited_ about it." Mainframe glanced worriedly back at her as she shuffled to the bed and lay down on it. The cat jumped up with her shortly afterward. "It's just for a few hours. _Somebody_ needs to be looking out for you while I'm not here, and somehow I don't think Tiffany there is going to be much help." He nodded at the kitten now standing on his girlfriend's shoulder. Tiffany looked back up at him and meowed in protest.

"We'll be fine." Lady Jaye reassured him. "You better get going before you wind up being late."

"You ladies behave yourselves, okay?" He said, walking out the door when he was sure the cat was more focused on giving Zarana an impromptu back massage than the front door opening. Lady Jaye flashed him a confident smile, while Zarana muttered something that was either "come back safe" or "one black eight"…it was hard to tell with her face planted in a pillow.

Lady Jaye felt a pang of sympathy for the woman. She remembered her own days like these in vivid clarity. "Do you need anything?"

The muffled reply sounded more like gibberish than anything resembling the English language. Hoping that the pink-haired woman would repeat whatever she'd just said, the Javelin-throwing Joe moved in closer. This time, the female Dreadnok lifted her head up and looked her in the eyes. "What do you care?" She grumbled. "Don't you Joes _enjoy_ having 'one less snake' to worry about?"

Alison frowned. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" Zarana spat. "You think I don't _know_ what's going through your heads? That I didn't _see_ those glares they were shooting our way last night? The ones that ain't celebrating their latest 'victory' are plotting ways to get rid of me by nightfall."

Alison had to think hard about how to word her response. The fallout from yesterday's bombshell revelation hadn't been fully assessed yet, but most Joes fell into two camps over the issue: Those who thought that not enough had been done to punish Mainframe for his part in this whole business, and those who thought that everyone else was overreacting. It was also no secret that most of the team were (understandably) angry with Lifeline, since the medic had been the one responsible for talking Duke and Hawk into letting Zarana stay at the Pit. From the start, however, she and her husband understood that this arrangement was in everyone's best interest and there was no use getting upset over something you couldn't change. "Not all of us are like that." She shook her head.

"And the only 3 that ain't are all off at work. Convenient, don't you think?"

"Do you really think that *all* of us are out to hurt you?"

"Given the number of times you've tried to KILL me, yes!" Zarana instantly winced at the volume her own voice took on. Tiffany apparently wasn't a fan of the argument either. She made several agitated chirps that sounded more bird-like than feline and nudged the female Dreadnok's hand with her head. Sighing, the woman lifted her hand up enough to scratch in between the kitten's ears. The darn cat was already wrapping everyone she met around her little paws, and she hadn't even been home a full 24 hours yet.

Jaye shook her head at the cat's antics and squatted down so that she was more on Zarana's eye level. "Well, isn't somebody a little demanding?" She asked, looking at the cat. Tiffany chirped again, this time making as sound suspiciously similar to the phrase "Yep!".

"Sure seems that way." 'Rana muttered, looking more at the cat than the woman in front of her.

"She's got a point, though. Arguing about it isn't going to help." The brunette stated. "Whether you believe it or not, some of us do want to help you. You think I'd have let Bree volunteer me if I didn't? Both of us know I'm not that sadistic."

Zarana thought about it a moment. There was some truth to that statement. Lady Jaye was far from being one of her favorite people, but from what she knew of the woman there was no reason to expect her to try anything. Now, Wolverine's little ninja lover… she might pose a problem in the near future. "You ain't exactly a match for the sadistic ones, either."

"Maybe, but none of them want to get on Flint's bad side either." She winked. "_Especially_ not when he's got Duke to back him up. That's like a death sentence around here."

"I thought that came with pissing off the general?"

"Well, yeah, that too." Alison admitted. "They call him 'tomahawk' for a reason. But Duke and Flint have been here a lot longer than he has. No Joe worth his stripes is going to try to fight them, since that usually results in a very angry general and nobody wants to see _that_ again anytime soon."

"After yesterday, I know why. And knowing is a good reason to avoid him for a couple of days." The green-eyed woman replied. Tiffany made several chirping noises in agreement.

"Sounds like a very good plan to me. Now back to my original question, do you need me to get you anything?"

There was a brief pause, and then… "Well, since you mentioned it…"

* * *

Later, in the afternoon, Lady Jaye was sitting quietly on top of Regan's cot, reading a book of poetry. Surprisingly, no one came by to pester them today. The only visitor they had was Flint, and that was because she'd asked him to bring them something from the mess tent that at least looked and smelled edible. With BA in the kitchen, that was sometimes hard to come by. Fortunately for them, mashed potatoes and chicken strips were relatively safe to eat, and all the crackers were store-bought and still in their individual packaging—a sure sign that BA hadn't added any special ingredients to them. The crackers were likely the first thing in days that Zarana hadn't coughed back up…yet. But since several hours had passed since then, the javelin-throwing Joe was relatively sure it wouldn't happen at all.

Zarana had lain down for a nap a little while earlier, and was now sound asleep. Likewise, Tiffany now snoozed contently from her spot next to Jaye on the cot. It was actually quite a peaceful scene…up until someone started tapping on the door.

The knock itself didn't concern her. Whoever was on the other side of the door wasn't a threat, or they wouldn't have knocked so lightly. No, it was the fact that the sleeping cat was suddenly awake, alert, and running to the door. If she were full grown and used to her surroundings, Jaye wouldn't have worried about it. However, Tiffany was still a kitten and no match for the two dogs and one wolf that tended to roam around the base. She had to stay an inside kitty for now.

"Just a minute." She called softly, setting her book down and diving after the feline. The small Siamese escaped her grasp the first time, bounding her way out of the javelin-throwing Joe's reaching hands and landing in front of the door. As she began to chatter with whoever was standing outside, Jaye managed to finally wrap her hands around the feline's tiny body and pull her in close to prevent another escape attempt. The female Joe hoped she hadn't woken Zarana up with her ungraceful dive after the cat, but a quick glance to her left revealed that the other woman still slept, peacefully unaware of what was going on around her.

"Tiffy, you _know_ you can't come outside." A female voice tinged with an Italian accent chided.

_Must __be __Regan._ Lady Jaye thought as she opened the front door. Sure enough, Mainframe and a blonde teenage girl stood on the other side.

"Well, come in quickly before she tries to get out again." Jaye scolded the other two softly as they entered. Tiffany complained too, although the source of her protest was probably the fact that she was being held against her will and couldn't explore outside the cramped space. As soon as the door was closed securely, Jaye allowed the squirming feline to jump to the floor.

"You're turning out to be a real handful, you know that?" Regan sighed, looking at her new pet, who chirped back animatedly.

"I hope they weren't too much trouble." Mainframe glanced cautiously over at his slumbering paramour. He knew all too well just how difficult she could be at times. The married Joe-ette shook her head.

"Nah. She wasn't any trouble at all." She assured him. "Now that cat… she's gonna have half the base whipped once she's big enough to explore."

Regan shrugged. "If the other animals get jealous, I can always have Andi sic _her_ dog on them." Laredo—a cross between a wild wolf and a cattle-herding dog of unknown pedigree—wasn't particularly large (weighing roughly 70 lbs), but still became a rather intimidating array of fur and teeth when provoked.

"Is this the same dog that drives tanks?" Mainframe asked skeptically. Regan nodded an affirmative.

"He also drives cars and steals tools from Buzzer and Thrasher when they're not looking."

"Why just those two?" The computer specialist asked, much to Lady Jaye's amusement.

"That's easy." She smiled. "Those two hate dogs. I'm amazed the dog's still there."

"Only because Zartan caught Buzzer trying to sneak into Andi's and Zanya's room to get rid of the dog." Regan smirked. "The psycho _still_ had some of the bruises a week later."

_~Ah. __That __makes __sense.~_ Lady Jaye thought. ~_He __certainly __seems __the __over-protective __father-figure __type.~_ The brunette woman nodded. "Well, now that you two are here, I'd better get going." She said.

"Thanks again for staying with her today." Mainframe looked at her gratefully as Regan scooped up the cat.

"It wasn't any trouble at all." Lady Jaye reassured him. "Unless something changes, I'll be back tomorrow morning." She opened the door and took a step outside. That sentence surprised her long-time teammate, as she rather suspected it might. Historically, she and Zarana didn't have the greatest track record for playing well together during the rare times when Cobra and Joe forces called a temporary truce. But, that was at work, when they were supposed to be suspicious of each other—Cobras had a habit of double-crossing their allies, after all. This was different somehow, even though neither woman was exactly sure why. She was sure Psyche-Out would have an explanation, but she didn't want to know badly enough to ask him. It was most likely something to do with the fact that Jaye herself was a mom, and Zarana was going to become one.

"Ah. Well, get home safe." The gray-clad Joe told her. "I don't want an angry Flint coming after me if something happened to you and I was the last one to see where you went." The warrant officer's jealous streak was legendary, as was his wrath in the event something happened to his wife. Thus far, Mainframe hadn't garnered either reaction out of the man, and he rather wanted to keep it that way.

"I can take care of myself, 'Frame." She smirked, giving the man and the teenager one final wave goodbye before closing the door behind her.

Inside, Regan shot Mainframe a curious glance. "What did those two _do_ while we were gone?" she inquired. "She's acting like 'Rana's her new best friend or something."

"I don't know, and I don't think I'd understand it if they explained it to me." The man shook his head. "I'm just glad they didn't start another brawl."

Regan nodded as Tiffany jumped out of her arms again, landed on the ground, and leapt up onto the bed Zarana was currently stretched out on. The small Siamese landed lightly at the woman's feet, not disturbing her sleep in the slightest. "Don't you wake her up." The telepath admonished. Her pet gave her a "who, me?" look before walking in the same small circle 3 times and curling up in between Zarana's ankles for a quick cat-nap.


	10. Baroness, Interrupted

**Wow. I am so sorry that I took this long to finish the chapter. I kept getting stuck halfway through it, and finally had to re-write everything I had from the scene break down. But, it is finished now and I hope you will all enjoy it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this chapter. Not even Mary (see footnote for further explanation). **

**Mama Zarana**

**10. Baroness, Interrupted**

Not quite a week had passed since Zarana's rather sudden departure from the Chicago Dreadnoks' base when Serpentor decided to call a staff meeting at the Terror Dome. That in and of itself would have been a stressful event for Zartan, since this meant having fewer adults home to supervise the kids. When added to the fact that his _dear_ sister had somehow acquired one of his credit cards and decided to use it to pay for the entire damn wedding she was planning a week from now (including the invitations he'd somehow gotten roped into handing out today), and he was faced with the very real possibility of a stress-induced coronary embolism.

"Oh, look, the Dreadnoks have arrived." Major Sebastian Bludd drawled mockingly as the motley crew of mercenaries entered the meeting room. "What? No ankle-biters today?"

"No. Shadowatch is rather preoccupied with improving **our** organization's public image at the moment." Zartan replied coldly. "And they're hardly ankle-biters anymore. Many of them are taller than you are."

"Boss, what were we supposed to do with these 'ere fancy letters?" Ripper asked, waving one of the invitations in the air.

"Hand them out." The human chameleon sighed. He'd rather deal with the fallout _before_ the meeting started (hopefully distracting Serpentor enough to adjourn early in the process).

"What are these…documents?" A frowning Serpentor asked suspiciously as his was given to him.

"It appears to be an invitation." Dr. Mindbender blinked, examining his envelope carefully. "It does not appear to be tampered with…"

"If they had been, Zarana would've killed him." Monkeywrench grinned broadly despite the glare his boss shot his way.

"Shut up, Monkeywrench." Zartan snapped in irritation.

"You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of…" Destro read his invitation aloud before trailing off, giving Zartan an incredulous stare. "Is this some sort of practical joke?"

"Oh, how I wish it were!" The mercenary groaned, rubbing his temples. "Unfortunately, this is _completely_ legitimate, and I have the bills to prove it!"

"Zarana—quite possibly the loudest and rudest woman we've ever employed—is getting _married?_" The silver-masked arms dealer asked in surprise.

"He won't be half so shocked to hear _why_." Buzzer whispered to his fellow Dreadnoks, who started sniggering uncontrollably.

"Pardon our ignorance," Xamot began.

"But we would like to know…" Tomax picked up where his brother left off.

"Who the groom will be." They finished in unison.

"Wait..." The Baroness frowned, studying her invitation closely. "Parker… Yes, I recognize that name!"

"Good, then maybe you can tell the rest of us what we're missing." Major Bludd scoffed, clearly not amused by this whole business of wedding invitations.

"He was one of the teachers during our mission to Bayville…" The proverbial light bulb went off in the dark-haired bespectacled woman's mind. "He's one of the Joes! Their computer expert!"

"_**What?!**_" The other officers of Cobra's High Command all exclaimed.

"How is this _**possible?!**_" Destro's jaw dropped.

"That...that **can't** be right!" Bludd shook his head, dispelling the idea. "She would have to be _nice_ to him for longer than five seconds!"

"She was sleeping with him to get information." The dark-haired European woman recalled after taking a breath to calm down. "Or that's what she told us when we asked… unless it really wasn't _just_ for information…"

"Which leads us to just _why_ there's a need for this in the first place…" Zartan muttered under his breath, not expecting anyone else to hear him.

Unfortunately, someone did. "And just _why_ is it that there is a need for your sister to marry one of the Joes, Zartan?" Destro inquired. "It seems a rather…unusual strategy for gaining information from our enemies."

"Due to recent, unforeseeable circumstances, I felt this was the most acceptable solution." The assassin replied calmly, inwardly cursing the arms dealer's good hearing.

"And what might those circumstances be? Did the brats finally drive her over the edge?" Mindbender chortled.

"No, the kids did **not** drive her over the edge." Zartan glared at the mad scientist. "They've actually been surprisingly well-behaved lately."

"He got her pregnant, didn't he?" Destro shot the Dreadnok leader a knowing glance.

"Can you think of any **other** reason why I would permit this three-ring circus to occur?" Zartan snipped, much to the Baroness's dismay. Her jaw dropped at Zartan's little revelation.

"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?"

"You see, when a man and a woman find each other attractive…"

"I know the mechanics of it, Zartan!" The European woman growled. "What I want to know is how you could have **allowed** something like this to happen!"

"I hardly 'allowed' it." He frowned. "She went behind my back and left us with very few alternatives. There's a difference."

"This wedding…what sort of event is it?" Serpentor inquired. Although he had recollections of what the ceremonies binding a man and woman together were like during the lifetimes of his genetic donors, the modern wedding was a foreign thing to him.

"Formal, usually." Dr. Mindbender explained to his creation. "Guests dress up in nice suits or dresses and bring a gift for the bride and groom. The ceremony usually lasts about an hour, with a reception to follow. The reception usually means a bar."

"I trust there will be a bar at this fiasco?" Destro inquired.

"Of course there will be! The only way I'm going to be able to deal with this insanity is if I'm blitzed out of my mind." Zartan snorted.

"I suppose I can take an afternoon off to watch this madness unfold…" Destro mused.

"Oh, we are going, dear Destro!" The Baroness informed him. "And taking notes!" The arms dealer sighed heavily. He was going to have to deal with his girlfriend going into full wedding-fever because of this!

"I think this will provide some much needed entertainment, brother." Tomax glanced at his twin, an eyebrow raised.

"Yes, Tomax. We shall attend as well." Xamot responded, an amused smile on his face.

"I want to be there as well!" Serpentor exclaimed, pounding the arm of his throne with his fist. "This I command!"

"Of course, Serpentor." Mindbender sighed. He really didn't want to go to this 'special occasion', but someone needed to keep an eye on Serpentor… and there was an open bar. Couldn't be that bad, could it?

* * *

While that business was going on at the Terrordome, Mainframe and Zarana had a rather important meeting of their own in New York. They were meeting two of his three older children for lunch. Peter, his eldest, predictably rattled off an excuse as to why he couldn't be there. In the last two years, Blaine Parker had made every effort short of desperation to get back in touch with his kids. Paul and Mary were wary, but pleased to be able to speak to him again and occasionally meet for lunch. Peter, however, kept himself as far removed from his father as was possible. Aggravating though it was, Mainframe couldn't blame him for it. The divorce and the events that followed had been rather messy—messier than he'd ever intended things to get. Being the oldest, Peter was more affected, and therefore still embittered about it all these years later. ** &**

Of course, this also meant that he wanted nothing to do with his father's wedding. Not that any of this family drama mattered to Zarana right now… none of his older kids would be living with them in the near future. Still, since the two younger teens expressed an interest in what was going on, she and Blaine agreed that it would be a good idea for the four of them to meet somewhere and discuss things.

"You sure you're up for this?" Mainframe asked her nervously. They had arrived at their destination-a quaint diner on the outskirts of Bayville—early, and were now waiting on Paul and Mary to arrive.

"For the last time, I'm fine." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Those Joes Doc and Lifeline wouldn't have cleared me to leave the base if I wasn't!" The computer expert sighed.

"Okay, let me rephrase the question. Are you sure that you're ready to talk to my kids about this?"

She sighed, running a hand through the red hair of the wig she put on before leaving the Pit. "Blaine, it was either going to be meeting them today, or meeting them at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Since this wedding is already turning into a three-ring circus, I'd much rather get this out of the way now."

"Point taken." He replied as a pair of teenagers entered the diner and walked up to their booth.

"Dad! You made it!" A girl who appeared to be no older than fifteen squealed in delighted amazement. Her dark brown hair fell in a single braid down her back and bright green eyes sparkled excitedly. She wore a plain pink t-shirt and jeans.

"Did you doubt I would?" The computer specialist feigned disappointment as he hugged his daughter. "Surely my track record isn't _that_ bad."

"No, surprisingly, it isn't." A smiling Paul shrugged, stepping up to greet his father with a friendly handshake. He looked about the same as the last time Zarana saw him. The golden-haired teenager then glanced at Mainframe's now red-headed companion. "Now how did I _know_ we'd be meeting again like this?" he sighed, this time directing the query at Zarana. While his sister knew that the infamous "Zoe Rafael" was dad's long time girlfriend turned fiancé, she didn't know any of the specifics. Unlike her brother—a student at Bayville High School during the undercover operation the pair worked—who knew most, but not all, of the details.

Granted, neither of the kids had been told that their soon-to-be-stepmother was pregnant… yet.

"Very good deductive reasoning skills, I imagine." She responded lightly. "It's nice to see you again, Paul. Didn't really get the chance to talk to you last time."

"Well, things were pretty hectic then." The blond boy pointed out, keeping his expression guarded. "Hectic" was a gross understatement, of course.

"Don't expect the wedding to be any different." She sighed. "Somehow anything involving my relatives and your father's co-workers always turns out that way."

"But surely they would behave for such a special occasion." Mary frowned, regarding the woman with a confused face. Zarana shook her head in disbelief and fought the urge to chuckle. The poor kid was so clueless it was comical. The group then took seats at a table near the corner of the diner's outdoor area.

"I'm not gonna hold my breath on that one." She smirked. "They aren't exactly _thrilled_ that I'm marrying him, let alone that we sprung it on them like this…"

"So it wasn't just us who thought this was sudden." Paul frowned. "Why the rush, anyway? Upcoming assignment?"

"No, no, it's nothing like that." Blaine waved off his son's concern as a server stopped by to take drink orders for the table. "Our reasons are…well, they're personal."

"Oh." Mary nodded, debating whether or not to ask just what 'personal' reasons meant. Blatant curiosity won out over a desire to respect her father's privacy. "What kind of personal reasons?" She asked as her brother suddenly sat up straighter.

"Oh, no. No." Paul said, looking straight at his father. "No way. Please tell me you didn't…"

"Told you he'd figure it out first." Zarana smirked, quite pleased with having won the debate she and Blaine had on the way up here. He thought they would actually have to explain things to them, while she argued that the older one was bound to put the pieces together on his own. Hell, he'd figured out that the Joes and Cobra were after mutants in his school without any more than just tiny hints; surely he could reason his way through this.

"Paul, it's not as bad as you think it is." Mainframe sighed, rubbing hs forehead. He was feeling a headache coming on.

"How is this _not_ bad?" his son hissed, keeping his voice low so that other patrons wouldn't overhear. "You got a known terrorist pregnant!"

"Terrorist?" Mary furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "She's a terrorist?" The woman certainly didn't _look_ much like a terrorist…

"Can we not have this conversation here?" Zarana groaned, feeling a headache building as the conversation kept moving. "There's a time and place for this kind of crap and a small town diner during lunch rush is not it!"

"How did you two manage to get permission for this?" The blond boy frowned. He didn't know much about the general his father served under, but he didn't think that the man would let something like this happen under his watch without compelling arguments in their favor.

"I'm pretty sure that happened after Lifeline and Doc forced me to move onto the base." She shrugged. "Which was actually about a week before the shrink decided I wasn't a viable security risk..."

Paul groaned, running a hand through his hair as a server brought their drink orders to the table. Of all the announcements he expected his father to make, this wasn't one of them. He was cut off from saying something he would possibly regret by a waitress coming to take their lunch orders. Once she left, however, his sister decided to take the conversation in a different direction.

"So…you live with Dad now?" The brunette girl inquired, looking curiously across at Zarana.

"Yes. Me, Regan, and the cat."

"Regan?" Both teens repeated.

"Did you get a dog or something?" Paul blinked at his father.

"No, not a dog." Mainframe shook his head. "Regan is…uh…" he sent a silent plea to the woman sitting beside him, since he wasn't sure where to start when it came to explaining Shadowatch.

"Regan is one of a group of teenagers my brothers and I have been taking care of." The woman in the red wig replied swiftly. "Since neither my brothers nor the kids thought it was a good idea for me to stay alone on-base, Regan volunteered to tag along and brought her new cat with her."

"Kids our age?" Paul frowned, not at all liking the idea of Cobra working with teenagers. "I don't suppose these are normal kids by any chance?"

"Kid, any chance most of them had at a normal life was taken away long before they came to us." She shrugged. "They're better off with us than on the street, anyway."

"Wait, you have brothers?" Mary spoke up suddenly. Her brother sighed.

"Of all the parts of this conversation, **that** is what surprised you?" Paul groaned in disbelief.

"I didn't meet her at school like you did!" the younger teen protested. "How am I supposed to know about her family when I've never seen her before today?"

"She brings up a good point." Their father admitted. "You two were at different schools then, remember?" Paul looked down at his drinking glass, feeling rather stupid for not remembering that particular detail. Mary didn't know much of anything about this mess because she wasn't in high school yet when all the crazy stuff went down. His sister didn't seem to notice, instead looking to Zarana for an answer to her question.

The assassin nodded, smiling softly. "Yes, I have two brothers, one of whom has a daughter about your brother's age."

"So we're getting two uncles and a cousin?" the girl asked as her sibling perked up.

"Wait, you mean the mean chick with the dreadlocks?" He blurted out. "_That's_ your niece?"

"And who else would she have belonged to?" the woman raised an eyebrow.

"Her parents let her wear dreadlocks to school?" the girl looked at the three other people at the table, thoroughly confused.

"It's just her dad. She's home-schooled for the most part, and as long as she doesn't come home with any tattoos just yet, I honestly don't care what she does with her hair." There weren't exactly a lot of rules in their household. "It would probably be a good idea for you kids to get to know each other without the war paint on, come to think of it."

"I don't know if we can talk Hawk into that one." Blaine admitted. The general was barely open to the idea of a wedding; odds were he wouldn't allow Zanya or his kids to run around the base.

"No, but I bet Psyche-Out would be all for it." She pointed out. The shrink was just crazy enough to go along with the idea. "As long as we pick a neutral location, I bet he'd be fine with it."

Psyche-Out certainly was pushing to start some kind of family counseling… "If he says no, that's it." He looked at her.

"Of course." She replied, not feeling quite up to trying to persuade him further. "But if he says yes, we're doing this."

"Fine by me." He shrugged as his son stared at him.

"You mean you want me to be _nice_ to her?" He gaped.

"Only if she's being nice…well, nice by our standards." Zarana amended. The Dreadnok standard for good behavior was radically different than that of everyone else in society. "If she's being a brat, then turn-about is fair play."

Strangely, that seemed to put Paul a little more at ease. At least he knew what he was going into this time. "So, what was this about wanting the two of us to be in the wedding?"

The four of them continued to talk and discuss details of the upcoming ceremonies, lost in their own bit of conversation. In fact, they were so lost that the failed to notice a pair of drunken X-Men run by in kilts. With that potential damper on the day's mood happily ignored, the soon-to-be-blended family could all agree that it was nice to have something in their lives go right for a change. The mood was so good, they didn't even notice further insanity erupting behind them, like the X-Men battling one of Kitty Pryde's notorious food monsters, and even the Bayville High School football team being chased by furious bulls...being led by a drunken Zandar dressed like a matador.

**& In her story "Parallel Lives", Red Witch gave Mainframe three children: Peter, Paul, and an unnamed younger daughter. Since I needed the daughter for this chapter and a few others later on and couldn't very well insert her without a first name, I went with Mary.**


	11. Pre-Wedding Jitters

**Apologies if you don't like long chapters, because the next several are booger bears. If you don't mind sitting in one spot for a while, grab a snack and the beverage of your choice and pull up a chair. You're gonna be here for some time. **

**Mama Zarana**

**11. Pre-Wedding Jitters**

The Pit buzzed with activity in the days leading up to the wedding (which, due to lack of space anywhere else, was being held nearby). Psyche-Out, to the dismay of some of his teammates, revealed that he was a certified minister. Whether he did this just for the wedding or had the certification for some years prior was a source of constant debate.

The day before the biggest excuse for a party in recent memory, overnight guests began arriving, including the representatives from the West Coast Misfits.

It should be noted that, for sake of her personal privacy, Zarana's codename was mentioned nowhere in the invitations sent to the Southside and West Coast teams: Zoe (which turned out to be her _real_ first name) was the only name listed. However, while the Southside Misfits had Shadowatch to pester for information, the West Coast crew didn't have anyone nearby and didn't think to call their East Coast counterparts.

"I **still** think this is an anti-Cobra plot." Pyro commented. He, Althea, Lance, and General Haw were waiting for Siryn, Wildstar, and General Whithalf to teleport in. Whithalf was dressed in his usual uniform, but the two West Coasters with him were not wearing their costumes. Instead, they were clad in civilian clothes. Theresa opted for a green t-shirt with khaki slacks. Ace was wearing his regular metalhead gear: an AC/DC t-shirt with a blue leather jacket, blue jeans, biker gloves, and studded wristbands. Hawk sighed, a tone of stress and annoyance in his voice.

"For the last time, _there is no anti-Cobra plot!_" He groaned as their guests arrived in a flash of light.

Unfortunately, all Whithalf heard was 'anti-Cobra Plot'. "This is a plot? Brilliant!" He proudly patted Hawk's shoulder. "Hawk, my boy, your strategic skills are amazing!"

Lance groaned. "Oh, for the love of God, don't encourage him!"

"See? I'm not crazy!" Pyro exclaimed excitedly, pointing at Whithalf. "This proves it!"

Hawk sighed, sensing a long afternoon ahead of him. "General, you misheard me. There is no plot. Please don't indulge Pyro's wild fantasies."

"...Oh." Was all the stunned elder general managed to say. "Well now, that's a shame. I can see possibilities here."

"You mean it's _not_ a plot?" St. John blinked, scratching his head. "Now I'm _really_ confused."

"You're not the only one." Siryn put in. "What are you guys talking about? Some new conspiracy theory? And _why_ are we discussing it the day before such an important wedding?" Wildstar nodded in agreement.

"Yeah. I mean, we got the invitation you guys mailed out, but it didn't tell us much." Ace held up the invitation. "Just that the bride's name was Zoe."

"Is Zoe one of those one-named pop stars?" Theresa asked. Ace rolled his eyes.

"God, I hope not." The feral mutant grumbled as Althea pulled the two West Coast Misfits closer to her.

"Actually, guys, it's kinda like this." She sighed, trying to figure out how to explain the situation. "You see, Zoe...is Zarana."

"_Zarana?!_" Theresa gasped.

"Damn. There goes the neighborhood." Ace chuckled, shaking his head.

"She and Mainframe have been secretly seeing each other for years." Althea nodded. "And it just so happens he got her pregnant."

Theresa's jaw dropped. "Saints above!"

"Oh, man, this is hilarious!" Ace openly laughed at the revelation. "I bet Hawk and Zartan had simultaneous coronaries."

"Well, I don't know about that, but they both tried to kill Mainframe…and each other…" Althea sighed.

"I dunnae believe it…" The Irish teen shook her head, still trying to process the news.

"Man, I can see why you didn't want all of us coming over here for this." Ace admitted. "It's gonna be one wild weekend."

"Oh, it gets wilder." Lance smirked, joining in on the conversation. "Any of you guys watch that reality show 'Growing Up Biker'?"

"Watch it? Dude, I _love_ that show!" Ace's eyes lit up with excitement. "Those bikes are so cool! And the girls on there, man…" A soft chuckle escaped his lips. "They're just as much works of art as the bikes." His Irish teammate smiled slightly.

"Typical Ace." Theresa teased.

"Well, it turns out that all the adults on that show are actually Dreadnoks." Lance explained, turning to Althea for extra clarification.

"The teenagers there are also under contract with the Dreadnoks. Their squad name is Shadowatch. And just so you know, don't make the girls mad."

"Especially the blonde ones. They cause the most damage." Lance's warning made Theresa's jaw drop.

"Dreadnoks?! Are ye serious?!"

"Yeah, and they're here too. Although Zandar and Heart-Wrencher are probably making out somewhere." Lance shrugged.

"Dammit, you two! Get out of that closet!" Zartan was heard shouting somewhere nearby.

"The blondes do tend to." Ace smirked, jerking his thumb at his Irish compatriot. "Theresa here once broke every window in the West Coast Misfit Manor with her screams."

"That was nae me fault!" Theresa protested. "Thunderbird dropped a barbell on me foot!"

"Oh, yeah. That would be the _**other **_reason for not inviting everyone." Althea remembered. "One of the Shadowatch guys also goes by Thunderbird. But his name is Neal, so I don't think we can confuse him for anyone else.

"Oh, get over it already!" Zandar shouted back at his brother.

"I guess breaking windows is better than what Andi tried to do to Pietro." Lance admitted. "I think she wanted to break every bone in his body."

"Neal's really cool." Paul remarked as he walked up. "I've never met anyone from Bangladesh before."

"Yeah, they're a regular United Nations, that bunch." Lance remarked. "You got Bangladesh, America, Canada, Italy, England..."

"Awsome! I can't wait to meet 'em!" Ace cheered.

"I do not need another pregnant Dreadnok around here!" Zartan roared.

"Let me guess." Theresa frowned at Lance's earlier remark about Pietro. "His hands got busy, right?"

"No, his mouth got him in trouble this time." Lance clarified. "Started talking trash about her brother without knowing it was her brother and…yeah."

"No surprise there." Terry rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, the surprise was who her brother turned out to be." Althea admitted. Ace grinned.

"Man, this wedding is gonna be a blast! It's gonna be good! And here I was thinking weddings were so boring."

"No joke! I wonder how big of a cat fight we're gonna see at the bouquet toss?" Lance wondered out loud.

"Please tell me someone has cameras!" Ace pleaded. "_Please_ tell me someone's got cameras set up! I want every moment documented!"

"Of course we got cameras. We got one. The Southsiders are bringing one. Shadowatch has like four of 'em. There'll be lots of videos floating around the day after, I guarantee it."

"Sweet! I'm gonna need a copy to take back and show the guys. Especially of the bouquet and garter tosses…"

"And don't forget the animals standing in for the flower-girl and ring bearer!" Paul chimed in, causing Theresa to give him an incredulous stare.

"One of the members of Shadowatch has a pet dog and a pig." Althea explained. "The pig's supposed to be super-smart or something."

"Al, it figured out how to fly an Apache attack chopper." Lance gave his team leader a look. "I think it's safe to call the pig a genius."

"Dear God!" Theresa gasped as Ace started laughing again.

"You East Coasters meet the most interesting people!"

"When was this?" Althea demanded, not recalling this particular animal incident. "I hadn't heard about that!"

"Yesterday, I think." Her brunet teammate shrugged. "You were busy trying to keep Polly from attacking the cat."

It was at that point that one of the Shadowatch crew noticed the extra people on base. "Hey! New people!" Bryan called out.

"Yeah." Lance nodded as most of Shadowatch made their way over to get a better look at the West Coast Misfits. "This is Siryn and Wildstar from our West Coast branch. And that's General Whithalf. He's their CO." He jerked his thumb at the general, who was having a conversation with Hawk.

"Cool." Bryan nodded as Theresa stared uncertainly at the herd of mutants now invading their conversation. Ace just grinned widely and waved.

"How ya doin'?"

"Uh…hi." She glanced around at the group, not sure if they were completely trustworthy.

"That's a neat accent." Bryan tilted his head at her. "New Yorker?"

"Nah, she's from Ireland." Ace corrected him. Unlike Siryn, he seemed completely at ease with the newcomers.

"Wow! I've never met an actual Irish person before!" The Texan mutant grinned in excitement.

"Aren't some of the Dreadnoks Irish?" Neal scratched his head in confusion.

"I don't think so." Mitch shook his head. "Monkeywrench is Welsh. Buzzer is English."

"Uncle Gnawgahyde is Australian." Steve added. Mitch nodded.

"Yeah, so are Ripper and Torch. And Thrasher is Belgian, believe it or not. And Burn-Out, Road Pig, and Heart-Wrencher are American."

"No one is sure about Zartan, Zandar, and Zarana." Bryan shrugged.

"Zandar is Irish when he drinks too much of the whiskey!" Andi called from somewhere nearby. She was apparently looking for something and wasn't completely ready to join in the conversation.

Meanwhile, Whithalf and Hawk were engaged in a rather animated conversation about recent events. The elder general was commenting on something the lower-ranking Joe general had said when he felt something step on his foot. "What?" His face scrunched in confusion as he looked down at his shoes.

There, standing on his toes, was a brown potbelly pig wearing a straw hat, sunglasses, and a pink bandana. "Oink!"

"Well, hello, little guy." Whitehalf leaned down to talk to the animal. "New Joe, Hawk?"

"No." Hawk sighed. "That one's with Shadowatch."

It was at that point that Andi came over and scooped her pet up in her arms. "Her name's Brownie." Brownie oinked in agreement.

"I never thought I'd see a GI Joe and a Cobra actually being _civil_." Theresa commented, watching the exchange.

"It wasn't civil when everyone first found out." Lance pointed out. "The adults had an epic brawl on the front lawn; we got footage of it."

"Cool." Ace nodded in approval. "We'll need a copy of it."

It was then that Virus shuffled by the group, holding his head in his hands and thoroughly unconcerned with what was going on. "What the bloody 'ell is going on? I'm losing long tracks of time." He grumbled, shuffling away.

"Lemme guess," Ace looked over at Andi, "he was out for the whole thing?"

"Can he do tricks?" Whithalf asked, looking eagerly at the little pet pig.

"_She_ pilots HISS tanks, pickup trucks, and Apache combat helicopters. And she can balance a rubber ball on her nose!" Andi grinned with pride.

"Oink! Oink!" Brownie nodded.

"She also finds books." Kristen added.

"I bet we're gonna see a repeat of the brawl tomorrow." Theresa sighed.

"They get a genius pig and I'm stuck with Shipwreck's psychotic feather-duster…" Hawk grumbled.

"Really now? She seems like a very special pig…" Whitehalf stared curiously at the pet.

"Of _course_ I knocked him out for the whole thing!" Andi answered Ace. "Can't have the maniac running around _loose_ everywhere we go…"

"Man, you guys gotta watch the part where Ren chased Ripper around for throwing her into a truck!" Bryan exclaimed excitedly.

"Which one's Ren?"Ace asked, looking around. "I don't think I've seen that one before?"

"Especially since I can imagine his obsession with killing Toad and all…you know, he once brought down a space station?" Siryn grumbled, the memory of that mission clearly still fresh in her mind.

"That's her." Mitch pointed to Ren as she walked into the garage with Zandar. "That's Heart-Wrencher."

"Wow." Ace admired the female Dreadnok from a distance. "She's a hottie."

"Yeah, we knew about it. The boss wanted to drag a couple of us along for the ride, but no one wanted to be stuck on a shuttle flight with Virus and Destro." Andi recalled.

"She's also taken, dude." Bryan pointed out to Ace, who whistled appreciatively.

"Whoever he is, he's a lucky man…"

As Andi left the generals to join in the conversation with kids her own age, Lady Jaye walked by and overheard the pet discussion. Noticing that one pet had been left out, she decided to bring it up. "They also have a cat." She informed General Whithalf, much to Hawk's chagrin.

"Thank God that we managed to get out of the station before it went down," Theresa sighed, rubbing her aching temple. "He wanted to have it crash into the Pit, but didn't have time to program it."

"That doesn't surprise me." Andi snorted, setting Brownie back on the ground. "Virus is a psycho. He probably wanted to crash it down on Toad."

"How can ye have a madman like that on yuir team?" Siryn accused the taller blond mutant. Andi growled in response.

"He is **not** on my team! That maniac is **not** part of Shadowatch. He's _only_ lumped in with us because he's our age!"

"We've had to drag her and Zandar out of the closets a bunch of times." Mitch sighed, causing Ace to stare.

"Zandar?!"

"Yup." Bryan nodded.

"Oh!" Whithalf perked up as an idea struck him. "A petting zoo! What a novel idea…"

"What do ye _mean_, he isn't one of yours? He hangs out with the lot o' yah." Theresa demanded, dismissing the slight goosebumps she felt when the other girl first started growling in response. The scaly girl had the intimidating growl nearly down to an art form.

"I _mean_ **we** didn't recruit him." Andi hissed as Althea prepared to step in and break up the fight. Terry might be better off dropping this issue… "He signed on as a Dreadnok, **not** a part of this squad! We only get stuck with him because he's close to the same age as the rest of us!"

"Seriously?" Ace blinked. "Zandar? Guy with the bright pink hair? Mr. Why-Doesn't-Anybody-Notice-Me himself?"

"That's the one." Bryan nodded.

"Oh no…General, I don't think we'll be allowed to have petting zoos." Hawk spoke up, trying to talk Whithalf out of his latest hare-brained idea. It was then that he heard a meow from below him. "Huh?" He looked down to see a tiny Siamese kitten staring up at him with big blue eyes.

"Mew." The cat blinked, staring at him curiously.

"Wow. I guess the strangest couplings can happen in this business." Ace admitted.

Terry winced, both from the cold tone of the other girl's voice and from the new thought that occurred to her. "Virus has no access to a space station here, right? I don't want him ta try ta bring one down on our heads."

"Meow! Mrow mew mrew mow!" The kitten chattered up at the generals.

"Hello to you too, Miss Kitty-cat." Whithalf smiled as Hawk groaned.

Andi gave the Irish mutant one of her patented 'how stupid are you?' glares. "You think I'm just going to _let_ that little psycho run around _unsupervised_? Hell no! We're sticking him with Trinity tonight! Those three maniacs quite liked the idea of torturing him, and I **highly** doubt he can escape all three of them. And if by some miracle he does, Toad and Wavedancer, as well as Steve and myself, will deal with him personally."

"Heh heh heh..." Steve chuckled to himself, cracking his knuckles. A part of him hoped Virus would try something, so Steve could deliver some restaurant-quality pain to the mad English mutant.

"Compared to Zarana hooking up with one of your guys, Ren and Zandar going at it in the storage closet ain't that hard to believe." Bryan shrugged.

"Ah! Tiffany! There you are!" Regan exclaimed, rushing over and picking up her cat. "Bad kitty! You're not supposed to go outside!"

"Mew!" Tiffany happily snuggled next to her owner. "Meow met mrow!"

"How many pets do these guys have?" Hawk groaned as Regan left to put her cat back in Mainframe and Zarana's apartment.

"I want a purple horse." John, who had been rather quiet through the rest of the conversation, spoke up.

"Pyro, I've told you a thousand times, there are no purple horses." Hawk glared at the former Acolyte.

"But I saw one in that field!" The blond teen protested.

"Pyro, you were hallucinating because of the medication. There was nothing in the field; you just imagined it." Hawk groaned.

"You allowed this?" Theresa looked at Althea in confusion.

"Hell yeah!" Althea smirked.

"I'll admit, a part of me is hoping the little fool would try somethin', yo." Todd smirked, twirling his staff. "I just got my staff fixed, and I wanna break it in on Virus's skull."

"Save some for me, Froggy." Steve grinned. "I wanna see if I can make an accordion out of his spine."

"You know, I can believe that." Ace told the two younger Dukes boys.

"Not counting Kristen's creepy-crawly collection, three." Corona answered Hawk's earlier question. "Unless you want to count Thrasher as a giant, ill-behaved dog, then it's four."

"But why?" Pyro whined. "They get all kinds of pets and all we get's Toothy and Polly!"

"Those are your handler's pets." Andi pointed out. "These animals belong to us. Right, Brownie?" She looked down at her beloved pig, who happily squealed her answer.

"Aren't you the least bit worried about him giving them ideas for new inventions?" Terry asked as Trinity flew by in the background, carrying a screaming Virus back to their lab.

"Better than letting her teach them how to brainwash someone." Althea jerked her thumb in the direction Regan left in. "You should see the footage of what she made Pietro do during the brawl two weeks ago."

"Creepy-crawly _collection_?" Craig asked nervously. Insects and arachnids hardly frightened the former gang member, but the idea of the dhampiric Eventide owning lots of creepy-crawlies downright scared him for some odd reason. "You mean Tyler has company?"

"Thrasher certainly has his share of fleas." Andi snorted.

"Your damn mutt gave them to me!" Thrasher shouted as he stalked out of the garage.

"YOU LIE!" She roared back at the Thunder Machine driver.

Ace shrugged at Althea's comment. "I'll take a gander at the footage. It's bound to be funny."

"And besides, I'm not worried." Althea told her West Coast counterpart.

"AHHHHHH! HELP ME! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" Virus screamed as he was dragged back into Trinity's laboratory/bedroom.

"They're not allowed outside of Kristen's room." Neal assured the panicked bassist. "Last time one of them escaped, the Terror Dome got put on red alert."

"MY DOG DOES NOT HAVE FLEAS!" Andi shouted.

"THEN HOW DID I GET INFESTED WITH THEM?" Thrasher countered.

Bryan pulled out one of the team's many video cameras and hit play. "Here it is." He said, showing it to Ace.

"See? Nothing to worry about." Althea smiled to Terry, who looked at her with a mix of apprehension and concern.

"WHO KNOWS, YOU HUMAN PILE OF FILTH!"

"Oh, man, lookit him!" Ace laughed at the video. "He looks like he's gonna burst a blood vessel!"

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, BLONDIE!"

"You should've heard the rampage Hawk went on when Mainframe first told him." Paul informed his cousin. "It was scary."

"MAKE ME, JACKASS!"

"Yeah, he tried to throw Mainframe out the window." Craig nodded as Regan returned to the group.

"I think one of you guys ought to get the camera out again." She told her teammates, pointing at the current fight. "She's about to try and shove Thrasher's head up his butt again."

"Is that physically possible?" Lance blinked.

"You'd be surprised…" Regan sighed.

"I kinda feel sorry for Mainframe." Terry admitted, watching the video footage with her teammate. "He's about to get trounced."

"He didn't get hurt all that bad." Bryan smiled at her. "Zarana teleported herself into the middle of the fight and starting hitting folks over the head with a baseball bat before anyone roughed him up too bad."

Hawk groaned loudly. "How has my life come to this?"

"Deal with it, Joe!" Zartan shouted from somewhere off-camera.

"Uh…" Terry looked around nervously. "Quick question: where are we sleeping?"

"No problem, Terry. I got a cot made up for you in my room." Althea waved.

"And I got one for you, Cousin Ace." Paul smiled. Ace grinned.

"Awesome!"

"I do want ta warn ye, I get a bit…moody until I have me coffee." The Irish mutant admitted sheepishly.

"Moody?" Ace blinked. "You tossed Sunfire into the freezer one day. And last week, you sent Kyle flying with one of your screams." A blushing Theresa drooped her head in embarrassment.

"HA!" Andi shouted triumphantly as Thrasher tripped over a toolbox lying on the ground.

"Agh, my nose!" Thrasher yelped.

"I wonder what food will be served at the wedding?" Fred pondered, rubbing his chin.

"Siryn, you still haven't got Kris beat." Regan rolled her eyes. "Remember the last time she forgot her 'juice' for a day, gang?"

"Oh, gawd…" Bryan paled.

"Don't remind us." Mitch groaned.

"As usual, Fred, your mind is only on the menu." Andi shook her head. "Which probably won't be much of anything, considering how nauseous Zarana's been lately."

"...Juice?" A puzzled Theresa repeated.

"Blood, yo. Kris is a dhampir." Todd happily explained, oblivious to the shocked looks on everyone else's faces.

"A _**what?!**_" Theresa squeaked.

"Dhampir. Half human, half vampire." Paul supplied.

"...I did it again, didn't I?" Todd gulped.

"Ya think?" Craig shot him a look.

"V-v-_vampire?_" Theresa gasped, shrinking away from the shorter girl.

"Wow. We meet the strangest people…" Ace blinked.

"I'm serious, though!" Fred protested. "What kind of cake are they gonna have?"

"Todd doesn't mean to blurt stuff out like that." Paul sighed, looking at Shadowatch. "Sometimes his mouth just runs faster than his brain."

"Terry, you shouldn't be so surprised." Ace told his teammate. "We encountered pumpkin monsters once."

"And she's a _dhampir_." Paul corrected Theresa. "She's still half-human."

"Pumpkin monsters?" Kris asked.

"Oh yeah." Ace chuckled. "That was a helluva fun Halloween."

"I'm more worried about _who_ will bake it." Pietro told Fred. "Because Roadblock's food is edible, and BA's kitchen is a DMZ."

"At least BA's cooking doesn't usually come to life and try to eat people." Lance sighed. "Unlike Kitty's recipes…"

"I can make soup." Corona told him, a hopeful look on her face.

"Roadblock's food is more than edible; it's gourmet!" Todd grinned emphatically.

"He's right." Fred nodded.

"The perks of having a gourmet-trained chef." Pietro licked his lips.

"I do love his pumpkin pie." Wanda smiled.

"Well, if you want something grilled or smoked, Gnawgahyde's your man, but beyond that he's hopeless in the kitchen. Torch and Monkeywrench either burn it or blow it to smithereens." Andi began listing off their handlers' cooking skills…or lack thereof. "Zandar, Zartan, and Burnout can cook, but usually don't fix anything elaborate unless they're trying to impress somebody. Zarana's not gonna cook her own cake, but Ren's a decent baker."

"I wonder if you can make a cake out of doughnuts?" Fred rubbed his chin in thought. "'Cause if you can, I bet one of the cakes will be a doughnut cake."

"Uh, that's nice, Corona…" Lance smiled nervously at his fan-girl.

"Heart-Wrencher does make good pastries." Kris agreed with a nod.

"Her doughnut cakes are awesome!" Mitch chimed in.

"Not really." Corona shrugged. "My way of making soup is pouring it out of a can and microwaving it."

"So…Roadblock and Heart-Wrencher are making the cakes?" Todd scratched his head. Andi shrugged.

"Beats me, but they're our most likely candidates."

"Well, it's better than Kitty's idea of making soup…she can't even do **that** right!" Fred informed both Lance and Corona.

"How can you mess it up?" The energy-wielding mutant blinked. "Open can, pour into microwave-safe bowl, heat for two minutes and presto! Soup!"

"Hope so. Roadblock is an awesome cook." Todd licked his own lips in delight.

"And Ren does make some yummy cakes." Bryan nodded.

"Kitty likes to get…creative." Fred said as Lance winced.

"Oh, God, the pains are back." The geokinetic groaned, rubbing his stomach.

"She likes to season it." Fred stated. Corona's jaw dropped.

"You're not supposed to season canned soup!" The Latina girl shrieked. "It's already done!"

"A Dreadnok? Baking something edible?" Pietro scoffed. "I'll believe it when I see it!"

Andi raised an eyebrow at Fred, folding her arms across her chest. "Creative? Is _that_ what you call it? From what I heard, Pryde's cooking is more of a menace to society than Cobra!"

"I'm not arguing that, Corona." Lance sighed. "She almost killed a couple of home economics teachers with her muffins."

"See? I may not make anything more complicated than nachos and sandwiches, but I can fix something fit for human consumption!" The Hispanic teen exclaimed.

"She's right." Calvin remarked.

"She once made spaghetti and meatballs, and it tried to eat the other X-Men." Angelica shuddered.

"The _Toxo-Vipers_ blog about her cooking." Regan frowned. "I think that's a big flashing neon sign that says she should stop."

"Pietro has scars from when her Jell-O tried to do certain unmentionable things to him." Todd nodded sagely.

"Dammit, Toad!" A blushing Pietro hissed, glaring at the amphibian teenager.

"Living Jell-O?" Bryan winced.

"…out of curiosity, which of the other X-Men did it try to eat?" Andi asked as innocently as she could manage.

It wasn't quite innocently enough. "CREED!" Zartan shouted to her from somewhere close enough to overhear, but still out of sight.

"What? What did I say?" She shouted back at him.

"She made _more_ living dinner dishes?" Siryn's eyes grew large.

"Yeah, Toothy may be getting some company soon…" Jake sighed.

"It didn't try to eat Rogue, if that's what you're thinking." Todd shot a wary glance over at Shadowatch's squad leader.

"You didn't hear the horror story that was the X-Men's visit to those West Coast Avengers?" Ace asked the other teenagers.

"I heard about it." Lance chuckled. "Those poor bastards."

"Oh, God! We don't need another Toothy around here!" Pietro wailed. "I get mauled enough as it is!"

"Darn." Andi snapped her fingers, much to Theresa's dismay.

"Why don't you like Rogue?"

"If we wanted to see food that wanted to eat us, we'd just go visit Mindbender's lab… Oh, wait, he got rid of all that stuff, didn't he?" Kristen asked her teammates.

"Uh, duh!" Regan quipped. "Serpentor wasn't very happy when his Caesar salad tried to eat him."

"I kinda wish they had let it eat him…he's a jerk." Andi grumbled.

"In our defense, Toothy was a complete and total accident." Lance held his hands up in a 'no harm' gesture. "The other stuff is all on her, though."

"Toothy?" Corona blinked as Andi responded to Terry's older question.

"She's a jerk. Do I need another reason?"

"I've never got _that_ impression of her." The Irish girl blinked, rubbing the back of her head.

"Especially since that one blob tried to seduce the Baroness." Mitch shuddered at the memory of that failed lab experiment. "Destro was **not** happy."

"Neither was the Baroness." Neal pointed out.

Wanda held up a peculiar muffin-like creature in her hands. "This is Toothy."

"Rowr!" Toothy growled happily.

"_Madre de Dios_, what _is_ that?" Corona made a disgusted face. "It looks like a product of a velociraptor and a muffin!"

"It was one of Kitty's muffins." Lance sighed. "Until Craig blasted it with his eye-laser." Craig sighed and rubbed his temple as he found himself recalling that day.

"According to Airtight, the energized molecules of the laser combined with the muffin's molecules to form a new kind of DNA." Jake explained. "Essentially, the laser brought the muffin to life."

"And it tries to eat me." Pietro moped.

"Rowr!" Toothy growled, jumping off of Wanda's hands and onto Pietro. The fleet-footed mutant squealed.

"AH DEAR GOD HELP ME!"

"That still doesn't explain anything." Theresa frowned. "Just because she's a jerk is no reason to wish that a muffin creature would eat her."

"Terry, trust me when I say that there's more going on in that mess than first meets the eye." Althea sighed. Even _after_ having Regan explain everything, her brain hurt when she tried to think about it.

"You'd need to take notes and draw diagrams to keep up with it." Todd groaned.

"Actually, I think Toothy just wants to play…" Kristen cocked her head to the side, pale turquoise eyes observing the muffin-creature nip at a screaming Pietro.

"That was Airtight's theory, too." Jake nodded. "Toothy isn't aggressive or vicious. He acts like a big playful puppy, really."

"See? _**This**_ is why you shouldn't be chasing after her, Lance!" Corona pleaded with him. "Her cooking comes to life and mauls people, and she keeps stringing you and tin-man along like marionettes!"

"She's got a point, yo." Todd shrugged as Lance sighed.

"Let's just say Rogue has become a bit too full of herself and leave it at that." Andi barely managed not to growl at the other mutant. It wasn't _Siryn_ who was being a self-absorbed bitch, she reminded herself.

"Tell us about it." Todd nodded in agreement.

"YEAH RIGHT!" Pietro screamed at Kristen and Jake.

"You're not helping, Todd." Lance groaned.

"Hey, uh...when's the party gettin' started?" Ace asked, trying to steer the conversation to safer ground.

"As soon as…!" Andi paused, turning her head in the direction of a very loud crashing sound. "The hell?"

Clutch shot out of the garage like a bat out of hell. "AAAAAAGH!" The driver screamed.

"COME BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN, YOU JERK!" Heart-Wrencher screeched, chasing behind him and swinging her wrench.

"Clutch is a dumbass." Althea grumbled, doing a facepalm.

"He did it again, didn't he?" Paul sighed.

"Yup." Fred nodded.

"Did what?" Pyro blinked.

"Knowing him, it involved his hand, her butt, and his idea of charm." Lance grumbled.

"Oh…" John blinked, then held up a Transformer action figure. "I got a Transformer!"

"Where do you keep _finding_ those?" Bryan asked the insane Australian.

"I collect 'em!" John grinned, holding out the black, silver, and purple toy. "This one's called Octane! He's a Decepticon, and he turns into a tanker truck and jet airliner. He's a greedy bastard. Likes making his teammates beg for fuel."

"...Did you make that up?" Bryan wondered in slight worry.

"No, it's his official description."

"But…you've never even _met_ the X-Men!" Terry was still hung up on the previous conversation topic. "Have you?"

"You mean they haven't guessed yet?" Regan raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Regan, none of us knew until Pyro blurted it out during the big brawl a few weeks ago." Althea reminded the blonde telepath. "Them not knowing is a pretty safe bet."

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" Pietro begged as Toothy happily chomped on his pant leg.

"Forget him! Help me first!" Clutch shouted, still trying to evade Ren's wrench. On the second pass by the garage, Zandar joined in the chase brandishing a shotgun.

"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN SHOOT YOU!"

"Wow." Ace blinked in amazement. "That's the most I think I've ever heard him say."

"Why not?" Todd shrugged to Lance. "I'm helping you find someone who adores you as much as Al does me!"

"Andi met us back in the old Brotherhood days." Fred explained to Theresa. "That's how she knew Rogue."

"AIE!" Pietro screamed as Toothy took a bite out of his thigh.

"Dammit, Zandar! I already got Zartan ready to go crazy and rampage!" Burnout shouted at the pink-haired man pursuing the Joe tank driver.

"Uh…okay…" Terry blinked.

"Hmm. You look kinda familiar…" Ace studied Andi's face for a moment, but then shook his head and decided he was imagining things. "Anyway, when does the party start?"

"Ah, Burnout, let him go." Corona waved at the burly Dreadnok mechanic. "Not like the idiot Joe didn't deserve it. He did grab Ren's butt, after all."

"Oink!" Brownie squeaked her agreement.

"Party should be starting real soon, Ace." Paul told him.

"Whoo-hoo!" The feral teen threw his fists into the air joyfully.

"Ah, you got a point." Burnout sighed. "I'd rather not be on the business end of that wrench of hers anyway."

"AIE! IT WAS A COMPLIMENT!" Clutch wailed an apology.

"I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR DAMNED HAND OFF!" Ren shouted.

"I can't wait! This party's gonna be epic!" Ace cheered, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

"Yeah, as in epic fail." Andi rolled her eyes.

"No one in their right mind wants to be on the business end of that wrench." Corona scoffed. "Even that lady-ninja was having second thoughts about trying to attack her during the brawl."

"YOU CAN TAKE HIS HAND AFTER I TAKE OFF HIS HEAD!" Zandar shouted.

"AAAIIIIEEE!"

"Aw, you worry too much, fishy! I'm sure this'll be awesome!" Wildstar grinned.

"Hey, Theresa, right?" She asked the West Coast leader. The sonic screamer nodded. "How long has this guy been with you guys?"

"He's one of the original members." Theresa answered.

"I don't blame her." Lance shook his head as Ren and Zandar continued to chase Clutch around.

"Are we gonna play at the wedding?" John asked. "Cuz me drumsticks are itchin' to play."

"Why won't someone help me?!" Clutch pleaded.

"And he _still_ hasn't learned that Misfit parties end in disaster?" Andi snorted. "I'm not even a Misfit and I know that!"

"What can I say? He's an optimistic party animal." Terry shrugged.

"What the hell did I do in a past life to deserve this kind of torment?" General Hawk moaned as he watched the chase scene.

"No, John, I don't think we'll get to play at the wedding." Craig answered the insane Australian.

"Awww..." The pyrokinetic pouted.

"I'm a little busy over here, pal!" Pietro shouted to Clutch. "Ow!"

"BECAUSE YOU EARNED IT, JERK!" Ren roared.

"We get our fair share of craziness too, fishy." Ace smirked. "Albeit the craziness tends to happen _around_ us…"

"I don't know, but I'm sure enjoying it!" Zartan gloated to the leader of the East Coast Joes.

"Get Toothy off me! He's trying to eat me!"

"DIE!" Heart-Wrencher screamed, successfully nailing Clutch in the back with her trademark big wrench.

"OW! WRENCHES HURT!"

"GOOD!"

"See, with my family's track record, crazy usually happens _to_ us, not _around_ us." Andi sighed.

"Dreadnoks aren't much different in that respect." Kristen pointed out.

"Oh, laugh it up!" Hawk growled. "I can have all of you arrested after tomorrow!"

"Not without Zarana coming after you with that baseball bat, you can't." Althea rolled her eyes.

"Good thing we decided to stay out of it." Craig muttered. "I'd hate to be on the business end of that bat."

"Does anyone find it funny that we are saner than the adults in this situation?" Lila noted.

"I like pork chops!" John shouted.

"Except him."

"I don't know if we're saner or not…we just didn't think it was worth jumping in the middle of that mess without getting hazard pay." Regan shrugged.

"I still wouldn't have jumped in the middle of it, even with hazard pay." Andi stated as a car pulled through the front gates.

"Hey, looks like Mainframe's kids finally made it here." Lance observed.

"They are never gonna get our names straight." Bryan shook his head.

"Mainframe has other kids?" John blinked.

"He was married before, John." Wanda told him. "You know Paul Parker, Cyclops's friend?" Pyro scrunched his face.

"Cyclops has friends?" The Australian mutant asked dubiously. "Is he one of those Facebook friend thingies?"

"No, they're real friends." Craig groaned at Pyro's latest exhibition of insanity. "That Paul is Mainframe's kid."

"Oh…" the pyromaniac blinked "…is Zarana going to be our aunt?"

"You're such a nutter sometimes, Allerdyce." Lila laughed.

"I knew about Paul, but…" Paul Starr looked at Althea. "I didn't know he had other kids."

"In his file, it says he has an older son and a younger daughter. Never personally met any of them, though." She admitted.

"And the fun just keeps coming…" Craig groaned. "But it's just that Paul kid and his sister coming here, right?"

"Yeah." Regan nodded. "The older boy—his name is Peter—turned down the invitation and then called to tell his dad to go to hell."

"But we've all had the urge to tell our dads to do that…right?" Andi asked uncertainly. She didn't really know what a "normal" parent-child relationship looked like.

"Well, it's probably a good thing he didn't come." Regan admitted as a broad smirk plastered itself on Lance's face. "I'd hate to see what Zandar or Zartan would do to him for dissing their sister."

"Actually, this was more about the messy divorce Mainframe went through with his first wife, but that still doesn't give this Peter brat permission to tell his father to go to hell." Althea shook her head. Lance then realized something.

"Peter, Paul…let me guess! The daughter's name is Mary, right?" The geokinetic mutant grinned.

"I don't get it." Corona frowned. "What's so funny about it?"

"Peter, Paul and Mary. They were a singing group way back in the day." Lance explained.

"Oh, like you wouldn't believe, Atlantis." Wanda smiled happily.

"I actually did tell my adopted dad that once." Craig nodded.

"I think they're gonna be good friends over there." John nodded, watching Ren and Zandar beat Clutch to a bloody pulp.

"Is he okay?" Neal asked, jerking his thumb at Pyro.

"Oh my God, he talks!" Lila blurted out, pointing at the Bangladeshi teen. Craig turned to explain to the plasma wielder.

"John has problems…lots of problems."

"How very unimaginative…" Corona shook her head.

"Yeah, but I bet you weren't screaming it at him in the middle of an argument _in public_ like she was." Regan informed Wanda and Craig.

"That wasn't an argument." Steve frowned, a dark expression in his eyes. "That was an exercise in how to be turned into a human scratching post. If you don't believe me, we got the pictures to prove it."

"Stop being so dramatic." Andi huffed. "It was just a couple of little scratches. Nothing serious."

"Over thirty stitches, a fractured forearm, and three broken ribs do not constitute 'a few little scratches' or 'nothing serious'!" Kristen glared at her best friend while Todd raised an eyebrow at Lila.

"How did you not know he talked? He don't say much, but he does talk."

"I speak very good English at that!" Neal added, before being distracted. "Oh look, Mainframe is going to talk to his children…"

"And Ren and Zandar are bonding over beating Clutch to a pulp." Craig observed.

"They were a 1960s folk-singing trio, Corona." Lance chuckled. "They were probably too baked to come up with a better name."

"Some say the Superstars is a silly name for a band." The brunette girl grinned teasingly.

"First, blame Paul for that one." Lance grinned. "I thought it was a dumb name as well, but it ended up growing on me. Second, it turned out to fit us. Superstars are what we _are._"

"I did beat my old man with my nightstick." Craig spoke up, only to have everyone stare at him. "What?! He was a punch-happy bastard!"

"He was pretty quiet during the whole thing." Lila tried to defend her outburst.

"Oh, they are going to need a lot of bleach…" Paul winced as Clutch continued to get pummeled by a loudly-screaming Heart-Wrencher and Zandar.

"I taste blood!" Clutch moaned weakly.

"Well, there's a lot of it!" Zandar growled.

"Still…very unimaginative names for your children." Corona sighed. "I bet their mother thought it was adorable, though."

"No, dude, you misunderstand us here." Steve shook his head. How the hell was he going to make these punks understand just how serious that fight had been? "SHE was the one being used as the scratching post."

"She was banned from workin' in the shop for about a month." Bryan nodded. "Zartan and Burnout didn't want to take any chances of her re-breaking her arm or ripping her stitches out again."

"I could've taken him eventually!" Andi protested.

"Waddya expect?" Mitch looked at Lila. "Zandar's his handler. Man hardly says anything unless it's scripted or he's answering the phone."

"Blood! Yay!" Kristen cheered happily.

"Probably." Lance shrugged at Corona's comment.

"I'm more worried somebody will get killed at this wedding." Neal sighed.

"I think somebody will die beforehand, Sharra." Craig continued to watch the beating.

"I'm sure you will one day, Andi." Steve reassured her. She sighed at Kristen's antics.

"Down, bat-breath."

"Saints preserve us all…" Theresa facepalmed as Regan started to grin widely.

"Someone may die, but I don't think it's gonna be Clutch today." She pointed to a figure approaching the Clutch beat-down session. "Those two just interrupted 'Rana's nap."

"Would she really do that to her own brother?" Wanda asked, earning a disbelieving glare from Althea.

"And just how many times have you tried to drown Pietro in the swimming pool? Or crack his skull open by hexing him into a wall? You two fight like cats and dogs."

"She's got a point." Ace nodded.

"Aww…" Kristen pouted.

"I can do it, dammit!" Andi growled. "I just need to figure a way around the damn healing factor! That's what gave me so much damn trouble last time!"

"WHAT?!" Zandar blinked, looking up at his twin sister's approach. Zarana looked incredibly angry, and had a baseball bat in her right hand.

"Uh oh…" Ren winced, a look of fear on her face.

"YOU WOKE ME UP!" Zarana shouted at the two lovebirds. "I'LL BAT YOU GOOD!"

"Touche." Wanda nodded.

"Wow, look at her go." Neal observed.

"Oh thank you God…" Clutch moaned as his attackers left, fleeing from an irate Zarana and her baseball bat. However, the chase managed to make its way back to him, and someone accidentall stepped on his groin. "AHHHH! MAH BOYS!"

"Whoa, she's got a good arm…" Ace stared in shock.

"Five bucks says Lifeline comes out here to break up this in five minutes or less." Lance wagered.

"You're on!" Mitch grinned, pulling out his wallet.

Theresa blinked in confusion. "Why would Lifeline want to…?"

"The first day she was here, during the big brawl, she came entirely too close to requiring an IV for anyone's comfort." Regan explained. "He's been watching her like a hawk ever since."

"Sure he won't be more worried about Clutch this time, yo?" Todd asked.

"The pain…" Clutch wheezed, his body now in the fetal position.

"WE'RE SORRY! WE'RE SORRY! OW!" Zandar tried to apologize to his sister.

"ZARANA, CALM DOWN! YOU'LL MAKE THE MEDIC GO NUTS! AIEEEE!" Ren tried to dodge a swing of the baseball bat. She wasn't used to being on this end of the chase.

"This wedding is gonna be a blast!" Ace grinned. "I just know it!"

"WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING? OW!" Zandar yelled at Zartan.

"Don't drag me into this!" His brother shot back. "You two did this all by yourselves!"

It was then that Zanya walked out and noticed the chase scene. "Do I even _want_ to know what that is about?" She asked the other teenagers.

"Let's just say Clutch seriously needs to stop being a misogynistic idiot." Lila answered. Zanya nodded.

"Oh. So it's kinda like the time that brown-nosing Acolyte…what was his name again? Cordona?"

"Cortez." Regan supplied.

"Cortez tried to cop a feel of her?" Zanya jerked her thumb at Andi. Pyro cackled when he remembered that day.

"Oh yeah, she beat him up real good. It was epic."

"Yes. Exactly like that." Regan nodded. "Only Ren and Zandar's shouting woke up 'Rana."

"Did Cortez ever get out of the hospital?" Neal asked.

"I hope not, but I'm not the one to ask." Andi snorted. "Haven't heard much out of that crew lately. Actually, I haven't heard much out of my dad lately, but I'm not going to complain about _that_…"

"ZARANA! GET BACK HERE!" Lifeline shouted, coming upon the scene.

"Considering the damage you two cause when you get together, that's a blessing." Regan stated.

"CALL HER OFF! CALL HER OFF!" Zandar begged.

"Do they hate each other that much?" Theresa blinked. "And who is this guy, anyway? He must be pretty tough to do the kind of damage ye guys mentioned earlier."

"Oh look, Mainframe's been enlisted to calm her down." Kristen observed the Joe computer expert race towards the chase.

"Zarana! Come back! You've punished them enough as it is!"

"Tough is an understatement." Neal sighed. "And he is very scary."

Lance frowned, taking a moment to study Andi's face. "She got Sabretooth's chin."

"And his dimples!" John added happily.

"Zandar, quick! Hide behind the techie!" Ren cried out. Both of them then attempted to hide behind Mainframe.

"I can see you two clowns!" Zarana panted, the running having tired her out more than it would have several weeks ago.

"_Sabretooth_?!" Theresa stared in shock.

"Whoa! That dude has kids?" Ace shivered. "Scary…"

"Sweetie, you need to calm down before Lifeline has a conniption fit." Mainframe told his fiancé in an attempt to calm her down. "This isn't worth getting wound up over."

"How do you think_ I_ feel." Andi grumbled.

"Something tells me I don't want to know how Sabretooth fathered ye, girl." Terry shook her head.

"They ruined my nap!" Zarana protested, causing Mainframe to sigh.

"Why did you two wake her up?"

"We didn't mean to!" Zandar protested. "We were too busy beating up the Joe over there!"

"Owie…" Clutch rolled on the ground in pain.

"He goosed me!" Ren shouted.

"Clutch." Mainframe grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Big surprise."

"There are some days _I_ don't wanna know either, but unfortunately **that**'s no longer an option…" Andi groaned.

"She may have his chin, but she's _definitely_ got Mystique's mouth." Wanda pointed out.

"I don't care what _he_ did!" The pink-haired woman hissed, hitting Clutch in the gut with the heel of her sneaker. "You two shouldn't have been wailing like banshees!"

"Ooooohhh…"

"We already said we were sorry!"

"Just let it go, 'Rana. Just let it go…"Mainframe sighed.

"_Mystique_?!" Terry did a double take. Okay, so that explained the blue skin, but good Lord…

"I think we're gonna need a scorecard." Ace whistled.

"But they ruined my nap!" Zarana argued. "I was having a nice dream of a world with no idiots!"

"Do you think she means us?" John asked as Toothy abandoned his playtime with Pietro in favor of hunting down Airtight for a treat.

"You, definitely." The speedster quipped, rubbing his legs in pain. "Ow…"

"But…but how? _Why_?" Siryn gaped.

"You might wanna think through those questions before asking 'em, 'cause the answers ain't pretty." Andi grumbled.

"No, I think she definitely means you, Snowflake." Regan glared at Pietro.

"You can go to bed early tonight, if that helps, but you at least need to put down the baseball bat…" Mainframe coaxed.

"Fishy's right, Terry." Ace consoled his teammate. "Just let the sleeping dog lie on this one."

"I think that may be a good idea." The Irish teen sighed.

"Smart move."

"HA!" Pyro pointed at Pietro. "PWNED!"

"I get no respect." The speedster sulked.

"Can't I hit them just one more time? Please?" Zarana asked.

"I thought he was part cat, not dog…" Fred scratched his head in confusion as Andi gave him a blank stare.

"Pietro, if you don't stop running your mouth, you're gonna get turned into a human punching bag again like you did two weeks ago." Lance told his long-time teammate.

"He looked like a mummy with all those bandages on." Wanda smiled.

"You've hit them more than enough already!" Blaine sighed in exasperation. "Now, drop the baseball bat and walk with me. My kids just got here."

"It's a phrase, bro." Mitch looked at his oldest brother. "It means to leave something alone that should be left alone."

"Oh." Fred nodded in understanding.

"Like Zarana during her nap, as Zandar and Ren now know." Bryan nodded.

"Do I have to?" The pink-haired woman sighed.

"Yes. You already said you wanted to say hello when they got here." The computer specialist reminded her.

"…Fine." She reluctantly handed him the baseball bat.

"Thank you, God!" Zandar breathed in relief, removing his headband and wringing some sweat out of it.

"Still don't mean it can't be another animal than a dog." Fred pointed out.

"Is Zarana always this…excitable?" Terry blinked.

"Not unless someone's about to shred the curtains or blow up the good dishes." Regan shook her head.

"Wake me up again and you're dead!" Zarana glared at her twin as Mainframe tossed the baseball bat some distance off to the side. Lifeline wouldn't touch it after he'd seen it used as a melee weapon.

"Come on, let's go say hello to your soon-to-be step-children." He said, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"Owie." Clutch whimpered as Zandar and Ren took a breather to recover from their big scare.

"I wonder how Zarana and the step-kids will get along?" Ace wondered.

"If it goes anything like their chat last week, it should be fine." The Italian telepath shrugged. "Although if you would pipe down, we could all hear better…"

"I'm guessing she wore a wig at the last meeting." Wanda observed. "The bright pink hair has left the little girl speechless."

"She's actually not all that little." Althea tilted her head to the side. "Probably only a couple of years younger than us."

"I think Paul's on the verge of laughing." Ace pointed out.

"Manframe must've told him about that brawl a couple weeks ago." Craig deduced.

"Medic..." Clutch weakly cried out, trying to get up.

"That or he thinks his dad is joking…" Neal suggested, but was met with a negative shake of the head from Regan.

"Nope. Mainframe already told his kids about her and introduced her. He must be laughing about the brawl."

"How do you know all this stuff?" John blinked.

"A) Hello? Telepath." Regan tapped her right temple with a perfectly-manicured pink fingernail. "And B) I just spent the last two weeks living with them. Not a whole lot else to talk about over dinner."

"What on earth possessed you to get those two mad at you?" Lifeline asked, walking over to examine Clutch. "You knew she was spoken for!" He pointed over at Ren.

"Was the dinner good?" John blinked.

"That's a Fred question, man." Lance looked at the crazy pyrokinetic.

"It was a compliment." The injured Joe whimpered.

"What?" John blinked in confusion.

"Never mind." Lance sighed.

"The hell it was!" Heart-Wrencher shouted at the driver and mechanic now lying on the ground. Lifeline sighed.

"I'm fairly sure it's only a compliment when she happens to be _your_ woman and not someone else's." Zandar walked over, grabbed Clutch, forced him to his feet, and put the Joe's face real close to his.

"Touch her like that again, and I will _**end**_ you." Zandar glared at Clutch, who gulped in response.

"And I will film it and play it as a warning to all your little friends." Ren grinned.

"I think you've been working with the kids for too long." Her boyfriend blinked.

"Hey, they got some good ideas sometimes." His dark-haired lover shrugged with a pleased smile, much to Clutch's surprise.

"I can't even feel sorry for you this time because you thoroughly earned this beating." Lifeline lamented.

"Maybe so, but some of our ideas are more fun…" The pink-haired male Dreadnok grinned, shoving the Joe back down to the ground.

"Oh really?" She smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist. "And what did you have in mind?" She asked as he led her away from Clutch and the kids.

"One lucky man, my friends." Ace whistled. "One lucky man."

"And that's Dreadnok romance for ya." Calvin stated.

"Ya gotta love it." John grinned. This was great inspiration for one of his books!


	12. Of House Pets and Home Movies

**Mama Zarana**

**12. Of House-Pets and Home Movies**

"Something tells me they'll be spending the wedding in a closet together." Craig Starr remarked to the Bangladeshi teen standing next to him.

"No, just the reception." Neal Sharra corrected the Superstars' bassist. "Zandar's the best man. It's a little hard to go on without him." Kristen nodded in agreement

"Zarana's threatened to castrate him if he doesn't show up for the wedding AND the rehearsal dinner tonight. By the time the reception rolls around, though, everybody's gonna be at least half-wasted anyway. No one will even notice they're missing."

"And we'll have prime blackmail material." Andi smirked, patting one of Shadowatch's many video cameras.

"Will they set up a karaoke machine?" Paul wondered. "Some of the Joes try to sing when they're drunk."

"God, I hope not." Jake groaned. "Airtight's rendition of 'You Are So Beautiful' was painful." The redhaired mutant frowned and rubbed his ear. "My ear starts hurting when I think about it."

"He dedicated it to his lab." Craig managed a disgusted face. "That freaked us out."

"The Joes aren't the only ones." Bryan snorted. "Cobra Commander and Dr. Mindbender are regulars on the karaoke machine."

"Yes, regularly and ear-splittingly painful." Kristen winced, making a mental note to invest in a pair of earplugs before tomorrow's reception. "If Bender's songs aren't about his lab, they're dedicated to whichever experiment he brought as a date that night."

"Sounds like Airtight needs a girlfriend." Neal observed.

"Airtight needs a girlfriend? _That's_ the understatement of the century." Jake quipped.

"Mindbender dates his own experiments?" Craig asked in shock. Wanda sneered.

"The man's a pig." Theresa'a jaw dropped.

"Lord, the man is a deviant." The Irish girl muttered.

"I've heard some freaky stuff, but that just may take the cake." A frowning Ace shook his head.

"Who are we gonna find willing to go out with Airtight?" Lance asked the Bostonian mutant known as Red Dragon. "Almost all the women here are spoken for."

"Well, it was either that or pay for an escort." Regan raised an eyebrow at Wanda. "And the man's a cheapskate, so that option's out."

"I wonder which experiment he will bring to the wedding?" Neal wondered out loud.

"Probably the orange one." Zanya answered. "You know? The one with all the tentacles? She actually speaks pretty good English and can carry on a conversation better than most of the others."

"I thought she was mad at him over that convention fiasco last week?" Andi frowned.

"Yeah, but that was last week." The dreadlocked daughter of Zartan shrugged. "With enough groveling and gifts, he could probably get her to come along."

"I put an ad in the paper last week." Jake told Lance. "I'll have to see if there are any takers."

"Orange?" Paul blinked.

"_Tentacles_?!" Craig gaped as John got an excited gleam in his eyes.

"Ooh, new book ideas coming into my brain!"

"Oh Good Lord, I can't believe I'm hearing this..." Theresa groaned, throwing her hands up in the air.

"He must be a real good drummer if you guys keep him in the band." Zanya observed Pyro warily. Sometimes he made Road Pig look sane.

"Yeah. Fantastic drummer." Lila nodded. "Completely insane, but fantastic drummer. Hey, can I bring Sam to the wedding?"

"Sam?" the dhampir inquired.

"Cannonball. One of the X-Men." Paul explained.

"She _means_ can she kidnap him and tie him up again." Craig elaborated.

"Jake, with our luck, the only takers will be nuttier than Pyro." Wanda stated.

"Hey, once you get past the tentacles, she's kinda hot…" Bryan shrugged.

"Typical." Corona rolled her golden brown eyes at her teammate.

"Sorry, Starway. Rana already said no X-geeks." Andi frowned at the interstellar teleporter. "This is going to be a nightmare as it is; we don't need them coming here and ruining her wedding because you can't keep your damn hormones in check."

"Neither can Zarana!" Pietro spoke up, for once trying to defend a teammate.

"Yeah, but she has an excuse." Althea answered. "You don't. No kidnapping X-Men."

"Uh...wouldn't surprise me?" Jake smiled nervously.

"Awww…" the dark haired keyboardist pouted.

"Maybe Airtight will meet someone at the wedding?" Lance suggested. Pietro couldn't help but laugh.

"You serious, Lance?"

"And maybe Destro will murder Clutch for trying to make a pass at the Baroness?" Neal quipped.

"Deal with it!" Althea glared. "We don't need any more drama around here!"

"Like who, Lance?" Wanda asked, not sure what kind of single female over the age of eighteen would show up to this event.

"God, I hope not Demming. She's a tramp." Corona snorted.

"Alright! Alright!" Lila held her hands up in defeat.

"I don't think you'll get many women coming to this thing, dude." Mitch sighed. "And most of the ones who are coming are in relationships."

"Who's Demming?" Wanda asked as Corona looked happily up at Lance.

"What are you gonna wear to the wedding?"

"Why do you wanna know that?" The geokinetic scratched his head.

"So I can get a dress that matches!" She explained with a wide grin.

"Cadet Demming hangs out with the Crimson Guard Twins." Mitch tried to explain. "She's…their...what is she, exactly? Their friend?"

"More like their little pet hooker." Regan snorted. She couldn't stand that blonde bimbo.

"We _already_ have dresses!" Kristen reminded her Hispanic teammate. "Remember? You got that pretty yellow one. Andi threw a huge fit over having to wear a dress in the first place…"

"I still don't see why I couldn't have worn a suit like the guys!" the blue-scaled teen growled. "Why do I have to wear a #$ &?% dress?"

"Because it's proper etiquette and Zartan and Zarana both ordered you to?" The Italian blonde bombshell raised an eyebrow, causing her squad leader to sigh heavily.

"_Hooker_?" Wanda looked at Shadowatch in disbelief.

"Why does _that_ not surprise me?" Ace snickered.

"Hooker, girlfriend, gold-digger—they're all pretty accurate descriptions of that bitch." Zanya remarked. If there was one thing her aunt and the Baroness ever had in common, it was a strong hatred of the Crimson Twins' shared lover.

"Think of it like this, Andi." The telepath smirked. "I'm sure Steve would _love_ to see you in a dress."

"I don't wanna wear a suit." Steve grumbled. "That's for lawyers. I'm not a lawyer."

"Although, to be fair, the catfights she and the Baroness have are very entertaining." Calvin noted.

"Men." Corona scoffed.

"I don't care if he'd enjoy it or not, I still don't like it!" Andi growled.

"Wait, what was it I was supposed to enjoy?" The crocodilian mutant blinked. "Because it ain't the suit…"

"Oh, I think once you two see each other tomorrow, it'll be worth it." Regan narrowed her eyes playfully at the pair.

"I'm guessing someone made sure their outfits matched, right?" Althea shot a look at the blonde telepath.

"Cat fights?" Pietro gaped. "You guys get to watch cat fights? No fair!"

"Somebody **please** tell me there's footage of this on tape!" Ace perked up.

"Saints preserve us all…" Theresa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Andi and Steve blinked at each other before looking skeptically at Regan. "It will?"

"Oh yeah! We got footage!" Mitch cheerfully pulled out his cell phone. "Check this out!"

"Aie…didn't know you could do _that_ with a chair." Ace winced.

"Trust me, it will." Regan assured them.

"Holy…and with a fountain pen?" Pietro squealed.

"What can I say? The Baroness knows how to fight dirty." Mitch shrugged.

"I think I just got me a new plot for one of my books." Pyro watched the footage along with the other boys.

"Oh-kay…" Andi and Steve still weren't convinced of Regan's plot.

"You find inspiration from anything, don't you?" Lance frowned at the drummer.

"Yep!" John grinned. "Oh! And I made a wedding present for Mainframe and Zarana."

"He made a present?" Mimic asked dubiously.

"Knowing John, it's one of his famous 'welded pipe masterpieces'." Craig sighed.

"He has a very...unique interpretation of unicorns." Paul chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his head. Craig's jaw dropped.

"Unique? That's the _best_ word you can come up for it?"

"Welded…Do I even want to know?" Corona asked.

"Probably not…" Lila admitted.

"As a group, we didn't get them much of anything." Regan spoke up. "Both of them already have all the kitchen appliances they need, and somebody already stated point-blank that having them stand in formal wear was all she was gonna get… but I pulled some strings and managed to get her wedding dress as a gift."

"Too bad we can't say the same for the bridesmaids' dresses…" Zanya grumbled.

"Just be glad I found that discount and stop complaining about the dress!" Regan snipped. "You're as bad as she is!" she pointed directly at Andi as she spoke.

"Ah." Corona nodded.

"Can you blame us?" Zanya protested. "We're not exactly dress people."

"It's a masterpiece!" Pyro beamed proudly.

"I'm sure it is, John." Paul nodded.

"Ren wasn't protesting." Kristen pointed out.

"She's new…and a little weird." Zanya made a face.

"Besides, most of what's hiding in **your**..." The Italian glared at Andi and Zanya, "..._closets_ should be burned or banned as an affront to modern fashion."

"Not this again." Zanya groaned.

"Regan, not everyone is meant to be a fashion plate." Andi grumbled.

"Mmmm…burgers…" Fred licked his lips as a sweat-drop formed on Andi's forehead.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't put a little more effort into looking nice." Regan smirked, noticing Zanya's sour expression. "Besides, Starchild might like it." She whispered in the dark-haired teen's ear.

"Do you think he would?" Zanya asked, clearly not convinced.

"Of course! It's like how the boys all decide to put on deodorant whenever they know Jenni's coming by!" Regan remarked. "Speaking of which, where are those guys? I know they got the invitation, because we delivered it ourselves…" She muttered as a flash of light brought the Southside Misfits and their handler Raven into the middle of the excitement.

"Speak of the devils!" Kris chirped.

"Hey, guys." Jake waved at the Chicago mutants.

"Eep!" John hid behind Lance. "Lisa!"

"Sorry we're late! We had to deal with Doctor Octopus, and then a Lovecraftian monster rampage." Jason Vincent, aka Kid Superstar, sighed.

"The monster blew up…into a pack of smaller monsters, hence the delay." Johnny B. Goode glared at Eric and Lisa, also known as Trouble and Fyre. "I _**told**_ you two not to blow it up!"

"What the %&$^ else was I supposed to do with that %&$#% truck, man?!" Eric "Trouble" Phillips exclaimed. "Flame Freak over here started the whole %&$^#% mess by setting the %&$^#$ thing on fire!" Lisa giggled as she held out a jar to Eric. "Aw %&$^#!" The African-American powerhouse put some change in the jar.

"Doc Ock?" Mitch blinked. "Doesn't he fight Spider-Man?"

"Must've gotten bored with him." Mike "WrongWay" Baxter shrugged.

"We did manage to stop the monster from eating your garage, though." Jennifer Hendrix "Shining Star" Starr smiled at the other mutants, a tray of cookies in her hands.

Burn-Out, however, seemed to have misheard her. "WHAT?!" He shouted in horror.

"I said it DIDN'T destroy your garage." Jenni clarified.

"It damn well better not have!" Burn-Out yelled back.

"Hey, cousin Jenni!" Ace grinned. "Long time, no see!"

"Oh, Ace. Hi!" Jenni greeted her feral cousin.

"Wow, it's a Misfits reunion." Johnny B. blinked.

"Not exactly. Me and Ace are the only West Coasters here." Theresa explained. "The others are dealing with other things."

"Aren't they helping the Fantastic Four with that robot dinosaur invasion in Kansas?" Paul inquired. Jake nodded.

"Yeah. Last I heard, they were in Topeka. And a robot Triceratops was eating the capitol building."

"At least they're not eating my garage!" Burn-Out grumbled.

"Dare I ask _why_ we have a robot dinosaur invasion…especially when we all know Virus isn't involved?" Regan sighed.

"Yeah, Trinity's got him tied up for a while." Althea admitted.

"Good!" Theresa snorted.

"WAAAAAGH! GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Virus was heard screaming.

"Maybe Forge screwed up another vacuum cleaner and it turned into a dinosaur-robot-creating menace?" Andi offered.

"Actually, I think they're from another dimension or something…" Jake began, only to be cut off.

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be the first time the damn hippie's brought monsters in from another dimension, would it?" Andi raised an eyebrow at the former Brotherhood members.

"Sadly, no. It wouldn't." Lance sighed.

"What hippies?" John blinked.

"John…" Craig groaned.

"When did Forge do that?" Ace frowned, not having heard that story before.

"Sadie Hawkins' Dance at Bayville High a couple years back." Lance explained. "Tried to improve Nightcrawler's powers and wound up unleashing a dinosaur invasion."

"Yeah, wimpy dinosaur invasion." Fred scoffed.

"Really?" Theresa blinked.

"Oh yeah, they were Sissysauruses." Fred nodded.

"We whooped their butts. Sent 'em packing!" Todd cheered.

"That's not what Kurt told me." A teasing grin spread across Andi's lips.

"He speaks lies! LIES!" Pietro wailed.

"You guys got to play with dinosaurs?" Pyro pouted. "Nobody ever lets me in on any of the fun."

"_You_ would've burned down the whole school." Lance remarked, shooting Pyro a look.

"...yeah, I would." The insane Aussie nodded.

"Is he always like this?" Corona pointed at the Australian mutant.

"So my brother was lying when he told me that you only beat the monster because Freddy sat on it?" Andi raised an eyebrow, causing the Southside Misfits to stare.

"Brother?" Jason repeated. He wasn't aware that the scaly girl had relatives, least of all among the X-Men.

"Okay, that part was true…" Todd admitted while Pietro grumbled incoherently.

"You get used to it after a while." Paul told Corona.

"Fire is my friend!" A happy Pyro smiled as Lance groaned, a look of exasperation on his face.

"Something tells me that expression is one you have often around here." The energy-manipulating mutant observed.

"Yup!" Lila grinned, pinching Lance's cheek. "It's his standard face."

"Why me?" Lance moaned.

"Because you're sexy!" Corona smiled, much to her squad leader's chagrin.

"I wonder why she's one of the only ones besides Althea that don't have a crush on one of the Starrs or their band, yo?" Todd wondered.

"Well, Trinity was already drooling over Jamie, and Lila likes farm boys." Althea explained as Lila smiled dreamily. "Not to mention Lina and Freddy."

"I'm still here… and in a lot of pain." Clutch moaned weakly.

"But you know what I mean!" Todd protested.

"Yes, sweetie, I do." Althea smiled. "She probably just isn't interested in having a boyfriend right now."

"She teases us all the time about chasing after Misfits and she can't even get a date!" Kris rolled her pale eyes. Mitch scratched his head in confusion.

"Didn't she once go out with that Razor dude from Cleveland?"

"I thought we weren't counting that since he blackmailed her into it." Corona remarked.

"Oh, she wants a date." Regan smirked. "You see, she likes her men scaly."

"Pain…pain hurts…" Clutch groaned.

"Really, yo?" Todd asked. "Like Jake?"

"No, it's not me." The Misfit in question sighed. He really didn't want it to be him, either. Not that Andi wasn't pretty, she just wasn't really his type.

"Take two aspirin and see me later." Lifeline ordered the wounded Joe driver.

"Aw, gawd…" Clutch breathed.

"Yeah, it shocks me she's into scaleface, too." Calvin sneered.

"Watch it, punk." A blushing Steve growled. "You're this close to becoming known as Brokeface!"

"I think it fits, if you ask me." Neal shrugged. "Both of them are brawlers at heart, love the water, and are expert swimmers."

"Oink!" Brownie squeaked, plodding up to the group.

"Anybody got any water?" Clutch asked weakly.

"I have a name, dammit!" Calvin grumbled.

"Yeah, it's dumbass punk, now shut up!" Andi glared at the mimicry mutate.

"Oink?" Brownie stood at Steve's feet, looking up at him. "Oink oink urnk?"

"There's a mini-fridge full of water bottles and other drinks in the motor pool." Lifeline remarked. "You can get up and go there. Do you need help walking?"

"Ohh…no…" Clutch shakily got to his feet and limped back toward the garage.

"I get no respect." Mimic grumbled.

"What's up, Brownie?" Steve asked the little pig.

"Oh, before I forget, I brought some cookies!" Jenni exclaimed, holding out the offered tray of baked goods. Almost all of the Shadowatch male roster immediately swarmed the cookie tray.

"The boys _really_ love those cookies." Kristen remarked, cocking her head to the side.

"Jen is one helluva baker." Mike shrugged. "She loves making cookies."

"I didn't realize you guys already knew each other." Ace commented, noticing how relaxed and friendly the Southside Misfits and Shadowatch acted around each other.

"We've been friends ever since Metallix botched a plan to get us to fight each other." Vicki smiled.

"Why should I respect you?" Andi shot a glare at Mimic. "You haven't done a damn thing to earn it!"

"Oink!" Brownie squealed, putting her front feet on Steve's leg, effectively using him to stand on her hind legs.

"Ya want food, Brownie?" The reptilian mutant asked.

"Yeah, that was awesome." Mitch commented through a mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. "The beating we laid on Metallix was epic."

"I think she wants you to pick her up, Steve." Regan suggested.

"We got it on tape." Bryan nodded along with his brother.

"I vote we use that footage and the rest of ours for a home movie extravaganza tonight." Lance stated.

"Oh, okay." Steve said, picking up the potbelly pig.

"I wish we had footage of the first beating we laid on Metallix when they tried to take over our garage." Bryan sighed. "That was epic carnage."

"Oink!" Brownie snuggled happily next to Steve. "Oink oink onk!"

"We need a pig translator or somethin', yo." Todd remarked, watching Steve and Brownie. "I'd like to know what she's sayin'."

"Hmm…" Johhny B. thought, stroking his chin. "I think I can build that."

"Metallix?" Jake blinked. "They tried to take over your turf?" He stared at Shadowatch.

"And failed miserably." Andi snorted. "Shame we didn't film it. THAT was one of our best fights."

"Yeah, Kris took Ringer down with no effort." Mitch added. "Those guys were a joke."

"Didn't I tell you guys I wasn't her _only_ favorite?" Andi looked at her team, pointing to Brownie and Steve. Brownie nodded and oinked.

"That's because she thinks you're 'Mom' and he's 'Dad'." Regan smirked. Brownie also oinked her approval of that statement.

"We also got footage of that time Mimic copied Vince's powers." Steve grinned. "THAT was hilarious!"

"Less than a week after he gave himself a migraine with Regan's powers, too." Neal added. "Which was a couple weeks after he tried to challenge Andi for team leadership—on his first day—and got his butt handed to him." Calvin's jaw dropped and eyes widened in horror.

"YOU _**TAPED**_ IT?" The blond mimicry mutate exclaimed.

"Huh?" Andi blinked, staring at Regan.

"Seriously, he did something that stupid?" Lance gaped.

"Tell me you have film of that fight." Mike begged. "Please tell me there is film!"

Steve seemed to be ignoring the other conversation, instead looking down at Brownie. "Ya see that guy?" He asked, pointing at Mimic. "He's an idiot. You be a good girl and don't stick around him too much." The pig nodded in response.

"Laugh it up. I am surrounded by mutants; I can copy all your powers and take you out." Calvin pouted, petulantly folding his arms across his chest.

"Not unless you've vastly improved your mastery of telepathy." Regan remarked. "Or found a way to block out that invention aspect of Virus's powers."

"Good piggy." Steve praised.

"You were screaming about machine ideas in your head." Mitch pointed out as Jake shook his head at Steve and Brownie.

"I've never seen anything like this before…"

"I'm telling you, those two treat that pig like it's their human baby most of the time." Regan remarked.

"That's because Brownie and Laredo are my babies." Andi stated with a smile.

"This can't be healthy." Lina sighed, watching the exchange between Mimic and his teammates.

"Lot healthier than some other methods, Dragonfly." Jason pointed out.

"It's not hard to like Brownie." Steve scratched the pig behind her ears. "She's small, helpful, and cute."

"What's not healthy, Lina?" Regan asked.

"Of course not." Andi answered. "Even the adults love her, except Thrasher, but he doesn't count."

"Filming other people's misfortune and selling the tapes for a profit." The winged teen explained. "Doesn't that seem exploitative to you?"

Regan, Mitch, and Bryan looked at each other. "…No…" They said in unison.

"I told you when we brought her home, everyone loves brownies." Steve reminded his blue-scaled teammate.

"Yes, you did…" she admitted, causing her teammates to stare.

"Wait!" Kristen held up her hand. "HE's the one that named her?"

"Oink!" Brownie nodded.

"I think it's cute that they name each other's pets." Jenni smiled. "Real couples do that, right?" She looked over at Jason and Vicki.

"It's karma, Lina." Neal explained to the medic-in-training. "He films us doing embarrassing things, and we repay him in kind."

"Yeah, he did." Andi nodded. "And it fits."

"It depends on the couple, Jen." Jason told his blonde teammate.

"Ah." Lina nodded in understanding.

"I guess those two are that kind of couple." The blonde guitarist shrugged.

"Not sure if they are or not." Corona shrugged. "They won't even admit they're a couple!"

"See? It's not cruelty." Bryan remarked with a grin. "It's karmic realignment."

"Shouldn't they have to admit they like each other before becoming a couple?" Jake scratched his head in confusion.

"Yeah, shouldn't we get a say in whether or not we're forced together?" Andi protested.

"Oh, will you two quit beating around the shrub and ask each other out?" Neal groaned. "You're driving the rest of us crazy!"

"Bush, dude." Johnny B. corrected him. "It's 'beating around the bush', not the shrub."

"Don't tell them that!" Kristen hissed. "You'll ruin the pool we've got going!"

Overhearing, Andi glared at her teammate and long-time friend. "What pool?" She growled.

Kristen blinked and gulped nervously. "Uh…RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

"Thanks a lot, bat-brain!" Regan shouted at the fleeing dhampir.

"You're betting on your own teammates?" Jake asked, surprise evident in his facial expression.

"_**What**_ pool?" Steve glared at Neal.

"I'm not in on it!" The Bangledeshi teen held up his hands. "I'm just the bookie, I swear!"

"GET BACK HERE!" Andi roared, chasing after the much faster mutant.

"Jake, it's no different than that time Lila and I bet on John's performance at darts." Lance shrugged.

"The bloody thing was rigged!" Lila protested angrily, pointing at Lance. "You knew damn well he was a good shot!"

"You getting this, Toddles?" Althea asked her boyfriend as she watched the chase scene. Todd, holding a camera in his hands, nodded back.

"Yup."

"I swear, I didn't make any bets!" Neal pleaded, trying to convince Steve not to beat him up.

"Ya know…I can believe it." Steve sighed, thinking about the situation for a moment.

"It's not my fault you didn't do your homework on your teammate's skills." Lance rolled his eyes.

"Those two better keep it down, or else 'Rana's gonna come back out here and start chasing them both." Regan observed, watching Andi attempt to catch Kristen.

"Well, if you didn't make any bets, you won't mind telling me what the pool was about, will you?" Steve asked.

"Uh…" Neal looked around nervously "Would you believe they're betting on whether you'll ever get the guts to ask her out?"

"Gahhhh!" Lila moaned.

"Why does THAT not surprise me?" Steve grumbled.

"What can I say? The nut's a whiz at darts." Lance shrugged as John happily danced around.

"Darts, darts, darts, darts, darts…!" He chanted happily, clapping his hands.

"Well, if you'd have manned up and asked her six months ago, there wouldn't be a need for the betting pool!" Regan countered. "You had the perfect opportunity and you chickened out!"

"I did _not_ chicken out!" Steve protested. "I got dragged on a camping trip with my uncle! There's a difference!"

"I hate you both, sometimes. I really do." Lila glared at her teammates.

"You know you love us, Lila." Lance snickered at his British bandmate.

"Wait, wasn't Andi in and out of the infirmary that week?" Corona asked, recalling that moment in the history of the team. Andi had been suffering from one of her…'episodes', and required a prolonged stay in the medical bay that week.

"Yeah, she was." Mitch nodded, backing up Steve's claim. "She couldn't have gone anywhere even if she'd wanted to."

"You're just depressed because we won't let you drag Cannonball to the wedding." Lance jokingly accused the moping keyboardist and guitarist of the Superstars.

"You went camping with Gnawgahyde?" Todd asked. "That must've been a blast."

"Not really." Steve groaned, a disgusted expression on his face. "The man likes to grease himself with animal fat. Says it helps fool animals into thinking he is one. Unfortunately, he doesn't ever %$^#% wash it off! Boy, was the hunting lodge hospitable to us."

"Doesn't help that you got a face that traumatizes small children." Calvin quipped. Steve growled angrily at Mimic.

"I'm surprised Lance isn't more bummed about not bringing Kitty." Jake remarked.

"Are you kidding?" Lance gaped. "If she saw Corona, she'd go ballistic!"

"Especially if she saw Corona in the dress she got for the wedding…" Regan sighed as her squad leader stalked back up to the group. Kristen was nowhere to be seen.

"Keep it up and I'll send you off camping with _my_ old man, Mimic." Andi frowned.

"Camping with Sabretooth?" Wanda blinked as the Southside Misfits' jaws dropped. "That must've been a long weekend."

"Sabretooth?" Johnny B. Goode squeaked. "_Sabretooth's_ her dad?"

"Andi's dad is a kitty!" Lisa grinned widely.

"Yeah, a real psycho kitty." Vicki groaned.

"How long have you known us, again?" Regan asked. "You can't use the common last name excuse when they actually look so much alike!"

"The man does not believe in tents." Andi grumbled. "Or showers. Or cooking his meat before eating it…" There was a reason she didn't want to go on any more long trips with the man.

"Doesn't sound that bad." Mimic tried to act tough, despite the fact that his face had gone a couple of shades paler.

"They have the same nose." Vicki remarked, studying Andi's face. "Raven showed us a picture of Sabretooth once. He and Andi have the same nose."

"Oh, it gets better." Andi remarked, not focused on scaring Mimic so much as griping about her father's bad habits. "The man's idea of 'good parenting'..." she made sure to include air quotes with that "involves making his kid sleep in the car or the motel bathtub while he and whatever cheap hooker he picked up go at it in the other room." Which had, sadly, happened more than once…

"And Mystique approved of this how…?" Todd blinked. The (other) blue bitch was never going to win any awards for her parenting skills, but he was fairly positive she wouldn't have approved of that. Andi sighed.

"She wasn't in the same state when it happened, and I was too scared of him coming to pound my ass if I told her…she didn't find out until a couple years later." She paused, remembering that particular family discussion. "Hadn't seen her _that_ pissed since he broke into the boarding-house kitchen at #$%&-thirty in the morning."

"Oh god…" Lance groaned, imagining just what kind of skimpy outfit Corona had picked out. "Did Zarana or Heart-Wrencher approve of it?"

"Well, duh!" Regan rolled her eyes. "They went with us to pick them out!"

"I'm so glad yellow is a good color on me…" Corona smiled happily.

"Lucky." Zanya grumbled. "I'm stuck wearing the pink monstrosity my aunt calls a bridesmaid's dress."

"Hold up!" Mike interjected, much to the thanks of his very confused teammates. "So…Sabretooth is her dad, and Mystique is her mom?" He asked, pointing at Andi.

"Yeah, it shocked us too." Lance admitted.

"Believe it or not, I've seen _way_ worse bridesmaid's dresses, Z." Kristen told Zanya.

"You just don't like it because it's pink." Regan deduced.

"I'm scared to ask…but _why_ was he breaking into the kitchen?" Theresa asked.

"It involved booze, another hooker, and him being too damn cheap to pay for a motel room." Andi frowned. "We thought we were being _robbed_ until we got downstairs…again, Mom was **not** happy."

"Couldn't I at least have had it in black or green? Jeez…" Zanya complained.

"I'll bet Mystique was especially furious about having to clean the table." Althea winced.

"Zanya, I'm not sure you were aware of this before, so we'll explain it slowly." Kristen began. "This is Zarana's wedding. She's the bride. The bride picks the color scheme for everything. Decorations, flowers, bridesmaid's dresses—everything! Which is how Zandar got roped into wearing a pink vest and tie with his tuxedo…"

"Even the Joes in the wedding party don't get out of it." Lina added. "Dial-Tone has to wear a pink tie and vest too."

"Oh, she didn't clean it." Andi informed them. "She smashed it up with an axe and burned it in the fireplace."

"Considering what Sabretooth may have done to that table…" Vicki winced.

"Or **on** it…" Craig shuddered. That was one mental image he did not need in his head.

"I'm sure it was a smart move on her part." Wanda nodded.

"Not to mention sanitary." Her twin added as Theresa stared in wide-eyed shock.

"Saints above…"

"And the award for worst parenting skills goes to…" Althea sighed.

"Someone OTHER than our father for once." Wanda stated.

"And this is why we only see each other a couple times a year anymore." Okay, that and the parking lot fight right after the Chicago Incident. Picky, picky… "Usually it's one of brothers' or nephews' birthday parties."

"I warned you, Theresa." Ace told his teammate.

"I had no idea ye were all so mad." The sonic screamer lamented.

"I imagine a gathering of your relatives must be an interesting event." Jason commented to Andi.

"Nephews?" Todd blinked.

"That's right! I'm an auntie!" Andi smiled, her mood improving slightly.

"Her oldest brother is married with two little boys." Kristen nodded.

"More like a Jerry Springer episode." Craig scoffed.

"Hey, all of our families aren't crazy!" Regan protested. "Just hers!"

"And ours…sort of." Bryan admitted.

"It depends on who shows up. Dad and Kyle—one of my brothers—are assholes, but Connor and Daniel are pretty even natured."

"I love Fred's family stories." Pyro smiled.

"That's…not surprising." Neal admitted.

"He has an Aunt Ralph." Craig shook his head. "An Aunt Ralph. My God…"

"Ah." Paul nodded at Andi's explanation as the blonde girl perked up.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Aunt Ralph! How's Ralph and her bunch doing, anyway?" She asked Fred, much to Craig's shock.

"You know this person?" He asked.

"Yeah." Andi nodded. "Their grandma used to babysit me when I was little. Lot of extended family liked to show up on Thursday nights."

"She says this like it's no big deal." Theresa shook her head.

"Considering her mother can change her gender at a moment's notice, I don't think knowing someone's Aunt Ralph rates very high on her weird scale." Kristen pointed out.

"She's got a point, Terry." Ace shrugged.

"How can ye **not** find this strange?" The Irish teen demanded.

"I'm from LA." Ace pointed out. "Weird is normal there."

"And once you sign on with the Dreadnoks, the meaning of 'normal' takes on a whole different meaning." Kristen shrugged.

"…You're all crazy." Terry frowned.

"You must be too, or you wouldn't still be here." Zanya countered.

"To us, normal is witnessing a doctor making his own dates." Neal admitted.

"…they're right." Theresa realized. "I am crazy. I must have gone crazy if I agreed to be a Misfit." Lisa put an arm around the Irish girl.

"See? It's not so bad admitting you're nuts." The redheaded Irish-Cambodian pyrokinetic grinned. "We're all mad here..." Theresa nervously took a step off to the side.

"Lisa, stop freaking out fellow guests." Johnny B. sighed.

"Well, to be fair, we're not as bad." Ace pointed out. "The big difference between the East and West Coast Misfits is the East Coasters cause the insanity and insanity happens around us."

"With us Southsiders, it's a little of both." Jason nodded.

"It's alright, Terry." Althea smiled, patting Theresa's shoulder. "This isn't a bad thing."

"It's kind of the same with our group." Andi agreed with Jason. "How the crazy happens depends on what day of the week it is."

"Why would that matter?" Eric asked.

"Because every second Tuesday at the Terror Dome, there's an attempted mutiny." Zanya explained. "Or at least, there was when Cobra Commander was in charge…"

"Last one who tried it against Serpentor got shot from a cannon." Regan sighed.

"I thought Andi tried that last week?" Mitch frowned, Zanya shook her head.

"Nah. She just flipped him off."

"You did that and you're still alive?" Mike gaped. From the stories he heard from Raven, Serpentor wasn't the type to tolerate that…

"I'm awesome." Andi grinned.

"The only reason for that is because he's afraid that either our boss or her parents would come hunt him down if he tried to kill her." Regan rolled her eyes.

"I think he should be a little more worried about what Zarana will do to him if he messes up her wedding." Lance smiled, shaking his head.

"She'll turn green and kill us all!" John exclaimed.

"That's the Hulk, you moron!" Lance shouted.

"Oh, I don't know…she might still turn green and throw up all over someone." Wanda smiled.

"My money's on Serpentor!" Andi exclaimed. "He's way overdue for some karmic realignment!"

"Would Serpentor even be here?" Jason asked, gaining General Hawk's attention.

"If Cobra is coming, then so is he." The general sighed.

"Hey, I just had a funny idea!" Lisa perked up. "What if she threw up on both Serpentor and Hawky here?"

"Oh, God. That. Would. Be. Hilarious!" Andi managed to speak through a fit of giggles. The rest of the teens were laughing along as well.

"I'm standing right here." Hawk grumbled.

"And strangely, I don't care." Andi smiled.

"Gotta agree with her on this one." Althea shrugged apologetically despite fighting off more giggles. "Sorry, General Hawk."

"Damn Dreadnoks ruining everything." Hawk muttered.

"Oh, you've _definitely_ gotta film this wedding!" Ace laughed.

"Oh, it shall be filmed." Mitch smiled.

"You're laughing at your commanding officer's misfortune?" Theresa asked.

"Why not? He's been a real laugh riot lately." Althea shrugged.

"Come on, Terry. Remember that time we found three of the Malibu Joes drunkenly singing Elvis songs?" Ace reminded her. "We all found that hilarious!"

"They weren't generals." Theresa frowned, trying to remember that incident.

"It's pretty well encouraged at our base, so we can't give any formal opinions…" Zanya sighed.

"Uh, Terry?" Ace looked at her. "Whithalf WAS one of those drunken Joes."

"Really? He was?"

"I believe it." Andi shrugged as Brownie, still happily snuggled in Steve's arms, oinked in agreement.

"Yeah, Terry! Remember? He was the one wearing the lampshade and loudly belting out Billy Joel's 'Big Shot'." Ace refreshed her memory.

"Oh, riiiight… they nearly got themselves banned from that Hawaiian-themed bar, didn't they?" The leader of the West Coast Misfits realized.

"Yeah." Ace nodded.

"Heh." Steve smirked down at Brownie.

"Aww." Regan cooed, looking from Steve to Andi. "You two will make fantastic parents one day."

"If that's the most embarrassing thing they've done while drunk, you haven't seen anything yet." Neal raised an eyebrow as the Southsiders watched in amused silence. They only had one full-time handler, so drunk adult antics were new to them.

Steve and Andi looked at each other with wide eyes before turning back to Regan. "_Parents_?"

"Oink!" If a pig could smile, Brownie was doing it.

"Their children will look like sideshow rejects." Mimic quipped.

"Oh, trust me…Neal, right?" Ace asked, not quite remembering which name belonged to which face of the Shadowatch roster. Neal nodded. "Right. Trust me, my friend, that's just one of their tamer adventures. One word: Firestorm."

"Can somebody hold Brownie?" Steve asked, an angry glint in his yellow eyes. "I got a Mimic to kill."

"Don't be so quick to talk." Neal warned. "We have footage in our library that the boss shot at a Christmas party ten years ago. Very entertaining and crazy."

"Was that the year Mindbender made a synthoid date, or the second time he brought an android to the party?" Bryan scratched his head, trying to remember which Cobra Christmas Party that footage belonged to.

"Don't look at me!" Andi growled at Steve as Mimic gulped. "I'm gonna shred his punk ass to bits!"

"Here, I'll take Brownie…" Bryan sighed.

"Some of this stuff I just have to see…?" Lance asked warily.

"I am going to die…" Mimic squeaked.

"No, I think it was the year he took that purple creature with him and the attractive orange one with tentacles got jealous." Neal clarified.

"Yes, yes you do." Regan nodded to Lance.

"You got that right, punk." Steve handed Brownie off to his teammate, cracking his knuckles.

"You'd think one of these days he'd learn to shut up…" Kristen shook her head.

"Does Doctor Mindbender not like human women?" Johnny B. frowned.

"Meep." Calvin shrank away from his angry teammates.

"Oh, he likes them." Corona sighed. "They just don't like him."

"Get over here you punk!" Andi roared as Mimic took off running.

"Teach him to insult people's children…even if they're not born yet…" Althea shook her head.

"You guys think Ren and Zandar will have kids someday?" Kristen wondered out loud.

"Well, considering Mindbender is a mad scientist with a possible fetish for experimentation…" Craig sighed.

"HELP ME!" Mimic shouted.

"I wouldn't be surprised if they did." Neal shrugged in response to Kristen's musings.

"I wouldn't let Zartan hear you say that." Paul winced.

"Yeah, his brain may explode." Zanya snorted. He was taking things way to seriously, in her opinion.

"I would be frustrated too." Jake sighed. "His brother and sister both have stable romantic relationships, but his social life makes a train wreck look good."

"Let's just say the man isn't too picky as long as it's female." Regan sighed in response to Craig's statement earlier.

"You're on your own, Mimic!" Mike shouted. No way he was gonna jump in the middle of that.

"Well if he would stop picking up his girlfriends at bars or on the battlefield, he might have better luck…" Regan huffed.

"Yeah, but isn't that exactly how Zarana and Mainframe met?" Jason asked.

"AIEEE!"

"It worked for them." Kristen shrugged.

"TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!" A cracking sound was heard as one of Andi's punches made contact with Mimic's body.

"Yeah, but it don't for most people." Bryan reminded his teammate, setting Brownie down on the ground as the little pig started to squirm.

"Just take a look at Lance and Kitty, yo." Todd nodded as his teammate sighed in exasperation. "They're always fighting about something."

"And Kitty can't stick to one man." Corona remarked.

"Does Kitty know about you and Corona, Lance?" Jake asked.

"Thanks to the hate-mail, she knows of her…" Lance paused to glare at his fan-girl. "...they just haven't met yet."

"Let me guess, you didn't tell her you got roped into being Corona's date for the wedding?" Althea inquired.

"Man, those X-chicks are gonna flip when they find out Paul went with Regan and Zanya instead of them." Mike chuckled, the image of a violent cat-fight filling his mind.

"It's not like it's our fault!" The Italian telepath defended. "Zarana specifically said that she didn't want any X-Men at the wedding!"

"You're not complaining about it, though." Vicki observed.

"Why should we?" Zanya shrugged.

"OWWW! NOT THE FACE!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if the X-Men end up unwittingly showing up." Jake speculated.

"Ooh, that means Corona and Kitty will fight." Pietro rubbed his hands together gleefully.

"Bring her on." Corona smirked. "She's not so tough without her powers."

"Fine by us, Mimic!"

"NOT THERE EITHER!" Mimic screamed in a high-pitched voice.

"Catfight!" Ace cheered as Lance groaned.

"Literally, in this case." Pietro smiled.

"I don't think this would even qualify as a fight." Zanya scoffed. "We'll kick their sorry butts all the way back to that fancy mansion of theirs!"

"And what would your adults say about this?" Althea sighed. This just had bad idea written all over it, and worse, the Misfits would get blamed for something they didn't do.

"You just keep giving us more ideas, punk!" One of Steve's blows connected that time.

"OW! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO?"

"You mean besides you insulting their future children?" Neal quipped.

"That's an understatement, Zanya." Corona scoffed.

"The boss is getting drunk." Mitch answered flatly. "Said he needs to be smashed to deal with this wedding. Zandar and Ren are probably in the closet again, Zarana's hounding the set-up crew, and Burn-Out's been trying to find the plans for your vehicles.

"GET AWAY FROM MY TANK!" Cover Girl shouted from the garage, followed by a distant "OW!" from Burn-Out.

"See?" The large mutant sighed.

"Not my fault they'd make ugly kids AIE!"

"Well, how bad we beat up the X-Men depends on how many show up." Regan shrugged.

"How can he go get drunk at a time like this?" Hawk snapped, not noticing General Whithalf wandering off.

"Oh, don't act surprised!" Althea scoffed. "You're just jealous you didn't think of it first!"

"At least it was just the tank and not her behind." Lina spoke up, referring to Burn-Out and Cover Girl. "Clutch likes to stare at that while she's working."

"They're really takin' this personal, ain't they?" Todd watched Andi and Steve pound Mimic.

"And it's pretty funny to watch Cover Girl clobber him with wrenches." Jake admitted.

"OW! WRENCHES HURT!" Burn-Out wailed.

"GOOD!" Cover Girl roared.

"If you dealt with Mimic, you'd understand." Bryan remarked, earning nods from his teammates and a few Southside Misfits.

"She's right, Hawk." Shipwreck told the general as he and a few of the Misfit handlers walked up.

"I'm sure a brawl between Shadowatch and the X-Men would be good for a few laughs." Ace admitted.

"I think watching her or Ren clobber anyone with wrenches is pretty funny as long as 'anyone' isn't me." Mitch remarked.

"Why?" Todd asked. "Does he do this stuff all the time?"

"It's just not fair!" Hawk grumbled.

"Laughs, bruises, money from video sales…this wedding is turning out to be a very lucrative business venture." Neal commented.

"I got a feeling that Hawk will end up drunk before we know it." Low Light stated.

"That or he may try to strangle Mainframe at the altar." Shipwreck suggested. "Heck, he and Zartan may BOTH try to strangle him at the altar."

"He'd never pull it off." His daughter shook her head. "Zarana would rip him in half."

"We got a problem that may screw the pooch!" Roadblock exclaimed as he trotted up to the group. "Zartan keeps taking all the hooch!"

"Oh yes." One could almost swear that dollar signs appeared in Regan's eyes. "**Very** lucrative."

"Is this counting the stuff he brought from home, or just your booze?" Zanya sighed. This was _soo_ embarrassing…

"Besides, Hawky's gotta get at the back of the line. Right behind Zartan." Kristen commented.

"Regan, you're starting to scare me…" Neal raised an eyebrow at the blonde illusionist.

"Wow, they're really wailing on him." Shipwreck observed the fight between Steve, Andi, and Mimic. "What did he do to make them that mad?"

"Won't somebody help back me—OW!" Mimic yelped.

"I'll break your back, you insensitive…" Andi grumbled.

"Everyone's booze!" Roadblock exclaimed as Hawk went to confront the Dreadnok leader.

"Quit hogging it, you snake!"

"%&$^ you, Joe!"

"He insulted any children those two might have in the distant future." Jenni sighed.

"What? I'm rich! I love money!" Regan didn't even bother to look offended.

"AIE! MAH SPINE!"

"Give me back that scotch!"

"Go get your own bottle! This one's mine!"

"Really?" Theresa blinked at Regan. "You're rich?"

"I know I _should_ break this up, but I really don't want to." Gnawgahyde lamented, looking at the fight.

"Maybe we should quit while we're ahead and go to the Clubhouse for movie night?" Neal sighed.

"That's Joe booze, punk!"

"Mine now!"

"Yes." Regan nodded proudly. "My mother is a famous supermodel: Carla Belucci."

"Carla Belucci…where have I heard that name before?" Ace thought out loud. That name sounded familiar to him.

"I'm invulnerable and I'm scared to get in the middle of that." Fred pointed at the fight. "And Andi _likes_ me…"

"I think that's a good idea, Thunderbird." Althea nodded. "What would we watch, though?"

"Boss…put down the bottle and go hit a bar or something." Burn-Out groaned. "I ain't got time to be breakin' up your fights on top of the ones they start." He jerked his thumb back at the kids.

"Aye, the name is familiar." Theresa agreed with Ace, looking at the only telepath in the group.

"It should be. She did full-page photo spread for Italian fashion magazines back in the 80s." Regan informed them. "Now she's working behind the camera as a designer."

"That's true, but we can't let them actually kill him or do any permanent damage." Bryan sighed to his older brother.

"I thought we were going to watch the home movies…unless you have another idea?" Jenni blinked at the East Coast Misfit leader.

"Yeah!" The proverbial light bulb went off in Ace's mind. "My dad was a roadie, and he was touring with Whitesnake in Italy. He nicked up this awesome magazine with her in it….Maxim Italia, I think… small world, huh?" He grinned, looking at the other boys. "I got the mag if anyone wants to see it."

"That's fine with us, Jenni." Neal shrugged. "Which video should we watch first?"

"We have this great one of Flint and Lady Jaye's marital spats." Althea smiled.

"You mean the famous one where they got those experimental tanks and leveled Topeka, Kansas?" Lance asked.

"Ooh! I wanna see! I wanna see!" Pietro cheered excitedly.

"It normally takes at least two people to tear them off him." Corona frowned, then looked to the three Dukes brothers. "Maybe you guys should give it a go? At least you can pry her off without getting sliced up."

"Maybe you should help as well, Eric." Jason suggested to the Southside Rockers' drummer. "You're invulnerable." The powerhouse's jaw dropped at the fight.

"You kiddin', right Boss?" Eric gaped. "You &%^$# kiddin'." Jason took another look at the beating.

"Ya know what? Never mind. I'm not sure you could survive that." The Southside Misfits' leader shrugged. Eric wiped his brow and sighed in relief.

"Why were they using tanks to solve a marital spat?" Kristen blinked.

"And we have the best of the Cobra Holiday Party collection, complete with special bonus footage." Neal grinned.

"YOU do not get to see anything!" Regan glared angrily at Pietro.

"Us?" Mitch gulped nervously.

"Might as well." Fred sighed reluctantly. This was so gonna hurt… "Come on, guys."

"Oh, are you gonna include the one with the Baroness drunkenly puking on Demming?" Kristen perked up. "That was funny!"

"Meep!" Pietro squeaked.

"That's a shame. There was a lot to see in that spread." Ace shook his head as Regan groaned.

"Which one do you want, Freddy? Andi or Steve?" Bryan asked.

"Okay, now I do want to see that…" Althea admitted.

"Then I'll throw it in with the rest of the footage." Neal smiled. "If we have time later, maybe can compare our drunken adults karaoke exploits? We have most of ours on film."

"Sounds like you need to have a long talk with your mom, eh Regan?" Vicki looked at the blonde telepath.

"I got Andi…" Fred sighed. She would be easier to deal with than Steve.

"Oh, we have some video classics of our own." Lance pointed out.

"We've already had that talk. Many times. It doesn't seem to help." Regan lamented.

"Well, when the boys finish prying her and Steve off of Mimic, you and Andi can swap embarrassing parent stories." Wanda shrugged.

"Okay…on three…" Bryan sighed.

"What kind of classics and how much do you charge for copies of the good stuff?" Neal inquired.

"Might as well." Regan sighed.

"One…"

"Two…"

"Three." Fred finished the count down as the three brothers went to break up the brawl.

"We have Drunken Joes Sing Billy Joel's 'Big Shot' and Firestorm and Rock 'n' Roll re-enacting that car chase through the mall scene from _The Blues Brothers_." Ace offered.

"Along with Shipwreck Crashes a Sub." Paul nodded. "That one's a crowd-pleaser."

"Reg, I think you'd lose that comparison." Corona stated.

"How in the world is she going to top this?"

"Well, I heard a rumor that one of Mystique's old identities was a supermodel..." Kristen tilted her head in thought. "The last name was Brook or River…something to do with water."

"Let me go! Let me go! I gotta kill him!" Andi shouted as she was dragged off, kicking and screaming.

"Maybe we can work out a deal?" Neal mused. "Exchange some of our best clips for some of yours?"

"I'm sure we'll find out in some way." Jenni sighed.

"She must have more identities than Roger from _American Dad_!" Paul gaped.

"Andi, he's had enough!" Fred said, straining to hold the blue-scaled girl back without actually hurting her. Given how much she was struggling, it was a very fine line.

"I think that can be arranged." Lance stroked his chin. "Let me run it by the others…"

"Yeah, but do we _really_ wanna find out?" Lila asked.

"Sure seems that way, yo." Todd nodded in response to Paul's statement.

"You're joking, right?" Regan gave her (much) shorter teammate a disbelieving stare. "I realize that she leads a very private life, but there is **no** way that Vogue's star model of the last decade, Ronnie Lake, is really Mystique in disguise."

"No, he hasn't! Nobody insults my babies and gets away with it!"

"I think you two drove your point home, now will ya both calm down?!"

"You do that. I know our group won't have a problem with it." Neal nodded.

"Probably not." Pietro remarked. "To be honest, I don't really care about this."

"Hey, you don't suppose that one of her identities will run wild? Y'know? Like what happened to Roger in that one episode of American Dad?"

"You never know, Sheila." Pyro said as a brainstorm struck him. "No, wait…what if…what if she was an alien here to infiltrate Earth? Find out our defenses to aid the invasion...OH MY GOD!" He slapped his hands to the sides of his head. "IT'S INDEPENDENCE DAY ALL OVER AGAIN!"

"You guys cool with a video exchange?" Lance asked the other Misfits, ignoring John's latest expression of insanity.

"Nah. She's got way more control than that." Kristen shook her head at Paul. "She scraps most of her identities once she's done with them so nobody can trace them back to her."

"I guess I'll have to ask Andi once she calms down." Regan said. "She's the only one who would know for sure."

"I think you might be waiting a while on that." Jason winced as the Dukes brothers tried to keep Andi and Steve from jumping back on Mimic.

"Will you shut up?" Lila bonked Pyro on the head.

"I don't mind as long as whatever we get back is as high quality as what we're giving them." Althea shrugged.

"Ah." Paul nodded in understanding.

"Let's trade." Lance turned back to the only unengaged male member of Shadowatch.

"A very &%$# long time." Trouble remarked, watching Andi and Steve try to break away from the three mutants restraining them.

"Is that my spleen?!" Mimic wheezed.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Pyro yelped. "It was a legitimate theory!"

"Very well. What would you like to start with? We have several boxed sets of the blooper reel from our show and a compilation of our entire home movie library." Neal smiled. "We even have a Cobra Theatre production of The Wizard of Oz that they did before we signed on."

"Saints above!" Theresa winced at the sight of a bloodied Mimic.

"And this is why very few people wanna pick a fight with those two." Corona sighed.

"Oh, for the love of…" Lila grumbled to John.

"Cobra _Theatre_?!" Althea blinked. "Oh, we have _got_ to see that."

"How much for that?" Shipwreck asked, pulling out his wallet.

"SHIPWRECK!" Hawk roared.

"What? It sounds like a good deal." Shipwreck shouted back.

"Yeah, he's gonna need a bunch of doctors." Ace winced.

"And a miracle or two." Theresa nodded weakly.

"Pain…" Calvin groaned, borrowing Kristen's powers in order to heal faster.

"Everybody thinks I'm nuts." Pyro frowned.

"You ARE nuts!" Lila pointed out.

"True, but still…"

"Which performances do you want and what will you trade us for it?" Neal asked.

"Don't worry too much about him." Corona waved. "Unlike Virus, he can just copy Kristen's powers and be back to his usual arrogant self by tomorrow morning."

"True. He does that every time he gets in a fight." Mike agreed.

"Ow…my spine…"

"That's exactly my point!" Lila groaned.

"Lila, don't bother." Craig sighed. "He won't understand it anyway."

"In trade for Cobra Theatre, we'll give you footage of Flint and Lady Jaye fighting with that married couple in Yokohama." Lance remarked.

"That's the reason why they're banned from that place." Paul nodded.

"I don't get it." John scratched his head.

"See?" Craig gestured to Lila.

"Oh, we've GOT to see that one!" Regan smiled.

"You think 'Rana and Mainframe will fight like that?" The petite dhampir wondered.

"John, just forget about it." Paul sighed.

"Lemme go!" Steve struggled against his two teammates. "He needs to feel more pain!"

"You'll love that one." Jake nodded. "Flint and Lady Jaye invented some unique uses for rubber chickens in that one."

"Not to mention Flint stuffing one of them inside a vending machine." Lance added.

"As long as they aren't near the tanks when they fight, I think we'll be okay." Corona told her shorter teammate.

"Forget about what?"

"Dude, he's had enough!" Bryan strained against the equally strong reptilian mutant as Mimic twitched on the ground.

"My lung is wrapped around my intestines…"

"Man, that sounds like the last spat Destro and the Baroness had." Corona said in regard to Lance's comments. "She chased him around with a grenade launcher for over four hours."

"Something tells me Mainframe wouldn't want to fight her with a tank, ever." Regan rolled her eyes. "Usually she wouldn't use one against him either, but with those mood swings…well, anything's possible now."

"Not until he apologizes!"

"I never thought Destro could put out screams that high pitched." Neal remarked.

"My stomach…"

"Oh, now we really gotta see that video!" Todd rubbed his hands together in excitement. The other Misfits from various chapters nodded in agreement.

"Oh, quit your whining! You're already healing." Kristen hissed at the mimicry mutate. "Besides, this is all your own fault!"

"You'll love it." Neal smiled.

"Shaddap…" Calvin moaned.

"I'm sure we will." Ace grinned broadly.

"That fight wasn't anywhere near their personal record, though." Zanya recalled.

"Don't make me tape your mouth shut again!" Bryan grumbled at the blond teen, causing the battered boy to groan.

"Personal record?" Jason asked. Zanya nodded.

"Yeah. Whatever he did to piss her off had her trying to kill him for almost a month."

"You gotta be kidding." Jake shook his head.

"Finally, he's learning!" Kristen cheered at Mimic's silence. "Hooray!"

"No. She was actively trying to either take his head off or blow him up for nearly a whole month." Zanya stated.

"And it only took him two years to do it!" Corona teased.

"Hard to believe Destro and the Baroness aren't married yet." Wanda remarked.

"If I were her, I would have left before now." Regan snorted. "If he hasn't made a serious move in ten years, he isn't going to make one at all!"

"It'll probably be about that long before those two get their act together." Corona sighed, casting a glance at Steve and Andi.

Mimic growled at his teammates. Unfortunately, Laredo—the team's dog—happened to be walking by. With a growl and several agitated barks, he laid his ears back against his skull and bared his teeth at the annoying human.

"What did they see in each other, anyway?" Lila asked.

"Leave me alone…" Mimic glared at the dog.

"Which 'they' do you mean?" Kristen asked. "Those two or Cobra's favorite power couple?"

"Dude, leave the dog alone." Mitch sighed. "You started all this anyway." Mimic groaned in response.

"I thought you guys were talking about the Baroness and Destro." Lila blinked. "I think we all know what Andi and Steve see in each other."

"I can't help but wonder…" Pietro spoke up, "if those two have kids, will Andi lay eggs? Think about it, Andi's mutation is icthyoid.."

"Icky-wha?" Todd blinked.

"Fish-like." Johnny B. clarified.

"Ah." Todd nodded in understanding.

"_Anyway..._" Pietro continued. "Andi's fish-like, and Steve has a reptilian mutation. Fish and reptiles lay eggs."

"When crocodiles lay eggs, the temperature determines the gender." Johnny B. added. "Which means that Steve and Andi may be able to literally choose whether they want to have a son or daughter."

"Didn't we already have this discussion?" Neal looked around at his teammates as Steve and Andi stared in disbelief.

"Yeah, but they weren't there when we did." Zanya pointed out.

"The general consensus is no, she will not." Neal informed the Misfits with a shrug. "But, anything could happen." He added as her blonde teammate gave him a blank stare.

"Oh-kay…" Jenni blinked, at a loss for words to describe the current topic.

"I still think you're all overanalyzing this." Kristen folded her arms, causing Steve to sigh in relief.

"Oh, thank God…"

Andi wasn't convinced. "Wait for it…"

"If anyone were gonna lay eggs, it would be Althea."

"And there it is!" Andi grumbled as Althea stared in disbelief.

"Hardy-har-har." The Misfits East Coast leader muttered.

"See what I have to deal with?" Andi, still restrained by Fred, protested. Althea nodded.

"Oh yeah."


	13. Let the Party Crashing Begin!

**Told you this would go on for a while. As usual, all of the characters belong to Hasbro, Marvel, Red Witch, L1701E, or myself. **

**Mama Zarana**

**13. Let the Party Crashing Begin!**

"Uh…_what_?" Todd blinked in shock and confusion.

"You know! You're both amphibians. Amphibians lay eggs!" Kristen defended Pietro's earlier statement as if it was the most logical thing ever said.

"You have to keep Vampy away from the sugar, don't ya?" Althea sighed.

"And caffeine…and permanent markers…" Andi hung her head in embarrassment as Fred decided it was safe to loosen his grip on her. Mimic wasn't in immediate danger anymore.

"And draining junkies and homeless guys in the park at night…" Steve added with a groan.

"Worried about her creating more vampires?"

"Less creating vampires and more getting high after draining crystal meth addicts." Andi admitted.

"She thought she was Batgirl." Steve remarked.

"Still not as bad as when she got into that coffee-infused ice-cream shake…" Regan shook her head.

"Oh God, that was scary on so many levels." Johnny B. shuddered. He and the Southsiders had been called in to help corral the sugar-high half-breed that day.

"It was funny!" Lisa giggled.

"Tell that to the owner of that barbershop." Jason sighed.

"Oh, did we have fun explaining it to the owner." Vicki pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I really don't want to know." Craig groaned.

"I wanna know!" Lisa chirped, bounding up to the group. "I wanna know about Vampy being Batgirl!"

"No, you don't, Lisa." Vicki sighed.

"Fortunately, the head scientists don't think she can _actually_ turn anyone. Her being half-human messes with the process…or something. Wasn't paying all that much attention." Andi shrugged.

"That's a good thing, right?" Lance asked uncertainly.

"I think so." John frowned.

"For once, the nut-bar is on the right track." Regan quipped.

"Speaking of nuts, where did all the adults run off to?" Bryan noticed, looking around. "Well, besides Ren and Zandar…I don't wanna know where they are right now."

"Knowing them, they're getting down to some serious drinking." Lance admitted.

"Shouldn't at least two of them stay here? Sober?" Neal asked.

"I'm pretty sure Burn-Out's still annoying Cover Girl in the garage, so those two will still be here, at least." Andi began counting off Shadowatch's handlers on her fingers. "Zartan's already plastered. 'Rana's preoccupied with the wedding stuff. Ren and Zandar are probably in a closet somewhere and I got no clue where the hell Gnawgahyde went off to."

Just then, Gnawgahyde ran by the group, cackling like a madman.

"There he is!" Kristen grinned as General Hawk chased after the fleeing poacher, swinging a golf club.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU BASTARD! PUT GATORS IN MY OFFICE, WILL YOU?!"

"Aww, look at 'em!" Kristen cooed as the two scaly members of Shadowatch bore the same look of astonished embarrassment. "Their faces match!"

"That is a good question, though." Jake nodded, looking to the Misfits. "Anybody see where our wardens ran off to?"

"Shut up, Kris." Andi and Steve grumbled in unison.

"Five will get you ten they're all getting drunk somewhere." Lance shook his head as a strange blonde woman in a red and blue tight-fitting bodysuit ran by. She was Cadet Demming, probably the most hated woman in all of Cobra.

"AAAAHHHH!" She screamed, trying to evade whatever was chasing her.

"DIE, TRAMP!" The Baroness chased, swinging a chainsaw.

"Baroness, put that chainsaw down!" Destro tried to reason with his paramour. "You're going to kill somebodAIE!" The metal-masked arms dealer had to duck to avoid being injured. "YOU NEARLY TOOK MY HEAD OFF!"

"All of them?" Regan asked Lance as Bryan scratched his head in confusion.

"What are those three doing here? Wedding's not 'til tomorrow."

"Your guess is as good as mine, _amigo_." Corona watched the scene warily.

"Wouldn't surprise me, Regan." Lance shrugged.

"My guess is Demming was chased here." Andi spoke up. "Remember when Zandar was chased around the world by that one X-brat?"

"Oh yeah, during that whole space station affair the West Coasters got involved in." Althea recalled, turning to Jake. "I can't remember, did they manage to salvage that station?"

"The main part of it, but it won't be space-worthy again for a long time." The honorary Misfit nodded.

"I'm just grateful that nobody was killed when the station crashed." Theresa smiled gratefully.

"Space station?" Corona gaped.

"Yes, space station!" Andi griped. "Where the hell were you during that staff meeting?"

"Don't you remember?" Mitch reminded. "Destro and Zartan came back trying to figure out ways to shove Virus into the overhead compartment of a 747."

"The way he royally !#$%?& up that mission, I'd have killed him and left him there." Andi grumbled.

"You'd have killed him if he pulled the mission off." Zanya shot her a look.

"He's a sick, deranged little scumbag that needs to be locked up or put down! If we didn't need a goddamn hacker so bad, he'd have already been dumped somewhere!"

"I'm still amazed there _was_ a space station." Corona shook her head.

"Space stations aren't a new thing, Corona." Johnny B. frowned. "Skylab, Mir, the International Space Station..."

"Thing was bigger than the ISS." Ace told her.

"Virus does remind me of Locust sometimes." Neal remarked with a shudder.

"Who's Locust?" Paul Starr blinked.

"Trust us, you're better off not knowing." Regan sighed.

"You think if Andi kills Virus, she'll tape it?" Steve wondered.

"And send us a copy?" Todd asked hopefully.

"You guys have staff meetings?" Lance blinked.

"Don't you?" Regan countered.

"Pretty sure they call theirs family meetings, or something like that." Andi shrugged. "That doesn't really apply to us, so we just call ours staff meetings."

"I wanna know! I wanna know!" Pyro jumped up and down, holding up his hand like a child in school. "I wanna know who this Locust fellow is!"

"No, you really don't." Corona shivered. "Some of us still get nightmares about him."

"Which bring back nightmares of the lab, causing even more loss of sleep…" Neal sighed, rubbing his eyes. It was a never-ending cycle.

"Yep. I could see her taping it. And selling copies." Bryan nodded. "But we gotta write him outta the script before she offs him or Spike's gonna be pissed."

"I doubt anyone would notice." His younger brother stated. "Virus doesn't appear much anyway."

"I thought a nut like him would love the camera." Theresa frowned.

"Not because he doesn't want to be on TV." The large teen clarified. "We have to be careful if he comes on, because of his mouth. Ranting about Toad over here."

"I was experimented on by Magneto." Lance admitted. "I know where you guys are coming from."

"That said, Spike Freeman would still most definitely be pissed." Regan remarked. "He likes to be informed of casting changes a few weeks in advance."

"He threw a royal hissy fit when Andi told him the animals were a part of the act." Bryan informed them.

"Really? You spent several months locked in a small cage too?" Kristen raised an eyebrow at the rock-tumbler. "Small world."

"Well, that was his problem." Andi folded her arms. "As far as I'm concerned, Brownie and Laredo are just as much a part of my team as the two-legged members." As she spoke, she noticed one of the tanks drive by. Sticking out of the top was Brownie wearing a small Army helmet on her head.

"Oink!"

"Hey, lookit that!" John pointed excitedly. "Pig driving a tank!" He whipped out his phone and started to film it.

"Try not to run over anyone!" Andi told the two animals.

"Get back here!" Beach Head roared, chasing after the runaway tank. "That's Joe property!"

"Magnet-breath experimented on my genetic code, damaging it permanently." Lance continued. "It comes with…very bad side effects. Seizure-like events."

"We have to plan tours very carefully because of that." Paul added.

"It's the main reason we mainly perform in open-air places." Craig continued. "Lance's seizures will do less damage if one hits. We're all grateful he hasn't had an event during a show yet."

"He's certainly not complaining about them now." Regan stated. "They're making him a fortune in merchandise sales."

"Get back here you swine!" Beach Head shouted.

"Those side-effects sound familiar." Mimic noted, trying to recall where he'd heard that before.

"That's cause I got 'em too." Andi frowned, studying Lance. "Must have been different test batches of the same stuff because it's been happening to me for years. I hear voices instead of seeing dancing coyotes, though."

"I have to admit, the stuffed toys are a big hit." Kristen held up two plush toys; one of Brownie and the other of Laredo.

"…I cannae believe it." Theresa shook her head. The Irish screamer then further examined the small plush toys. "Although, I will admit, they are cute."

"Somebody get these damn animals!"

"My clown doll tries to get me to kill the President." John spoke up.

"Dude…talk about your party animals." Ace blinked.

"How about you go chase down that crazy feather duster of yours first!" Steve shouted to the green balaclava-wearing Joe.

"Magneto run the lab you guys were in?" Lance asked Andi, who shook her head.

"Nah. Too many kids there and too many humans working there."

"And before you ask, no, it was not Cobra." Regan glared. "Otherwise Mindbender would have thrown a party when we showed up instead of griping about rugrats in the infirmary."

"You'd be surprised what kind of cool footage we get when we give them cameras." Mitch smiled.

"That makes sense." Althea nodded.

"You give them cameras?" Theresa blinked.

"Yeah, you Velcro the camera to one of their collars and presto! Instant movie gold!" Bryan explained.

"Of course it does. It's true." Andi told the Misfits leader.

"Oh yeah, the Pet Cams." Jason nodded. "Lisa loves watching the footage."

"GET BACK HERE YOU FILTHY SWINE!" Beach Head was in full sergeant-major mode now.

"YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE!" Andi roared back at him. "SHE SMELLS BETTER THAN YOU DO!"

"Oink!" Brownie squeaked, firing the tank turret at Beach Head.

"WATCH IT! PIG DRIVING A TANK!"

"We're all gonna die!" Tripwire ran by…smack into a wall. "I'm okay…"

"I vote we use the pet footage in our home movie thing tonight." Jenni spoke up. "It's always entertaining."

"Beach Head, you did this to yourself!" Althea called after the grumpy Joe.

"Oink!" Brownie snorted as a dog's bark was heard from inside the tank. A crowd of bored Joes had now gathered to watch the spectacle.

"…Damn." Gung-Ho whistled. Dial-Tone pulled out his cameraphone and filmed it.

"I am filming this, and I don't believe it."

"Well whaddya know? They do drive tanks." Shipwreck smiled.

"Told ya!" Andi smiled.

"I need a drink…" Hawk moaned, rubbing his temples with his index and middle fingers.

"A pig…and a dog…in a tank?" Gung-Ho gaped.

"I told you! My animals are geniuses!"

"All due respect, General, but if you want to get any of the good booze, you better get to it quick before Zartan finds it." Shipwreck informed the General.

"If you mean that stash of scotch you had hidden in your office, you're too late." Zanya informed the general. "He found that hours ago."

"Dammit!" Hawk stormed off to his office.

"And I thought that time Flint and Lady Jaye settled that marital spat with tanks in Topeka was something." Airtight remarked.

"This is gonna be the best wedding ever!" Shipwreck cheered.

"How'd she train that dog to drive?" Mutt asked in complete awe.

"It'll create a lot of wonderful memories." Shipwreck smiled.

"How'd I train my babies? Very well, thank you!"

"Wonderful for who?" Althea demanded. "Cleaning up after you drunks trash the place is not on my list of 'fun memories', and that's usually what happens when we throw parties!"

"You didn't train them to do that! Brownie learned all by herself!" Regan griped.

"Oink!"

"Are we gonna have to play janitors here?" Mike groaned.

"Everyone will do a fair share of work." Low Light tried to reassure the teens.

"They taught _themselves?_" Mutt gaped.

"Uh, no they won't, dude." Andi rolled her eyes. "See, the drunk ones will already be passed out or making out with their dates by clean-up time. Zarana won't be cleaning since it's her wedding. The only ones stuck cleaning will be the sober ones."

"Unless one of them pukes on the floor." Neal remarked. "that you leave for the drunks to clean the next morning when they're nice and hung-over."

"Yes, they did." Regan nodded.

"Is it true the pig can use a computer?" Airtight asked.

"Brownie has a Facebook page. And she helps maintain Laredo's. That answer your question?" Steve looked at the Joe in the green and yellow costume.

"Which leaves us to clean, since we're most likely to be sober." Fred sighed.

"Why can't we just start a bonfire and toss the trash in?" Pyro scratched his head.

"Because you're here, boyo." Theresa remarked.

"And Lisa." Ace added. "Two nutty pyrokinetics plus bonfire equals big fat disaster."

"I like the way you think, Thunderbird." Lance nodded approvingly.

"We could make Virus do it…if he wakes up anytime soon." Todd suggested.

"This is a discovery of monumental proportions!" Airtight exclaimed, watching Brownie operate the tank turret...and filming it with his phone.

"Oh, no! You are NOT going to start running lab tests on my babies!"

"Fire!" Lisa smiled…up until she (finally) noticed Pyro. "PYRO!" She cried, glomping the Superstars' drummer.

"No, I like the idea of the drunks doing it." Steve shrugged. "It's usually what happens at home if a party gets out of hand."

"Only Dad's not usually one of the drunks." Zanya sighed.

"Well, I was thinking of running an IQ test on the pig but never mind…" Airtight sighed.

"Leave me alone…" Pyro squeaked.

"ZARTAN! GET OUTTA MY BOOZE CABINET!"

"UP YOURS, GI JOKER!"

"This is so embarrassing…" Zanya groaned.

"How would a pig know how to take an IQ test anyway?" Craig asked.

"I'm just thankful my dad isn't here." Andi shook her head. "He's a ****ing wedding jinx!"

"Is he really that bad?" Regan asked.

"When my oldest brother got married, he had one of his buddies videotape the whole thing." Andi explained. "Dad drank all the booze, felt up every single one of the bridesmaids, tried to rip apart the minister for _looking_ at him wrong, and started a brawl at the reception with one of Beka's uncles."

"She figured out how to drive a tank." Jason pointed out as Lisa squeezed Pyro into an even tighter bear hug. "I don't think something as simple as an IQ test is going to be a challenge for her."

"Help me." John whimpered.

"I didn't know Sabretooth even went to weddings, let alone ruined them." Pietro scoffed as Johnny B. Goode took a few steps away from the scaly blond girl.

"What's his deal?" Ace blinked at the Southside Misfits' resident genius's display of fear.

"Took a beating from Andi here." Eric jerked his thumb at the grumbling squad leader of Shadowatch. "Should've watched what he said and how loudly he said it."

"He does." Andi groaned. "My older brothers were not amused. In the unlikely event I ever get hitched, he's not invited."

"He'd probably just crash it anyway." Kristen rolled her eyes.

"Lisa, let the drummer go." Mike sighed, looking at Lisa. "You're squeezing him hard enough to crack a rib."

"I still can't believe that psychopath is your father." Jenni shuddered.

"He is, and he's humiliating." Andi grumbled.

"No! Mine!" Lisa dug her fingernails into Pyro's shirt.

"Air…" John gasped.

"Lisa, he can't breathe." Jason told her. "You need to let go of him."

"I'll get the crowbar…" Vicki sighed.

"She's a lot more like him when she gets really angry." Kristen remarked, referring to Andi's tentative resemblance to her father.

"My Pyro!"

"Yo, Johnny B!" Mike waved at his timid teammate. "Come over here!"

"...I'm perfectly happy staying off to the side, thank you very much." The electrokinetic speedster answered.

"He's afraid of you." Mike whispered to Andi.

"Either he'll get over it or walk on eggshells the rest of his days." She responded. "I really don't care which one he chooses to do."

"Need…air…" Pyro panted as Raven—ex-Strato-Viper turned Joe pilot and Southside Misfits handler—walked up to check on her group.

"Lisa! Let go of the boy or I'm taking away your plushies!" The Native-American Joe scolded.

"Alright." Lisa grumbled, reluctantly releasing Pyro.

"What happened between you two?" Theresa asked, pointing to Andi and Johnny.

"That beating was unwarranted." Johnny scowled.

"FREEDOM! THANK YOU!" The Australian whooped happily, throwing his hands skyward.

"Johnny, I seem to recall that beating being completely warranted." Jason frowned. "You were dissing her family…even if you didn't know it at the time."

"I didn't deserve to **die** for it!"

"AIR!"

"How would you feel if she started talking trash about your parents, man?" Jason asked.

"She was eavesdropping on a private conversation! That's what annoys me." Johnny grumbled.

"It's only private if you keep your damn voice down!" Andi protested. "Besides, there is no such thing as a private conversation with Kris around!"

"You were getting a little animated there at the end, man." Mike shrugged.

"She shouldn't have been in the hallway!"

"How the hell else was I gonna get to the bathroom, you moron?!"

"You oughta tell the little vamp with the safecracker hearing to keep her ears out of everyone's business." The genius huffed.

"As someone who's accidentally picked up the 'safecracker hearing', I can tell you it is NOT that simple." Mimic raised his hand.

"Unless you distract her with Darkstar." Regan added.

"They've got a point." Jason shrugged.

"Yep." Bryan nodded, looking around. "Hey, when did it start getting dark on us?"

"Probably when the sun started settin', yo." Todd shrugged, looking at his Joe-Com, which had a watch feature.

"Wait, when was the wedding supposed to start?" Mike scratched his head.

"WILL YOU KIDS GET YOUR ASSES IN HERE?!" Zartan shouted.

"It starts tomorrow…but the rehearsal dinner is tonight. Which means Zanya needs to get going." Corona remarked as Zanya sighed and started to walk off toward the chapel.

"Um…who all was supposed to be there for the dinner?" Jake asked.

"Immediate family and the bridal party." Regan answered. "But the rest of us should probably go inside as well. It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

"Yeah, we should." Jake nodded as the kids started walking toward Misfit Manor. "I get the feeling we'll all need a good night's sleep."

"Come on, guys, I'll show you where you'll be sleeping tonight." Althea sighed.

"Ooh, do I get to share a room with Lance?" Corona smiled hopefully as a sweat-drop appeared on Lance's forehead.

"No, you do not." Althea responded flatly. "You share a room with Wanda."

"Come on, 'Rona." Wanda shrugged. She would rather room with Vicki, but Althea wanted one Misfit to stay with each of the Shadowatch crew.

"Thank you." Lance looked up at the sky.

"Do I get to sleep with Darkstar?" Kristen asked sweetly as Andi slapped her face with her hand.

"Sorry, Vampy. You're rooming with me." Lila smirked.

"Aww…" Kristen pouted as Craig sighed in relief and Wanda growled in irritation.

"Down, girl, or you don't get to watch embarrassing Dreadnok home movies with the rest of us." Althea warned the dark-haired hex-caster.

"Now that's not fair!" Wanda protested.

"Come on Kristen, I'll show you my DVD collection." Lila waved to the short mutant.

"They're our house-guests tonight." Althea reminded her. "You can't kill _any_ of them!"

"Ooh, movies! What'cha got?" Kristen followed excitedly after the inter-stellar teleporter.

"I guess that leaves me and Andi with Dragonfly and the Southsiders." Regan frowned, having been kicked out Mainframe and Zarana's shared apartment for the night. There simply wasn't enough room for her and the step-kids to all sleep in that cramped space. "Unless she'd rather stay with the boys..."

"Wouldn't be the first time we've all slept in the same room." Bryan shrugged. She was like a kid sister to him.

"Yeah, but last time we were all still little enough to fit in the same bed." Fred remarked. They had all been small children last time…

"Hey, how come she gets to pick?" Corona protested.

"Because she's not a hormone-crazed fan-girl with her brain in the gutter, that's why." Burn-Out remarked as the kids walked up to Misfit Manor. He and Cover Girl were standing in the doorway. "Now quit bickering and go inside."

" Yeah, yeah…" Lance waved as the group walked in.

"You like Ghostbusters?" Lila asked.

"Maybe we girls can have a sleepover?" Lina suggested.

"Not a bad idea, Dragonfly." Jake mused. "And us dudes can go do something?"

"Who doesn't like that movie? It's awesome!"

"No, no, I am NOT going to be kept up all night by you nuts squealing over the latest hot actors and stinking up the place with nail polish fumes." Andi crossed her arms indignantly.

"I'm guessing she's more of a 'Daddy's girl' than the rest of 'em." Todd remarked.

"Again, I don't care if she comes with us." Fred remarked. "It'll be like when we were kids."

"Oh dear God, not another 'back on the farm' story!" Pietro wailed. Pyro perked up.

"Ooh, I love his farm stories!" The Australian grinned.

"You would." Pietro groaned.

"If you go somewhere, you can't go far and you have to be back by midnight." Cover Girl warned. "We've all got a long day tomorrow."

"You can hang out with us if you want, Andi." Paul offered.

"There's a bowling alley near here. We're just going to hit that place." Lance told the female Joe.

"Ooh, the one with the pinball machines and the nachos and the snack bar?!" Pyro asked excitedly. "Great!"

"We can take Pyro there." Craig explained to the other kids. "The pinball machines keep him happy. Especially the noises."

"We don't wanna know, do we?" Mitch sighed.

"You don't." Craig sighed.

"I thought so." Mitch nodded.

"Cool." Andi nodded.

"Didn't we get banned for life from that one bowling alley?" Steve scratched his head in confusion.

"1) That was Virus's fault, and 2) that was in Chicago." Neal reminded him. "We're not in Chicago anymore."

"Banned? From a bowling alley?" Ace blinked.

"Blame our producer for that mess." Mimic grumbled. "Come to think of it, his ideas get us banned from a lot of places."

"Like the modern art museum." Neal nodded.

"...Maybe you guys should stop accepting your producer's ideas?" Ace suggested.

"Hey, where is that psycho anyway?" Lance wondered.

"Which one?" Bryan asked.

"The one that wants to kill me." Todd remarked.

"Got him taken care of." Steve smirked.

Outside, on the other side of Misfit Manor, Virus was tied up by bedsheets and hanging over the window ledge from Trinity's room. "Get me down! Get me down from here! I'm hungry and me nose itches!" He saw Shipwreck walking around nearby. "Hey! Stupidwreck! Get me down, you brainless alcoholic ape!"

"HA!" Shipwreck called as he walked away.

"Dammit!" Virus cursed. He then struggled further against his bonds, cursing out Trinity in his mind, as well as cooking up plans for revenge.

Back inside, the kids were still talking about the insane inventor. "What did Virus do to get you guys banned from a bowling alley?" Lance asked.

"Do we _really_ wanna know this?" Craig groaned.

"I wanna know!" John raised his hand.

"Why do you always wanna know?" The bassist looked at the drummer in disbelief.

"Let's just say they need metal detectors in there now." Neal sighed.

"In our defense, we had no idea the little sneak would try to bring a weapon into the bowling alley." Bryan explained. "We also didn't know there was a Frogger arcade game set up…"

"The modern art museum trip was actually a fun trip." Mitch remarked.

"Got some awesome pictures of Virus shoved up a giant nose sculpture." Steve grinned.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna see!" Todd bounced up and down excitedly.

"I'm guessing that's what got you banned?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

"That and the last rousing round of 'Art, not Art'…" Andi glared at a few members of her team.

"How was I supposed to know the artist was standing next to us?" Mitch protested.

"He attacked an arcade game. God…" Craig had to admit, he hadn't thought Virus was **that** insane before.

"He kept screaming 'Die Toad' during his little rampage." Bryan remarked.

"Check these out, Froggy." Steve pulled up the pictures on his phone before handing the phone off to Todd.

"You should show 'em to Al tomorrow, yo." The amphibious teen laughed.

"Ooh, a giant nose." John smiled. "Did you guys get to keep it?"

"I'm guessing the giant nose was considered 'Art'." Ace remarked.

"You know, after we hit the lanes, I was thinking, I got a wrestling pay-per-view on the DVR." Jake remembered. "It's a local independent promotion, but they're really good."

"Sounds fun." Eric shrugged.

"Why does that not surprise me?" Lance shook his head at Bryan's earlier statement.

"We'll have to dope him up on tranquilizers or something tomorrow so he won't be a threat to anyone's safety." Bryan realized with a sigh. That wasn't going to be a fun assignment.

"No…the nose stayed at the art museum." Steve shot John a wary glare. "Which we can never go back to as long as we live…"

"The nose was a 'maybe it's art' kinda thing until we shoved Virus into it." Andi smiled. "THEN it was art!"

"I thought we were trading home movies?" Neal reminded.

"Such a shame we don't have any to offer." Jason sighed.

"We got time for all that." Jake shrugged, checking his watch.

"Yeah, but their stuff oughta be good for some laughs." Mike smiled.

"Whatever." Steve shrugged.

"Just wait until you see Cobra Commander's drunk karaoke concerts." Neal informed the Southsiders.

"Weren't you Misfits gonna be showing some of your videos to us too?" Andi asked as Brownie and Laredo plodded in.

"Oink!"

"Oh, have we got videos!" Pietro remarked.

"Two words: Drunk Joe Christmas."

"That's three words, John." Lance sighed.

"Same thing." The Australian mutant shrugged.

"Hey, baby." Andi smiled, picking Brownie up. "Did you want to come bowling with us?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if she beats us at bowling." Mitch remarked.

"Wait'll you see what happened at the last Cobra holiday gathering." Bryan grinned.

"You mean besides the adults getting plastered?" Andi asked.

"Um…" Jake looked at Brownie uncertainly. He didn't know how the bowling alley owner would feel about animals in his business. "Hey, Cover Girl! You think they'd allow a pig in a bowling alley?" He asked.

"She's better behaved than Polly, so they ought to." Todd pointed out.

"And Destro vomiting in his helmet?" Mitch added.

"And Major Bludd writing a love poem to Blake Lively?" Calvin raised an eyebrow.

"Allow a what?!" Cover Girl did a double take.

"Brownie wants to go bowling." Andi smiled happily as her pet oinked in agreement.

"Sounds like a party all right." Craig whistled.

"Which one was Bludd again?" Mike scratched his head.

"How's she gonna throw the ball?" Pietro squeaked. "She doesn't even have thumbs!"

"Didn't stop Burn-Out from teaching her to overhaul an engine." Mitch pointed out.

"Oink!"

"Oh yeah, it was." Bryan nodded.

"He's the Australian one with the eyepatch and robot arm, Mike." Jason explained.

"Oink!"

"And we have the film to prove it." Neal grinned.

"Oh. Okay." Mike nodded.

"I don't know…The owner started a 'no animals' policy after Polly trashed it a while back." Cover Girl frowned.

"Sounds hilarious." Johnny smiled.

"We got a funny tape of a drunk Hawk trying to sing Sinatra on the karaoke machine." Jake grinned.

"WHAT?!" Andi growled.

"That's nothin'. We got Mindbender tryin' to rap." Mitch smirked.

"And that one he did with the Commander." Bryan shuddered. "That was kinda creepy."

"But Brownie's housebroken!" Andi protested. "She never gets in trouble!"

"Seriously?!" John asked.

"Not my rule, kid." Cover Girl shrugged. "Take it up with the bowling alley."

"Oh, they'll get a complaint all right…" Andi grumbled darkly.

"You have to see it to believe it, and that is all I will say about it." Neal shook his head.

"No." Burn-Out glared at Andi.

"What?" She growled.

"Don't even think about it, kid."

"Sounds like that particular film will be especially amusing." Johnny B remarked.

"Come on, Burn-Out! They deserve it!"

"NO!"

"Not as amusing as it was to be there." Neal remarked. "Or as the wedding tomorrow is going to be."

"Why is Burn-Out the only one of our handlers here?" Steve thought out loud. "Uncle Gnawgahyde isn't in the wedding and doesn't need supervision. He SHOULD be around here somewhere."

"Maybe he left to get drunk with Spirit, Shipwreck, and the Blind Master?" Lance suggested.

"Oh yeah, a ton of laughs." Craig rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." Steve admitted.

"Especially once the rest of the staff shows up." Mimic told Craig. "Hey, anyone wanna take bets on how long it takes before the Baroness and Cadet Demming have a cat-fight?"

"I'm sure the rest of the adults will be back here by the time you kids get home." Cover Girl told them.

"Yeah, but will they be sober when we get home?" Andi frowned.

"Put me down for ten minutes." Lance pulled out his wallet.

"Five!" Pietro wagered.

"Probably not." Cover Girl admitted.

"Nah, those two won't even make it two minutes!" Bryan snorted. "I also bet that the Baroness will be in the middle of one of her and Destro's infamous 'where is this relationship going' debates when they get here."

"Safe bet." Mimic shrugged.

"Figures." Andi grumbled, throwing a hand up in the air in disbelief. "Nevermind that we're running around town unsupervised, they think they've had a long day and deserve to go out and get themselves smashed so they can be perfectly hungover tomorrow…"

"Oh, hungover adults are _sooo_ much fun…" Lance drawled.

"What do you wanna bet they think being hungover will get them out of being in the wedding?" Pietro snorted.

"Possible, but not gonna work." Calvin shook his head. "Zarana found a cast-iron skillet to go with that baseball bat, so she'll knock them out before they make idiots of themselves tonight."

"And that Lady Jaye chick let her borrow a bullhorn to make sure everyone wakes up tomorrow." Bryan added.

"It's a bit of a shame, though." Pietro sighed. "Adults embarrassing themselves make great stocking stuffers."

"Being woken up by a bullhorn." Lance winced. "That will suck."

"Who are you stuffing stockings for? The other Misfits?" Bryan asked.

"Can't say we didn't warn you about it." Andi shrugged. "But, if you get up on time, she won't bother you."

"The other teams, mainly."

"Oh, we got some great footage of the Malibu Joes for ya." Ace piped up.

"Oooh!" Kristen glided into the room with Theresa following behind.

"Ace!"

"What? The people want 'em!" The feral mutant shrugged.

"Why aren't you picking out nail polish with the other girls?" Andi looked at the two shorter females.

"Can't wait to see that footage." Bryan remarked. "I bet Whithalf is a real riot."

"The girls want ta know if ye guys will bother 'em durin' their little sleepover." Theresa told them.

"Tell 'em it'll be fine." Lance waved. "We're just gonna do some bowling and watch some movies."

"Oh, he is." Ace nodded.

"Why would we bother them?" Neal asked. "Our girls would kick our butts!"

"He brings up a valid point." Mitch pointed out.

"Oh, I can't wait to see this!" Paul cheered.

"And Wanda could destroy us single-handedly." Lance added.

"Oh, you'll love it, cuz!" Ace grinned.

"Your girls are nuts." Mike pointed out to the Shadowatch boys. "Ours aren't that mean."

"Then how do you explain Lisa?" Eric asked.

"Lisa scares me." John murmured.

"I'm sure I will." Paul nodded.

"Wanda once destroyed the X-Men, yo. By herself." Todd remarked. "Believe it or not."

"We know, Pyro." Jason sighed.

"We know." Andi nodded. "We got a file on her back home."

"Just making sure…" John sighed.

"Okay…" Lance wasn't sure what to make of that comment.

"So, how many frames will this bowling game be?" Jason asked, changing the subject.

"The girls will be happy to hear that." Theresa nodded. "Come on, Vampy."

"Yay!" Kristen cheered, zipping back into the other room. Theresa rolled her eyes.

"Saints preserve us all…" she muttered as she walked off.

"I say maybe five." Lance answered Jason's question.

"FIVE?!" The other boys shouted in unison.

"There's a lot of us here!" Lance pointed out. "A full nine frames will take all night!"

"Just be thankful we actually get to go bowling." Andi looked at the rest of the group. "The adults could have made us all stay on base tonight."

"She makes a good point." Jake conceded.

"She usually does." Bryan remarked. "Why do you think she's in charge and not one of the rest of us?"

"Oink! Oink onk!" Brownie squealed.

"It acts like it understands what we're saying." Pietro remarked.

"Of course she does. She's a very smart pig." Andi smiled, scratching the little swine behind the ears.

"I'll believe it when I see it!" The silver-haired speedster scoffed.

"How did you miss seeing her drive the tank around earlier?" Lance gaped. "She almost shot Beach-Head with the turret!"

"How did Pietro miss that?" Paul wondered.

"Probably looking at himself in the mirror." Craig grumbled.

"You're all delusional! Everyone knows pigs can't drive tanks!"

"They can if the dog's helping them hit the gas pedal." Bryan pointed out.

"Woof!" Laredo barked, happily wagging his tail.

"Oink!" Brownie chimed in with him.

"If you don't take our word for it, we got most of it on video." Mitch remarked.

"Why can't we have a genius pet?" Lance asked. "All we get's Polly the deranged parrot and Toothy."

"Polly the deranged _alcoholic_ parrot." Craig corrected.

"I think it's pretty cool you guys got a monster that was once a muffin." Bryan looked at them. "That is amazing."

"Yeah, that is original." Cal admitted, and for a kid whose father was one of Cobra's research scientists, that was quite an accomplishment.

"Kristen's scorpion collection is also original." Neal reminded them.

"And they scare the crap outta house-guests…and Wanda." Cal sighed.

"She's so lucky." Pyro sighed dreamily. "I want a scorpion. Cuz they sing awesome songs."

"You mean you want to see the Scorpions live." Jake corrected the insane musician.

"I did once when I was a kid." Ace informed them. "It was awesome."

"Scorpions do sing!" John protested.

"If the scorpion's name is Klaus, then yeah." Lance joked.

"All Kristen's do is sting." Mitch remarked.

"Are we going bowling or standing around talking?" Andi demanded, having enough of the chit-chat.

"How are we gonna get there? Teleporters or trucks?" Lance asked.

"I don't care as long as we get there. All of us." Andi answered with Brownie grunting her approval.

"Andi and us Shadowatchers can take my truck." Bryan pointed out.

"Craig and I got our Starcycles." Paul added.

"And my jeep." Lance reminded them.

"Can I drive?" Pyro pleaded.

"NO!" Lance glared at the nutty Aussie. "And the rest of us can borrow one of the Joes' jeeps."

"You _never_ let me drive." John pouted.

"How long do you think it'll be until something crazy happens?" Pietro asked.

"I have my own motorcycle, thank you very much!" Andi reminded her teammates. "You can take a couple of the other guys in the truck while I take the pets with me."

"Wait a minute!" Todd held up his hands. "She's got a bike?"

"Oh yeah…I forgot about that…" Steve realized.

"My old man bought it for me when we found it looking for parts to fix his bike with at a wrecking yard." The only girl remaining explained. "Took over two years to get it running the first time…and then Kris wrecked it on a joyride, which is why she's banned from test-driving any more equipment."

"Neat! Is it custom painted?" Paul perked up.

"Yep! Ren and Burn-Out helped me paint it!"

"I like paint." John smiled. "It smells nice."

"Which is why we don't let you in the garage's painting area anymore." Fred added.

"I think that's a good call on your part." Jason nodded.

"Come on, baby girl, let's go bowling!" Andi rubbed Brownie between the ears as the group walked out to where the vehicles were parked. Next to the star-cycles, pickup truck, and jeep was a sleek low-riding motorcycle with a sidecar attached to it. Both the bike and the sidecar were painted black with blue flames and had several coats of clear-coat and wax over the top for extra shine.

"Hey, lookit that." Paul pointed with an amused chuckle. "She has a sidecar for her pig."

"Burn-Out and Ren helped me make it." Andi grinned, setting Brownie down inside the sidecar. Laredo made a graceful leap up and into the car, landing next to Brownie. "My babies ride in style!"

"They ride in safety, too." Bryan added. "Both of the animals have helmets."

"Oink!" Brownie squeaked as Andi carefully snapped her little motorcycle helmet in place.

"Wow…there's something I never thought I'd see." Jake blinked.

"I got yours too, Raid." Andi muttered, putting on Laredo's doggy-sized helmet. The tan and brown dog barked happily in response as Cover Girl watched in amazement from the doorway.

"I don't even think Mutt puts a helmet on Junkyard when they go places, and those two are inseparable!" Lance remarked.

"This might give him ideas." Pietro groaned.

"Okay, who's riding with who?" Jason asked.

"I got room for one more in my truck." Bryan offered.

"Maybe Fred could ride with his brothers?" Paul suggested.

"He said he had room for one more person, not fifteen." Pietro remarked.

"Maximoff, shut up." Johnny B groaned. Eric and Lance gave Pietro a smack in the head.

"Fred's eighteen now. He's legal to ride in the truck bed, if he wants to come along with us." Bryan frowned at the silver-haired speedster.

"But that still leaves room for one more inside." Neal pointed out.

"I _knew_ I shoulda brought my car!" Ace lamented.

"Ace, didn't Trinity put a teleporter system in yer car?" Theresa asked, poking her head out of the front door.

"Oh, Duh!" Ace smacked his head with the palm of his hand. "I am so stupid! I'll be right back!" He hit a button on his watch and teleported away.

"You oughta see his car, man." Lance told Jason and Mitch as the blonde Irish mutant walked up to the group, giggling slightly. Behind her, Lila and Kristen could be heard whispering "Do it! Do it!" "It's awesome. He's got all these sweet James Bond-style gadgets in it."

"He's a nut for those films." Theresa nodded as Ace reappeared in a flash of light. He was behind the wheel of a blue 1986 Ferrari 400 coupe.

"I woulda brought my 382 GTS, but it was only a two-seater." Ace peeked his head out of the window.

"Likes Italian cars, huh?" Mitch asked.

"He also has a Chevy Camaro. He's a bit of a car collector." "And I call shotgun!" Theresa grinned.

"You're staying with the girls, remember?" Andi frowned, folding her arms across her chest.

"And why aren't you?" Theresa accused. "You're a girl!"

"Terry! Get back in here!" Regan called to the Irish teen from inside the house.

"She ain't never acted like it, and I known her for twelve years." Fred remarked. His brothers nodded.

"She's so crazy, she'd probably claw them all up for trying to make her get a manicure." Mimic grumbled as Neal drooled over the Ferrari.

"Wait!" Steve snapped his fingers. "If Uncle Gawgahyde left with the Joe adults to get drunk, he might have left his jeep behind. Between that and the Ferrari, we should have plenty of seats for everyone to be comfy."

"Just messin'with ye." Terry smiled. "And I wanted ta wish ya all luck on yer bowlin'…and for the love of God, _please_ don't wreck the place. See ya tomorrow!" She waved, heading back inside where the other girls were gathered in the living room.

"I like her." Bryan nodded in approval. "She's nice."

"Yeah, she's cool." Ace agreed, smirking at Neal. "Like the car, huh?"

"Alright!" Jason grinned.

"This'll be a fun night." Johnny B. concurred.

"Give us _some_ credit! We don't wreck _every_ place we go to!" Andi growled at the retreating West Coast Misfit leader.

"Although whether or not we're allowed back again is another story…" Mimic remarked.

"Terry's pretty cool…unless you catch her before she's had her coffee." Ace admitted.

"Very much so." Neal answered, eyes still fixed on the car.

"Yeah, baby!" Steve cheered from somewhere nearby. "He left the jeep behind!"

"Is it safe to let him drive?" Pietro inquired.

"He can't be any worse a driver than Kitty Pryde." Johnny B. shrugged.

"Rather have crocodile man here drive than you, you silver-headed *****." Eric grumbled.

"Hey!" Pietro yelped.

"Alright, who wants to ride in the jeep?" Jason asked.

"That's what we do to Pietro all the time when he's being a drama queen." Lance shrugged.

"I'll ride in the jeep." Mike shrugged.

"I'll ride in the truck…" Fred looked uncertainly at his teammates. He usually rode with Lance.

"I'll take the Ferrari." Mimic spoke up. "Every time I ride with croc-man, he tries to kill me!"

"You try to kill him?" Jason looked at the scaly teen.

"Can't blame 'im." Eric snorted, crossing his arms. "I wanna kill 'im."

"No, I don't. He's being a drama queen, like he always is." Steve glared at his blond teammate.

"You drove up to a sidewalk, raced along it at 50 mph, and stuck my head out of the car!" The mimicry mutate exclaimed. "You were trying to smash my face against a mailbox!"

"I was trying to get you to get the damn mail!"

"It wasn't even _our_ mailbox!"

"I wouldn't mind checking out the-gmmph!" Mike was suddenly muzzled by Johnny B. clamping his hand over the directional mutant's mouth.

"Mike, _please_ don't finish that sentence."

"You people are crazy." Jason shook his head.

"Seriously, dude, if Andi doesn't kill you, I'm pretty sure Steve would." Bryan told Mike. "Just keep the commentary to yourself, especially tomorrow at the wedding."

"I think a couple of the _adults_ might try to off him if he mouths off there." Mitch sighed.

"My head does not appreciate it." Pietro frowned at Lance, rubbing the back of his head.

"I think they're funny." Xi told Jason.

"How did we wind up being the sane ones?" Jason sighed.

"You are so not sane!" Mitch called him out. "You have Lisa on your team!"

Jason opened his mouth to protest, but then shrugged instead. "_Touché_."

"Thought so." Mitch answered.

Andi, ever the impatient one of the group, was already on her motorcycle and decided to rev the motor up to get the attention of the gathered male mutants. "Let's go, people!"

"Woof!" Laredo barked.

"You heard the lady!" Paul grinned, hopping onto his Star-cycle and putting on his helmet as the other Misfits and Shadowatchers got into their vehicles. "Let's rock 'n' roll!"

"YAY!" The Misfits cheered as the cars began to pull out of the driveway of Misfit Manor and head toward the front gates.

"Hey, where're they going?" Dusty asked, watching the motorcade go by. He and Cross-Country had drawn guard duty for this shift.

"Heard they were goin' to a bowling alley." Cross-Country remarked.

"Ten bucks says they get banned." The desert trooper grinned.

"You're on!" The Mauler driver grinned.

Back at Misfit Manor, Cover Girl sighed as she watched the boys and Andi leave for the night. "We won't be getting any sleep, will we?"

"What was your first clue?" Burn-Out chortled, fixing himself a cup of coffee.

"The fact that the kids are going out on their own." She remarked.

"_I don't give a damn about my reputation…_" The kids sang loudly as they left.

"And yet they still won't cause half as much damage as the grown idiots out on a bender." The Dreadnok mechanic pointed out. Low Light sighed.

"The man brings up a valid point."

"Yup." Shipwreck nodded, trudging into the kitchen. Cover Girl blinked in amazement.

"Shipwreck, why are you still here?" She asked. "I thought you left with Spirit and the Blind Master!"

"They sent me back here." He grumbled. "Said something about not wanting any more lawsuits."

"You're not even the one I'd be worried about." Burn-Out said before taking a sip of his coffee.

"And why is that?" Low Light asked suspiciously. "He's the worst on the base!"

"Remind me to show you the film from the last time Zandar went on a bender." The African-American man sighed. "It wasn't pretty."

"Spears…so many spears…" Buzzer shuddered as he walked past.

"Well, I was thinking of the Conquistador incident, but that one works too…" Burn-Out condeded. **&**

"Are they done with the rehearsal already?" Cover Girl asked, watching Buzzer keep walking past the open kitchen window. "I thought for sure it would go on longer than this."

"Yeah, the Baroness and that Cadet chick stumbled in there and—" The sounds of cursing, breaking things and screaming were heard as Shipwreck paused "—yeah. It's over now."

"Damn. Boss ain't gonna like this…and neither will Zarana." Burn-Out sighed.

"Shouldn't their boyfriends be trying to separate them?" Cover Girl asked.

"They did. They're in the infirmary." Shipwreck explained.

"I'm amazed they came at all." Burn-Out admitted. "Anybody manage to get the catfight cleared out before Zarana tried to jump in the middle of it?"

"Not without casualties." The sailor sighed.

"What casualties?" The female Joe asked.

"Lifeline's gonna be busy…"

"Let me guess, Torch, Ripper, and Thrasher?" Burn-Out sighed.

"Aw God, me nuts…not again…" Ripper moaned as he awkwardly stumbled after Buzzer. "What is it about me that makes birds want to hit me in the nuts with metal things?"

"The Baroness smashed him with one of those candelabras." The sailor sighed.

"Oh dear God…" Low Light's face visibly paled.

"Does he want the short list or the long one?" Cover Girl grumbled.

"But that's only one of them." Burn-Out noticed. "Where's the other two idiots?"

"Help Me! I'm on fire!" Thrasher could be heard screaming outside somewhere.

"Hey! OW! Not me face!" Torch yelped.

"I'm gettin' too old for this shit…" Burn-Out sighed, causing Cover-Girl to shoot him a disbelieving stare.

"Be thankful Quick-Kick isn't here." Shipwreck smirked. "He'd be spouting off Lethal Weapon lines like gangbusters."

"No, I am really getting too old to be dealing with this crap." The mechanic protested.

"I want morphine…" Ripper moaned.

"Then go find the medic, not me!" Burn-Out shouted at the other Dreadnok through the window. "I ain't got any!"

"Yeah, he don't even have booze." Shipwreck quipped. That comment caused Low-Light to smirk.

"You should hear about the time Shipwreck tried to smuggle booze into the infirmary." The usually quiet sniper grinned. "It was hilarious."

"I do not care if he managed to smuggle booze into a goddamn Baptist convention meeting!" Burn Out grumbled. "Did the catfight get broken up or are they still going at it somewhere?"

It was then that Flint passed by, carting a cursing, screaming Baroness away. "Does that answer your question?" Shipwreck asked.

"Cadet Demming, put down that bazooka! AIE!" Destro screamed somewhere off in the distance.

"Just tell me they managed to keep the bride out of the fight this time." Burn-Out groaned. He'd better be getting hazard pay for this damn wedding.

"Aren't you worried about your boss?" Shipwreck asked. The Dreadnok shook his head.

"He's already too drunk to care. Actually, he's probably raiding whatever's left of your General's alcohol stash right now. And Zandar and Heart-Wrencher will probably be looking for a new make-out spot by now, so I don't need to worry about hunting them down just yet. Zarana's the only one I got left to worry about right now."

"Mainframe managed to keep her out of it." Shipwreck nodded. "Although she certainly made him work for it."

"Thank God." The dark-skinned man sighed.

"By the way, what were the guys and Andi up to?" Low Light inquired.

"They're trying not to get kicked out of the local bowling alley." Cover Girl explained. "They took the animals with them, though, so we'll see how well that works out."

"She took a dog and a pig to a bowling alley?" Shipwreck blinked. "Wow. Well, if they're back in less than an hour, they got kicked out because of the animals. Any longer, and they either decided to call it a night or got banned for doing something else."

"I see bannings are a regular event for you guys too." Burn Out remarked.

"Between the kids and Shipwreck, there's a very limited list of places we can visit." Cover Girl sighed. "I think the Brotherhood Boys hold the record for the most expulsions from school."

"Don't bet on it." The Dreadnok remarked as Zandar walked up. Apparently the pink-haired infiltrator decided that getting a fresh cup of coffee was more important than making out with his girlfriend.

"Burn-Out, tell them the story about Shadowatch at the art museum." The senior Dreadnok suggested. That one was certainly entertaining…

"They already heard that story, or at least the other kids already heard it." The burly mechanic pointed out. "Either way, getting kicked out of a museum wasn't the topic."

"You mean your kids have been kicked out of more schools than ours?" Low Light asked incredulously. Surely not…but then again, they were dealing with what were, effectively, a group of teenage Dreadnoks.

"No, just one of them." Zandar corrected the sniper. "I _believe_ the last count was nine schools that Andi managed to get expelled from…the number gets into double-digits when you include the ones who paid other schools to take her as a transfer student."

Cover Girl's jaw dropped in amazement. "_Nine_ schools?!"

"It's a source of great pride to her." The pink-haired brother of Zartan remarked.

"But…but _how_?" The female tank driver stammered. "How did she manage to get kicked out of so many of them? She seems really smart, from what I've seen of her." Which wasn't very much, but still…

"Exactly." Burn-Out stated. "She's a smart-ass with no respect for authority figures. Although her being a prank genius certainly hasn't helped…"

"Zartan tried to put all the kids in school right after we hired them." Zandar sighed. "Not only was she getting into fights, but she got the other kids to help her give the principal a mental breakdown on their last day there. He had to be taken away in a strait-jacket. Of course, her not being properly medicated at the time might have been part of the problem…"

"Medicated?" Shipwreck tilted his head in inquiry.

"She used to hear voices." Zandar pinched the bridge of his nose. "Kid has a _lot_ of issues."

"She doesn't act all that crazy, though. Not even by Misfit standards." Cover Girl pointed out.

"Again, we finally got her on the right medication. Mind you, she still has episodes whenever she's sick or overly stressed-out, but after what she's lived through it's a damned miracle she's not spooked at her own shadow." Zandar's eyes never left his coffee mug, causing Low Light to frown.

"There's something you're not telling us…"

"Don't look at me." Burn-Out protested.

"Look, it isn't our place to tell it!" The normally silent Dreadnok was fast becoming annoyed with the blond sniper. "If you want to know so badly, go ask her yourself!"

"Go ask who what myself?" Heart-Wrencher asked as she entered. "I'm confused."

"Andi's mental health issues." Zandar informed her.

"She always seemed normal to me." The small mechanic blinked in confusion. "Well, as normal as one of Shadowatch gets."

"Yes, but she's had her moments." Her boyfriend reminded her. "Remember a month ago when she had that nightmare and woke up thinking she was somewhere else?" Burn-Out nodded.

"She nearly decked Zartan because he was trying to wake her up."

"I thought it was just a flashback, like the other kids get in their nightmares sometimes." Ren knit her eyebrows together in thought. "Memories of that lab they were in." Low Light became twice as attentive when Zandar began to correct the female Dreadnok.

"Yes, but the other kids don't wake up intentionally trying to hurt us! The rest of them calm down once they open their eyes and realize they were just dreaming. With her, it took a good five minutes before he managed to get through to her, and he and Zarana had to physically pin her down on the bed to keep her from running outside to 'release' the other 'prisoners'."

"This was _after_ Laredo sat on top of her and Brownie ran up and down the halls squealing for someone to come help." Burn-Out added gravely.

"...I had a relative who fought in Vietnam. An uncle, I believe. Used to have bad flashbacks and night terrors. Sometimes, he'd wake up believing he was in Da Nang, screaming that Charlie was everywhere." Heart-Wrencher admitted softly. "Andi reminded me a lot of him that night."

"Have you ever…I dunno, considered taking her to a therapist?" Cover Girl suggested. "I know therapy's helped some of the Misfits."

"We tried, briefly, with one of the few qualified shrinks Cobra had at the time." Zandar answered. "Didn't work very well. She wouldn't talk unless we ordered her to, and even then she wasn't saying much. After her mandatory sessions were used up, we were all so tired of dealing with it that we quit forcing her to go."

"What made the boss think it would work to start with?" Burn-Out asked. "She don't even talk to the other kids about it. No way she'd talk to a stranger." The pink-haired man scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Well, he sort of had to make her go. She didn't leave us much of an alternative."

"My uncle was the same way." Ren nodded. "He was one of those old-school 'man's-man' types; refused to see help."

"I'm sure Psyche-Out would love to take a crack at her." Shipwreck mused. The Joe psychologist loved finding new patients to study.

"I thought we wanted to help the kid, not get her to close up on us again?" the Dreadnok frowned. "He's crazier than she is!"

"He does bring up a good point." Low Light admitted.

"At least he can be trusted not to run experiments on her." The Joe sailor countered.

"We could try it, but I wouldn't hold my breath." Zandar scoffed. "She's too damn stubborn for all of our own good half the time."

"Inherited it from her father, I'll bet." Cover Girl remarked.

"No, this definitely came from **both** her parents." Zandar remarked. "Mystique's pretty damn stubborn when she wants to be." Given the amount of time the bitch lived with them, he could say that with absolute certainty.

"That…makes sense." The tank jockey sighed.

"Andi also gets all gooey when we go by an animal shelter, though." Ren spoke up. "She tries to take 'em all home."

"Why?" Low Light blinked. Neither of her parents really struck him as animal lovers.

"Apparently they like her. Or she likes them…or a little of both." Burn-Out shrugged.

"It doesn't really matter which it is." Zandar grumbled. "We almost have a whole petting zoo running around the house! All that's missing is a couple of goats and a miniature horse, and if Zartan would let her, we'd have those too!"

"She's tried to bring animals home on occasion." Burn-Out added. "If she finds a stray, she takes it home."

"Oh, the 'look what followed me home' routine." Shipwreck smirked, recognizing that trick very well. "Does it work?"

"It worked on Ren when Andi found that raccoon." The African-American Dreadnok stated.

"It was a cute raccoon!" The Dreadnok woman defended herself. "And Andi had those puppy eyes."

"But they steal and can carry rabies!"

"That one didn't have rabies!"

"No, it just tried to make off with our silverwear." Zandar frowned.

"And my tools!" Burn-Out grumbled.

"And a few shiny objects in the armory. After it tried to run off with some of the throwing knives, Zartan caught it and threw it outside on the sidewalk." That had been a rather hectic day.

"Poor thing had quite a shock." Ren shook her head.

"It was throw it out or let Virus torture it. Kept saying he wanted to do something involving cybernetics with it, aka turn it into something to kill Toad or possibly Leathersuit." Burn-Out reminded her. "I think we picked the better option."

"Virus tortures animals?" Low Light's jaw dropped in shock. Cover Girl snorted.

"You surprised? The kid's clearly a psychopath."

"The other members of Shadowatch don't consider him one of them." Ren observed.

"Technically, he's not." Zandar recalled. "When Zartan decided to recruit the nutter, Andi made it **very **clear that he had to sign on as a Dreadnok, not a member of her squad."

"And he actually listened?" That shocked Shipwreck a bit.

"It was that or deal with a pissed off hydrokinetic who happened to share living quarters with us. In a swamp." Zandar pointed out.

"Ah, that makes more sense." The sailor nodded.

"Is he **that** afraid of what she can do?" Cover Girl asked.

"Yes and no." Burn-Out shrugged. "Mostly he just didn't want to listen to her complaining or have to find a place to hide the body, but it's also not smart have someone who could literally drown you in your own spit prepared to go on a rampage."

"Can't blame her for it." Ren sighed. "I'll bet you she's trying to strangle him right now."

"Not unless she's figured out how to be in two places at once." Burn-Out corrected her. "He was still tied up here, last I checked, and she left with the boys to go bowling about ten minutes ago."

"Good thing. We don't need him going bonkers here right now." Low Light sighed as Heart-Wrencher perked up.

"She didn't stay with the other girls?"

"No. She was very adamant about not taking part in their impromptu sleepover." Cover Girl informed her.

"Don't worry, we took some precautions." Burn-Out remarked. "He won't be causing any problems tomorrow."

"I hope so." Shipwreck grumbled.

"If he screws this up, Zarana gave Andi permission to use him as a practice dummy for her knife-throwing skills. That, and we'll have him so doped up on tranquilizers that he won't know what's going on." Zandar shrugged. "It'll be fine."

"I have to admit, Virus doped up on tranqs sounds hilarious." A small smile crossed Shipwreck's face.

"It probably will be." The chief Dreadnok mechanic shrugged.

"I'm still amazed that Zarana didn't order him to be put in a strait jacket." Ren remarked.

"You want me to put him in one, just in case?" Zandar suggested.

"Actually, yeah, that'd be a great idea." Burn-Out nodded.

"This is going to be one jacked-up wedding…" Low Light sighed.

"You expected anything less?" Shipwreck snickered.

"I wonder how the boys and Atlantis are doing." Cover Girl wondered.

**& See my oneshot "Drinking Buddies" for the full story!**


	14. The Mice Will Play

**I am sooo sorry for making you guys wait this long for an update. I had half the chapter written before I realized that it was only half a chapter. Furthermore, I give a huge shout-out to L1701E for editing and adding to parts of this chapter. Hopefully chapter 15 won't take as long to crank out!**

**Mama Zarana**

**14. The Mice Will Play**

While the adults were talking in the kitchen, the girls had retreated into one of the media rooms, pulling out every shade of nail polish to be found in the house and debating over which movie they wanted to watch.

"I wonder why Andi didn't want to hang with the rest of us?" Angelica wondered out loud as Regan contentedly painted the redhead's fingernails yellow. "You'd think she would jump at the chance to get away from the guys for a night."

"You obviously don't know her very well, Red." Corona scoffed. "If it has a feminine connotation, she usually wants nothing to do with it."

"Yeah, she didn't even own a skirt or a dress up until a few months ago." Regan admitted. "And if she could have gotten away with it, she'd have worn a tuxedo to that event as well."

"Why is she so dead-set against it?" Wanda wondered. She didn't particularly enjoy dressing up herself, but she also knew there were certain situations that it was called for.

"She was in and out—and kicked out—of a lot of private schools with stuffy dress codes before she got her powers and ran away from her foster family. We met when she was at the last private school, actually." Kristen sighed, screwing the cap back onto a bottle of black nail polish. "They were rather wealthy and liked to show it off, so she probably got forced into lots of frilly dresses when she was younger. I've only known her for about six years, so I don't really know much about her early years. Fred could tell you more."

"Ah. A great fit of rebellion, then." Vicki surmised. "Most kids start acting out in other ways, though."

"I painted on walls." Lisa remarked, admiring her orange-painted nails. "For some reason, my paintings weirded out my parents."

"Because you painted fire and volcanoes everywhere, Lisa." Jenni explained, inspecting her own bright red-and-silver nails.

"...I like volcanoes."

"She already listened to rock music and wore darker colored clothing when I met her." Kristen remarked.

"And thanks to all the gnarly scars she has from the labs, she won't wear anything skimpy or backless." Regan added. "It took us_ forever_ to find her a bathing suit, and she still wears a t-shirt over it if we're in public."

"Seriously?" Althea blinked.

"Yep." Jenni nodded. "We all went swimming together one time; pretty much everyone else took their t-shirts off, but not Andi."

"That must be terrible to live with." Theresa winced in sympathy, looking up from the bottle of green nail polish she was examining. "Is it really as bad as she thinks it is?"

"Yes." Corona remarked bluntly. "It looks like someone tried to practice their turkey carving skills on her back."

Wanda shuddered, silently thankful that the guards at the asylum had been too afraid of her to touch her. As she was contemplating asking a question, their front door swung open and a very agitated looking Zanya traipsed into the living room.

"Phew!" The daughter of Zartan scrunched her nose and waved her hand in the air when the scent of the nail polish hit her. "Are you guys _trying_ to get the rest of the house high?" the dreadlocked teen scrunched her nose up, moving to open one of the windows. "Half the adults are _already_ drunk; last thing we need is for them to be cross-buzzed right now."

"Rough dinner?" Regan asked, not looking up from her attempts to paint her toenails. Zanya growled in annoyance.

"One of the centerpieces caught fire, two of the tablecloths are completely ruined, and some of the chairs got smashed. Mind you, this was **before** the two dueling harpies decided to teleport in and interrupt everything." By now, she had thrown two of the windows open in an attempt to air out the room. "Aunt Z's on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and I don't have a ****ing clue where the hell my dad ran off to…"

"Probably decided to flee while he could." Vicki joked as she finished painting her nails red and black.

"You've done more than enough parent-wrangling for one day; let someone else worry about it." Althea waved.

"Why don't you sit down for a while and let one of the other girls re-do your nail polish?" Jenni suggested, a friendly smile on her face. Zanya paused, looking around the room at the other girls.

"Where's Andi?" She asked, noting that her "unofficially-official" adopted sibling was nowhere in sight.

"She left with the guys to go bowling about ten minutes ago." Theresa answered. "They'll be back in an hour or so."

"Figures I'd get left behind with you nuts." The daughter of Zartan grumbled, flopping onto one of the arm chairs.

"We're nuts?" Lisa blinked. "Am I a cashew or a pistachio?"

"Oh, by the Goddess..." Vicki rolled her eyes.

"Lighten up a bit; they'll be back soon enough and we can start on those home movies." Corona commented, inspecting her multi-colored manicure. "Besides, we can use the time to discuss how to keep the X-Girls away from the guys without the risk of anyone thinking it was her idea."

"Plausible deniability, go-to tactic of leaders everywhere." Lila rolled her eyes. "Do you three really think you can keep that pack of obsessed fan-girls and girlfriends away from Paul and Lance?"

"If we can't, we haven't been training hard enough." Regan remarked. "Besides, we're both single." She indicated Zanya with her pinky finger. "The X-chicks drooling after him were pretty much all in relationships before they turned into fan-girls and started neglecting their men. Neither of us have that problem."

"She speaks the truth." Wanda conceded. "Besides, I think Lance and Kitty keep getting back together because it was the first real relationship either of them were in. Not that he doesn't love her, but I think that it's more puppy-love than true-love."

"I got that vibe too." Vicki shrugged. "They feel safe with each other so they keep running back to one another, despite the fact that they both know their relationship isn't going to last forever."

"So you're saying I have a real shot?" Corona asked hopefully.

"You'd have to wait for them to break up again, but yes, you have a shot." Althea admitted. "He's already proven that he can be in a relationship with someone other than Kitty, if that Willow thing counts as an actual relationship…" Corona visibly brightened when she heard Althea's response.

"That wasn't a relationship, from what I heard." Theresa shook her head. "It was a plain ol' quickie, as Ace would say."

"Okay, enough relationship talk; I'm hungry and my nails are finally dry." Kristen remarked, rising effortlessly to her feet. Wanda narrowed her eyes at the smaller teen, feeling more than a little threatened by the show of grace and flexibility. She knew the pesky fan-girl was _fast_, but she hadn't realized just how fluid and agile Eventide was until tonight. "Who wants to raid the refrigerator?"

"I'll help; my nails are dry now, anyway." Jenni shrugged, standing up with noticeably more effort than her dark-haired friend. "Oh, and did we ever agree on a movie?"

"I figure we can get through _The Princess Bride_ before the others get back." Regan suggested.

"Oooh, I like that one." Althea smiled.

"Yay!" Lisa squealed in delight, pumping her fists in the air. "Inconceiveably awesome movie!"

"I don't think I've seen it." Lila frowned.

"It's a good movie." Vicki nodded. "I preferred the book, but it was a good movie. You'll like it."

"It's also one of Zarana's favorites, believe it or not." Corona smirked. Lila immediately perked up.

"I didn't think she'd like girly movies."

"It's not all that girly, and she can like whatever movies she wants. Nobody's ever been stupid enough to tease her about it." Regan remarked, shooting the interstellar teleporter a pointed glare before turning her attention to her teammate. "Mind getting some chips and sodas while you're up, Kris?"

"Lazy." Kristen griped, trudging off into the kitchen with Jenni at her heels.

"I wonder what the others are up to right now?" Theresa wondered. "And where on Earth are yer sisters, Althea?"

"Oh, they're down in their lab." Althea explained. "They said they were working on a gift for Mainframe and Zarana."

"A gift?" Angelica shuddered. "I wonder what those three came up with for them."

"They said they got an idea from the Jetsons." Althea shrugged.

* * *

In Trinity's lab, the aforementioned Triplets were standing around a slab. On it was a robot that looked slightly like Rosie the Robot from the Jetsons. The robot's chest area was opened up, revealing various gears, wires, chips, and other components. The girls themselves were pored over the robot, making adjustments and tightening wires.

"Alright, girls, close 'er up!" Daria ordered. The three closed the robot's front plate.

"Alright!" Quinn smiled proudly, pulling up her goggles. "All we need to do is give this ol' gal a polish, and we'll present her at the wedding."

"I'm sure Zarana will appreciate it, at the very least." Brittany nodded. "She won't have to worry about doing the housework, what with her very own Rosie to help with that."

"Mmmm!" An English-accented voice voice howled. Trinity turned in unison towards another slab. Shackled on it was a furious Virus, who was also gagged.

"Don't think we haven't forgotten you, Mr. James." Daria giggled as she approached the slab. "You have been such a wonderful subject for our experiments..." Virus's green eyes narrowed at the younger girl. He tried to scream threats and curses at them, but his gag only made them into indechiperable murmuring.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the bowling alley…

"Strike, baby!" Andi whooped in delight, pumping her fist into the air.

"Dammit!" Mike "WrongWay" Baxter pounded his fist against the table furiously. His team was losing rather soundly to hers. Mike himself was sitting at the table that had the console used to keep track of the scores. Sitting in the seat next to him was Xi, a Cobra-created genetically-engineered warrior. He was wearing an image inducer to hide his scaly skin, making him appear to be a regular human with a tanned complexion.

"Don't be sad, my friend." The reptilian creation smiled in reassurance, putting a hand on the Chicagoan mutant's shoulder. "We can't be the best at everything." Mike only groaned and put his face in his hands.

"How is she _doing_ this?"

"Dude, she's kicking your tail at this." Jason remarked with a chuckle.

"My turn!" Bryan jumped up to his feet excitedly, grabbing a neon green bowling ball.

"Just don't throw it into the next lane! Again!" Andi griped at him.

As she walked back to the table, Steve watched rather intently. "Uh…wow, you're good at this."

"Don't you mean she _looks_ good doing this?" Ace whispered, nudging the scaly boy's shoulder. Steve looked away in a futile attempt to hide a blush while Ace chuckled. The image inducer Steve wore hid a lot of things well, but not blushes, much to the green-scaled boy's chagrin. "Dude, I can tell." He tapped his nose. "I can smell it on you. Your pheromones are screaming it."

"Lousy pheromones..." Steve grumbled quietly, crossing his arms petulantly.

"Your turn after his, Johnny B." Jason called out to his teammate, earning a groan from Lance.

"Alright!" Johnny B. grinned as he grabbed a purple ball from the retriever.

"Aw, no. He gets strikes every time."

"At least his turn will be quick." Paul remarked optimistically.

"How the hell does he do that, anyway?" Craig groaned.

"Magic!" John grinned widely, chomping down on some nachos.

"Precise calculation of angles and arcs, gentlemen." The Southside Misfits' resident genius explained with a confident smile as he retrieved his bowling ball from the ball return.

"That almost sounds like an unfair advantage." Neal frowned.

"No different than using super-strength to make the ball go farther." Andi shrugged. "Why do you think all the powerhouses got split onto different teams?"

"She has a point." Jake admitted. "Besides, Johnny's hardly cheating. I'm sure pro bowlers think about that stuff."

"Oh, come on, you %$# &$..." Eric grumbled, bowling a gutter ball.

"Trouble, be glad Raven's not here with that swear jar!" Jason exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Good thing she entrusted me with it while we would be engaging in this activity." A smiling Johnny B. held out a jar partially filled with spare change toward his teammate. "Pay up, Eric."

"Zarana has one for Andi, too, but we didn't bring it with us." Neal commented.

"I bet she filled it up right quick." Pietro chortled.

"She hasn't yet, but the night's not over." Bryan shrugged. "Hey, frog-man! You're up!"

"Sweet!" Todd grinned happily.

"See, Todd? Ain't bowling fun?" Fred asked as both of the animals began 'talking' to their owner.

"Hang on, guys. Your turn is coming." Andi told them. Laredo perked his ears up and wagged his bushy tail excitedly.

"Why do the pets get a turn?" Pietro griped, earning a growl from Andi.

"Because I said so!" She snapped in the speedster's face.

"How do they even roll the ball?"

"Well, Brownie pushes it with her snout." Bryan explained. "Not 'xactly sure how the dog does it."

"I think it's something similar." Lance remarked as a bunch of high school boys in letterman jackets entered the bowling alley, talking loudly amongst themselves.

"Uh oh…we might have trouble, guys." Jason remarked, eyeing the jocks warily.

"YEAH!" One of the jocks shouted. "We kicked ass!"

"State didn't know what was coming, man!" One of his buddies clapped him on the back.

"They're headin' toward the game machines." Jake observed. He then waved them off. "It'll be fine. That'll keep them amused for a while."

"Yeah, let's just keep playing." Mitch nodded. His brother shrugged.

"Good point. With any luck, nothing will happen."

"Woof!" Laredo barked excitedly, brown eyes focused on what Andi was doing.

"What's a dog doin' in our bowling alley?" The second jock that had spoken before grumbled, glaring at the motley group of mutants.

"Come on, puppy, you're next." Fred sighed. Laredo let out a happy bark and walked to the ball return.

"I dunno, man." A third jock frowned. "I don't think we should mess with those guys."

"Hey, Pops!" The second jock called to the man standing behind the shoe return counter. "What're those clowns doing in our alley?"

"This ain't your alley, boy." Pops glared at the kid. "They made lane reservations when they got here earlier. They're holding a bowling tournament."

"Hang on, baby, I'll get the ball for you." Andi looked at her pet, walking over to the ball return as the dog yipped happily.

"And you just let 'em bring livestock in?" Jock #2 growled, shooting a disdainful glare at Brownie. "I thought you had more standards, old man."

"I dunno." The third jock muttered, watching Andi bend over to retrieve the bowling ball the pets were using from the ball return and then set it on the ground. "I think he set his standards pretty high..."

"The livestock is better behaved than you, boy." Pops remarked, turning his back to the disrespectful sports players.

"What are those idiots doing?" Jake frowned in concern, watching the jocks carefully.

"You take that back, old man!" the first jock demanded in a threatening manner.

"Who cares?" Andi rolled her eyes. As long as the assholes didn't get her crew kicked out, she didn't much care what happened. "Go, baby!" Laredo barked before rolling the ball with his snout.

"Alright, I'm sorry." The owner of the bowling alley apologized, though he didn't sound very apologetic. "I admit it, I do have poor taste. I keep letting you clowns in here."

"Are you insinuating something?" Jock 1 growled.

"Figure it out, buster." The old man scoffed.

"They're bothering the owner." Jason made a displeased face. "We should do something."

"Aw man…lookit dat booty." The third jock didn't seem to notice that he was actually drooling as he ogled Andi from afar. "That's a booty right there!"

"Hey, Croc-man." Ace nudged Steve in the shoulder before pointing to the jock in question. "Einstein over there's checking out your girl."

"Woof!" Laredo barked happily as his bowling ball rolled a strike. Andi dropped down to her knees and hugged him.

"Yay! I'm so proud of you, baby!"

"And the winners are…" Johnny B calculated the scores. The electrokinetic genius blinked in surprise. "Andi's team."

"Alright!" Andi cheered, throwing a fist in the air. Mike's jaw dropped.

"Her team is her, a dog, and a pig! How the hell-!"

"Quite an achievement." Johnny B. whistled.

"I don't like your tone, pops." The first jock frowned.

"You don't have to." Pops retorted. "Quit complaining or I kick you out."

"What're you staring at, man?" Jock 2 asked his distracted teammate.

"Best lookin' booty I ever seen in this town, dude." Jock 3, still drooling, remarked as Andi turned around to talk to her teammates. "Front of her's good too."

This time, Steve noticed the commentary. "Hey, ugly! She ain't some piece of meat for you to drool over!" He growled, turning toward the unsuspecting football players.

"How?" WrongWay scratched his head. "How did the _**pig**_ beat us at bowling?"

"Same way she beat Torch at Donkey Kong." Bryan unapologetically grinned. "We told you she was a genius."

"It's not good business to treat customers like crap." Jock 1 remarked.

"It's also not good business to let people cause trouble." Pops returned.

"What're you yelling about, punk?" Jock 3 sneered. "You her boyfriend or something?" Steve's eyes widened and back straightened. His face turned bright red and he found himself unable to form words.

"Uhm...uh...ah..."

"Only he's allowed to drool at her, dude." Ace put in, causing Steve to glare at him.

"I do NOT drool!"

"Just tryin' to help, my man." Ace shrugged.

"Beaten by a pig." Eric grumbled. "Now I've seen everything."

"Your inability to aim wasn't helpful, either." Mike remarked, glaring at the powerhouse.

"They're the ones bringin' trouble in here!" Jock 1 insisted.

"They haven't bothered anybody! And they brought a dog and a pig that know how to bowl strikes!" The owner exclaimed. "You realize how much publicity that'll net this place?"

"You didn't answer my question!" Jock 3 snarled at Steve. "Are you her boyfriend or just some stalker?"

"What the hell…?" Andi muttered, looking up from petting the animals. She wasn't entirely sure what was going on, but she didn't like it.

"Think they'll get him to admit it?" Fred whispered to Mitch. His younger brother sighed.

"God, I hope so. Watching them dance around the subject is getting painful."

"My aim _ain't_ the problem!"

"It _is_ if the ball won't stay in _our_ lane!"

"I wonder if I can get the girl to arrange an exhibition?" Pops wondered, studying the two pets intently.

"I'm not a stalker, I'm her friend. And you shouldn't be staring at any woman like that, jerk!"

"Stare at _me_?" Andi blinked. Usually when the group went out places, people stared at Regan or Corona, not her. And she wasn't in her real form, so there was no way they caught a glimpse of her scales. "What the hell is going on?"

"Walter Payton over there..." Calvin jerked a thumb at the angry jock. "...was admiring your behind, Creed. Which only Steve is allowed to do." That earned a slight growl from Andi, who couldn't remember giving anyone permission to do that.

"You wanna eat a bowling ball, punk?" Steve snapped at the mimicry mutate.

"Just statin' truth, man." Calvin responded, unfazed by the outburst. By this point, he was long used to getting threatened by either Andi or Steve. It was usually the default way they talked to him. In fact, Steve's way of saying 'good morning' to him was telling him he planned to shove a kitchen sink down his throat to start the day.

"I got money on when they'll admit it." Bryan whispered to Fred and the nearby Misfits.

"Mike does have a point, Eric." Jason admitted as the third football player decided to add some unnecessary elaboration to the alley owner's earlier statement.

"Oh, I'd love to see her in an exhibition." He grinned, eyes zeroing in on her chest despite the death glare she was trying to annihilate him with. "I bet your private ones are a real treat, babe." He winked.

"That's it! You're dead, jackass!" Steve roared, lounging to tackle the burly teen, despite Ace, Pyro, Fred, and Jake trying to hold him back.

"Get your ass back over here and let ME murder him!" Andi ordered, causing her reptilian teammate to flinch.

"Oooh! This is better than TV!" Pietro grinned, watching the brawl unfold.

"I thought things like this don't happen in bowling alleys." Xi blinked.

"Not to other people, they don't." The silver-haired speedster explained.

"Really?" Lance whispered. "What's the pool look like right now?"

"One time! One ****ing time!" Eric swore. His electrokinetic teammate shook the swear jar pointedly.

"Pay up."

"Oh, here we go…" Jason groaned.

"Oh dear." Paul blinked while his twin polished his trademark nightstick.

"Looks like I get to use this after all." Craig grinned. Xi frowned in Craig's direction.

"And I was told that I would not need to bring any weapons."

"Ah, we won't need 'em to whup these guys, anyway." Todd laughed.

"And me without my staff..." Mike sighed.

"Up to about $2000 right now." Mitch explained quietly. "Even Burn-Out and Heart-Wrencher have money on this."

"Oh, come on!" Eric complained, dumping a fistful of change into the jar.

"A girl? Murder us? Please!" Jock 2 scoffed. "Everyone knows girls can't fight!"

"Oooh, that was the wrong thing to say." Mimic winced.

"Bring it on, low-life!" Jock 3 punched his own open palm, clearly itching for a fight.

"Put me down for twenty on tonight…while they're beating the crap outta these guys." Lance whispered.

"Rules are rules, man." Johnny B. shrugged to his unhappy teammate.

"Obviously he's never heard of us or seen 'Growing Up Biker'." Craig snorted.

"Yup." Todd agreed as Mimic whispered "You got it."

"Eric, it's for your own good." Jason folded his arms. "The air around you literally turns blue when you curse sometimes."

"It happens to Andi, too." Neal chimed in.

"Owie!" Jock 3 yelped as a roaring Steve tackled him and started to beat the stuffing out of him.

"I can take any broad in a fight." Jock 2 boasted, smirking as Andi stalked up to him. As soon as she'd closed enough distance between them, he made a sloppy attempt to punch her. She easily dodged it and swiftly kicked him in the groin. An undignified squeak left his mouth as he doubled over.

"Speaking from experience there, Mimic?" Ace snickered, making the mutate sigh.

"With Andi, it might have somethin' to do with her powers." Bryan shrugged. "She's been known to use 'em without realizing it when she gets wound up." Some of those incidents, brought on when her opponent had actively attempted to kill her, had ended with gruesome results.

"Is that why this is happening?" Pops asked, gesturing to a line of water glasses…with waterspouts swirling angrily inside them.

"What kind of freaks _are_ these?" Jock 1 shouted.

"I don't care! They took out Tony and Rick! We need to make 'em pay!" Jock 4 shouted. The jocks still standing nodded in agreement and began to charge, only to be stopped by the rest of the group, all standing in unison.

"Now, before you do this, I would like to remind you that several of us are trained in various fighting techniques." Jason spoke up.

"And some of us are just plain good at kicking…butt." Eric frowned, amending the last word of that sentence at the glare Jason shot him. As the two Southside Misfits glared at each other, the three Dukes brothers cracked their knuckles.

"Give 'em an excuse. Please." Ace rolled his eyes.

"Hoo boy." Pops shook his head, turning away from the impending fight.

"You think we're scared of you freaks?" Jock 1 snarled.

"Take this, you rotten muties!" a fifth jock made a sloppy attempt to punch Pietro, only to have the speedster spin him around so that he punched Jock 1 in the nose instead.

"Ow! My face!" Jock 1's voice sounded just a little bit off as he moaned. "You broke my face, you moron!"

"Oops!" Jock 5 winced. "Sorry, dude!"

"Aw, you'll heal." Pietro snickered. "In fact, I think your face has actually _improved_. Not as great as mine, of course, but you'll be fine."

"You havin' a good night?" Pops smirked, not taking his focus away from the shoes he was sorting.

"Shut up old man…" Jock 1 weakly grumbled. "Ow."

"Am I still pathetic, jackass?!" Andi roared, kicking Jock 2 in the stomach.

"At this rate, they'll take themselves out and we won't have to do any work." Mimic scoffed.

"Get the scrawny ones!" Jock 4 told his two remaining friends, trying to get a decent strategy going.

"Not without going through us, you're not!" Mitch frowned as Laredo bared his teeth and growled at the remaining football players. Jock 4 frowned.

"Forget that, then! Get that stupid mutt!" The burly teen attempted to lunge for the dog, only to have the dog dodge out of the way before angrily biting his arm. "Aaaahhhhhhh! Rabies! It's giving me rabies!" He shouted, futilely trying to release his arm. The dog held him fast as Andi, bored with Jock 2, stalked over to the half-bent over boy.

"He does NOT have rabies!" She shouted, punching him square in the jaw. "I make sure of that."

"AAAAAAAHHH!" Another jock screamed as Brownie leaped on him. "ATTACK PIG! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFFA ME!"

"Why?" Jock 3 screamed like a little girl as Steve continued to beat the tar out of him. "She ain't your girlfriend!"

"Looks like Lance is going to win the pool…" Neal observed.

"Aw, no fair!" Bryan complained. "He just now got into it!"

"Why do you _think,_ ya clown?" Steve growled back.

"Does that count?" Lance asked the Bangladeshi teen hopefully. Neal shook his head.

"No. He has to verbally admit that he likes her."

"Pretty birdies…" Jock 4 warbled before passing out.

Still itching for a fight and settling on a decent target, Andi turned on Steve. "What the hell are you pounding him for, anyway?" She yelled. "It wasn't your ass he was droolin' over!"

"Nuts." Lance pouted.

"Can't a guy stand up for his teammate?" Steve winced slightly, a slight blush creeping over his face. She was downright scary when she got mad and he was man enough to admit it. Pretty, but very scary.

"I don't know." Jake stroked his chin, smiling thoughtfully. "At the rate this is going, he may still win it."

"Why the hell," Andi grumbled, kicking Jock 3 in the back of his knees in the process, "are you blushing?"

"Uh…" Steve stammered, trying to come up with an excuse.

"Oh, come on!" Lance exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Go team!" Pyro pumped his fist in the air.

"Give me a straight answer, dammit!" Andi demanded, kicking Jock 3 in the stomach this time. "Why the hell are you acting so weird?"

"John, they're not on our team." Jake pointed out.

"Don't give up yet, Lance. She's hounding him pretty good over it." Fred said, attempting to cheer up his teammate.

"Wow, she's violent." Paul winced.

"So is Steve." Jake reminded. "They'll be a great couple."

"Where are me nachos?" Pyro blinked in confusion, looking around.

"You ate them, flamebrain." Pietro reminded.

"Oh yeah! They were good nachos."

"Uh…well…"

"Oh, spit it out already!" Bryan groaned.

"Why ain't you stopping this?" Jock 3 groaned, staring up at Pops.

"It's good for ya." Pops shrugged, carrying on about his business.

"Well, what?" Andi tapped her foot impatiently, glaring at the boy standing across from her.

"Five dollars says he's too chicken to say it." Jake spoke up loudly enough to get everyone's attention.

"That'll give him some incentive." Mitch remarked.

"How is this good for me?" Jock 3 whimpered.

"I ain't afraid to say _anything_, Red!" Steve snapped at the honorary Misfit.

"Then say it, Mr. Fearless!" Jake called back as Mitch pulled out a video camera.

"I'm waiting." Andi very nearly growled, causing Steve to gulp. She'd start kicking him if he didn't manage to say something coherent, and soon.

"Well, ya see…" Unfortunately, forming a coherent sentence had suddenly become rather difficult.

"_**Say it!**_" Pietro shrieked, having grown impatient with the back-and-forth between the two. He started jumping up and down like a petulant child. "SayitsayitsayitysayitsayitsayitSAYITALREADY!"

"You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!" Steve shouted, pointing at the speed demon. He turned back to Andi, trying to figure out how to get the right words to go from his brain to his mouth with so many people watching. "Well, Andi…I've known you for quite a long time now, and…well…"

"This is getting painful." Bryan groaned as John turned to Jock 3.

"It'll keep gnomes away from your family."

"What're you _talking_ about?" Jock 3 whimpered, looking up at the pyrokinetic.

"Hey, why don't we take out the trash for Pops?" Neal suggested to the other boys, indicating the unconscious jocks.

"I like that idea." Jason nodded. It was better than standing around and doing nothing. "Come on, Southsiders, let's clean up!"

"That's not explaining a ****ing thing!" If looks could kill, Steve would be a puddle of goo thanks to the glare Andi fixed him with. "What the hell are you rambling about?"

"And when the gnomes arrive, the alien pineapples won't be far behind!" John continued.

"Thanks, kids!" Pops nodded as the Southsiders took the Jocks outside.

"You're not mad?" Paul asked. Usually that kind of behavior would get them kicked out of places.

"Nah, those punks have needed a good ass-whuppin' for a long time." The old man waved.

"Uh…well…I…" With some of the pressure finally off his back, Steve dropped his head shyly. "...I like you, Andi."

"Finally!" the three Dukes boys exclaimed triumphantly.

"And on film, too!" Mitch beamed.

"Get him away from me." Jock 3 whimpered, attempting to scoot away from the insane Australian.

"In that case, let's help the others get these idiots out of here." Fred said, hefting Jock 3 onto his broad shoulders.

Blink. Stare. "…really?" Andi asked.

"HA! I so totally called that!" Lance cheered.

"And now to see who will win the 'she admits she likes him' pool…" Neal stated.

"…yeah."

"I'm suing." Jock 1 glared as he was dragged away. "I'm suing so hard…"

"Sure you are, buddy." Ace chuckled, pinching his cheek. "Have fun with that."

Andi was still too shocked to process that statement, however. "Uhm…"

"Lookit her! She's blushing." Pietro whispered gleefully to his teammates. The image inducer showed her cheeks turning pink, which meant that it was probably closer to a bright purple color on her scales.

"Leave her alone, man. It's her first crush." Lance said, trying to shush the speedster.

"Says the man whose first crush has him totally whipped…" Pietro taunted, happily getting the expected "shut up" response from the rock-tumbler.

"Sorry about that." Paul told the owner of the bowling alley. Pops shrugged.

"Hey, they needed that whuppin' for a long time. Call it karma." The old man then turned his attention to the pair of blushing teenagers. "So those two really like each other, huh?"

"They do, but this is the first time we've actually gotten them to admit it." Bryan groaned. "Never been on dates or nuthin'."

Andi, however, was fast losing patience with the unabashed stares everyone seemed to be focusing her direction. "Can't you lazy bums find something else to do?" She hissed.

"She don't much like being the center of attention." Mitch sighed.

"Maybe we should let them talk in private?" Lance suggested.

"I second that vote." Paul nodded.

"But if they talk in private, she might find a way out of saying anything!" Mitch grumbled.

"Yes, but watching them is almost painful." Mimic winced.

"So is interrupting them during a private moment." Neal folded his arms over his chest. "I'm staying out of this one."

"Me too." Paul nodded.

"Come on, guys, just leave them be." Jason waved the other boys over to where he was standing by the front door. "We gotta get those clowns to an emergency room, anyway." He said, nodding toward the group of moaning or unconscious jocks.

"Yeah, you're right." Jake sighed, grabbing one jock and walking toward the vehicles. "Nice of the owner to allow us to come back after this."

"Eh, that's nothing new." Bryan shrugged. "Store owners either throw you out or thank you for throwing the other guys out, usually."

"Thanks for the help, kids." Pops nodded cheerfully from the doorway.

"We're just grateful we're not banned." Lance sighed, walking back inside to grab the cup of soda he left on their table. In the process, he overheard part of Steve and Andi's conversation.

"What does this even mean?"

"**** if I know! Nobody's ever had a crush on me before!" Lance was actually fairly sure that a segment of Chicago's teenage boys would beg to differ with her assessment but decided to keep his mouth shut.

"I'm guessing Virus's thing for her doesn't count?" Mike asked.

"Would you want to count that?" Ace returned, causing the Southside Misfit to look properly ashamed for asking the question in the first place.

"How does she put up with that little psycho anyway?" Craig wondered, scratching his head.

"'Rana lets her beat the living snot out of him during training sessions." Bryan responded.

"And I'll bet she uses that privilege to her fullest advantage." Lance smirked, shaking his head. They were now loading into the vehicles, prepared to take their would-be attackers to the nearest emergency room.

"So does Steve." Mitch chuckled. "He comes up with some fun ways to bruise up the little monster."

"Same rules apply to Thrasher, only everybody gets to beat him up." Mitch shrugged as the pets walked outside, Andi and Steve following close behind. The two young mutants looked at each other.

"...Think we should go somewhere else to talk about this?"

"Yeah...I don't want to talk where they can listen in."

"They can't do that! We have a bet to settle." Bryan hissed.

"Just leave it alone." Paul sighed. "If they find out we're following them, they'll beat us up and forget all about talking through their feelings."

"Oh please no… I don't want to die." Johnny B cringed at the thought.

"Good idea." Lance nodded, starting up his jeep.

"But how will we know if anyone won the betting pool?" Mitch asked.

"Oh, that's a problem?" Lance shot the boy a confused look.

"Not really; we can just get the girls to pester them once we get back." Neal shrugged.

"Then let's leave them alone. We need to get these losers to a doctor, anyway." Ace jerked his thumb toward the moaning jocks.

"Oh God, I think muh spine's broke..." One of the jocks whimpered.

"I can't feel my face..."

"Please do! Their moaning sickens me." Pops shouted from the door.

"You guys go on ahead; one of us has got to take Gnawgahyde's jeep back home, now that Steve's riding with Andi." Bryan waved. "Hey! Andi! We're heading home! Want us to take the animals with us?"

"If they wanna go with you, fine!" A red-faced Andi shouted back angrily.

"Come on, you two. Let's go home." Mitch spoke, trying to get the animals to jump into the jeep. Laredo tilted his head sideways in confusion.

"She'll come along later." Bryan waved. "Come on, into the car you go." Laredo easily made the leap into the jeep, but Brownie stayed on the ground.

"Oink?"

"You wanna ride in the back of the truck with Fred, Brownie?" Mitch asked, noticing that their brother had been left with them to make room for the injured football players.

"Oink! Oink onk unk!" Brownie squealed as she hopped up and down.

"Uh, Ry?" Fred spoke up, looking at the scene. "She's a little short to jump into the car all by herself…"

"Oink!" Brownie nodded her head in agreement.

"Oh, right." The tall boy grinned sheepishly. Thanks to his enhanced strength, picking Brownie up and placing her in the car wasn't an issue for him. "Now you stay there, okay?" He got a happy oink in response before turning to his brothers and the others who remained behind. "Is everyone else ready to head home?"

"Ready as we're going to be." Mimic grumbled, sliding into the driver's seat of the jeep. He hated having to drive the jeep.

"Alright, then, let's move out!" Bryan cheered, starting the engine of his beloved truck and shifting it into reverse. "Our night of embarrassing home movies awaits us!"


	15. Be Prepared

**Author's note: Wow. I am so sorry this took so long to type up. Somewhere in the midst of changing majors and living spaces, this story got put on the backburner. But I hope to get back on a regular updating schedule soon. **

**Mama Zarana**

**15. Be Prepared**

The morning of the big wedding, everyone was busy with hair and wardrobe, wanting to make sure they looked their best for the occasion. The boys were getting ready in one area while the girls were doing the same elsewhere.

"Anyone seen Pyro?" Lance asked, tying his silver tie.

"Nope." Todd answered, combing his shaggy hair into a ponytail. He wore a dark green suit.

"He said he was getting his wedding clothes on." Johnny B. remarked, polishing his sunglasses. He wore a black and purple checkerboard suit.

"Johnny B, did you borrow that suit from your dad? I've seen pictures of your father, and he wears odd suits like that." Jason remarked, fixing his blue suit with the black shirt and golden tie.

"No, I did not borrow this suit from my father."

"Here I am!" Pyro announced as he walked in, wearing a very loud orange and yellow tuxedo…and a kilt.

"Yo, man, what's with the skirt?" Eric grumbled, his face showing complete confusion. He'd been forced into a plain black suit.

"That's a kilt, yo." Todd corrected him. "And he's wearing pants with it."

"I'm actually glad he is." Lance sighed.

"I'm ready for the wedding!"

"Why are you wearing a kilt?" Johnny B asked.

"'Cuz it's a wedding, mates!" The insane Australian grinned. "I figured I'd go with the kilt as it's the traditional Scottish thing."

"John, It's not a Scottish wedding." Lance sighed as Barbecue poked his head in to check on the boys.

The firefighting Joe sighed. "John…neither the bride nor the groom is Scottish. Please take off the kilt."

"You know how close the girls are to getting ready?" Bryan asked the adult, attempting to tie his green tie and not quite succeeding. "I think most of us are about ready to go in here."

"Chicks take forever to get ready, man." Mike remarked, adjusting his dark green suit with the black shirt and orange tie. "We got time to kill."

"Spoken like someone who's never gone anywhere with Andi." Fred chuckled. He was wearing a navy suit. "She's probably already done and griping at the other girls to get ready."

"Better question: is the best man still sober?" Neal asked, straightening his red tie.

"Did somebody take my hair gel? I can't find it!" Pietro complained. He was wearing a teal and gray suit.

"You have enough gel in your hair as it is, Pietro. Just leave it." Lance told him.

"Yeah, it's not like you're gonna impress any of the girls here." Jason remarked.

"Well, what the bleedin' hell is the point of wearing a kilt, anyway?" Pyro sighed, taking off the kilt.

"Scottish pride, maybe?" Lance suggested.

"They wear kilts in parts of Ireland and Wales too." Johnny B. added, brushing his hair.

"Knowing the bunch we work with, Neal, it wouldn't surprise me if he's hung-over." Ace answered, fixing his blue suit.

"Hey, I look good." Pietro huffed.

"Dammit, I hate ties." Steve grumbled, trying to get his gold and silver striped tie on.

"Oh man, I just remembered! Hey, scales, how'd things go with you and Andi last night?" Ace asked the reptilian mutant.

"None of our adults are Irish, though." Mimic stated, straightening his yellow tie. "Australian and British, sure, but not Irish."

"Do you two need help with those?" Neal asked, watching his two teammates struggling with their ties.

"Sure, please." Mimic sighed.

"I wanna see if Punk here'll choke himself with it." Steve smirked.

"I'd rather see you choke on it, scaleface." Mimic muttered as Neal helped him with his tie.

"He helped me with mine." Mitch nodded, straightening his black suit and blue tie.

"Oh yeah." Pietro admired himself in the mirror.

"Oh yeah, how did that go last night?" Paul Starr asked, turning to Steve.

"That ain't any of your business…" The reptilian mutant looked away, blushing.

"But it must have gone well for you to turn _that_ shade of pink…" Ace remarked.

"Monkeywrench is Welsh, yo." Todd remarked, finishing with his hair.

"How'd you learn that?" Mitch inquired.

"Al and I once went out on a double date with Dazzler and Longshot of the West Coast team, and the Dreadnoks wrecked it when they went to London." Todd informed him. "Buzzer ran his mouth about the Welsh, and Monkeywrench lost it, saying he was Welsh." The amphibious mutant burst out laughing. "Buzzer and Monkeywrench ended up beating each other senseless!"

"Sure, Neal. Gimme a hand, please." Bryan nodded.

"Shut up…" Steve grumbled.

"He may be Welsh, but I doubt you're gonna see him in a kilt." Mimic frowned. "Destro, sure. Or maybe Zandar, if he's plastered enough, but not Monkeywrench."

"Tying a tie isn't that hard, once you learn how to do it." Neal demonstrated with Bryan's tie. It was then that Laredo—one of Shadowatch's team pets—padded into the room. The grey and brown dog had been bathed, brushed, and dressed in a doggy-sized suit and tie.

"Man, even the animals have to get dressed up around here…" Eric groaned.

"Now, it can't be that bad." Paul said to Steve.

"Wonder which base he made it to last night?" Pietro mused.

"Considering he's still walking, I'm gonna guess none of 'em." Bryan answered.

"Depends on what part of Wales he's from, really." Johnny B shrugged.

"Johnny B, where the hell did you get a purple-and-black checkerboard suit?" Mike asked.

"Vintage clothing store. It was at a good price."

"I think that's how Pyro got that citrus fruit tux he's wearing." Pietro grumbled. "Either that, or he's been in my sewing machine again."

"You have a sewing machine, man?" Eric laughed.

"Don't laugh, you big galoot!" Pietro glared. "Girls like a man who can sew."

"I'll bet you Andi had her pig dress up, too." Lance smirked.

"I see…" Bryan blinked at his newly tied tie.

"Well, I think those two will want to take it slow for now." Paul told Pietro and Bryan. "I'm sure it's a first time for both of them."

"Ever think it went out of style for a reason, Johnny?" Mimic frowned as Cover Girl poked her head in to check on the boys' progress.

"I'm a scientist, not a fashion expert." Johnny B groaned.

"That much is obvious." Jason chuckled. "He got it from his dad."

"Aww, you boys look so handsome when you're dressed up. You should do this more often."

"From experience, Pietro, I'd be more worried about Kristen getting into the sewing machine." Neal remarked.

"He brings up a good point." Mitch shrugged. The diminutive dhampir's homemade fashions tended to be…unique, for lack of a better term.

"Not even taking that bet, Lance." Jason shook his head. "Knowing those girls, the pig is in an actual dress with a flower wreath over her ears."

"Glad to know somebody around here thinks so!" Steve sighed in relief.

"Woof!" Laredo barked, happily wagging his bushy tail.

"Oh, God." Craig moaned. "I hope Cover Girl doesn't get ideas from this."

"Or Zarana." Steve groaned.

* * *

**Girls' dressing room**

"Ah, I love weddings." Regan smiled, putting the finishing touches on her make-up. She wore a spaghetti-strap hot pink mini-dress with delicate white beading along the nearly-risqué v-neckline and a loose skirt. Sky-high white heels were strapped onto her feet and a simple silver pendant hung around her neck. "It gives us an excuse to dress like girls, for once."

"I'm still surprised that Zarana picked that Mary chick over you or Kris to be the third bridesmaid." Corona remarked, curling her hair. Her dress was a tight, strapless number in a shade of sunny yellow. Her shoes weren't quite as flashy or tall as Regan's, but were of a similar color.

"Nah." Althea disagreed. She wore a flowing, royal blue halter dress and black heels. "That's her new step-daughter. It makes good sense." The Misfit leader turned her attention away from styling her hair for a moment. "Hey, Andi, aren't you going to come out from behind that screen yet?"

"No!" Andi grumbled. She was standing behind a changing screen. "I look like an idiot!"

"Oh, don't worry about it, Andi!" Lila called in jovial reassurance. She was wearing a black sequined sleeveless dress and gold shoes, as well as some gold jewelry. "Not all of us are big dress fans, but look at us."

"She's right." Wanda added. She was wearing the same red dress she'd donned for her first date with Craig Starr, along with black heels and red and black jewelry.

"I bet she wouldn't mind Steve seeing her in a dress, considering how they were when they came in last night." Corona smirked.

"I still can't believe you're wearing black to a wedding, Lila." Regan shook her head.

"What?" The British mutant blinked. "I look good in black."

"Should I drag her out from behind that thing?" Kristen asked. She wore a dark purple off-the shoulder dress with a full skirt that fell to her knees. Black stilettos graced her small feet.

"May as well." Vicki shrugged. She wore a red dress with little black stars on it and classy black shoes.

"We weren't _anything_ last night!" Andi growled from behind the screen.

"Okay!" Kristen chirped, zipping behind the curtain and returning with Andi, who was swearing vehemently in several languages.

Theresa blinked, a lip gloss wand halfway up to her lips as she studied the taller teen. The Irish mutant wore a modest grassy-green dress and simple black wedge shoes. "You know, for someone who put up so much of a fight, she looks _really_ good with the dress on."

Andi folded her arms over her chest. "You all suck. I can barely _walk_ in this thing!" The strapless silver dress looked incredibly short compared to her long legs and was almost skin-tight. In her opinion, it looked more like something her mother would have worn to a party than anything she would have chosen, but that was probably why Zarana and Regan were so insistent that she get the stupid thing in the first place.

"I got a gold dress, but I thought it would be too trashy for a wedding." Lila admitted. Although, seeing Andi come out in a silver dress made her think the gold one would have been perfectly fine.

"I've seen far trashier things worn to weddings." Kristen pointed out.

"Look at it this way, Andi. Steve'll love you in that dress." Althea remarked.

"And Zartan will have a conniption fit, if he's sober enough to notice." Corona quipped.

"It'll be no trashier than whatever Demming will be wearing, that's for sure." Regan snorted. "Now, Andi, get your butt over here so I can finish fixing your hair!"

Andi grumbled under her breath, reluctantly trudging over to the vanity mirror. She'd been badgered into leaving her hair down and, free of its usual ponytail, it tumbled over her shoulders and down her back. Regan frowned, trying to figure out how best to tame her teammate's bushy blonde hair. She'd managed to pin the taller girl down long enough to spray in some leave-in conditioner earlier, which made it look slightly less messy than it usually did…but she still had a lot of work to do before Andi would look presentable.

"I don't think she cares about that right now." Kristen remarked. "And she really won't like it once she gets those shoes on…"

"At least you're not stuck in a pink bridesmaid's dress like Zanya." Corona pointed out.

"It's only for the wedding, Andi. It'll be fine." Jenni reassured her. The blonde Southside Misfit wore a cute pink and red striped dress and gold flats. "I'm sure they'll let you change out of it for the after party thing."

"Who was Demming, again?" Vicki asked.

"The blonde chick that got chased here by the Baroness last night." Lila answered.

"I love weddings." Lisa smiled, juggling fireballs the same color as her orange short-sleeve dress. "They have candles. I wonder if they'll have a pony there?"

"Lisa, no setting fire to the decorations." Vicki warned.

"And I highly doubt there will be a pony." Corona sighed. "There's enough animals around here as it is."

Just then, Brownie plodded in. She was wearing a tiny pink dress and had a little circle of daisies over her ears. "Oink!"

"Wow." Althea blinked. "Andi, I didn't think you would let your pig wear that."

"_I_ didn't." Andi frowned. "Blame Zarana. She wanted _everyone_ to look presentable, even the pets. Hey, watch it!" She glared up at Regan as the other blonde mutant attempted to comb and fix her hair.

"She's enjoying every second of this because she's getting to go down the aisle before the Baroness." Corona chuckled.

"Do those two hate each other that much?" Theresa asked.

"Well, that and the fact that after twenty years, Destro hasn't proposed yet." Regan snorted.

"Oh, I can't wait to see the look on her face…" Althea laughed.

"Good thing we're taping the whole ceremony." Vicki smirked.

"Neither can Zarana." Andi grinned at Althea before looking down at Brownie. "How you doing, baby?"

"Oink!"

"I think she likes the dress." Corona smiled.

"Did anyone make sure the piggy learned to dance?" Lisa asked.

"Why are you wondering- wait, forget I asked." Angelica shook her head, adjusting her yellow and red dress.

"Oh, yes, I just remembered! Zarana wants us to make sure we catch the Baroness's reaction." Regan looked at the other girls.

"I'm not sure…she's never been in a dress before…" Andi frowned at her beloved pet.

"Oink!" Brownie nodded to Corona.

"I can't believe she knows how to communicate with you guys." Theresa shook her head.

"She drives tanks, and this is what surprised you?" Wanda asked.

"Don't worry, we'll take care of it." Lila told Regan.

"I just hope everyone can behave until after the ceremony's over…" Althea sighed.

"I'd be worried about Hawk and Zartan, then." Jenni said. "Those two have been glaring daggers and clenching fists at each other all day."

"Anybody else find it funny that us, the younger set, seem to be more mature than the adults about this?" Vicki wondered.

"Uh, have you **met** the Dreadnoks?" Andi laughed. "It's not that big of a stretch…ow! Regan!"

"Stop moving your head around and I won't pull your hair!" Regan fussed at her blonde teammate.

"Half the Joes are off their rockers anyway, so no, it's not that surprising to me." Althea shrugged.

"Oink!" Brownie nodded.

"Aww. She's so cute!" Jenni cooed. Brownie oinked happily to her. "Where'd you find her, Andi?"

"You got a point." Vicki shrugged, smiling.

"I like ponies." Lisa grinned.

"Laredo found her at a pet store." Andi told the Southside Misfit.

"That's very nice, Lisa, but there won't be any ponies today." Corona sighed.

"We know we do! We live with these people!" Althea told Vicki.

"Awww." Lisa pouted.

"Aw, that's so sweet." Jenni smiled. "I wonder if my parents would let me get a pig…?"

"Sorry, Lisa. That's just how it is this time." Vicki told the insane redhead. "Maybe the next wedding?"

"Who else would be bold enough to throw a wedding after this mess?" Corona asked in disbelief.

"Ren and Zandar, I bet." Regan stated. "Unless there's a Joe romance we're unaware of…?" She looked at Althea.

"I can't see why not. Pot-belly pigs are great pets. George Clooney had a pig named Max." Andi told Jenni. "Although, they can get very big. Many people abandon their pigs when they do."

"I have no idea." Althea shrugged.

"I'll ask about it then!" Jenni smiled as Brownie snorted happily.

"Wait, I thought I heard a rumor that Scarlett had a boyfriend?" Kristen spoke up.

"Beats me. I don't live here." Andi grunted.

"The bouquet toss is going to be a nightmare…" Terri sighed.

"Oooh, I can't wait for it! I'm gonna win it!" Kristen squealed.

"This is going to be a train wreck…" Wanda groaned.

"Oh, cheer up, it'll be fun!" Althea smiled. "All the women will be involved! Especially the ones in relationships, like us."

"And why would I want to fight you nuts over a punch of stupid pink flowers?" Andi hissed.

"Don't you know the tradition?" Kristen blinked. "The one who catches the bouquet is the next one to get married."

"Just think, you and Steve could be the next ones to go down the aisle." Regan teased.

"Touch that bouquet and you are dead, Regan." Andi glared.

"Which one was Steve again?" Theresa asked. She was still trying to get all the names straight.

"He's the one who looks like an alligator." Vicki informed her.

"And there's nothing wrong with it!" Andi fumed.

"Calm down, Andi, she's not making fun of him." Regan sighed. Maybe teasing her had been a bad idea…

"Why not just let Ren take the bouquet?" Lila frowned. "She's the only adult in a stable relationship."

"Because it would give Zartan a heart attack and the Baroness is already going to be here to fight over it." Kristen pointed out.

"If Andi does by some miracle manage to catch it, the boss won't let her have any more free time. Like ever." Corona remarked.

"I am still not fighting you maniacs over a bunch of stupid flowers!" Andi grumbled.

"Oink?" Brownie looked confusedly up at her owner, as if to ask "Mom, why are you upset?"

"They're being silly, Brownie." Andi sighed, scratching under her beloved pig's chin.

"How you and your mother share the same DNA, I will never understand…" Regan shook her head as Bree opened the door slightly and looked inside.

"You girls look so gorgeous when you're all cleaned up."

"Hey, Bree! How much time do we have until we need to be out there?" Althea asked.

"Sometimes I wonder that myself…" Andi muttered.

"Shouldn't be too long now. Zarana's almost ready." Bree answered as a crash was heard from outside. "What the-?"

"HOW DARE YOU?!" The Baroness roared.

"NOT MY FAULT YOU ARE CHEAP!" A voice that could only belong to Cadet Demming shouted back.

"Here we go again." Bree sighed.

"Oh, for the love of…" Andi growled, stalking over to the door and sticking her head out. "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JEALOUS OLD HARPIES!"

"This is going to be ugly…" Regan groaned.

"Oh, you worry too much." Kris waved, not looking away from the vanity mirror. "Rana gave me permission to tie and gag them both if they don't behave."

"I think you may need to forego the ropes and break out the duct tape." Corona remarked.

"Which one was Cadet Demming?" Jenni asked. "Was she the one with the Crimson Twins?"

"Yes, Jenni, she is." Regan nodded.

"And I've got plenty of that stuff too, so we're good!" Kristen chirped to her brunette teammate.

"I take it she and the Baroness don't get along?" Vicki asked.

"Understatement of the century." Andi growled as Regan pulled her back in front of the mirror. While the blonde telepath busied herself with Andi's hair and make-up, Corona checked the seating charts.

"Oh good, they're far away from each other." She breathed a sigh of relief.

"I still think we need to tie them to their chairs." Andi stated.

"And keep Clutch as far away as humanly possible." Althea nodded.

"Who's Clutch and why do we need to keep him away?" Jenni asked.

"Maybe we should knock them out just in case?" Vicki suggested.

"I got a bat!" Lisa grinned, proudly offering a wiffle bat to the other girls. Corona shook her head.

"No, 'Rana wants the Baroness conscious for this. She wants her to see her walking down that aisle."

"Clutch is one of our drivers." Althea explained. "He's a known skirt-chaser and his views on women tend to be a bit…old fashioned at times."

"He's not a _bad_ guy, but he does tend to be a little rude toward the female Joes." Wanda piped up.

"Yeah, but we can do whatever we want to Demming!" Kristen reminded her Hispanic teammate.

"This is true." Regan nodded as she bopped Andi on the head with a make-up brush. "Hold still! We'd have been done by now if you'd have quit squirming!"

"Is Clutch the one Zandar and Heart-Wrencher were trying to beat to a pulp yesterday when Ace and I got here?" Theresa asked.

"Yes, yes he was." Althea sighed.

"He grabbed her butt." Kristen giggled.

"Oh dear…" the Irish mutant sighed.

"I hope Clutch can keep his hands to himself today." Andi grumbled, glaring at Regan through the mirror as the other blonde tried to figure out what shade of lipstick to put on her teammate.

"He'd better." Althea rolled her eyes. "Flint warned him that he'd better be on his best behavior or he'd, in his own words, 'feed you to the Dreadnok girl with the really big wrench who wants to cave your skull in with it'."

"Oh man, I bet the look on his face was priceless." Andi laughed, causing Regan to frown.

"Stop caterwauling and hold still." She told the girl sitting grumpily in front of her. "And in that case, Kristen, go knock Demming out and tie her to her seat. That oughta keep the Baroness calm for a while."

"Okay!" Kris grinned before zipping off.

"But won't she wake up at some point?" Wanda asked.

"Hopefully she won't for a while." Lina stated. "If they drug her, she'll be out for a few hours."

"Won't her boyfriends get mad?" Theresa asked.

"Oh, I think they'll understand." Wanda answered as Lisa blinked in confusion.

"Boyfriends?"

"Oink!" Brownie squealed as someone knocked on the door.

"We're decent." Althea called. The doorknob turned and Shipwreck looked inside.

"You girls look nice." He stated. "Bride's trying to hunt down the flower girl for pictures."

"Oink!" Brownie nodded happily.

"Figured she would sooner or later." Andi remarked. Regan had somehow managed to paint red lipstick and silver eyeliner on her. "Come on, Brownie, let's go find Rana."

"Oink." The little pig perked up and plodded to the door. Shipwreck smiled, shook his head, and walked off.

"Don't forget your shoes!" Corona shouted, earning a growl from her teammate. She really hated wearing those shoes. Yes, they were pretty, but the pain they caused her feet outweighed the appeal. "And yes, Lisa, boyfriends. Don't you remember the Crimson Twins?"

Grumbling under her breath in several languages, Andi grudgingly slid into the strappy silver high heels and stumbled towards the hallway. No matter how often she wore these shoes and she could never seem to keep her balance in them for the first few steps.

"Oh, the weird guys that finish each other's sentences?" Lisa realized. "What's with that, anyway?"

"Mild psychic connection, but nothing mutant related as far as we know." Regan did her best to stifle a laugh at Andi's attempts at walking. She'd managed a respectable performance at the Hellfire Gala last year, but Raven spent the week leading up to it drilling her in how to walk, climb, dance and even fight in those shoes. Ren and Rana hadn't renewed the lessons since, leaving Andi more than a little out of practice.

"I think they're just plain crazy." Andi muttered, steadying herself against the doorframe.

"I bet they say the same about you." Althea smirked.

"Actually they say worse about us, but that's beside the point…" Corona shrugged as Andi finally managed to get her footing and walked out into the hallway again…and promptly ran into another person. She looked up and noticed it was Steve. The two of them stood transfixed at each other for a moment.

"Wow..." They both mumbled in unison.

_She looks...amazing..._ Steve thought, gazing over Andi. He particularly focused on her face, framed by her black bangs.

_He looks...so handsome..._ Andi noted the fact Steve's suit did little to hide his muscular frame. She growled slightly and shook it out of her head.

"What the _hell_ are you doing over here?" She hissed. "This is the girls' room!" Her outburst was able to shake Steve back to reality.

"I-I was looking for Brownie." He stammered slightly, rubbing the back of his head. "Rana wanted me to tell you that she wants the photographer to take pictures of Brownie and Laredo before the wedding. I'm also trying to find the shrimp platter that the caterer supposedly put out somewhere."

"Oh." She mumbled, cheeks turning a purplish color. "You know, you look...very nice, Steve."

"Really?" Steve blushed.

"...yeah. You do."

"Well..." A small smile formed on the powerhouse's scaled face. "You...you..."

"Be honest, I look stupid."

"No...you're pretty." Steve told her honestly. "You really are."

"Uh, thanks." Andi smiled shyly, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.

"Why don't you two take the animals to the photo op together?" Regan suggested, a particularly devious smirk on her face.

"Uh, okay." Andi answered uncertainly. She didn't particularly like the look on Regan's face, but they did need to get the animals to the photographer. "Come on, Brownie."

The other girls watched the pair leave, pleased smiles on their faces. "Aww, those two are so cute together." Vicki cooed.

"But he didn't even notice the dress." Corona blinked. "I thought that would have been the first thing on his mind, given she never wears them."

"He'll figure it out eventually." Regan shrugged.

"He looks funny in a tuxedo." Lisa commented, earning a wince from Regan.

"Be thankful she wasn't here to overhear that. She gets…defensive about insults of that nature."

"She's new at this whole relationship thing." Althea remarked. "She's allowed to be a little defensive."

"So is Steve, isn't he?" Jenni asked.

"Ten bucks says he says something to screw things up." Vicki smirked.

"Oh, you just have a lot of faith in those two, don't you?" Jenni shot her teammate an unhappy glare. Vicki chuckled.

"Oh, it's nothing like that. When Jason and I first started dating, he had trouble watching what he said too. It's a guy thing."

"I don't know…Andi's pretty bad about mouthing off before her brain can tell her mouth to stop talking." Kristen stated. "It might be her saying the wrong thing."

"And maybe if we're lucky, they'll cause an inferno." Lisa sighed dreamily.

"They'd be more likely to drown somebody first." Vicki sighed.

"I think they'll be okay." Jenni shrugged.

"I agree." Althea nodded, checking the wall clock. "Think we should head to the chapel area?"

"Yes, we should." Wanda remarked as Lisa pouted.

"How long do you think it will be before Zartan and General Hawk decide to start punching each other again?" Corona asked.

"Given what both Zarana and Zandar have been allowed to do if he starts anything, they'd better not do anything." Kristen remarked.

"They'll be too plastered by the time the reception rolls around to care." Regan scoffed. "If anyone is going to attempt to kill the boss today, it's probably going to be Jinx or Storm Shadow, since Snake Eyes finds this whole business entirely too amusing to bother 'avenging clan honor' today."

"True, he and Scarlet have been getting a good laugh out of all this." Althea smirked.

"Would he really want to show up drunk to his sister's wedding?" Jenni asked.

"Yes, but she doesn't want him so drunk he can't walk her down the aisle. Unfortunately, he sees that as an even better reason to drink." Regan sighed. "We'd originally planned for Zanya to keep track of him, but Rana's likely to drag Andi into it today if he's not on his best behavior." Because the pair of them working together could usually keep him in line and Zarana knew it.

"Is that why he was twirling around in an office chair and singing the Batman theme earlier?" Theresa happened on the scene on her way to the mess hall that morning.

"Oh god…" Regan groaned, running her right hand down her face.

"_Please_ tell us you filmed it!" Corona pleaded.

"No…but Ace had the camera out so he probably got it." Terry eyed the brunette warily.

"FINALLY!" Corona exclaimed. "Do you realize how hard it is to catch him when he's bombed?"

"...I figured it would be pretty easy, actually…" Wanda admitted sheepishly.

"Oh goodness no!" Kristen scoffed. "He's usual the sober person filming the drunk people! We hardly ever get to see _him_ acting like a nutcase."

"Considering today, I think he's earned the right ta get plastered." Terri stated.

"Oh, I almost forgot to ask! Did Trinity finish their little wedding present?" Angelica remembered.

"What wedding present?" Jenni blinked in confusion.

"Oh no…" Vicki groaned.

"What did those maniacs intend to make for our happy couple?" Althea grumbled.

"Whatever it is, it can't be good." Corona muttered.

"Come on, we'd better go inspect whatever the heck they cooked up before anyone else touches it." Althea all but ran down the corridor. "God knows they can't just buy a toaster like normal people!"

* * *

"Where are they?" Zarana demanded as she paced back and forth in the photo op area. She wore a beautiful strapless white gown with a full skirt and delicate pink rhinestone designs along the bodice.

"It hasn't even been five minutes and there's no telling where on this base the girls set up their prep area." Heart-Wrencher reminded her. She and the other two bridesmaids wore pink floor-length sleeveless bridesmaid gowns. "Give them a little bit longer."

"And would you _please_ stop pacing?" Zanya grumbled, not happy about being forced into a pink dress. "You're going to wear a trail in the floor."

"And stomp all over the train of that pretty dress." Mary Parker piped up. She still felt a bit uncomfortable being involved in her dad's wedding and working with complete strangers, but for the most part her new stepmother was a lot of fun to hang out with as long as wedding plans weren't involved. She wasn't so sure about her new step-cousin yet, however. Zanya was a bit rough around the edges, but she _seemed_ alright to her... "You know, I've never been to a wedding where the pets were involved. Granted, I haven't been to a whole lot of weddings, but…"

"Either we involved the pets or forewent the whole flower girl and ring bearer bit." Zarana admitted. "One of your dad's co-workers has two little boys about the right age, but nobody we knew had girls close to their age."

"And at least the animals won't pitch a fit halfway down the aisle." Zanya added. "They like the attention too much to pitch a fit."

"I think it's cool." Mary smiled. "I always wanted a pet, but my aunt is allergic, so…"

"Well, you _could_ follow Kristen's example and get a tarantula, but I don't think she'd appreciate that either." Zanya remarked. Mary frowned.

"No. She's terrified of spiders."

"Was she going to be here today?" Zarana asked. Blaine had taken care of mailing the invitations out to his family, and someone else had managed all the seating arrangements so she only had a rough idea of who all was coming today.

"No. She's my mom's sister." The young brunette shook her head. "And Paul's driving me back home so she doesn't have to fight security or traffic."

"Good kid, that brother of yours." Zarana remarked. "A little morally rigid, but good. Now where _are_ they?"

"If it's bothering you that much, I'll go look for them." Ren sighed.

"GET THESE DAMN ANIMALS OUT OF MY JEEP!" A roar sounded from somewhere outside. Zarana groaned.

"Of course they're driving themselves here. Why wouldn't they?" She felt about ready to cry. Nothing was going the way she'd tentatively planned it.

"You stay here and calm down. Have a glass of water or something." Ren told her, putting her hand on her fellow Dreadnok's shoulder. "I'll go deal with the animals and the pain in the ass drill sergeant."


End file.
